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I'm Calling It!


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Happy and Well at 6.5 months!

 

It's time to call success buddies.  It's been a long slow slog.  I started my taper off 8mgs of xanax about 3yrs ago.  I had been on benzos for about 25yrs.  I had also been poly-drugged for 25yrs - every psych med you can think of (benzos, AD's, mood stabilizers, anti-psychotics, sleep meds).  Just drugged to the point of near coma.

 

I was very sick when my taper started.  I had been ill for 25yrs with the darkest depression, agoraphobia, anxiety, nausea, exhaustion.  To be fair, I had a nervous breakdown pre-meds and was very, very sick.  I am now convinced that I would have been better in a few years had I simply eliminated the excessive stress I was under.  And I don't think it a coincidence that my breakdown happened not long after my son was born (postpartum).  I needed rest not meds.  I still take lamictal (mood stabilizer) because I feel so great and I don't want to rock the boat.  I've taken it for 11yrs but think it was "blocked" by the other meds.  I know that prozac can block pain meds (oxy) and it's reasonable to believe that other things get blocked.

 

I decided (on my own) to taper when I came home from a pdoc appt with yet another rx to add to the mix.  I had started having weird physical symptoms that were not readily explainable (awful joint pain, hair loss, edema in hands and feet, constant headaches, itching, abnormal blood work (including pre-diabetic), etc).  This had been going on to some extent for years but new things were cropping up.  My GP put it all on aging and heredity.  Pdoc just shook his head at my bad luck, all the while continually upping the xanax.  I was too sick and medicated to think straight.  I had been wondering if the drugs were responsible for a while but doctors said no.  Thank God for the moment of clarity that January day in 2015.  I was 56 yrs old.

 

Well, my taper plan - ct immediately off everything - didn't go too well.  I was hit with the freight train of wd about 20 hrs in.  I guess you all can imagine what that entailed. :o  I reinstated 1mg xanax and a few days later upped it to 2mgs.  It was very bad and I think I walked around in a state of shock for months.  I had just about every physical wd symptom there is.  But the mental!  GONE, GONE, GONE.  My mood and energy were thru the roof (and have remained that way).  I did not care or worry about the physical stuff - at all.  I had my life back.  I couldn't remember EVER being so happy.

 

I did not notice any prozac or zyprexa or ambien wd; but, honestly, the xanax wd was so intense that I doubt I would have noticed or been able to distinguish it.

 

So...anyway...after some missteps, I slowed my taper greatly and was fully functional, for the most part , for the remainder of my taper and afterward.  I had no acute - only the mild stuff that I had been dealing with for the last 9 or so months of my taper.  These three things are now so minimal to be virtually unnoticed and mostly gone.  I'm calling success now and expect this very minor stuff to be completely gone in the months to come.  As I sit here I only have very mild T (it roared on and off during my taper) - no other sxs.

 

I never thought I wouldn't succeed, never thought sxs wouldn't go away, never considered reinstatement.  I put that on the lifting of 25yrs of just indescribable mental issues and my newfound happiness.  I know that depression, anxiety and other horrible mental sxs are rampant in wd and my experience in this regard is not the norm.  But it does explain my ease in dealing with even the most intense physicals symptoms.

 

I didn't intend to write a book here but I wanted to give some context to my, seeming, ease with wd.

 

The happiness has not diminished.  I am almost exuberant (well, I think I am exuberant!) and now the physical is gone - as I always thought would happen.

 

I know most here are having awful mental sxs.  I believe that these wd symptoms will go away just as the physical do.  It's very, very tough to deal with those and you have my every sympathy.  Having known both, I'd say the mental is worse - hands down. 

 

A very special and heartfelt thank you to my friends on Begood's Blog and the Long Hold Support Group. :smitten:

 

So, this is a story of success in every way.  I am about to be 60(yikes!) and feel my life is just beginning.

 

You all will get there.  Wellness and happiness awaits.

 

I'm wishing each and every one of you the best future and every good thing life has to offer.

 

:smitten: :smitten: :smitten:

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So happy for you! I want what you have someday, but i still have so far to go. Your story gives me hope that i may have a happy life again some day.
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:hug:

 

Hard to find the words to express how happy I am for you, Lynn. Thank you so much for sharing your story here. You are an inspiration to all of us!

