GOING THRU TAPERING & WITHDRAWAL ALONE

I think those of us going thru this alone need a support group.  Is anyone else interested???

Hi gardenlady, none of us is ever truly alone, even though we certainly feel that way. I can't check in here every day, but will try to as often as possible. Right now I'm going through the most difficult fight for my life--physically, mentally and emotionally. I'm sure you have a similar story.  Just know I and others are on board with you, even though we all have private rooms on this ship!

Hi joantics.  I'm so sorry you're suffering as much as you are.  I wish I had advice to give you, but really don't know about anything except benzos and antidepressants.  Sounds like there are people here, though, who might be able to lend you a hand.

 

I started this support group for those of us living alone and going through withdrawal with no family or friends for support.  That's what I meant by alone.  I know I must not be the only one out there who is doing this, so that's why I reached out. 

Great idea GardenLady! I live with my bf but he is out and about a lot, and often on the road for work. I would love to be part of this group.

Olive, Glad you have your bf to support you.  I wonder if I'm the only one living alone with no support at all....hard to imagine there aren't others.  Be glad you have him!

Thanks so much to both of you for replying here. I have begun a taper of one of my meds and the sxs are already beginning. I refuse to let the pharmaceutical companies win over me. It's only with the support from BB like you two that will help me make it!

I am truly alone. I went through a 35 day cold turkey back in the spring after using benzos for almost 2 decades. It was horrid. I moved out of state from all my family and friends and hadn't had time to make any deep connections where I currently reside. It took everything I had just to get up to get food in the house.

 

I'm now tapering and not feeling very well but am sort of functioning, it's still difficult. I can manage to "adult" but no where near what I once did. Recently a shopping service was put in place here called instacart so I can have my groceries delivered, that's a huge blessing and I know I'm not going to starve. I do other shopping online...only go out when necessary. I'm down to .25 mg from 2 mg a day and it's getting better. Don't quite see the light at the end of the tunnel yet but definitely improvement from the CT. Some days I just break out in tears and I'm a tough cookie. Being isolated is very hard.

 

 

It is hard to be alone, I'm so glad we have the Benzo Buddies community. I don't know what I would have done without this site! As I said I live with my bf and it is nice to have some support in certain areas. He leaves for long periods of time for work and I am left alone. I have to say, I do not mind when he is gone because when he is here I feel pressured to 'get better' faster or even just get out of bed sometimes. We used to have an extremely active social life and so he of course still does so even when he is in town he is constantly going to one thing or another, and I would never want to deny him that, in fact I am happy when he goes, I have gotten really used to my solitary life and if I were feeling great it I would be going out with him, but feeling the way I am I just want to be alone most of the time anyway. The only people that REALLY understand what I am going through are right here on this forum. Sending you guys virtual hugs.

Really tough. I just have figured out what’s been going on and I’m scared to death. Do t know what to believe. Doctor just wants me to jump since I’ve only been on for short time but everything I read here says slow as you go. I’m at .125 right now after taking .25 and sometimes.25 twice a day for 4 weeks. I’ve used them before with. I issues. I’m afraid if I jump to early I’ll be homebound alone and no help. My family is states away and is clueless about this type problem. I am feeling some heavy symptoms sometimes and wonder if I can deal with them. Started cbt online class to see if that will help. Looking for friends who understand.

I say listen to your body and go as slow as you need. Doctors always tell you to go faster than is comfortable. I wish they had gone through this and knew how hard it is! Do you think your doctor would look at the Ashton Manual and switch you over to Valium? That's got a longer half life so it's easier to taper off of. 

My primary doctor?  I'm not sure.  I am seeing an older doctor who was an addiction specialist in the past?  He told me to take .25 another week and then discontinue.  I could go to my primary doctor but not sure what he would think about all of this.  Valium crossover at my low level right now?  You think it would make a difference?  I do know when the next dose is due on ativan..that's for sure.

Yes Valium has a 10 hour half life so you don't get the interdose withdrawals like you do with Ativan. My life got a lot better when I switched over from Xanax/Klonopin. 1mg of Ativan = 10mg of Valium so your dose of .25 would roughly equal 2.5mg of Valium, and since they come in 2mg pills it is a lot easier to break up the pills. Just a thought! My doctor had never heard of the Ashton Manual but I printed it out and brought it to her and she was game to taper the Ashton way. As it turned out, I've needed to go slower than the Ashton method but it was a good starting point. For this last bit I have been tapering .5mg every 7-10 days or so.

I crossed from Ativan to Valium because it was impossible for me to taper from the Ativan due to the interdose withdrawals.  I crossed from 1.75 mg Ativan to 13 mg Valium...a bit less than the 1:10 ratio (1 mg Ativan=10 mg Valium)...and I did ok.  I then tapered the Valium and when I got to 2.5 mg, had to move to a daily liquid micro taper.  It's been SO much easier than dry cutting.

