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10 Months off and i am healed.........What a road


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Guys i just read your replies and thanks so much!  I just want to add one more tihing.  Whenever you doubt yourself about healing, just remember that i PROMISE you that it will happen.  I am now working again and am the #1 sales rep in my company. The one thing i wanted to tell everyone is this.  You will hear people on here saying how it took them years to recover. Know this.  I always was fearful of this topic.  It may take a couple of years to "fully" recover, but this does NOT mean you will not be feeling MUCH MUCH MUCH better than you are now.  I still battle Tinnitus to this day, but it's off and on, so if I honestly state that i am healed, well yes i am fully mentally healed and that is the biggest one.  I can remember being scared to go outside, or look at the sun. I was in a fog ALL THE TIME! and wondered OMG i am never going to recover.  The only thing that helped me during this awful time (1.5 years) was time.  TIME ONLY!  There is nothing else. No epsom salt baths, no herbal medicines, just faith and TIME!.  I promise you that if you dont give up and just know that i was in the same boat as you guys are, that TIME is the answer.  You WILL get better.  I know some of you are laying in bed reading this and cant even function, but i promise you this is the truth.  There is no brain damage.  It's just repair that is going on, and it takes a while for that to happen.  I care about every single one of you guys going through this and if i can be a help to you please please please send me a message.  I will help you out.  We are the strongest people on earth.  Once you get through this, you will NEVER have to go through anything like this ever again.  I know your heart is beating a million miles an hour, your muscles ache, you have akisthisia, you have anxiety so bad that NOBODY could ever imagine the mental pain that you have.  But please please trust me that you WILL recover.  I NEVER thought that i would recover, and many of my friends and family didnt either.  Take it at your pace as much as you can.  And remember, healing does happen. If youre out there and wanna chat, just send me a message.  I check my account quite a bit.  God bless you all and PLEASE DONT GIVE UP!

 

God bless you Timmy. I’m having a cortisol packed morning so I’ll keep my question short. When did your mental symptoms start going away?

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TimmyP -

 

Thank you!  Thank you!  Thank you!

 

Thank you for sharing your success story.  This is more of what I personally need to see.  I need somebody ahead of me looking back and helping to pull, push, shove, encourage and cajole the rest of us forward with hope.

 

I'm so happy for your success.  May you continue to be blessed and enjoy your life to the fullest.  Your words truly helped.

 

Thank you.

 

Angel

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Guys i just read your replies and thanks so much!  I just want to add one more tihing.  Whenever you doubt yourself about healing, just remember that i PROMISE you that it will happen.  I am now working again and am the #1 sales rep in my company. The one thing i wanted to tell everyone is this.  You will hear people on here saying how it took them years to recover. Know this.  I always was fearful of this topic.  It may take a couple of years to "fully" recover, but this does NOT mean you will not be feeling MUCH MUCH MUCH better than you are now.  I still battle Tinnitus to this day, but it's off and on, so if I honestly state that i am healed, well yes i am fully mentally healed and that is the biggest one.  I can remember being scared to go outside, or look at the sun. I was in a fog ALL THE TIME! and wondered OMG i am never going to recover.  The only thing that helped me during this awful time (1.5 years) was time.  TIME ONLY!  There is nothing else. No epsom salt baths, no herbal medicines, just faith and TIME!.  I promise you that if you dont give up and just know that i was in the same boat as you guys are, that TIME is the answer.  You WILL get better.  I know some of you are laying in bed reading this and cant even function, but i promise you this is the truth.  There is no brain damage.  It's just repair that is going on, and it takes a while for that to happen.  I care about every single one of you guys going through this and if i can be a help to you please please please send me a message.  I will help you out.  We are the strongest people on earth.  Once you get through this, you will NEVER have to go through anything like this ever again.  I know your heart is beating a million miles an hour, your muscles ache, you have akisthisia, you have anxiety so bad that NOBODY could ever imagine the mental pain that you have.  But please please trust me that you WILL recover.  I NEVER thought that i would recover, and many of my friends and family didnt either.  Take it at your pace as much as you can.  And remember, healing does happen. If youre out there and wanna chat, just send me a message.  I check my account quite a bit.  God bless you all and PLEASE DONT GIVE UP!

 

God bless you Timmy. I’m having a cortisol packed morning so I’ll keep my question short. When did your mental symptoms start going away?

 

Mental symptoms went away after about 2  months being off klonopin

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Thank you for sharing your story! What was the hardest month for you after you stopped the K?

 

Hardest month was the first month.  I did a quick taper though so I suffered badly the first month.  It was 10 times worse then ive ever been in my life. 

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  • 3 weeks later...

