Kindness Shown to You During Withdrawal

I thought I'd start a thread where people could share kindnesses shown to them during withdrawal.  I think this may also be really helpful for friends, loved ones, and medical/mental health professionals perusing this forum who may be at a loss for ways to show they care too.

 

I'll start.  It's a big one.  A nurse in detox went against doctor's orders because my blood pressure went too low from two drugs prescribed (Propranolol and Librium).  He told me outright he didn't want to kill me because my blood pressure was deathly low, so he pulled the Propranolol.  Thanks for checking my blood pressure, the warning, and possibly saving my life!  Not to mention treating me like a human with dignity in general which was a real issue with much staff there. 

 

 

I thought I'd start a thread where people could share kindnesses shown to them during withdrawal.  I think this may also be really helpful for friends, loved ones, and medical/mental health professionals perusing this forum who may be at a loss for ways to show they care too.

 

I'll start.  It's a big one.  A nurse in detox went against doctor's orders because my blood pressure went too low from two drugs prescribed (Propranolol and Librium).  He told me outright he didn't want to kill me because my blood pressure was deathly low, so he pulled the Propranolol.  Thanks for checking my blood pressure, the warning, and possibly saving my life!  Not to mention treating me like a human with dignity in general which was a real issue with much staff there.

 

I think this is a great idea Rx - not sure why you haven’t had any replies!

 

I’m sorry to say I have nothing positive to report from professionals - apart from those who were good at listening and gave the impression they believed me.  Unfortunately that didn’t transfer into any practical help - what I mean is those who were in a position to help like the (so-called) Addictions GP at my surgery - were the ones who treated me as simply a junkie.  That same GP laughed when my sister and daughter said I thought I was in withdrawal from Diazepam and is convinced I am simply stalling an ongoing reduction of Subutex.

 

As far as family and friends go, my oldest brother has just been simply fantastic.  No spring chicken (he’s 71) and living 4 hours’ drive away, he was the one who dropped everything and came through to be with me when I was going through the hell of acute withdrawal but hadn’t a clue what was going on and he spent hours sitting by my bed just talking to me about anything and everything, making me feel like a proper human being instead of a nuisance of an invalid who couldn’t do anything for herself.  And although I’m past that stage now he is still kindness itself.  He has a son and daughter here and his daughter has just had his first grandchild in March so he’s over fairly regularly but generally just for a couple of days at a time.

 

Not once have I ever been made to feel that I’m a pest or that he hasn’t got time for me - he’ll go shopping for me, take me out for walks, for runs in the car, to visit people - anything I need he’ll do - and he’ll still find time to see his own family which involves quite a bit of running around when he’s here as his wife and son don’t drive so need ferrying about everywhere.  I’ve just written another post about what he’s done for me today which took up quite a bit of his day and when he ran me back home, he was back half an hour later with a big bag of rock salt because it had started to snow heavily and he knew that would mean I’d be stuck inside the house for a few days if it didn’t thaw out!

 

My daughter, on the other hand, stays 20 minutes drive away and is finding it hard to pop in for an hour every week and get me some shopping.  She used to come in on a Tuesday and Thursday as I only saw my oldest granddaughter on a Tuesday (she was in school on the Thursday).  Several weeks ago she decided it was too much of a rush on the Tuesday so now I just get Thursdays with the youngest one and the length of the visit became less and less each week .....

 

She’s a single mum with 2 young girls and that’s hard going - I get that.  But it was also totally her choice.  And I get that she just wants her Mum back and found it very hard when I was at my worst and terrified all the time.  But that only went on for a couple of months and is a lot better now - however there’s never any mention of that.  She never asks how I am and certainly never says anything if I seem to be having a better day whereas my brother texts me every single day and encourages me at the slightest positive sign. 