 

One downside to Valium that I experienced as do many others is depression.  I had horrible depression when I first crossed over and so I tapered really quickly...too quickly, in fact, because I wanted to get to a lower level thinking that the depression would lift...which it finally did.  But, it came back when I got down to about 1.5 mg.  I will cut to 1.31 mg tonight, but am still going because I want to get off this stuff.  I've found that holding doesn't help me...I never stabilize. 

 

There is a Daily Liquid Microtaper support group that's really good as well as one for Under 3 mg Valium People. That's where I learned how to do it.

 

You might read up on it....many people have found it's the only way they can finally taper off and manage.  Don't hesitate to come back with questions!

Garden Lady,

what do you love about the DLMT that's better than dry cutting? I have definitely been interested but it seems like kind of a hassle!

I was forced to a DLMT as I simply wasn't able to dry cut anymore due to the symptoms that left me non-functional.  My last dry cut from 3 mg to 2.5 mg was brutal and took me a month to recover from.  I was bedridden part of that time and had suicidal ideation.  Someone on the Under 3 mg Valium People group told me how to do the liquid taper and it was really hard understanding it because I have lost so much cognitive function. 

 

The best way to describe it is that it's like going down a ramp vs stairs.  It's much more gentle and has allowed me to continue to cut and still remain somewhat functional, although I have many limitations and have lost relationships with my family & friends as they think I have a mental illness.  I'm very negative and difficult to be around.  But, at least I can function enough to shower, dress, drive and get food.  Those were things I couldn't do after my last dry cut.

Thank you for your response! That makes complete sense. I was trying to cut 1mg at a time and I was doing SO BAD. Once I started cutting .5mg at a time it got a lot better, plus I started taking Magnesium Glycinate and have seen a lot of improvement. I am nowhere near 100% but I am a lot more functional than I was before. If it starts to get bad again though, I will start a DLMT. I know what you mean about friends and family, no matter how often you try to explain what is going on, no one really understands. I wish you all a sweet night.

So how are my fellows loners out there doing with the Christmas season since we're all by ourselves?  It's always a tough time of year for me seeing couples and families together, celebrating. I think a lifetime of loneliness must have a cumulative effect because it's harder for me the older I get....I'm 65.  How do some of you manage it without self-pity?

I still can't understand the time of day and the changes in weather and seasons well yet, so I don't feel anything about the holidays right now. I could say that's a good thing except for the awful reason behind it. I do remember that the holidays had become increasingly more difficult for the past few years so I know it's a very tough time for a lot of people right now. Gardenlady, I think of you every day even though I'm not online. I hope you have many days of sunshine during this very rough road through the holiday season. 

Yes, am ALONE.

 

The people who say their family doesn't understand them, I get that, but that is not ALONE.

 

Isolation and feeling you have to fend for yourself is  so hard.

So I'd be in that group.

 

I have so much trouble finding my way back to my posts if I were just in one group or something would be eaiser for me.

 

Not only alone but OLD.  And, frankly, wondering why I'm getting off if I've had sleep disorder 40 years and been on benzos approx 35.  I would not be on them if I didn't have a problem that nothing else helped-- although some approaches have changed no very new developments in 'sleep,' other than the emphasis on CBT.

 

Yes, could use support from others who truly alone.

 

Thank you.

Hi Barbara,

I'm sorry that you are alone during all of this. I have found a lot of friends on this site, there is no one in the world who can understand what you are going through better than all of the people on this site. I'm SO THANKFUL that it exists!

As for finding your posts, if you look at the top left of each page, there is a line that says 'show new replies to your posts' click that and it will show the threads that you are a part of (If they have been posted in since you last visited) That's my favorite way of staying up to date on the threads that I am interested in.

Well I know what you mean, I think, about replies to your posts but it lists entire boards so is not too helpful.  Maybe I did something wrong?

 

Am really depressed and don't know if it the valium or the holidays... but really bleak.

 

I gather if you can get 5 mg valium or 2 mg no need to liquid taper cuz you can cut?

 

I'm still on a crumb of clonopin, tho, too.

Barbara you might be clicking on the line above by mistake - I know I've often done that on my phone because they're so small. The one above shows 'unread posts since last visit' so that would certainly bring up lots of posts. The one below it 'show new replies to your posts' only has the threads you've written in yourself so would keep better track for you.

 

Hope that's helpful - let me know if not!

I’m in the same boat. Tapering and no support. That adds so much depression. I can’t work anymore and getting through the days are so hard. Lost my best and only friend to lung cancer last December and can’t wait for the holidays to be over. It does help to know that I am not alone with this wonderful forum. I just hope I survive this taper. Holding off on any more step downs until I stabilize more and the holidays are over.

Yes I'm holding until after the holidays as well, it just seems like a really good idea. Sending you all love! 

Yup, you're not alone in being alone!  sigh.

 

I am wondering why you decided to get off.

 

I had the run in with mirtazapine, which I thought could be benzos, but I don't really know.

 

Frankly, otherwise would NOT be tapering off.  But most people took them, felt bad from them, had to get off (as I did with mirtazapine).

 

But whether this set other wheels in motion for me I don't know.  Got some bad advice, I think, at the time.  And drs. saying, "oh, mirtazapine could not do that!"    (sheesh)