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13 to 17 month group


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I thought I would start this as there is a 6-12 month group and an 18-30 month+ group. So hopefully people who are 13 - 17 months can chime in a give an update as to how they are feeling, symptoms, etc... all the good and bad stuff.

 

 

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  • 3 weeks later...
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I’m in this group time-frame, I am not doing too well today. I have felt like I’m flailing about since late yesterday.

 

I don’t even know if I can try explaining right now. In general I feel I haven’t been doing horribly, but this has been horrible.

 

Hopefully I can come back and comment, providing I don’t need to self-ban. Feeling extra rough :(

 

I’m glad you made this group, thank you. I’ve been feeling like an island.

 

“I am a Rock”

 

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I'm here with ya was doing good 12 1/2 months to now but last night had one of my scary I'm dying episodes so yesterday I was full of hope today I want to cry.
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  • 4 weeks later...

Yeah- I'm in this group now.  Was muddling though my symptoms and got whacked today with acute after over 16 months.  Pretty depressed by it.  Hope it is from too much caffeine and going to the acupuncturist.  I guess I have to do less of everything - both good and bad.  W

 

Will be going to the 18-30 month thread soon but after checking out the last few pages of it, it looks defunct.  Is there another one?

 

Can't even believe I need help this far out.  W

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I think that once you get to a certain point, you probably give up on the forum for support. So maybe that's why the 18-30 month group has fallen off. Not sure.... I still check in to the forum daily but I'll probably have to stop doing that sooner than later. It is really helpful at times... not sure where everyone is at. Hopefully some others will check in.
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I'll be joining soon, I'm about 12-1/2 months off. I've made a lot of progress but still don't feel 100%. Sometimes I doubt how much of this is benzo recovery vs just the way I am.
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  • 2 weeks later...

Hi Gang! I’m 17 months off. I have been making pretty good steady progression, but not without setbacks of all kinds. They seem to come and go. The most stubborn is the insomnia. I’m really having a hard time getting more than 4-5 hours a night. I know this doesn’t help your nervous system.

I’m really glad this thread was started. I used to check in regularly with B.B. and found it to be a huge source of comfort and relief. I always try to remember that there are many folks who have moved on and are living their lives. I’m so happy for them and hope they come back once in a while to offer hope and encouragement.😄

But I’m really glad this group is here, if only to check in every now and then. We get those bad days, they just happen. This is a great place to stop by.

Wishing everyone a good night and a happy weekend

New Girl

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hi newsgirl - at the end of the month I'll have 17 months - my ticker never really worked.

 

I had almost every problem on the list.  I wish I could sleep more, too.  If I control the coffee and not drink alcohol  -  and have no important morning commitments - I can get almost enough sleep.  And there are days I don't have the hopeless fatigue.  Still feel fragile.  Also - no exercise in the evening.  I still can't believe I got off that s**t.  WBB

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Just wondering how everyone is doing. I'm going into month 17. Would be interested if anyone is suffering with depression this far out and what you are doing to help with this challenge if you are. Is everyone back to work / life at this point? I'm having some challenges which is pretty frustrating this far out. Little support at this point from friends and family... good luck with your healing initiatives.
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I'm essentially at month 13.  I have had a horrible two weeks and feel absolutely hopeless.  I expected to be done by now because I did everything the "right" way, but nope.  Physical symptoms are something that I haven't placed too much focus on because I can't be sure they are related to use and withdrawal (well the burning face one is definitely related and has gone away).  I could live with the physical stuff very easily if I didn't have anhedonia/depression/anxiety and a feeling that I will never get better.  The last two weeks there has been a terrible shift and I feel worse than before, and therapy hasn't helped. 

It feels strange to write this because I'm typically a positive cheerleader except when I'm complaining about my personal misery.  It's hard to be hopeful when you've been depressed for 4 years with no end in sight.  People talk about windows, but I've never had any.  I think I've got that DP/DR thing happening intensely, and it's really frightening.  I don't understand why this is happening, all I want is to be free of this.

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Hi I'm 13 months off tomorrow. Did anyone else get a wave around the one year mark where they felt they were just more revved up? I've been having an increase and nervousness, stressful dreams, blood pressure spikes, higher pulse, plus chest tighness which is a new symptom. I thought maybe my thyroid was overactive and so did myndr, but then the labwork came back today and it was normal. So now I'm seeing a cadiologist next week and worrying about heart problems. Did anyone else have symptoms like this? Did they pass?
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Hi I'm 13 months off tomorrow. Did anyone else get a wave around the one year mark where they felt they were just more revved up? I've been having an increase and nervousness, stressful dreams, blood pressure spikes, higher pulse, plus chest tighness which is a new symptom. I thought maybe my thyroid was overactive and so did myndr, but then the labwork came back today and it was normal. So now I'm seeing a cadiologist next week and worrying about heart problems. Did anyone else have symptoms like this? Did they pass?

