Not sure where else to post this! Please help, i'm crying/dieing inside. bless.

Hi, I know it look very long to read, but thank you in advance for those that try. and i know how terrible it is to read when you haven't sleep for many nights. Just resting in bed with no sleep give you poor concentration, body ach everywhere, nausea etc, I can't even read pass the first page on the newspaper any more .. so here goes..

I have been having insomnia most of my life but it comes and go.. but this year is the worst. This insomnia linger for 10months now with very poor sleep that I can no long hold up a job and ending up with meds that making me feel worse now. Anyway, after no or very little sleep for the first month, I was prescribed with ammitripline (25mg) for 1 months, it stopped working after a week and i don't like that nasty hangover feeling so doctor gave me Trazodone (50mgs - i have to break it in half because 50mg clog and stuff up my nose to the point i can't breath at all). Trazodone (25mg) get me 3hours sleep and it work 75% of the time with little or no hangover feeling, but the night that don't work gives you a bad headache and hangover, and after a month or 2, the effectiveness drop to 40-50%. On Month 3-4, doctor prescribed me with Gabapentin (300mg x2 per night). It gave me a very relaxing and brain goosebumps kind of feeling but it did not help with sleep so I combined it with Trazodone. It work super well for 2 weeks where i got so exited and then i started to develop nasty eye twitch. It twitch when i eat, chew, smile, talk, causing it to wink from time to time and it was super annoying. Doctor say it can be due to tiredness and increase my Gabapentin dossage to 900mg-1200mg per night with trazodone as well). Now, for some weird reason I can no longer sleep any more, I think it is due to the high dosages increase and eye twitch still the same. Doc insist that i keep doing the same dosage and so this continue for another month until i visit him and he see that i look so terrible (getting 1-2hour per night if im lucky - and eye twitching still the same). He immediately discontinue Gabapentin and gave me Lorazepam (Ativan) .5mg instead.

Lorazepam (activan) work well for first 2 night, then later on i had to increase the dosage to 1mg because 0.5mg did nothing. I keep doing this until I found info on the web that lorazepam is very bad and addictive, so I decided to drop back to 0.5mg but I take it with trazodone and it work. At this point, I start to have negative feeling about all these meds i've been taking so I decide to slowly lower the dosage and stop taking some night etc. Now the weird things is this: at bed time I started to developed this weird(not sure if you can call it OCD or anxiety - please let me know) irritating feeling from chest to waist area, mainly the stomach and side of stomach. I get irritated when cloths or blanket touch those part. I know the brain is playing tricks on me, it caused me twisting and turning all night causing no sleep at all (only able to sleep if i increase higher dosage of lorazepam like 1.5mg). Example is this, sleeping on one side, you'll feel irritated on the other side (near ribs area) causing you to turn to that side, and now you feel irritated the opposite side etc..ugh. It help if I sleep on my stomach but this cause my entire arm to numb because my head is resting on it and in a very awkward position. I'm not sure if it because i have stopped gabapentin (but it should be out of my system because i stopped that for 3 weeks). The eye twitch problem reduced to 90%, i only get the twitch if I do a kissing motion or chew something hard.

I also tried Zoloft for few weeks (i think im going to discontinue it because its not helping me sleep - only work if i combine it with lorazepam or trazodone). I noticed the night I skip Lorazepam and trazodone, I get anxiest and the stomach/ribs area irritation is more intense, I started to think that it is due to all these drugs i've been on. I have been on Trazodone 10months, and lorazepam (for 2 months) and Zoloft for a month. and gabapentine for 1-2month (which i discontinue)

I discuss most of these stuff with the doctor and i think my problems starting to stress him out, because he don't know what is wrong with me. Sleep specialist can't help me because they don't do anything beyond sleep apnea. I was referred to a psychiatrist in the hospital but the wait line is 10-12month from now .

Anyway, I want to stop taking all these nasty drugs and need help/advice how to slowly tamper off. Mainly trazodone (which i have been on it the longest). I am thinking of buying this device from this website (SUPER EXPANSIVE - but drug free) "https://www.fisherwallace.com". I'm not sure yet, I will read and research more on it when i have 1 good night rest.

I haven't sleep for couple night so please ignore my poor grammar, and my eye having trouble adjusting to the screen brightness and poor concentration (i might have left something out)..

thank you for reading.

P.S

My sleep problem is this (without any meds), every time when i'm about to doze off, my sub conciseness kick in and wake me up, this keep repeating and giving you a sad, heart sinking feeling. It happen when i'm super tire.

In the past, i can go without sleep for 3-4nights but sleep would return eventually, now, i don't know if my brain know or remember how to sleep.

Hey are you taking any medications regularly?  I'm sorry I couldn't figure out if you kept taking the lorazepam, or just only took if for a few days?

It sounds like your are having those weird jerks that happen just as you are about to drift off to sleep.  I've had that too.  It just takes longer to get to sleep for me.  I know it's very very bothersome for a lot of people. 

Also, going on zoloft can cause insomnia and/or anxiety for the first few weeks on it, and for some even longer. 

Try decreasing the trazodone 10% per month, this seems to be a safe decrease in dosage for many people.  Best wishes!