How do you not feel depressed when life’s falling apart

Currently I barely have a life at all. I can barely manage to take care of the basic necessities of life, forget about being able to do anything enjoyable or make plans for the future. I live alone and don’t have any help. I don’t see my situation changing anytime soon. I don’t socialise anymore, I don’t even feel well enough to leave the house most days, although I’m not bed bound. How on earth can I not feel depressed in my situation??? The chemical effects of withdrawal can produce depression, but my life is also depressing, there’s nothing to be happy about, finances are tight, there’ll be no holidays in the near future, just paying off debt when I can work full time again. How do you find happiness when life is so bleak?? I long to feel something other than emptiness.

Currently I barely have a life at all. I can barely manage to take care of the basic necessities of life, forget about being able to do anything enjoyable or make plans for the future. I live alone and don’t have any help. I don’t see my situation changing anytime soon. I don’t socialise anymore, I don’t even feel well enough to leave the house most days, although I’m not bed bound. How on earth can I not feel depressed in my situation??? The chemical effects of withdrawal can produce depression, but my life is also depressing, there’s nothing to be happy about, finances are tight, there’ll be no holidays in the near future, just paying off debt when I can work full time again. How do you find happiness when life is so bleak?? I long to feel something other than emptiness.

 

So very sorry to read of your pain.  Hoping you can somehow feel better soon.

Get a routine you can stabilize with. An errand or exercise. Some take out food, kept for two meals. You should have some relief but it may not be for some months. 14-18 months from jumping seems to be a big milestone for many.

Currently I barely have a life at all. I can barely manage to take care of the basic necessities of life, forget about being able to do anything enjoyable or make plans for the future. I live alone and don’t have any help. I don’t see my situation changing anytime soon. I don’t socialise anymore, I don’t even feel well enough to leave the house most days, although I’m not bed bound. How on earth can I not feel depressed in my situation??? The chemical effects of withdrawal can produce depression, but my life is also depressing, there’s nothing to be happy about, finances are tight, there’ll be no holidays in the near future, just paying off debt when I can work full time again. How do you find happiness when life is so bleak?? I long to feel something other than emptiness.

 

You choose the way you feel. IMO, you only see the negative part of your situation. I also live alone, with no outside help. But haven’t yet completed my taper. I’ll have no chances to be med free ever.

 

Write down things you’re grateful for. Not to any God, if you’re not a believer. To yourself. You have a chance to work full-time again. That’s an asset. Some ppl are too sick to work-full time. You have quit BDZ. That’s a great achievement.

 

Routine is very important, as Drad mentioned. Try to develop healthy habits. Both by thinking and doing.

 

Maybe you need therapy. There’s therapy available via Skype. Don’t you have any goals, dreams? There was a reason to your taper. You can do a small thing each day to get you closer to your goals and dreams.

 

If you’re clinically depressed, you may need an AD in the future. If not, give your brain time to heal. But try not to sabotage its healing by negative thoughts. You’re responsible for your thoughts. I know it’s tough to develop healthy thinking patterns. But CBT is available to everyone.

 

One does not simply quit an addictive substance. One has to find the cause of addiction in the first place. There is some wound which needs to heal. Only time won’t heal it. You can heal it with thoughts and actions.

 

BTW, I don’t allow myself the luxury of being depressed long-term anymore. However difficult it is. If I start to think negative thoughts, I check the beliefs and expectations from which they originate. We have lots of expectations how life "should" and "must" look like. But these are only expectations. We can only change our circumstances by changing ourselves. Changing ourselves means changing the way we think. Changing the way we think leads to changing the way we feel and act. We learn acceptance.

 

Just like in AA’s "Serenity Prayer" by Reinhold Niebuhr: "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change. Courage to change the things I can. And wisdom to know the difference." God, however we understand him. I’m an agnostic, BTW.

Thank you all for your replies and suggestions. Estee your post really made an impression on me, I definitely do need to challenge my negative thoughts. It’s really an amazing achievement overcoming benzos, I think we all should be proud of ourselves for doing it. If I can beat benzos, I can sure beat this damn depression. Your supportive comments means a lot.

Thank you all for your replies and suggestions. Estee your post really made an impression on me, I definitely do need to challenge my negative thoughts. It’s really an amazing achievement overcoming benzos, I think we all should be proud of ourselves for doing it. If I can beat benzos, I can sure beat this damn depression. Your supportive comments means a lot.

