10 Months off and i am healed.........What a road

Wow, timmy, I am absolutely blown away and happy for you! I remember what an absolutely horrible time you had with this.

Take care, best wishes to you!

Challis 

 

Challis, thank you so much!!! It's incredible to live again! You are always going to be in my heart because you really helped me.  I cannot believe i have healed.  Please keep in touch, and i hope you are doing well!

 

:smitten:  

Thank you so much for this post! You are very inspiring and had me in tears. I can totally relate to the feeling that others think you are weak when you know you are actually so incredibly strong. And thank you for telling us to keep going, reminding us that others just can't understand this mess. I wish you so much more happiness!

 

KristinM Thank you!  Please do not give up because i can guarantee you that you will recover from this mess.  Right now, your brain will not let you think anything positive.  But it's not your brain, it's the drug.  And the only way to recover is time.  It goes fast, but just try every day to distract your mind.  I had some bad night and days, and people just didnt understand.  They still dont understand.  But i do.......I think you are the strongest of the strongest on this universe to continually push through recovery.  I am here for you guys. I hope you stay strong and dont give up because healing is around the corner.

Timmy! All I can say is WOW!  I'm so happy for you, it was not an easy road you traveled and I hope you savor each and every moment of your benzo free and healed life.

 

I also hope that others will look at your history and see how you suffered but came out healed and happy.  You're bringing hope to many, Timmy.

 

pianogirl 

 

Pianogirl i thank you with all of my heart. I remember the bad day and nights, and you took time out to help me and encourage me.  I will NEVER forget you , or the thousands of amazing people on this website.  I am so incredibly grateful for all of you guys. Ill never forget.

"Congrats" Timmy I remember you and your struggles, you touched many here, and I followed all of your posts. I am so happy that you have attained the Wellness that you so deserve. I agree that everyone feels their taper is the worst, and sadly mostly here it is, but your story and sharing it will inspire many here. Enjoy your Life. 🕊 Peace.

 

 

Thank you so much begood.  I remember being in the trenches with you as well.  The people like yourself on here, are so amazing.  Everyone on here is so nice.  I think we are a different breed of people.  Good people. Everyone will recover.  Thank you so much for the awesome response.  I am blessed

Hey Timmy!

 

Congrats on recovering.

 

Could you tell us if your tinnitus went away, and when it started to fade? That would be interesting to know to other Tinnitus sufferers.

 

Thanks

 

That is a great question.  My tinnitus still gives me problems every now and then.  Tinnitus is just a nuisance more than anything else.  I think it's from stress also. Just the other day i noticed nothing on the tinnitus.  It's taken about 10 months to heal from that. I still get it but not as bad.  Good luck to you and thanks so much for your message!!

I am trying to answer all of you on here to thank you for wishing me well.  I am blown away by the amazing messages i have recieved.  This has brought me to tears.  I just realize what you are all going through, and I was in bad bad shape.  I mean i was literally in a place i had no idea. I was scared and angry and impatient.  I am just amazed what happens when you recover from this.  It's a gradual thing.  This is by far the hardest thing i have ever been through in my entire life.  I am stronger for it. You will be stronger for it as well.  You guys have no idea how strong you are.  The average person literally has NO CLUE how strong you are.  Trust me, once you recover from this, you are going to do amazing things in life.  Just remember, the drug is lying to you.  I am 100 percent certain that EVERYONE in here will recover.  I cant wait for you guys to join all of us who have recovered.  One day you will look back at this and remember some things, but forget alot.  But what you will remember is you made it.  And that my friends is an amazing time.  Thanks so much for all of you!  I love every one of you.  I am here if you need help. 

What a lovely success story, I really needed to read that today, thank you you’ve picked me up and given me hope. I can’t wait till I’m where you are

Congrats Tim. It's good to hear from you again. I am so glad thing worked out well enough for you in the end. Very happy.