Guys i just read your replies and thanks so much!  I just want to add one more tihing.  Whenever you doubt yourself about healing, just remember that i PROMISE you that it will happen.  I am now working again and am the #1 sales rep in my company. The one thing i wanted to tell everyone is this.  You will hear people on here saying how it took them years to recover. Know this.  I always was fearful of this topic.  It may take a couple of years to "fully" recover, but this does NOT mean you will not be feeling MUCH MUCH MUCH better than you are now.  I still battle Tinnitus to this day, but it's off and on, so if I honestly state that i am healed, well yes i am fully mentally healed and that is the biggest one.  I can remember being scared to go outside, or look at the sun. I was in a fog ALL THE TIME! and wondered OMG i am never going to recover.  The only thing that helped me during this awful time (1.5 years) was time.  TIME ONLY!  There is nothing else. No epsom salt baths, no herbal medicines, just faith and TIME!.  I promise you that if you dont give up and just know that i was in the same boat as you guys are, that TIME is the answer.  You WILL get better.  I know some of you are laying in bed reading this and cant even function, but i promise you this is the truth.  There is no brain damage.  It's just repair that is going on, and it takes a while for that to happen.  I care about every single one of you guys going through this and if i can be a help to you please please please send me a message.  I will help you out.  We are the strongest people on earth.  Once you get through this, you will NEVER have to go through anything like this ever again.  I know your heart is beating a million miles an hour, your muscles ache, you have akisthisia, you have anxiety so bad that NOBODY could ever imagine the mental pain that you have.  But please please trust me that you WILL recover.  I NEVER thought that i would recover, and many of my friends and family didnt either.  Take it at your pace as much as you can.  And remember, healing does happen. If youre out there and wanna chat, just send me a message.  I check my account quite a bit.  God bless you all and PLEASE DONT GIVE UP!

 

He is 100% right.  I still have physical symptoms at 21 months off BUT they're just annoying and I am fully living life.  I run around and play with screaming kids, attend the gym, work out hard etc...  I was really bad the first few months also.  He is 100% right it's TIME TIME TIME.  keep going!  Life is amazing!  You'll never go through this hell again.

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Guys i just read your replies and thanks so much!  I just want to add one more tihing.  Whenever you doubt yourself about healing, just remember that i PROMISE you that it will happen.  I am now working again and am the #1 sales rep in my company. The one thing i wanted to tell everyone is this.  You will hear people on here saying how it took them years to recover. Know this.  I always was fearful of this topic.  It may take a couple of years to "fully" recover, but this does NOT mean you will not be feeling MUCH MUCH MUCH better than you are now.  I still battle Tinnitus to this day, but it's off and on, so if I honestly state that i am healed, well yes i am fully mentally healed and that is the biggest one.  I can remember being scared to go outside, or look at the sun. I was in a fog ALL THE TIME! and wondered OMG i am never going to recover.  The only thing that helped me during this awful time (1.5 years) was time.  TIME ONLY!  There is nothing else. No epsom salt baths, no herbal medicines, just faith and TIME!.  I promise you that if you dont give up and just know that i was in the same boat as you guys are, that TIME is the answer.  You WILL get better.  I know some of you are laying in bed reading this and cant even function, but i promise you this is the truth.  There is no brain damage.  It's just repair that is going on, and it takes a while for that to happen.  I care about every single one of you guys going through this and if i can be a help to you please please please send me a message.  I will help you out.  We are the strongest people on earth.  Once you get through this, you will NEVER have to go through anything like this ever again.  I know your heart is beating a million miles an hour, your muscles ache, you have akisthisia, you have anxiety so bad that NOBODY could ever imagine the mental pain that you have.  But please please trust me that you WILL recover.  I NEVER thought that i would recover, and many of my friends and family didnt either.  Take it at your pace as much as you can.  And remember, healing does happen. If youre out there and wanna chat, just send me a message.  I check my account quite a bit.  God bless you all and PLEASE DONT GIVE UP!

 

He is 100% right.  I still have physical symptoms at 21 months off BUT they're just annoying and I am fully living life.  I run around and play with screaming kids, attend the gym, work out hard etc...  I was really bad the first few months also.  He is 100% right it's TIME TIME TIME.  keep going!  Life is amazing!  You'll never go through this hell again.

 

 

How long did it take before you considered yourself to be healed?

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  • 2 weeks later...

Hi Timmy ! I remember you, glad you are doing so well !

I ws doing pretty good, then got slammed at 10 mos out.

I should have not let myself get under so much stress.

I went back on remeron, but never a  Benzo ever again !

I hope I heal soon,

take care,

-Justaman

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  • 2 weeks later...

Congratulations, TimmyP!

I'm new here. Problems with insomnia.

Can I ask if you're sleeping better? I'm really concerned.

Thanks.

 

jeanne

 

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TimmyP - I remember you! Your road was quiet windy, I remember the rescue doses and how hard it was for you.

I am so happy for you - this is so wonderful.

Your way of writing has changed so much, its obvious that your are not anxious any more as you were in acute.