 

I hate that I’m talking about her like this but I know there will be many of you who will understand and get it.  She wasn’t the easiest child to bring up and there were many years of trying to get her to go to school and many days of having to leave my job to go home and rescue her from yet another panic attack.  That went on well into her twenties and it’s only in the last 4 years that she’s found her feet and confidence and become her own woman so to speak so it’s disappointing that she’s struggled so much in helping me.  All I ever wanted was a hug now and again, some shopping to keep me going (it was pretty much the same each week) and to see my 2 granddaughters every couple of weeks.  When she had her first baby, it was me she came running to, me she moved back in with for the first few months and the Bank of Mum who helped her out financially!  Which of course is what you do for your kids - unconditional love and all that.  I just expected the same back when I found I really needed her.  Kind of scares me a bit for the future when I get old and decrepit!

 

I really hope our fractured relationship can be repaired once this nightmare is over.     

I usually go waaaaaaay overboard in my outdoor Christmas decor.  Every year bigger and better. During acute benzo withdrawal I had to cancel both Thanksgiving and Christmas.  No decor, no attending any socials, none of the usual travel to family.  A group of 12 friends formed a flash mob and swarmed all over my front yard putting up lights and outdoor decorations in an attempt to cheer me up although they didn't fully understand what I was going through. At first I was put off at the unwanted intrusion, but I hid it well and came outside briefly to admire their work and thank them. Later on I saw it for what it truly was - a lovely gesture by friends to say they cared. I was then truly touched by their support and kindness.

 

She

Thank you, MargUK and thank you both, MargUK and SheWhoMust for sharing.

I usually go waaaaaaay overboard in my outdoor Christmas decor.  Every year bigger and better. During acute benzo withdrawal I had to cancel both Thanksgiving and Christmas.  No decor, no attending any socials, none of the usual travel to family.  A group of 12 friends formed a flash mob and swarmed all over my front yard putting up lights and outdoor decorations in an attempt to cheer me up although they didn't fully understand what I was going through. At first I was put off at the unwanted intrusion, but I hid it well and came outside briefly to admire their work and thank them. Later on I saw it for what it truly was - a lovely gesture by friends to say they cared. I was then truly touched by their support and kindness.

 

What an absolutely lovely thing to do She!  I think folk like it if there’s something practical they can do to help - the lack of interaction from us must be hard for friends and family to deal with when they don’t understand what’s going on.

 

I just hope they came back after Christmas and took it all down again though!!

Hi MargUK!  Yes it was a lovely thing to do.  And YES they came back and took it all away right after Christmas.  Most of the time friends just don't "get" what we are going through but it doesn't mean they don't care.  Acts like this can really keep us going when we are struggling.  Now I try to do some small gesture for someone else who is down when I can.

 

She

Absolutely She - sometimes the littlest of gestures can mean so much!  Your friends sound like keepers for sure

When my MIL came to visit, she cleaned up my 9 year old son's room.  It was so nice.  I have not felt well enough to really clean anything beyond what is absolutely necessary and I really appreciated it.

When my MIL came to visit, she cleaned up my 9 year old son's room.  It was so nice.  I have not felt well enough to really clean anything beyond what is absolutely necessary and I really appreciated it.

 

That was a lovely thing to do GC - she’s not fitting the standard mould of mothers-in-law haha!

 

I remember when I was in acute withdrawal hating that my house was getting dirtier and dirtier but the thing I really wanted someone to do was give me a shower and change my bed.  When I was finally able to do both on the same day it felt so good!

Angels are angels.

Not hard to see.

Angels are angels.

Not hard to see.

 

It’s sometimes surprising to see who the angels are in this process. Not always who you would expect.

Thanks for sharing, GreenCup and lobo too.  So agree, lobo.

 

 

For the first time in many years we had three of our daughters (my steps) over for Christmas Eve dinner.  Since things are iffy for me during my taper, they helped with everything.  All of them have some experience with addiction and recovery and are each going through some difficult times themselves.  What I feared would be a horrible day turned out so well.  And we even had snow, which is very rare in these parts.  That just added to the magic.  I thought I had lost my love for family, but it is still there!

For the first time in many years we had three of our daughters (my steps) over for Christmas Eve dinner.  Since things are iffy for me during my taper, they helped with everything.  All of them have some experience with addiction and recovery and are each going through some difficult times themselves.  What I feared would be a horrible day turned out so well.  And we even had snow, which is very rare in these parts.  That just added to the magic.  I thought I had lost my love for family, but it is still there!