 

Always happy to help. Quiting benzos is a huge thing. Now your job is to slowly learn how to live and become functional without them. When I ditched benzos in 2003, I still had to take ADs. Anyway, one pdoc summed up my 3 mos’ benzo WD at home as a "chapeau bas" accomplishment.

 

Since benzos were once able to fool us, we must always be vigilant. Healthy, rational but optimistic thinking. Good assessment of one’s strengths and weaknesses. Having achievable dreams and goals. But always prioritizing freedom from benzos and mental well-being. Are all ways to protect oneself against this cunning and powerful opponent. It’s easy to forget how miserable we were on benzos and relapse. Even after many yrs. The same goes for alcohol. My approach has been to avoid alcohol altogether since 2002, when I learnt it affects the same brain receptors as benzos.

 

I work daily on my thinking patterns. I’m a pessimist by nature. But didn’t realize my thinking was irrational. The turning point was when I bought myself wireless headphones in April this year. To dull the noise of the overhaul downstairs. I started listening to Audible self-help books through these headphones while doing stuff at home. I’ve listened to at least 40 self-help books since then.

 

I’ve always liked psychology, but Valium took away my drive and ability to read and concentrate on a more difficult written text. I highly recommend such Bose QuietComfort35 headphones. They connect via Bluetooth to iPhone and probably to other mobile phones. Here’s an Albert Ellis’ REBT chart with brief explanation of the ABC model. Which could be helpful to change negative thinking patterns. CBT and REBT are everything. If it weren’t for those headphones, I would still be listening to my own, pessimistic thoughts. I don’t need to repeat myself the same BS over and over again. It destroyed me. My own thoughts, resulting feelings, beliefs and actions turned me into a vegetable. Used to listen to the same destructive self-talk for decades and ended up on benzos. Good luck with staying benzo-free and getting on with the only life you’ve got

 

http://i68.tinypic.com/jz8z12.jpg

 

 

You decide on that mood ect. but under your prevailing awareness. So it's limited to one degree or another so it is what it is. Besides this wretched stuff interferes with your capacity to decide on much of anything. I would say, what you need now is compassion and try not to judge yourself. It just takes time to heal. Also, avoid stress if at all possible - that can really stir up the symptoms and throw you off. You are in a fragile mental state so 'handle with care'. As for this life thing, understood. I'm pretty much screwed at this point at age 60, so even if I recover now, at 16 mo. it will hardly matter. It is what it is . . .

I feel the same Sunshine,

I struggle most days finding reason in fact find myself asking for reasons to continue to go on because I feel like my life is so bleak. These thoughts happen like a switch being turned on when my morning waves begin. Then I realize I’m by myself in the monophobia kicks in. I know that we need to challenge our own thoughts and I struggle doing that. It’s uncomfortable almost To try to think of happy thoughts. What do I have to be happy about? Everyone says just to be alive but when you live a life like this and you don’t see an end in sight and you have multiple other issues like chronic pain jet no family etc., it’s very difficult. I want to be happy I want to have something to look forward too I want to believe I can get over this. We have to believe…

It’s all our expectations. We expected life to be a certain way and it turned out completely different. I really didn’t expect to become sick at the age of 14. I could have also had leukemia at the age of 7 and have died. So I’m better off than those children.

 

We usually expect to have a glamorous, successful life they show us on TV, in commercials etc. It’s all fake. Happy ppl have reasonable expectations and understand acceptance. They are content with however little they’ve got. The truth is, once we get that thing we were so much after, we are not satisfied. We are after a next thing. Then the next, the next, the next. And so on, until death.

 

Psych meds screwed up our psyche, which was not okay even before. Many of us suffer from Antidepressant Discontinuation Syndrome. Difficult to say whether ADs help or harm ppl more in the long-term. Not to mention BDZ WD syndrome. We don’t have to think happy thoughts, but at least to accept reality in which we find ourselves. And think how to change it for the better.

 

Where does saying "I feel like crap today" (cause I do) gonna lead me? Pen and paper. Write the things you’re grateful for. Write the things you’ve achieved. Write your short-term, mid-term, long-term goals. Write how and when you’ll make them come true. Day by day. Small steps. Planning, self-discipline and action. There is no hapiness without action.

