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NINE Years Out (warning: contents may be triggering for sensitive members)


[gi...]

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Thanks so very much Ginger for coming back and sharing your success story, you bet it's a success story, a powerful one, and It's also a testament of sheer courage and strength through many years of adversity. You are indeed one tough chickie! 

:thumbsup:

 

Some years ago I followed your posts and hoped one day you'd return with an update. I thank you for being perfectly honest, it's very appreciated by me and utterly refreshing in its candor. Living your life as fully as you are now is the definition of success as far as I'm concerned! Well done. My very best to you as you continue to live life fully.

 

:smitten:

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Ginger I think it’s a great story, a testament as to what you endured and the great improvements you’ve seen over the years; to the point you can now celebrate living a full life. Being almost 10 years out I can relate.

 

Some of us might never be 100% symptom free, but still consider ourselves recovered. And although frightening for a lot of people starting this journey, the reality is that a minority of us will suffer protracted withdrawal and/or a recurrence of symptoms.

I think a big part of our definition of success is having withdrawn from these horrible drugs, not gone back on any of them, and somehow survived.

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I wouldnt call this a success story. It is outright scary to be honest. Im already terrified we never really heal 100%

 

Congratulations on being a badass thou. 9 years living through that torture is amazing. Well done

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[9b...]

There are people here who have long, torturous, protracted recoveries. Some of us even become <i>literally</i> disabled due to benzo withdrawal (I did, and still am). For those of us who have been unable to work or exercise <i>for years</i>, the idea of one day being able to do so sounds like heaven, even if we never make it to "100% recovered." After a certain point of time and after a certain level of suffering, you stop caring about "100% healing" anyway. Instead, you just want to be able to function in the world again, to work or take walks or socialize, to find some semblance of peace, to be able to say "life is good," even if it isn't even remotely perfect. If these words seem foreign or even scary to you, then you've never reached that point of disability. Be grateful, but please do not disparage others who've had a harder path to walk. Being "100%" is a privilege that not all are afforded in this life.

 

There is much talk on this forum about protecting those who are newly benzo free from the "horror stories" of protracted withdrawal, so as not to upset them. Unfortunately, no one seems to care about upsetting those who are in protracted withdrawal, who are arguably in a <i>much</i> scarier and more vulnerable position than those who are just starting their recoveries. This story would have upset me too at one point, and I probably would have thought that it "didn't count as success" or even that it shouldn't be posted. But now I see how selfish, arrogant, and naive I would have been to think that. Who do you think needs more hope, someone who is 5 months free with hundreds of success stories to choose from, or someone who is 5 <i>years</i> out with only a handful of success stories that are still relevant?

 

Thank you Ginger, for coming back to share... your story means a lot to me, and I have hope for your continued healing.

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There are people here who have long, torturous, protracted recoveries. Some of us even become <i>literally</i> disabled due to benzo withdrawal (I did, and still am). For those of us who have been unable to work or exercise <i>for years</i>, the idea of one day being able to do so sounds like heaven, even if we never make it to "100% recovered." After a certain point of time and after a certain level of suffering, you stop caring about "100% healing" anyway. Instead, you just want to be able to function in the world again, to work or take walks or socialize, to find some semblance of peace, to be able to say "life is good," even if it isn't even remotely perfect. If these words seem foreign or even scary to you, then you've never reached that point of disability. Be grateful, but please do not disparage others who've had a harder path to walk. Being "100%" is a privilege that not all are afforded in this life.

 

There is much talk on this forum about protecting those who are newly benzo free from the "horror stories" of protracted withdrawal, so as not to upset them. Unfortunately, no one seems to care about upsetting those who are in protracted withdrawal, who are arguably in a <i>much</i> scarier and more vulnerable position than those who are just starting their recoveries. This story would have upset me too at one point, and I probably would have thought that it "didn't count as success" or even that it shouldn't be posted. But now I see how selfish, arrogant, and naive I would have been to think that. Who do you think needs more hope, someone who is 5 months free with hundreds of success stories to choose from, or someone who is 5 <i>years</i> out with only a handful of success stories that are still relevant?

 

Thank you Ginger, for coming back to share... your story means a lot to me, and I have hope for your continued healing.

 

Well said Mutuuraia and I agree 100%.

 

Here is what Colin posted in the guidelines when questioned about what "mostly" healed really meant in terms of writing a success story:

 

"I leave it for individual members to define for themselves what constitutes 'mostly' and 'largely'. I certainly don't think we need to think about it number forum, not that we can objectively judge how well we are recovered in terms of percentages anyway.

 

I'd say, if you now give little thought to benzodiazepines and withdrawal, and are living life again, you seem mostly recovered to me."

 

Ginger and only Ginger gets to decide if her journey is a success and suggesting she silence her voice because others might not like the details is just not on.

 

Congratulations on your success Ginger.