 

Thanks for sharing, Globalone.  I'll share another one.  I have no shame, obviously, as I'm willing to share this embarrassing one, but who knows, maybe it will help someone.  When I was really bad off and showers were a major challlenge, my man would sit on top of the closed toilet seat just reading or listening to earphones while I showered.  Just the company was helpful. 

For the first time in many years we had three of our daughters (my steps) over for Christmas Eve dinner.  Since things are iffy for me during my taper, they helped with everything.  All of them have some experience with addiction and recovery and are each going through some difficult times themselves.  What I feared would be a horrible day turned out so well.  And we even had snow, which is very rare in these parts.  That just added to the magic.  I thought I had lost my love for family, but it is still there!

 

Thanks for sharing, Globalone.  I'll share another one.  I have no shame, obviously, as I'm willing to share this embarrassing one, but who knows, maybe it will help someone.  When I was really bad off and showers were a major challlenge, my man would sit on top of the closed toilet seat just reading or listening to earphones while I showered.  Just the company was helpful.

 

AWWWWWW that was such a lovely gesture.  My dear man also did many things, both large and small when I was suffering so badly.  Makes me love him even more.

 

xx

She

My friends who knew I was too sick to cook, invited me for Christmas dinner. Five of them did. Luckily I was feeling very good that day.

Glad they did, benzogirl.

 

Recently, a healthcare professional reached out and touched me with her hand and sincerely said, "I am so sorry you went through that." when I told her of my absolute horror days in withdrawal.  I said, "Ah, so you know."  The compassion and fact I need not explain it to yet another healthcare professional who never heard of such a thing was so refreshing.

 

An ER nurse way back told me she "admired" me for getting off the benzos because as she said, "So many just opt to stay on them the rest of their lives."  The recognition and cheering me on was nice. 

That's nice Rx. When I recently went to Urgent Care for Valium taper induced high BP, the doctor told me, I know nothing about this. See your own doctor. Then she left me with the billing dept.

That's nice Rx. When I recently went to Urgent Care for Valium taper induced high BP, the doctor told me, I know nothing about this. See your own doctor. Then she left me with the billing dept.

 

Yeah, I've had to educate too many in healthcare about this.  Really sad.  Maybe she should deduct her ignorance from your bill.

It is sad. I also should deduct her for her annoyance factor.

My cousin who has been very supportive from day 1...drove me to my doc appointment last Thursday.

She usually texts me daily to see how I'm doing. She's my person, and I know I can count on her 

My cousin who has been very supportive from day 1...drove me to my doc appointment last Thursday.

She usually texts me daily to see how I'm doing. She's my person, and I know I can count on her 

 

:thumbsup:

My best friend, who has cooked me freezer portions of home-cooked meals regularly in the past 3 months, offered to come with me to a dreaded Psychiatrist appointment next month if it was late afternoon.  As she works full-time and was willing to get off work an hour early to do this, I was really touched.  Unfortunately it’s at 1.30 so that won’t work but I was so grateful to her!

My best friend, who has cooked me freezer portions of home-cooked meals regularly in the past 3 months, offered to come with me to a dreaded Psychiatrist appointment next month if it was late afternoon.  As she works full-time and was willing to get off work an hour early to do this, I was really touched.  Unfortunately it’s at 1.30 so that won’t work but I was so grateful to her!

 

That's so nice. Luckily for me I now do Skype or phone calls. I can do them in my jammies. 

During my taper, my therapist took my panicked, despairing phone calls at any hour of the day or night. And yes, I did call at night. Her calm, patience pulled me through some pretty dark times. Oh, and she wasn't getting paid for these emergencies, either! She just felt so bad, she said, that I had been misdiagnosed by 2 pdocs and poisoned by psych drugs that she wanted to give whatever help she could -- the gift of caring. She is really an extraordinary human being. If I were a Christian, I would thank God for her . . . as it is, I thank the Universe, and try to repay it with helping who and where I can.