What a lovely success story, I really needed to read that today, thank you you’ve picked me up and given me hope. I can’t wait till I’m where you are

 

Sunshne, you will get there.  Just have faith and strength.  Patience is a must.  I promise you that you will get there.  Each and every day will be your path.  I genuinely care for every one of you on here.  I am probably the weakest person when it comes to sickness and i made it.  You will as well.  I am glad i was able to pick you up and give you hope.  It's the same thing i needed last year when i thought there was no way.  I never thought i would make it out alive. We all do, and it will be quicker than you fear also.  God  bless!

Congrats Tim. It's good to hear from you again. I am so glad thing worked out well enough for you in the end. Very happy.

 

Thank you!  I havent been on here in forever, but i remember you well.  Thanks to you as well.  I remember the people i battled with every night.  I am here for you as well.  Always!  One day the governing bodies will put an end to this benzo nonsense.  Right now, they just have no idea and doctors are prescribing this crap for no reason.  One day, we will all win this battle and this drug will be buried. 

One day, we will all win this battle and this drug will be buried.

 

This drug is already "buried" for you Timmy…so happy to see you recovered and are living life without the struggles of benzo w/d.

 

I do remember your struggles….but you clearly kept up the fight and won!! You are an inspiration to others.

 

Your experience shows that recovery is possible even when we believe otherwise. Thanks for returning and extending hope to those currently in the trenches.

Congrats Tim. It's good to hear from you again. I am so glad thing worked out well enough for you in the end. Very happy.

 

Thank you!  I havent been on here in forever, but i remember you well.  Thanks to you as well.  I remember the people i battled with every night.  I am here for you as well.  Always!  One day the governing bodies will put an end to this benzo nonsense.  Right now, they just have no idea and doctors are prescribing this crap for no reason.  One day, we will all win this battle and this drug will be buried.

 

God bless you Timmyp, I'm reading your story and I'm in tears. I've been thinking a lot about giving up lately and I am only 5 and half months into my struggle so there's no telling what else this illness has to throw at me still. You give me hope that I will be able to see the light at the end of this dark tunnel eventually and I will be able to write my own success story. Continue living your life, it gives all of us here so much hope that we can get to where you are one day. I wish all of us that have been through this could unite together in some way to take down big pharma once and for all, because if there was any way for them to truly understand how many people experience PAWS and the horror of withdrawals they would have no choice but to make a change. I didn't notice in your signature if it mentioned how long you were on the drugs and how long you were in withdrawal. I think I read about it in your initial post but I can't concentrate long enough to go back and look. I'm trying to find out was much about people's timelines as I can so that I can get an idea of the road that I'm looking at for recovery. I know that we are all different but I think if I get a lot of different perspectives it will help a lot with motivation to keep on keepin' on. Thanks for your story, I'm sure it will save lives.

I hope that you hear this over and over again in this thread: THANK YOU! This is a precious gift to those of us still living through this hell. I wish you the very best in your benzo-free life. You are an inspiration.

thank you timmy! were your symptoms mostly mental or physical? i am a 21 year old girl and physically i have so much pain. i don’t know if i can do this longer.. i see you reinstated, maybe i should that do that too.. the boaty feeling and the muscle pain makes me wanna cry all the time. it is not possible to function with this sensation at all.  :'(

 

sorry for the negative vibes. i feel so so happy for you! enjoy your life

Timmy, this is MAJOR! Thank you for giving us hope, glad you're enjoying life again. Hope to see you on the other side 

Dear Timmy,

 

I just read your success story, and have been encouraged immensely! It is mind-boggling that psych docs still prescribe this stuff, and then deny the ill effects when people want to get off. I had a doc (former psych doc) tell me yesterday that he really didn't think my anxiety (getting worse again as the sleep is slowly getting better) was due to the WD, but rather from anxiety I had when I began the drugs (which I took for insomnia!). He suggested I consult with a current psych doc, or better yet, go to the "women's mood disorder clinic" in the university hospital where we live. Pretty much wanted to convince me that I'm suffering from an anxiety disorder first and foremost. Well, I've never had the level of anxiety that I have had during this WD! It has been off the charts some days. He also sat there and said my use of Atavan was not long enough to produce WD, and that my symptoms are the "process" just coming back once the drugs were out of my system. Now that really played with my mind yesterday and today, I admit.