 

Yes

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Yes and yes! I’m 18 months out, and the last few weeks I feel like I’m in such a setback.

I had the flu so maybe that has something to do with it. I really don’t know, and I’m frustrated, depressed and tired! So,e days it’s just so darn hard to keep,your chin up. I too have the feeling like I am never going to get better from this. I hate feeling that way. The worst lately has been the anxiety. I haven’t had a real panic attack in a while, but I just feel like I’m getting more and more anxious as each day goes by. Maybe this is just one big, ugly wave. And it’s going to be over soon. I have to keep telling myself that! Anyone else been in a wave around this many months off? Please tell me that it turns around pretty soon. I need so,e encouragement😢

New Girl

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I had a big increase in anxiety around 15 months on. 17.5 months now and the last few weeks have been harder for sure. I am hoping for a big turn as well. This wave overall has been going for 3 months now.
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Same here I’m at 15 months clean and i was doing pretty good  for months previous then all of sudden my anxiety blood pressure chest pain came back strong at about 14 months went too er thought maybe I was having A heartattack but everything was fine then I figured it was the benzo withdraws coming back only good thing  after A while chest is calming down but anxiety is still really high and coming back strong, can’t we till this passes I can’t believe it sometimes comes back very strong like

... this hopefully things get better for All of us tho

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16 1/2 months out. Been a hell of a ride I still struggle thinking this is permanent to some extent. I was feeling better at around 9-11 months out. Drank some beers for a football game and been bad since. My main symptoms are 98% mental at this point. I have severe depression and intrusive thoughts along with OCD. My inner voice is always negative and i have nightmares and vivid dreams. I experience de ja vu a couple times a day and sometimes little snippets of my dreams come true. I'm paranoid and can't keep a job. Whenever I get an interview or get hired on i don't show up because often im so anxious about it the night before that i cant sleep. I feel like my DP/DR went down just a notch but I still have it. When i keep my stress down my days arent so bad but unfortunately thats hard for me to do because my OCD is so bad it causes me to overthink all the mistakes I've made and all the negative things in my life. I get muscle spasms in my feet and my legs. Kind of like a nonstop twitch that comes and goes. I have a slight burning feeling now the past 3 weeks in my brain on the back right side. Its very mild but its there. Tinnitus never goes away but i had it from drug abuse before these benzos and other psych meds i was on. Working out helps a bit. But i get to overthinking and the calm feeling quickly wears off. Very stupid dumbed down feeling cant think critically anymore. Hmmm im not sure what else to add. Im not myself and just very paranoid and delusional always uneasy feeling and just overall sick. I hope i turn a corner soon
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17.5 months... mostly severe mental symptoms of depression, anxiety is lessening but still not getting restful long sleep. Fatigue... omg.
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Yes and yes! I’m 18 months out, and the last few weeks I feel like I’m in such a setback.

I had the flu so maybe that has something to do with it. I really don’t know, and I’m frustrated, depressed and tired! So,e days it’s just so darn hard to keep,your chin up. I too have the feeling like I am never going to get better from this. I hate feeling that way. The worst lately has been the anxiety. I haven’t had a real panic attack in a while, but I just feel like I’m getting more and more anxious as each day goes by. Maybe this is just one big, ugly wave. And it’s going to be over soon. I have to keep telling myself that! Anyone else been in a wave around this many months off? Please tell me that it turns around pretty soon. I need so,e encouragement😢

New Girl

 

Hi there, I’m right in the same space with this.

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I'm here with ya was doing good 12 1/2 months to now but last night had one of my scary I'm dying episodes so yesterday I was full of hope today I want to cry.

 

This happens. It is up and down and it is such intense horrific anxiety— when it is anxiety, I never had anxiety like this. Is anxiety even still a word now?

 

Then I get some windows such as you describe. Windows and WAVES.

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I'm wondering really if this is withdrawal at this point. I know everyone on this board says it gets better but really starting to think I'm stuck here; mornings are filled with despair, some anxiety, days are long, thinking about this crap day after day has worn me down completely. I believe at this point that I've developed a mood disorder that I didn't have but gradually developed over the couple of years I've been sick. I really, really, can't believe that withdrawal can make you feel like this as far out as 17 months. Or further! I mean there's people who are 20-30 months who are still sick... another year of this would be impossible for me. I'm barely hanging on right now.
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I had a horror week last week, but this week since Monday things have gotten better. Most mornings for 4-5 hours I've felt close to normal, then I get some sx during the day and the evenings have been ok. One evening I felt 100%.. I am hoping that things are finally starting to turn here at just over 17.75 months. Not out of the woods yet but seeing some hope.. have to see how the next 6 days go when I hit 18.

 

 

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