Depressed worried about the effect it is having on my 8 year old daughter

Not looking for medical advice bcs I know that that is not appropriate but just wanted to share my struggle and see if anyone has any thoughts.

Drinking 2 bottles of white wine a day ( have been off booze for about 2 months)

After years of only taking 1 or 2 mg of Xanax a couple of times a week in February 2017 started taking it daily and was up to 5 mg a day by mid November 2017 . February 2017 was also when I started to increase my wine drinking and quickly ended up at 2 bottles of wine daily quickly.

I have good days and bad days but struggle with depression especially powerful negative self thoughts.

Last week my GP but me on a high blood pressure medicine called Irbesartan.( I did notice that one of the side effects is mood dysregulation but that can be the case for almost all medications…) I also have had some “menstrual” bleeding I put that it quotes because I had a partial hysterectomy in September 2017. I spoke to my doctor who said not to worry unless it gets heavy..Also just discovered that my thyroid numbers are slightly low. I also have pernicious anemia my b-12 numbers have been okay just did blood work but those results take a little while to come back. I am tapering down with diazepam. I also take 18 mg of concerta a day…I hate to do this because I think I am having really bad mood dysregulation in the afternoon as I come off the concerta but without it the brain fog is so bad it is hard for me to get any work done.

Last night had a total breakdown severe depression shaking throwing up…Not sure what caused it hoping it maybe was an intense hormonal reaction bcs of the bleeding..

I hate this I used to always be the glass is half full kind of person now suffering from crushing negative self thoughts constant self criticism…I just hope this is going to get better

I'm sorry you are having such a rough time.  Are you still taking the diazepam? 

I have a 9 year old son and I also worry about the effects of my withdrawal on him. 

My kids were adults when I went through withdrawal, but let me speak as a 35 year career grammar school teacher.

Kids are resilient, they move on easily.  They also are fairly self-oriented and not as observant, in general, about others' illnesses unless it is dramatic or pointed out to them.  Maybe it will also help kids learn compassion and empathy by seeing their moms or dads going through a health crisis. 

I would simply explain that Mom is having a bad reaction to medication and will be fine with some time.  Kids don't need more explanation than that.

In the meantime it's okay to take some shortcuts while you don't feel good.  A little more television time, fast/frozen food is something I'd allow myself to do for now.  I'd also make sure they adhered to bedtime so you can have quiet time to yourself.

Being a parent is especially challenging during the withdrawal and recovery process...kudos and extra strength to you.

Sorry you're going through this. It's good that you're making positive changes in your life though, so give yourself credit!

I tapered off Klonopin when my two daughters were about 10 and 11. I co-parent so they're with me about 1/2 the time. There were quite a few days where I just let them figure things out for themselves while I lay in bed. TV and frozen meals. It really sucked and I felt guilty at the time but it's what needed to happen for me to get to a better place. Now I'm totally present in their lives in a way that I wasn't when I was taking benzos.

It's going to be a difficult transition but try to look forward to the day when you'll be in a better place. You'll be a better parent once this is behind you.

Am sorry your going through this...

Am a single mum to a 10 year old boy,I worry so much as his only got me.This whole nightmare as pushed us apart so far.Am sick to my tummy thinking have lost him.This journey started when he was 8,there’s not been much improvement I was CT off different drugs etc...my depression & trauma while going through this is unreal...am constantly froze with fear...

He has started seeing a counsellor now because of it all.My heart goes out to us mums & dads.♥️