Well done, Timmy!! Well done!

I wish that you will stay healhy and have a good life :smitten:

Marigold

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  • 5 months later...
Awwwee thanks Marigold!  Thanks to the wonderful people on benzobuddies.  I could NOT have done it without your constant reminders that everything would be ok.  I love all of you!!
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I am sorry i have not been on in a while.....This is a good question.  OMG, going back to that time when i couldnt sleep.  I literally could not sleep for one minute for a loooonngggg time and when i did, i would JOLT awake in a state of panic with my heart beating so fast i didnt know what was wrong.  All i can say is i can sleep so well now.  It's truly a gift to be able to sleep and you WILL get it back.  I reinsated 3 times.  I can comfortably say that the reinstatement deal for me was false.  It am healed completely.  I know it sounds cliche, but i PROMISE YOU WILL ALL HEAL!  This was poison for me!

 

Congratulations, TimmyP!

I'm new here. Problems with insomnia.

Can I ask if you're sleeping better? I'm really concerned.

Thanks.

 

jeanne

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Thank you! I need reminders of healing at 3 years out and weary as can be. I am grateful for your words of encouragement. Enjoy your beautiful life! Congratulations!

 

Carita  :smitten:

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  • 9 months later...
So you havent had any waves in how long? It's great to see these stories of success. I only took klonopin for 2.5 months and have been off 6 months just about and still am not normal. My symptoms are just mental really and beyond frightening. Feel like I'm never going to be ok again.
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So you havent had any waves in how long? It's great to see these stories of success. I only took klonopin for 2.5 months and have been off 6 months just about and still am not normal. My symptoms are just mental really and beyond frightening. Feel like I'm never going to be ok again.

 

I get it. I've been off for 26 months since my C/T and still don't feel close to healed. It's a long road but we get through somehow.

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  • 1 month later...
Congrats.    Does that all come back?    I am so sick I am sorry for such a long message idk where else to Please help me.  I am only two weeks into antaper    Doc put me on .5 mg to 1mg daily for 6 weeks I regret ever taking this crap.  I wasn’t feeling like eating and somewhat disconnected so I called doc she said I could taper to .25 which I did    After that things went to down the toilet I am a mother with two teenage boys. I have always been so attentive and love taking care of them going to all their sports taking them on trips  being so involved cooking cleaning and working full time.  Constantly going and making plans. After this I went I chills and hot flashes back nandoelvic pain contsant stomach issues don’t want to cook don’t want to clean dont want to leave my room insomnia is so bad headaches don’t want to leave home or be left home alone  Feel like life is not real right now. Having issues lost a lot of weight can’t eat much fog brain memory feel anxious all the time get this pressure in my head now. Can’t lay down or sit still don’t want to even shower or clean up.  I look in the mirror and I don’t see myself a strong person.  Now I could loose my home my life my kids. I don’t even interact with like before this has all changed over 2 months. Now doc said we can go back up to original dose and try to stabilize but what does that really mean ?  Will all these symptoms physical and mental go away and I can taper correct or is my life forever changed and I can’t recover and feel like me again.  Laughing and wanting to watch a football game. Be greatful to go to work have my family and be able to be involved through their last couple years of high school. How do I get out of this depression.  My husband is not believing me he is now overwhelmed and is angry I don’t think he will stick this out just another stressor.  How do I move forward with any hope I will find me again. Actually me everything I was compassionate loving paient loved my kids so much and would do anything for them and with them feelin my deep love for them
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This has taken me a while to write for many reasons.  I am not sure many people on this site remember me, but i was a lost soul a couple of years ago.  As i sit here on my computer about to write this recovery story, i can relate to what many of you are going through. Benzos are the most evil drugs in the world.  This road to recovery was the stangest, saddest, most aggravating, and punishing road i have ever taken.  For many of you reading this, i know what is going through your mind.  I know it because, i lived it.  You are thinking "My withdrawal is different.  Mine is much worse.  I see people recovering, but i will not recover".  I can tell you with all honesty and sincerity that this is a false statement.

 

This whole thing began back in October of 2015.  I was having some pretty bad anxiety which was work related.  2 years prior i was on Klonopin for about a month to help with my anxiety after a breakup and other life problems that are thrown at us.  Took the Klonopin for a month and stopped.  At the time, i noticed that i was feeling a little different.  Felt like my anxiety was worse that it ever was.  I never read anything on withdrawal from Klonopin, because i just never thought about it.  Well it felt pretty bad for about 7 months after that initial fling with Klonopin.  So fast forward to October of 2015.  I was dating a woman in Dallas, TX.  Lived in Houston.  I began to feel very strange again because i had a lot of work stress and other stresses in my life.  I made a trip to the same doctor who prescribed me Klonopin the year before.  I felt that i needed something again to help my anxiety.  Well........i was prescribed Klonopin again.  This time i was put on .5 mg twice a day for "as long as you need".  To make a long story short, i was beginning to feel real sick once i started this drug again.  For the next several months i was in and out of ER.  I thought i had heart problems.  I thought i was depressed.  I thought i was going mentally crazy.  There were times i couldnt even walk or leave my house.  The sun scared me.  Everything scared me and i felt lonely and depressed.  My body was shaking, i had akisthisia, severe anxiety, diverticulitis, and almost every symptom of suffering you could think about.  My health was so bad that i had to sell my house in Texas and move down to Florida with my mom. 