 

You detailed so well the absolute hell these drugs construct in our brains. It has been said by BBs here that we have brain damage. Though temporary, symptoms come and go, replaced by others, to the point that you really don't know what our assignment will be tomorrow. You said the drugs lie to you. They are insidious, making us feel debilitated physically, emotionally and spiritually. It's like having demons on your back, whispering death threats and discouragement. And people, like those closest to us, who see us daily and are there caring for us, don't always know how hard we are trying to survive.

 

Your clarion call is spot on. Thanks for pointing this out, because it's true! These were your words:

"You guys have no idea how strong you are.  The average person literally has NO CLUE how strong you are." There is no other choice but to be strong and believe in ourselves. The other choice is suicide, which is NOT A CHOICE. Acceptance is key to each day, and action steps are the answer. Today I am going to exercise, eat well, reach out to others for support and do some meditation and mindfulness activities. Pray. I will get through this day, and be glad for it.

 

My heart is warmed by your story, and I am very happy for your recovery. Your act of kindness and caring, by writing your story, has lifted me today.

 

With gratitude,

Tigereye

 

Wow what a incredible story of healing and positive thinking. I think the hardest part is that nobody not even your soul mate can understand what you are going through. I found it hard just keeping how I felt to myself a lot of the time because it was just easier that way on everyone. Enjoy your life Benzo free...

 

Thanks!

That is a heck of a story. Unfortunately it sounds like an all to familiar story. Congratulations man. You made it.

 

It is unbelievable that some doctors STILL believe it's all in ones head. 

 

Best Wishes. Thanks for telling your story.

Wow what a incredible story of healing and positive thinking. I think the hardest part is that nobody not even your soul mate can understand what you are going through. I found it hard just keeping how I felt to myself a lot of the time because it was just easier that way on everyone. Enjoy your life Benzo free...

 

Thanks!

 

How are you doing? Are you healed?

I am totally healed now and i never thought i would be.  Take it from me guys.  Healing does happen.  I absolutely 1000000% promise

 

This has taken me a while to write for many reasons.  I am not sure many people on this site remember me, but i was a lost soul a couple of years ago.  As i sit here on my computer about to write this recovery story, i can relate to what many of you are going through. Benzos are the most evil drugs in the world.  This road to recovery was the stangest, saddest, most aggravating, and punishing road i have ever taken.  For many of you reading this, i know what is going through your mind.  I know it because, i lived it.  You are thinking "My withdrawal is different.  Mine is much worse.  I see people recovering, but i will not recover".  I can tell you with all honesty and sincerity that this is a false statement.

 

This whole thing began back in October of 2015.  I was having some pretty bad anxiety which was work related.  2 years prior i was on Klonopin for about a month to help with my anxiety after a breakup and other life problems that are thrown at us.  Took the Klonopin for a month and stopped.  At the time, i noticed that i was feeling a little different.  Felt like my anxiety was worse that it ever was.  I never read anything on withdrawal from Klonopin, because i just never thought about it.  Well it felt pretty bad for about 7 months after that initial fling with Klonopin.  So fast forward to October of 2015.  I was dating a woman in Dallas, TX.  Lived in Houston.  I began to feel very strange again because i had a lot of work stress and other stresses in my life.  I made a trip to the same doctor who prescribed me Klonopin the year before.  I felt that i needed something again to help my anxiety.  Well........i was prescribed Klonopin again.  This time i was put on .5 mg twice a day for "as long as you need".  To make a long story short, i was beginning to feel real sick once i started this drug again.  For the next several months i was in and out of ER.  I thought i had heart problems.  I thought i was depressed.  I thought i was going mentally crazy.  There were times i couldnt even walk or leave my house.  The sun scared me.  Everything scared me and i felt lonely and depressed.  My body was shaking, i had akisthisia, severe anxiety, diverticulitis, and almost every symptom of suffering you could think about.  My health was so bad that i had to sell my house in Texas and move down to Florida with my mom. 

