Do you "crave" your benzo?

I am curious lets say if it is past the time you usually take your benzo - if you really "crave" it?

 

I read in Aston's studies that once you are reducing with valium her patients didn't "crave" it anymore. But at 5 mg - I still do very much.

 

I get pain in my right side, start having breathing issues and anxiety.

 

Curious to see if other people "crave" and what it feels like for you.

I do not crave it on a daily basis at all.  When I had some bad panic during the holidays I was very tempted to take a rescue dose, so I think that could be considered craving it. 

Before I started to taper, I only felt compelled to take it when w/d symptoms kicked in.  Once I started to taper I actively resented every dose.

Before I started to taper, I only felt compelled to take it when w/d symptoms kicked in.  Once I started to taper I actively resented every dose.

 

Hmm - perhaps that is what I mean by "craving". I feel the anxiety and pain - so I feel a need to take it. I do resent taking every dose - but if I don't I pay dearly

 

 

Right.  Craving symptom relief is different from craving the drug itself. 

You don't have much of a choice while your body is dependent...

Right.  Craving symptom relief is different from craving the drug itself. 

You don't have much of a choice while your body is dependent...

 

Does anyone crave the drug then in that sense? I never ever had any kind of high from it. Just was initially prescribed it for panic and the anxiety went away when I used it. It was always for relief.

 

I remember in the early days when I was prescribed Ativan, I would only take it once in the morning and within a few weeks thought my anxiety disorder was worsening because by the afternoon my anxiety spiraled out of control. I had no idea how short lived the drug was and it was then the dependence started in hindsight. I remember my fingers "locking" and muscles spasming and thinking I had MS or something!

 

 

I think I used to. I still take it, but I don't really want to anymore. Some days I loath it in the mornings, because I don't like feeling like I have no control. Of course other days, I like it, but never like I used to.

I think I craved it because I placed a hell of a lot of weight into it. It would then be the only thing to calm me down. Also I have some drug abuse tendencies (which has all but gone away due to a terrible molly trip, thank god)

I crave the relief sometimes. When I'm in a bad state I want that relief it initially provides

I crave the relief sometimes. When I'm in a bad state I want that relief it initially provides

 

Same.  If I am under intolerable stress, then I would love someone to hand me a zopiclone. 

I've never craved my benzo. Glad I don't and I don't see how I would. This drug has to be the hardest to get of off, it's so intense.

I am curious lets say if it is past the time you usually take your benzo - if you really "crave" it?

 

I read in Aston's studies that once you are reducing with valium her patients didn't "crave" it anymore. But at 5 mg - I still do very much.

 

I get pain in my right side, start having breathing issues and anxiety.

 

Curious to see if other people "crave" and what it feels like for you.

 

I feel if a drug has hurt you (tolerance withdrawal) then your brain's reward seeking pathways get rewired such that they begin to resist introduction of the drug unless denial of the drug leads to more hurt (cold turkey). This sort of sets off an instantaneous threshold for how much drug you will crave and it will be in a predictable quantity each day, depending on your symptoms, setting the stage for a slow withdrawal.

 

I guess I have made the drug a function of unhappiness rather than happiness. We tend to gauge cravings by the happiness they bring to us. I think things become predictable once happiness is substituted by unhappiness in the equation. Unhappiness is also easier to gauge.

 

Thus if a benzo is not hurting you, your cravings will be unpredictable (as a function of an immeasurable thing called will power -- conscious suppression to exponentially high). If it is hurting you then your cravings become a predictable function.

 

When I say hurt, I mean instant unhappiness.

 

Let us take alcohol. If alcohol is not hurting you (meaning it is getting you high or making you stay normal) the it becomes difficult to suppress cravings even when you know it is hurting your body in the long term. Instant gratification seems to prevail over long term.

 

Thus for substances like cigarettes, the hurt can be easily ignored and quitting it can be most difficult.

 

Sorry for attempting to pass bullshit as science.

Yesterday around the time I usually take my dose -7 PM- I started really wanting it and feeling it in my body like  if I did not take it I would start having extreme symptoms. Those were just fear thoughts  which went away when I took the dose.