 

XX

She

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No one ever suggested she "silence her voice" - that is just a nonsense misreading of this thread.

 

People simply questioned whether this particular forum was the most appropriate place to post it. I'd argue that it's more appropriate for the Celebrations forum.

 

That's it. It's a semantical discussion on the meaning of success. Not a campaign to banish stories that aren't 100 percent positive.

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I agree with Lemonjuice. I happy Ginger is coping better, but I guess we look to success stories for hope of 100% recovery and not a long list of horrific symptoms nine years out. I understand it meets the criteria set by admin, but anyone still suffering just sees that and feels despair. I don't want that feeling when I read a success story. It's disheartening. It doesn't mean Ginger is any less a badass...she's more of one than most for hanging in so long; I just define success by beating this beast once and for all, though I think a setback out of nowhere a ways down the road is a grey area.

When things get really bad I sometimes have to not look on here much because it's triggering, except for success stories...but stuff like this takes away some of that hope which, to me, defeats the point of this particular board. I think it's more of a celebration. This is just my opinion.

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Hmmm ...

 

First of all ... I am glad you posted your story Ginger ... it was encouraging and helpful to me ...

 

I believe "success" is certainly not democratic, especially as it is practiced in this day and age ... however, "success" is most certainly all inclusive ...

 

I find it curious that the attention is all too often on the word "success" when the title of the thread is "success stories" ...

 

For me, I deemed myself a "success" the day I finally recognized that I needed to withdraw from the drug and commenced my journey ... all of the aspects of my journey constitute my "story" ... and ... I find that when I am engaging either my story or the stories of others bringing my discernment to the table is useful ...

 

I am some 51 months out as of next Sunday ... the best description I have for my journey so far is that I am pretty much functional most days, except when I am not ... "functional" for me means getting on with the tasks of the day, living a life I deem fruitful and blessed ... "not functional" are the times when I withdraw from the tasks of the day and "go quiet" and "slow" until whatever is engaging me from the depths of this healing process has run its course ... whether that is a few minutes or a day or a week, however long it takes ...

 

Be Well ...

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[4e...]

There are people here who have long, torturous, protracted recoveries. Some of us even become <i>literally</i> disabled due to benzo withdrawal (I did, and still am). For those of us who have been unable to work or exercise <i>for years</i>, the idea of one day being able to do so sounds like heaven, even if we never make it to "100% recovered." After a certain point of time and after a certain level of suffering, you stop caring about "100% healing" anyway. Instead, you just want to be able to function in the world again, to work or take walks or socialize, to find some semblance of peace, to be able to say "life is good," even if it isn't even remotely perfect. If these words seem foreign or even scary to you, then you've never reached that point of disability. Be grateful, but please do not disparage others who've had a harder path to walk. Being "100%" is a privilege that not all are afforded in this life.

 

There is much talk on this forum about protecting those who are newly benzo free from the "horror stories" of protracted withdrawal, so as not to upset them. Unfortunately, no one seems to care about upsetting those who are in protracted withdrawal, who are arguably in a <i>much</i> scarier and more vulnerable position than those who are just starting their recoveries. This story would have upset me too at one point, and I probably would have thought that it "didn't count as success" or even that it shouldn't be posted. But now I see how selfish, arrogant, and naive I would have been to think that. Who do you think needs more hope, someone who is 5 months free with hundreds of success stories to choose from, or someone who is 5 <i>years</i> out with only a handful of success stories that are still relevant?

 

Thank you Ginger, for coming back to share... your story means a lot to me, and I have hope for your continued healing.

 

I’m with everything you are saying here. I’m over five years off and would be happy just to have what Ginger has. I long ago gave up 100%, whatever that is, but hope one day to be more functional and able to live a relatively normal last few years of my life. Long protracted people exist for whatever reason and need support and encouragement because they’ve suffered years and years of this hell. We are the strongest and wisest of the thousands who pass through Benzobuddies because we’ve seen it happening for so long.

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  • 2 weeks later...
Everybody's story is different.  I find her truthful through adversity.  Respecting each story is part of my journey.  It's a hellride no matter which story it is.  Up and down. Thank you for sharing. 
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Everybody's story is different.  I find her truthful through adversity.  Respecting each story is part of my journey.  It's a hellride no matter which story it is.  Up and down. Thank you for sharing.

 

Nice post.  :)

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[d9...]

Everybody's story is different.  I find her truthful through adversity.  Respecting each story is part of my journey.  It's a hellride no matter which story it is.  Up and down. Thank you for sharing.

 

Nice post.  :)

 

Glad you're both supporting this thread.  Good to see you Morreweg; I don't like to get on FB much anymore so don't know who's posting.

 

Just entered month 78 and still deal with chronic, often quite intense symptoms; I know exactly where Ginger is coming from.  Like Ginger and many other long-term protracted folks, my focus is moving on with my life such as it is, not allowing these protracted symptoms to dominate my life.