 

We’re the only ones who can change our circumstances for the better. Not by self-pity. We harm ourselves by self-pity. There are so many ppl worse off than us ATM. Dying, losing their loved ones. Self-compassion is the key. Acceptance, getting rid of expectations and action. I also live alone and I’m sick. I’m even not off psych meds. But I’ve got my Kitty. Each day with my Kitty is a gift. I’ve got my goals and dreams. I know I’m not gonna accomplish them if I’m not gonna move my ass from that chair.

 

What if I fail. Ppl fail 10 000 times before they succeed. There’s a quote by Thomas A. Edison: "I have not failed. I’ve just found 10 000 ways that won’t work." Perseverance, resilience, optimism. Some ppl are born with it. Some have to work hard to find it. But it’s worth the time and effort. I perfectly understand those negative feelings. The point I’m trying to make. They’re a road to nowhere.

 

It’s okay to vent. There’s such a thing as empathy. Sometimes just venting makes the pain go away. "A problem shared is a problem halved." But our negative self-talk is f**king us over. As long as we don’t change the way we talk to ourselves in our own heads, we’re gonna sabotage our every effort.

Estee, point taken - glass half full concept. But whilst th glass is half full so must it be half empty - which may be ideal for one and catastrophic the next. The polarity is of proverbial coin  in this world is unavoidable. I would suggest we not look for meaning in terms of positive/negative but in terms of Reality vs illusion. Illusion depend on relativity to be perceived whilst Reality knows no opposite. I would suggest as well that we expect not too much but far too little. The world in it's entirety is hardly suitable for anyone. Why would we want so little? Why would we look for meaning here except though fear and guilt? What could possibly result from this but failure and of course depression? Meaning can, I believe, can only be found in a relationship on some level. We are not what we do, what we perceive nor are we separate. Or ID is only found in a relationship which, in this world, can be reflected. It is my function here to bring support and empathy to others suffering of such this horrific syndrome. It is not my function to judge - that is indeed, quite meaningless. Love/Peace !!

Estee, point taken - glass half full concept. But whilst th glass is half full so must it be half empty - which may be ideal for one and catastrophic the next. The polarity is of proverbial coin  in this world is unavoidable. I would suggest we not look for meaning in terms of positive/negative but in terms of Reality vs illusion. Illusion depend on relativity to be perceived whilst Reality knows no opposite. I would suggest as well that we expect not too much but far too little. The world in it's entirety is hardly suitable for anyone. Why would we want so little? Why would we look for meaning here except though fear and guilt? What could possibly result from this but failure and of course depression? Meaning can, I believe, can only be found in a relationship on some level. We are not what we do, what we perceive nor are we separate. Or ID is only found in a relationship which, in this world, can be reflected. It is my function here to bring support and empathy to others suffering of such this horrific syndrome. It is not my function to judge - that is indeed, quite meaningless. Love/Peace !!

 

The point I’m trying to make. The way we perceive reality is an illusion. Based on our own beliefs, preconceived notions of how it should be. Our expectations, "musts" and "shoulds", as Albert Ellis once put it. Two ppl may perceive the same reality in a completely different way. One leaves the movie theater crying and trembling. The other goes to the cashier and asks for a refund.

 

What is our goal here? To reduce the level of suffering. There is no other way to do it, but to accept reality as it is. It’s not possible to accept reality as it is, without getting rid of expectations. Do I say "life is beautiful"? No. I’m tempted to say "life is cruel". But who am I to say for sure it is? There’s so much evil and suffering in the world. But so much beauty and happiness at the same time. However, as long as we don’t accept the suffering and try to cope in the world as it is, we suffer. "What you resist, persists.", as Carl Jung once said. We have no power over external events, other ppl. We only have power over our own mind, beliefs, feelings and actions. If we constantly work on making ourselves miserable. It will be getting worse and worse.

 

These are just my thoughts. I may be completely wrong. I don’t claim to know anything. I actually repeat what has been said in religion, psychology and philosophy throughout the ages. And I believe it with all my heart. All I do here is seeking solutions to problems. I’m writing in this thread with only one aim: to be of help. Not to prove that "I’m right." It doesn’t matter if I’m right or wrong. What matters is to find inner peace. This is my chief goal in life. No one and nothing can give it to me. I’m the only one responsible for it.