 

When i arrived in Florida in April of 2016, i was a complete mess.  I was unable to do anything.  My mom had no clue how to handle it.  She , nor anyone else seemed to understand what i was going through.  "Hey, snap out of it", or "Get a job and it'll be better".  Well it's bullshit guys.  Nobody really understands the pain you are going through during this withdrawal.  You just want to be alone.  All kinds of things running through your head. "Will i live much longer".  "Do i want to live much longer?" The hardest thing was in my strongest times of survival , my whole circle of friends thought i was weak.  If they had any clue the battle i was going through, i would have won a fricking gold medal.  This was real and this was not going anywhere anytime soon. I would be on the internet when i could.  I would read, read, read, and read until i couldnt read anymore.  I was on google more than anyone in this country.  Googled every single symptom. Tried every single supplement.  You name it, i tried it.  NOTHING WORKED!!!  In fact, i felt that i was getting worse.  In May of 2016, i was not on Klonopin.  I was struggling so bad from coming off of 1MG that i wished i had some more.  My mom kept that rest that i had in her room.  One night i cracked.  It was June of 2016.  I went into my moms room and grabbed the Klonopin that i had previously.  Now remember i hadnt taken any in 3 months.  I took 6 pills at one time (.5mg each).  I thought to myself, ok i am going to die.  Well what happened was weird.  I woke up the next day feeling pretty good.  No symptoms.  Then another day, nothing.  Then 5 more days nothing. I thought, wait a minute? Am i cured?  Then on Day 6 all hell broke loose.  I had every single symptom i could think about.  I threatened suicide and was taken to the Mental Health Center.  At the Mental Health Center, i was put on Ativan.  When i was released about 9 days later, i got myself a doctor in Florida and she put me back on 1.5 mg of klonopin per day.  This is where i started to recover.  My doctor did NOT believe that benzo withdrawal existed.  She said that everything i was feeling was because i was thinking negatively.  I started to read the internet on how to properly withdraw from Benzos.  This is where i found the Ashton manual.  I followed her program to an extent but i made some changes to it.  First of all, i was not going to wean off a drug that took me 1.5 years to recover.  In December of 2016, i began to wean off of my 1.5 mg. It was absolutely brutal and something i would NEVER wish on my worst enemy.  I would drop .5 mg at first to 1mg. Then i would wait until i felt better, than it was another .5mg. I was down to .5mg in February of 2017, and Off the drug on March of 2017.  I felt absolutely attrocious.  Heart rate was off the charts.  I was taking my blood pressure every 5 minutes because i thought i was going to have a heart attack.  Since the end of March 2017, i can honestly say i NEVER took the drug again.  The next 3 months were really really difficult.  Gradually and very slowly, i made it out.  I made it out alive.  I was able to get a job in June of 2017.  Then another job in October of 2018. 

 

There were times were i wanted to give up.  I can honestly say that Benzobuddies was a crucial part of my recovery.  I made so many friends on here.  Friends i still keep in touch with today.  I know i owe alot of my recovery to the wonderful people on here.  I am 46 years old now and i basically lost 3 years of my life for a drug i took for a total of 4 months.  There is life after benzos.  I stopped, started, stopped, cheated and was told i would never recover.  Well, i have totally recovered and i fell i am the best i have ever been in my entire life right now because of it.  Please guys if you are there right now, with no hope; your brain telling you that you arent capable of anything or you'll never do anything ever again, dont believe it. Please DONT GIVE UP!  PLEASE!  I promise you that the only thing that will cure you is TIME.  That's it.  TIME CURES THIS WITHDRAWAL AND TIME ONLY!  You will get through this.  Please dont try to think anyone will understand you.  Just know that you are strong and you are going to come out the other side.  I promise you 100% you will recover.  I am living my life again.  I have a wonderful girlfriend now.  Never thought that was possible either. I lost alot from Klonopin. I really did. But i didnt lose my life or my mind.  I will build myself back up, and so will you. 