 

Joe

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HI all,

 

9 years and healed. I am into the 13th year of my healing and extreme fatigue.

Someone else having the extreme fatigue ?

 

Thank you !!

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Ginger, it took courage to post your story, thank you.  Being able to do the things you successfully do is a blessing! And for the things you are still suffering, don't lose hope! You certainly have it in you to fight a good battle because you are a warrior like all of us. For me being a warrior in my own battle means I have God as my chief commander, and I have come to realize that living without my greater power is impossible, "With God all things are possible " (Mathew 19:26)

 

Wish you much success and healing  :smitten:

 

"To love means love the unlovable. To forgive means pardon the unpardonable. Faith means believing the unbelievable. Hope means hoping when everything seems hopeless" (G. K. Chesterton)

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Thank you for your success story Ginger.

 

You're an inspiration for all of us who have been gravely disabled and ill for a very long time.

 

I aspire to be as well as you are. Thanks for coming back to tell us.

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Nice post.  :)

 

Glad you're both supporting this thread.  Good to see you Morreweg; I don't like to get on FB much anymore so don't know who's posting.

 

Just entered month 78 and still deal with chronic, often quite intense symptoms; I know exactly where Ginger is coming from.  Like Ginger and many other long-term protracted folks, my focus is moving on with my life such as it is, not allowing these protracted symptoms to dominate my life.

 

Joe

 

Hi Joe, good to see you as well. I'm right there with you ...sometimes I wonder

where we get the strength from to fight this battle for years. Its amazing how time flies.....

 

Sigh ....way to go...wish you well .  :)

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This is a very discouraging story  :(  I come on the success stories for encouragement, not to read multiple people's stories of not actually healing but learning to live with horrible symptoms. I purposely avoid other threads so I don't read stories like this. I think there are a lot of people who do this. I agree that Ginger is a badass and I am glad that she is happy, but this is not a success story in my opinion.
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Well I guess it’s a good thing that you can’t view the protracted part of the forum. Protracted withdrawal is a grim reality for some of us. Success is a subjective and individual concept, and it doesn’t necessarily mean you are 100% back to the way you were pre benzo.
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[c8...]
Delete this bullsht or move it to another board. If I seen this stupid shit earlier in withdrawal I would have offed myself. It's irritating as hell. This negativity is like a cancer. Delete the whole thing. It kills people's faith and hope in recovery and the op obviously lacks insight
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Delete this bullsht or move it to another board. If I seen this stupid shit earlier in withdrawal I would have offed myself. It's irritating as hell. This negativity is like a cancer. Delete the whole thing. It kills people's faith and hope in recovery and the op obviously lacks insight

 

This is some people's reality, not negativity.

 

This post is appalling, and if anything it's posts like this that should be deleted.

 

Ginger and many others have experienced horrifying suffering over many years. The only difference between them and those that recover quickly is luck.

 

It is, to say the very least of it, disappointing that a person experiencing protracted withdrawal can get this level of rejection and hostility from someone themselves impacted by benzos. The talk of lack of insight is deeply ironic.

 

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You are correct. It is a GREAT thing for me that I don't look at the protracted withdrawl boards. I read BB for hundreds of hours when I 1st found myself in this nightmare. I am well aware of the possible outcomes. I spent hours crying and lived in a state of terror. It made my withdrawls so much worse. I chose not to do that to myself anymore. I need to be optimistic in order to get through this, so I choose to read positive things. That is why I commented on this success story. It is not positive!

    I know this is reality for some people and I am incredibly empathetic. Ginger"s story as well as everyone else who has protracted withdrawl deserves to be posted. But not in the success story section where people go to read about healing. It is like going to a movie that is rated G and it turning out to be a R rated movie.

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Delete this bullsht or move it to another board. If I seen this stupid shit earlier in withdrawal I would have offed myself. It's irritating as hell. This negativity is like a cancer. Delete the whole thing. It kills people's faith and hope in recovery and the op obviously lacks insight

 

Twentyeight,

 

Since your post has been quoted, I won't remove it, but it is not acceptable.  It violates this rule:

 

Be polite towards, and respectful of, your fellow Buddies. We do not tolerate attacks upon fellow members. Any account created for the purposes of causing arguments and/or ill-feeling will be banned.

 

If another member's posts scare you or upset you, but they don't violate our forum rules, the best thing to do is ignore them and move on.  Each or our experiences is unique while going through this.  Protracted withdrawal/ and healing that takes many years is very rare, but it DOES happen. 

 

When I first joined, I soon learned to avoid reading posts and threads that had subjects that upset or disturbed me, as well as certain very negative members' posts altogether.  This is a very good skill to learn, since this forum DOES attract members who had significant trouble while withdrawing/healing.

 

So, please move on and lets return to the subject matter at hand.

 

megan918

Administrator

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