 

We always choose our attitude in given circumstances. Viktor Frankl survived the horror of Nazi concentration camps. The Holocaust. Lost all his family. Wife, brother, mother. But he chose not to give up. He chose to find meaning even in the most inhuman and painful circumstances. He survived. Continued to work in the field of neurology and psychiatry. Developed his own theory of logotherapy, which is based on the will to find meaning. I will forever remember his words: "Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms - to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.”  We have mastery over our own thoughts and emotions. Suffering is inevitable. But it is our choice how we see it. If we accept it and decide to work on our psyche in order to endure it and find purpose in it.

Your feelings a valid and you should act on them.

It is hard but we feel things for reasons.

Your feelings a valid and you should act on them.

 

So if someone has suicidal ideation. Do you think their feelings, resulting from their distorted thoughts about themselves. Which may be the effect of life circumstances, psych meds, other mind-altering stuff etc. Are valid and they should act on them?

 

If you decide to answer, please keep your remarks not concerning the subject to yourself. We don’t have to be nasty to each other. Life is difficult enough. And I try not to put ppl on the "ignore" list.

Estee, point taken - glass half full concept. But whilst th glass is half full so must it be half empty - which may be ideal for one and catastrophic the next. The polarity is of proverbial coin  in this world is unavoidable. I would suggest we not look for meaning in terms of positive/negative but in terms of Reality vs illusion. Illusion depend on relativity to be perceived whilst Reality knows no opposite. I would suggest as well that we expect not too much but far too little. The world in it's entirety is hardly suitable for anyone. Why would we want so little? Why would we look for meaning here except though fear and guilt? What could possibly result from this but failure and of course depression? Meaning can, I believe, can only be found in a relationship on some level. We are not what we do, what we perceive nor are we separate. Or ID is only found in a relationship which, in this world, can be reflected. It is my function here to bring support and empathy to others suffering of such this horrific syndrome. It is not my function to judge - that is indeed, quite meaningless. Love/Peace !!

 

The point I’m trying to make. The way we perceive reality is an illusion. Based on our own beliefs, preconceived notions of how it should be. Our expectations, "musts" and "shoulds", as Albert Ellis once put it. Two ppl may perceive the same reality in a completely different way. One leaves the movie theater crying and trembling. The other goes to the cashier and asks for a refund.

 

What is our goal here? To reduce the level of suffering. There is no other way to do it, but to accept reality as it is. It’s not possible to accept reality as it is, without getting rid of expectations. Do I say "life is beautiful"? No. I’m tempted to say "life is cruel". But who am I to say for sure it is? There’s so much evil and suffering in the world. But so much beauty and happiness at the same time. However, as long as we don’t accept the suffering and try to cope in the world as it is, we suffer. "What you resist, persists.", as Carl Jung once said. We have no power over external events, other ppl. We only have power over our own mind, beliefs, feelings and actions. If we constantly work on making ourselves miserable. It will be getting worse and worse.

 

These are just my thoughts. I may be completely wrong. I don’t claim to know anything. I actually repeat what has been said in religion, psychology and philosophy throughout the ages. And I believe it with all my heart. All I do here is seeking solutions to problems. I’m writing in this thread with only one aim: to be of help. Not to prove that "I’m right." It doesn’t matter if I’m right or wrong. What matters is to find inner peace. This is my chief goal in life. No one and nothing can give it to me. I’m the only one responsible for it.

 

We always choose our attitude in given circumstances. Viktor Frankl survived the horror of Nazi concentration camps. The Holocaust. Lost all his family. Wife, brother, mother. But he chose not to give up. He chose to find meaning even in the most inhuman and painful circumstances. He survived. Continued to work in the field of neurology and psychiatry. Developed his own theory of logotherapy, which is based on the will to find meaning. I will forever remember his words: "Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms - to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.”  We have mastery over our own thoughts and emotions. Suffering is inevitable. But it is our choice how we see it. If we accept it and decide to work on our psyche in order to endure it and find purpose in it.

 

Definitely some thoughtful, inspired ideas there. I would just say that we, in our natural state, are perfect and it is only our awareness the needs to be perfect. For this to occur, we need only remove the blocks (illusions) to reality so that our awareness is aligned to truth or you might say, perception reflects reality. As you said too, we cannot change reality but we can change our perception of it. I would suggest though that all of what we perceive - 'outside' of us, "good" or "bad" is just not real at all, but is what we judge to be, as you said, what "should" be. So it is my belief, take it for what it's worth, that if we were to suspend judgement - but for a moment, the world would gone - since, further, the would is literally a perception. It is quit simply a reflection of our own split mind. Indeed, as you mentioned, we resist reality - but I would say, resist our connectedness to others and that we come to this awareness by letting go of our conflicts with other (forgiveness) and in so doing, literally overcome the world. A bit radical perhaps but I believe our happiness depends on it.

