We all heal, I'm proof.

I went through hell to stop my 'research chemical' benzo dependency, I thought I'd never, ever be free of that or the symptoms it brought with it. I thought I'd feel like I did forever.

 

All my emotions were blunted, my anxiety went through the roof, at one point I accidentally overdosed on some shit called Phenibut mixed with Benzos and almost died.

 

When I stopped taking the Benzos, way too quickly and without a proper taper, my life changed drastically in ways I never knew were possible.

 

The careless attitude of so called professionals supposedly trained in addiction support, doctors, support workers etc put my life in danger again when I wanted to stop, I was told to quit what was equivalent to 1000mg of Diazepam a DAY in just SIX WEEKS. No I did not mistakenly put another 0 on that, it's 1000. I was offered no medical assistance, I strongly suspected I would have a seizure, what they were asking me to do was ludicrous. I had devised my own tapering schedule based on the Ashton Manuel. I was told this was 'silly' and 'dangerous', and my Opiate Substitution I am on for my Opiate addiction (I was a pollydrug addict), would be stopped suddenly if I did not give a clean urine sample for Benzos in just 6 weeks.

 

Due to this, and the law changing (legal highs were being banned here), I had no choice but to abruptly stop.

 

They did not recognize Benzo withdrawal, it was even put in my medical notes that in the appointment where they saw me about 3 weeks after my practical cold turkey, 'client shows no signs of withdrawal'. I was sat in front of them shaking violently, pouring with sweat and barely able to string a sentence together.

 

 

I could not walk, I could not leave my bed because of the physical pain and fatigue.

 

I wish I had known back then how much things would change, that the sun does shine through this cloud again, your emotions return, flooding the grey, confusing world of withdrawal with colours again, your world goes from a mere sketch, a skeleton, survival mode, and changes into a masterpiece of color and life again.

 

You watch a movie and don't realize how much you enjoyed it because you didn't lose track of the plot half way through and forget what was going on.

 

You look up at the night sky and don't realize you can see all the stars again, it doesn't look blurred or distorted.

 

You hear your favorite song, and you don't realize that instead of annoying you, it gives you goosebumps all over, you can feel it.

 

A small, annoying, insignificant problem arises, I don't know, you get a flat tire or can't find something or whatever, you don't realize you just dealt with it without getting upset or angry.

 

All these things happened to me without me knowing, you don't suddenly notice things returning to what they once were, it's a gradual process, something that creeps into your world like a Ninja, silent but forceful and strong.

 

Keep going, keep pushing on, because if this can happen to me, it will happen to you too.

 

 

 

DappleApple, this is just beautiful - thank you for writing it, I have goosebumps!

 

 

May I move it to Success Stories, or at least to Benzo-free Celebrations?

DappleApple, this is just beautiful - thank you for writing it, I have goosebumps!

 

 

May I move it to Success Stories, or at least to Benzo-free Celebrations?

 

Thanks, it was kind of spurred by the consensus among some people that people who use Benzos in a 'recreational' sense or illicitly don't heal, we sure do, I am

 

Things really started looking up for me around the one year mark, specially when I realized how much better my mind and brain were working. x

This is amazing❤️ All of your words resonated with me so much...especially the part about looking up at the sky. I spent so many sleepless nights this summer outside staring up at the blurry moon and wondering if it would ever look the same to me again. Hours upon hours begging to the stars for relief in any form. I still haven't found it yet but thanks to your beautiful testimony I know that it will come! It's only a matter of time...we will not have to suffer forever!!! Thanks again for this and I hope whatever issues still remain for you will be in the past very soon. I can't wait to put this all behind me someday and be free again. xoxo

Thank you so much for this beautiful testimony  and congratulations of course!! 

great dappleapple! i am so happy for you

 

so this means your physical symptoms are also gone?

my mind is at 80-90 % but my physical symptoms are and always were worse..

 

Ooooh, thanks Dapple! You are helping people way more than you may think

 

Long life and happiness to you

Congratulations DappleApple.

 

May your life be filled with magic, love and happiness.

So happy to hear that you are doing well!!  Congrats!!!

I remember reading your early posts, you jumped about 6 weeks after I did.  Glad you are mostly recovered now. I am too.  Excellent post and well written.  It will give hope to the hopeless.

Wonderful thank you so much, you made my morning.

This is so inspiring DappleApple - thanks so much for posting!

 

I notice from your signature that you’re on Subutex. I am also on it for the same reason as you and will be trying to get off it eventually but I just wanted to check - what dosage is that you’re on?  It looks like -7.6 mgs - I wondered if that minus sign is actually a dash?  I ask because 7.6 mgs seems a funny dosage and I wondered if you were trying to reduce?

 

I am only on 0.4 mgs and have reduced my dosage by half but was struggling to reduce further just as all hell broke loose with the benzo withdrawal so all efforts have been put on hold for now!  Of course my so-called Addictions Doctor doesn’t believe I’m in withdrawal at all and thinks I’m just trying to avoid decreasing the Subutex any further ........

Thank you so much for your wonderful 'news' and achievement. After 40 years of being in a system and the medication not being explained to me, this gives me hope. Thank you and congratulations <3 

Hi!!! I will finally write in this Community Forum.  I did not before, because I was no to familiar with the how.  I am so happy that your are healed!  It gives me support and hope!!!  Thank you for sharing!! Much Love 

Congrats!

 

When did your Tinnitus go away?

Thank you so very much. That was beautiful.  And I seriously needed to hear it.

Bumping this wonderful and full of hope story.

Thank you for this! I read about so much pain, it gets disheartening. I decided I need to spend more time reading success stories. I hope you have only felt better and better as time has gone on.

 

Thanks again!

 

HM

Bump