 

Gard :smitten:

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[glow=red,2,300]"Congratulations" [/glow]Oh Lynn I am so happy for you. I know that you suffered, but you still managed to carve out a life for yourself and each time you did something that you hadn't done for years, I knew that you would walk off and have the best Life. Your calm and caring for others, trying to help those in need, you have made Friends here and you have helped many. So many wonderful things coming in your Future and I know there were days you did not feel like going out in your little boat, but you did it anyway and found out that being busy and engaged in Life helped you forget the bad times. Thank you always for your Friendship and your Inspiration to me and others. I am so happy to have shared some space with you in the basement with all of the critters.... :D, how could I ever forget the things we have run into...but Silence never worked for us...  ::). 🕊 Peace.  :smitten: 
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Couldn't be more happy for you Lynn.

I am getting there, only really got tinnitus and last month and this some painful GI issues left, all others are minor enough that they don't really worry me much and I know they will go completely in time. How is your sleep? mine is getting better but I still wake early in the morning.

 

2trusting

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Lynn, I have followed your story in your progress log through this whole long ordeal.  In it, I could see you slowly coming back to life with each entry.  I am very happy for you.  Success stories like yours give hope to everyone here.  May your well earned renaissance bring only peace and joy going forward.

 

:smitten:

She

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Lynn,

I am so happy for you and your journey of walking off this stuff!! Such big congrats

May the rest of your life go well as you head off into the the world of hunting for artifacts!

Thanks for everything you have done here....

Hope you continue to stop by every now and then...

:smitten: :smitten:

SS

 

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Thanks for sharing your story.  I've been on benzos for 27 years now, so this means a lot to me, to see how slow you did your taper, and it looks a lot like mine too, and hear how great you are doing now.  :thumbsup:
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Congratulations on freeing yourself from a 25 year struggle.  After dealing with benzos for only 3 years it already feels like a lifetime, so what you went through is almost unimaginable.  It's so great to hear that you're doing so well after only 6 and a half months too!  Thank you so much for sharing your story because it really helps us that are still in this fight.  It really means a lot us.  Enjoy the happiness and peace of mind you've worked so hard for.  :thumbsup:
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I call it.........WONDERFUL!!!

 

Congratulations Lynn,

 

Enjoy every moment of your wellness, you bring hope to all those who are poly drugged and on high doses wondering if healing is possible. It is, you prove it.

 

pianogirl  :smitten:

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My heart is full of joy knowing that you have healed and doing so well. Thank you so much for coming back and posting your success story. Your story and healing helps me and those who are still in the midst of withdrawal, lots of hope that in time we will also heal and regain our normal life back. Makes me so happy to read success stories like yours.

 

Enjoy your life that you so deserved.

 

Blessings!

Pi

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I'm so glad you posted a success story. I am certain that your story will provide encouragement to many other people who are just beginning or struggling with their taper. Knowing that others have successfully tapered off of benzos and thrived give hope that is desperately needed, at least it was for me.

 

You had one heck of a ride. I'm so happy for you. That you made it out to the other side. Want to give you a big "Thank You" for all of the mentoring you provided not only to me, but many others. It has helped immensely.  I am very close to being done with my taper. I have four cuts left, and like you, I expect to have an uneventful "walk off". I am having many days where I am feeling awesome. Better than I have felt in probably 10 years.

 

Wishing you all the Best!!  :smitten:

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I'm so glad you posted a success story. I am certain that your story will provide encouragement to many other people who are just beginning or struggling with their taper. Knowing that others have successfully tapered off of benzos and thrived give hope that is desperately needed, at least it was for me.

 

You had one heck of a ride. I'm so happy for you. That you made it out to the other side. Want to give you a big "Thank You" for all of the mentoring you provided not only to me, but many others. It has helped immensely.  I am very close to being done with my taper. I have four cuts left, and like you, I expect to have an uneventful "walk off". I am having many days where I am feeling awesome. Better than I have felt in probably 10 years.

 

Wishing you all the Best!!  :smitten:

 

Glad to read this, Serenitee. :clap:

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You did it girl !!! Woop woop !!!! Sounding so good !

We'll be expecting your jet soon for one of them big party's okay ?

Enjoy life girl x

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:clap::yippee:  A big  WELL DONE   from me too, Lynn.

We have shared our journey and thoughts for a while and I'm really happy for you.

 

As you know, I jumped off [or slid off :)]  my Valium just over 2 months ago and feel really well in every way, but my case was not as complicated as yours.

I only had one drug [well two very similar ones]  and only for a short time [3 years] before deciding to get rid of them.

 

Yours was so much more of a battle and i so much admire the way you did it and your positive attitude was a great help to me during the few months that we overlapped on BB.

 

GOOD LUCK with the rest of your now benzo free life  :smitten:

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Congratulations!  Thank you for giving me hope for one more day and knowing that one day I will be healed.  Wishing you lots of love and joy for your life.  :-*
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