Disclaimer: any statements made by myself are not absolute, but are only a belief system of sorts.

BTW, love the cat photo !! Cats are natural antidepressants -

As long as you consider your thoughts and feelings to be irrational, you will experience cognitive dissonance.

I believe this is the main thing that make people fall apart, not the thoughts and feeling themselves.

 

 

Brilliant post CAT02, definetely food for thought, a very intersting way of looking at reality 

As long as you consider your thoughts and feelings to be irrational, you will experience cognitive dissonance.

I believe this is the main thing that make people fall apart, not the thoughts and feeling themselves.

 

Depressed ppl do have irrational thoughts. The result are irrational feelings about themselves. The consequences of acting on irrational feelings may be disastrous, even lethal. I understand you’re healed enough, neither REBT nor CT apply to you. Or their result - CBT.

 

Irrational thoughts have nothing to do with cognitive dissonance, which is well explained even in "Wikipedia". Cognitive dissonance is holding two contradictory beliefs at the same time. REBT/CT/CBT consists in disputing irrational thoughts/beliefs and replacing them with rational, more constructive thoughts and behaviors. Which helps a mentally sick individual to survive and function.

 

We all want to be smart. But the smartest ones are very much aware of their own ignorance. The above-cited therapeutical approaches may have saved many more lives than psych meds.

 

Why not trust scientists, who are specialists on the subject? Are you a researcher in therapeutical approaches relative to psychiatry/psychology? If so, I would be happy to look at the abstract of your recent work.

 

Because what you do is undermining yrs of scientific theories and practice of the greatest authorities in the field. I’m just repeating them. As best as I can. Ad nauseam.

 

I’m not suggesting any of my theories. I have not enough experience, scientific background and mental stability to propose any theories. I’m humble enough. Fortunately. At least this.

 

I think it’s high time to leave this thread. I need time and energy for other things. Not explaining stuff, which to me is obvious. I’m disabling notifications. Best of healing to everyone

I think estee you are being judgemental and a bit harsh. lucky you to be able to tolerate 2 anti-d's. i suffer from bi-polar and ADD since 17, but not diagnosed until my 40's when i experienced a bad postpartum depression. no bp med worked, they made me sick, angry and manic! the anti-d's, the few i cold tolerate worked but had bad sdx also causing mania. i was finally put on a stimulant and doing great when some stupid shrink put me on thorazine to which i had the worst reaction. i believe i had a type of seizure as i felt almost a 'pop' in my brain. i think i have permanently damaged my cns as i am super sensitive to everything. gabapentin took hold of me, made me suicidal and i am still in gaba w/d, which is hard. i am slowly weaning myself off clonazepam but because my mental state is so fragile i am taking it slow.

money problems and a husband with aspergers doesn't help.

i have zero motivation, no joy, no laughter. my world is grey. this is depression i know because i have experienced it before the meds. however this is so much worse. i am about to be 64 and since the mood drugs sudden c/t, and the gaba c/t i bearly want to get up.i also suffer from extreme ptsd which won't go away. so tired. i was once very up, energetic and alive. i mourn my old self but take thing day by day.  all of us are different and the degree of cns damage is extremely variable being how different we are made. dna and other factors.

Brilliant post CAT02, definetely food for thought, a very intersting way of looking at reality 

 

Glad you found something there that may have resonated. It's an ongoing search to sort of clear

things up on a deeper level. A sort of inner "shift" I guess. I just feel I've needed to let go of stuff

I've been so troubled with for so long.

Brilliant post CAT02, definetely food for thought, a very intersting way of looking at reality 

 

Glad you found something there that may have resonated. It's an ongoing search to sort of clear

things up on a deeper level. A sort of inner "shift" I guess. I just feel I've needed to let go of stuff

I've been so troubled with for so long.

 

Do you know about Focusing? You just used 3 words that they use in it: resonate, clear, and shift.

 

http://focusing.org/

 

I can't give it justice in a short post. It's a very profound philosophy and method of peer counsleing and self analysis, and healing. If it was a coincidence that you used those words you might get a lot out of it.