What will happen at zero? I will celebrate 

What does/did your craving or WD symptoms feel like? Do you feel pain? Anxiety? Both?

 

Whenever my dose is coming or I am overdue I get a dull intense pain in my right side and anxiety.

 

One time I was a few hours past the time I take my pill and someone was talking to me for over an hour at work (so I couldn't take my dose) and the pain was excruciating.

 

The pain also seems tied to anxiety, i.e. if I feel very anxious about something or have a panic attack I have that same deep pain in my right side under my breast bone.

 

I only 'craved' it a couple of times in a crisis during withdrawal.  It wasn't physical craving, it was more like mental craving to get relief.  But it passed.

Must take this poison to shut my brain off. Otherwise I won’t fall asleep. I certainly don’t crave it. I dread the moment when I have to take it. Sealing my fate for yet another day. And so on and on and on... It has deprived me of most things that I loved. I hate it. My brain needs it. My soul and mind hate it.

No, it's something I didn't really want to take if I could really help it. But life got really difficult, and taking it occasionally seemed like a way to cope with panic and peaks of heavy anxiety.  It was more than just anxiety. Probably a lot deeper. Probably needed some intensive therapy to figure out what.It's not something I'd take if I were not really anxious. Something happened in my life at that point. But then, the longer I took them, the more anxious I became, so there you go 

 

Now, I take as little as possible to avoid getting even worse. That's all...

 

 

Not really. When I first stopped taking Klonopin, I'd find myself experiencing trigger situations that would send me automatically reaching for my pill bottle to grab a dose. It was crazy to see how deeply engrained that behavior was in me.

 

Sometimes I wish I could take one and just chill out - I miss that zoned-out relaxation. But I wouldn't really consider it a craving - more like "wouldn't it be nice..." (and then I quickly remember my situation with all of this and I'm all like NO it's not nice)

Someone up above said they resent every dose, me too, if I wouldn't have such terrible w/d's, that would be it for me.  I resent not having been informed before taking them of their dangers

I do every day.

 

I drank heavily for over a year in the past, before I ever started benzos. It feels just like that. Instead of craving another drink I crave another pill. Makes it hard to taper.

Never craved it. But if I had that's when I would had stopped them. I was told they are safe and easy to stop! These benzos are made by Satan himself. Distributed by Demons in white jackets and suits!

Just wondering if I am alone in that I feel pain when withdrawing. Like a tightness in my side that gets worse and worse the later I take my daily dose.

 

What are your WD symptoms?

I crave the feelings Xanax gave me: a warm, euphoria, yet calming feeling. I never had to worry about insomnia. I miss having the drug as a security blanket/back up plan. I don't have much confidence in my abilities to just be a human. But do I miss Xanax? Or crave it? No way. At the end it was making me so ill and the initial withdrawals once I started tapering were sure you know what. I wouldn't trade the progress I've made for just one Xanax "high" ever again.

I’m with those who actively resent their dose. I don’t want to take any more of this horrible medication. Thinking back, it didn’t get rid of the anxiety like I thought it was. It just bludgeoned it and left its unconscious corpse in the corner. Now it’s waking back up. It’s ok though, because I would much rather be living with it than sweeping it under the rug.

I’m with those who actively resent their dose. I don’t want to take any more of this horrible medication. Thinking back, it didn’t get rid of the anxiety like I thought it was. It just bludgeoned it and left its unconscious corpse in the corner. Now it’s waking back up. It’s ok though, because I would much rather be living with it than sweeping it under the rug.

 

I loved this visual - LOL. You described benzo use with very interesting imagery. You should be a writer! It didn't get rid of my anxiety either - just numbed it a bit. Now I feel I am paying for my temporary reprieve from anxiety.

 

What I don't get is the pain...nobody else seems to get pain with benzo WD?

 

 

I get occasional pain and stiffness. You’re not alone. I’m not super well informed but I get the sense that since withdrawal is mucking around in the brain there’s gonna be a whole spectrum of different symptoms.