So I had recently went from 6 years of Xanax to...

I know this is long, so if you'd like you can just skip to my tapering schedule. Just needed to vent since I'm new and need people to talk to. I do see a therapist, have a PCP, a great wife and friend/roommate and a psychiatrist, but they all don't truly understand this. I do also go to groups as well. I'm trying really hard here. So here we go...

 

Hello, I am new here. Scared as I can be and really need help. I have been thinking about doing the Ashton Method but at a little bit of a slower rate. Here's the deal... I went from .5 twice a day most of my entire time on benzos, and I feel better on 5 mg of valium twice a day. Even more crazy is I was taking .5 Xanax 3 times a day (to avoid Interdose withdraws) and felt even worse. My grandfather had recently passed on the 17th of this l month (January 17th) and he meant a lot to me. He lived with me most of my entire life and took care of me, but oddly enough I feel better that he's in a better place. Good health and good life, he was 93! Sorry to go off topic, but the day after I had stated on .5 Klonopin twice daily. I for some reason thought "let's try .5 once daily" and guess what? I felt a bit better. I don't know why but I won't ask questions I guess. 7 days later, I switched to Valium, which I'm sure is mostly preferred. I have a prescription of 120 of the 5 mg Valium. I take 5 mg at 8-9 am and 5 mg at 8-9 pm. From my understanding, that is pretty much the equivalent dose of .5 Xanax or .5 Klonopin, with a faster onset of action, yet the effects last shorter than the Klonopin, but longer than the Xanax, even if the half life is longer. My psychiatrist is not really for the valium, as I live in the United States and for some reason she said "we'll see how the Klonopin goes for now" which bugs me but I'm trying not to worry about it. Just afraid of losing my psychiatrist. Anyways, getting back into this... I have a taper plan set here. Also, I was able to quickly convert to the valium and feel pretty decent by day 2-3. So I'm thankful for that. December-early January has me feeling some bad ptsd as I tried to taper my Xanax too fast. Bad idea to get tough and do it in a month, so with that all being said, here's what I got...

 

Diazepam Taper Plan

 

January 25, 2018 - 10 mg

February 01, 2018 - 9.0 mg

February 15, 2018 - 8.0 mg

March 01, 2018 - 7.0 mg

March 15, 2018 - 6.0 mg

April 01, 2018 - 5.0 mg

April 15, 2018 - 4.5 mg

May 01, 2018 - 4.0 mg

May 15, 2018 - 3.5 mg

June 01, 2018 - 3.0 mg

June 15, 2018 - 2.5 mg

July 01, 2018 - 2.0 mg

July 15, 2018 - 1.5 mg

August 01, 2018 - 1.0 mg

August 15, 2018 - 0.5 mg

September 01, 2018 - jump

 

Any help would be greatly appreciated. I also have Propranolol 20 mg 4 times a day as needed to help for heart palpitations and other physical symptoms which have eased up since the crossover, thankfully. I only need 10 mg a day usually since I feel it should only be used when necessary. I plan on just telling my psychiatrist I couldn't take it anymore, went to the valium and felt better. They tried to put me on Lexapro but as we all know, they try to give you another drug to replace another. I haven't had a panic attack side December and things have let up since than l then. I was even able to shave my beard last night for the first time in a bit. When you have the shakes that stuff isn't so easy. I feel like look decent today lol. Anyways, just trying to make light of a tough situation. I write a lot most of the time and I feel is necessary for people to understand my background since I am new here.

 

I feel alone and like nobody truly understands what I'm going through. With quitting alcohol December 17, 2017, going to inpatient psychiatric care on January 12, 2017 and 3 ER visits before all that where they tell you "it's just anxiety, you're fine" which they're right... To a point, I feel I need a community of people to talk to. Please help. I want to break free of these. I am a 25 year old with a 9 year old daughter who's luckily with her mom most of the time due to this because I don't want her to see me this way (The mom and I are not together) and I am determined to get off these.

 

I want off! Please help!

I'm sorry you have been through so much but it looks like you are back on track with the taper plan which looks good but please keep in mind that what looks good on paper doesn't always correlate to what happens in reality so you may need to slow down depending on symptoms.  Listen to your body.  I know that your taper is too fast for me but you may be fine...AS ALWAYS listen to your body and let it guide you.  A too fast taper can in the end cause updoses/long holds etc. and an even LONGER time getting of.  Happened to me a few times.  Another thing to consider is that you nervous system has been through a lot so it needs time to heal.  Always best to start your taper from a stable place.  Be really good to yourself. Good Luck!

I'm sorry for the loss of your grandfather, but glad you had so many good years together. 

 

It sounds like you have a pretty good handle on what's going on with your taper.  As the previous poster said, you might want to be open to the idea of adjusting your taper schedule if things get rough, but otherwise it looks very reasonable.

 

As to your therapist's preference for Klonopin, I don't get it either.  Valium is usually preferred for a taper, the only drawback is the associated depression and lethargy that can happen in the beginning stages of using it.

 

Being determined to get off benzodiazepines is what it takes.  We're here for you.

Thank you both so much. I'm both tiited and manic right now. As most, I didn't have any of these issues before  starting benzos.  Didn't sleep for more than 2 hours. I'm actually down to  7.5 mg a day, 5 mg in the am and 2.5 mg in the pm. I feel shots of anxiety but not constant, which leads me to believe in healing faster. More physical now, which I'll take over the mental!  I'm holding for 7-14 days to see how it goes. It almost seems as if things are improving. I notice better results after the valium wears off, probably due to how it works. I soap have this word thing where I have all these red marks with little white spots (possibly because it's cold out and dry?) That are going on. Begged my PCP to refer me to a dermatologist. Also, sorry for the TMI but I have a testicular cyst I had to beg her to get a referral for as well. She doesn't look at things as "prevention." She looks at it like "go when there's a serious problem. Thing is, how was am I supposed to know if she doesn't!? I may be looking into a new primary care because of it. You'd think a nurse practitioner would be nice but no, she rather just prescribe me meds. Sorry, little anger rant. On the positive, at least I'm getting feelings back. A bit emotional and all over the place but still a positive. Haven't been able to truly cry in years until now. Hope you're all well. Let the healing process commence!