 

When i arrived in Florida in April of 2016, i was a complete mess.  I was unable to do anything.  My mom had no clue how to handle it.  She , nor anyone else seemed to understand what i was going through.  "Hey, snap out of it", or "Get a job and it'll be better".  Well it's bullshit guys.  Nobody really understands the pain you are going through during this withdrawal.  You just want to be alone.  All kinds of things running through your head. "Will i live much longer".  "Do i want to live much longer?" The hardest thing was in my strongest times of survival , my whole circle of friends thought i was weak.  If they had any clue the battle i was going through, i would have won a fricking gold medal.  This was real and this was not going anywhere anytime soon. I would be on the internet when i could.  I would read, read, read, and read until i couldnt read anymore.  I was on google more than anyone in this country.  Googled every single symptom. Tried every single supplement.  You name it, i tried it.  NOTHING WORKED!!!  In fact, i felt that i was getting worse.  In May of 2016, i was not on Klonopin.  I was struggling so bad from coming off of 1MG that i wished i had some more.  My mom kept that rest that i had in her room.  One night i cracked.  It was June of 2016.  I went into my moms room and grabbed the Klonopin that i had previously.  Now remember i hadnt taken any in 3 months.  I took 6 pills at one time (.5mg each).  I thought to myself, ok i am going to die.  Well what happened was weird.  I woke up the next day feeling pretty good.  No symptoms.  Then another day, nothing.  Then 5 more days nothing. I thought, wait a minute? Am i cured?  Then on Day 6 all hell broke loose.  I had every single symptom i could think about.  I threatened suicide and was taken to the Mental Health Center.  At the Mental Health Center, i was put on Ativan.  When i was released about 9 days later, i got myself a doctor in Florida and she put me back on 1.5 mg of klonopin per day.  This is where i started to recover.  My doctor did NOT believe that benzo withdrawal existed.  She said that everything i was feeling was because i was thinking negatively.  I started to read the internet on how to properly withdraw from Benzos.  This is where i found the Ashton manual.  I followed her program to an extent but i made some changes to it.  First of all, i was not going to wean off a drug that took me 1.5 years to recover.  In December of 2016, i began to wean off of my 1.5 mg. It was absolutely brutal and something i would NEVER wish on my worst enemy.  I would drop .5 mg at first to 1mg. Then i would wait until i felt better, than it was another .5mg. I was down to .5mg in February of 2017, and Off the drug on March of 2017.  I felt absolutely attrocious.  Heart rate was off the charts.  I was taking my blood pressure every 5 minutes because i thought i was going to have a heart attack.  Since the end of March 2017, i can honestly say i NEVER took the drug again.  The next 3 months were really really difficult.  Gradually and very slowly, i made it out.  I made it out alive.  I was able to get a job in June of 2017.  Then another job in October of 2018. 

 

There were times were i wanted to give up.  I can honestly say that Benzobuddies was a crucial part of my recovery.  I made so many friends on here.  Friends i still keep in touch with today.  I know i owe alot of my recovery to the wonderful people on here.  I am 46 years old now and i basically lost 3 years of my life for a drug i took for a total of 4 months.  There is life after benzos.  I stopped, started, stopped, cheated and was told i would never recover.  Well, i have totally recovered and i fell i am the best i have ever been in my entire life right now because of it.  Please guys if you are there right now, with no hope; your brain telling you that you arent capable of anything or you'll never do anything ever again, dont believe it. Please DONT GIVE UP!  PLEASE!  I promise you that the only thing that will cure you is TIME.  That's it.  TIME CURES THIS WITHDRAWAL AND TIME ONLY!  You will get through this.  Please dont try to think anyone will understand you.  Just know that you are strong and you are going to come out the other side.  I promise you 100% you will recover.  I am living my life again.  I have a wonderful girlfriend now.  Never thought that was possible either. I lost alot from Klonopin. I really did. But i didnt lose my life or my mind.  I will build myself back up, and so will you. 

 

I end this novel by saying thank you to benzobuddies and to all of the fantastic people associated with this site.  I am cheering for every one of you and if you need to talk to me in private, i will be here for you.  Just remember, your time is coming.  My time is now, and i am going to enjoy the rest of my life on earth benzo free.

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