 

I end this novel by saying thank you to benzobuddies and to all of the fantastic people associated with this site.  I am cheering for every one of you and if you need to talk to me in private, i will be here for you.  Just remember, your time is coming.  My time is now, and i am going to enjoy the rest of my life on earth benzo free.

 

Hey Timmy.  That was a great story and YOU - are an accomplished and eloquent writer.

 

Thanks for sharing your story.

 

Wishing you all the best and continued successes, bro.

I am totally healed now and i never thought i would be.  Take it from me guys.  Healing does happen.  I absolutely 1000000% promise

 

How long did it take for you to heal completely?

 

Thanks Timmy.

 

Very inspirational. Even though my symptoms and Kpin use were very different from yours, I related to much of your story.

 

My fears now (2-1/2 months off) are that because I had many of my psychological symptoms before, this last 3 years is just proof that I am weak and do not have enough discipline.

  Who do I think I am? Not working, getting disability while the rest of the world soldiers on. It is an insidious voice, that has to be talked down gently because it is coming from inside my own mind.

    I went on a solo vacation for the first time in 2-1/2 years and I am beating myself up for not going on any tours and getting out of the resort more. Sound familiar?

 

Blessings on your journey

 

Tommy

CONGRATULATIONS! Timmy your story touch me . I can definitely relate to your story and Im always reading success storys to keep the faith and strenght to keep moving forward and not give up thank you sooooo much ! I cant wait till i post my sucess story I have been through hell that I neither would wish not even on my worst enemy I was tested to my limit mentally physically to a point im not kidding that i wanted to cry a river but if I did it would rev up my symptoms with crushing fatigue and sent me to bed and lay there suffering alive.... Im doing better than few months ago and I keep looking for storys like yours . so I thank you from the bottom of my heart much love to you 

Guys i just read your replies and thanks so much!  I just want to add one more tihing.  Whenever you doubt yourself about healing, just remember that i PROMISE you that it will happen.  I am now working again and am the #1 sales rep in my company. The one thing i wanted to tell everyone is this.  You will hear people on here saying how it took them years to recover. Know this.  I always was fearful of this topic.  It may take a couple of years to "fully" recover, but this does NOT mean you will not be feeling MUCH MUCH MUCH better than you are now.  I still battle Tinnitus to this day, but it's off and on, so if I honestly state that i am healed, well yes i am fully mentally healed and that is the biggest one.  I can remember being scared to go outside, or look at the sun. I was in a fog ALL THE TIME! and wondered OMG i am never going to recover.  The only thing that helped me during this awful time (1.5 years) was time.  TIME ONLY!  There is nothing else. No epsom salt baths, no herbal medicines, just faith and TIME!.  I promise you that if you dont give up and just know that i was in the same boat as you guys are, that TIME is the answer.  You WILL get better.  I know some of you are laying in bed reading this and cant even function, but i promise you this is the truth.  There is no brain damage.  It's just repair that is going on, and it takes a while for that to happen.  I care about every single one of you guys going through this and if i can be a help to you please please please send me a message.  I will help you out.  We are the strongest people on earth.  Once you get through this, you will NEVER have to go through anything like this ever again.  I know your heart is beating a million miles an hour, your muscles ache, you have akisthisia, you have anxiety so bad that NOBODY could ever imagine the mental pain that you have.  But please please trust me that you WILL recover.  I NEVER thought that i would recover, and many of my friends and family didnt either.  Take it at your pace as much as you can.  And remember, healing does happen. If youre out there and wanna chat, just send me a message.  I check my account quite a bit.  God bless you all and PLEASE DONT GIVE UP!