[bo...] Posted November 18, 2017 Share Posted November 18, 2017 I really never thought this day would happen ..six months off Ativan . It's funny how you look back on the three years of 'hell' and it sort of starts to 'soften' . Sometimes I catch myself thinking 'was it really that bad' ? Well yes it was ...as we all know, but nature is amazing and it has faded in my memory. I read a post of another buddy with a similar sympton that I had and I think 'oh yes that's right ' ... I think I've been incredible fortunate. I started my taper at 61 years of age and now I'm 64 .. still...three years of being consumed with the sx of Ativan , of suffering a suspected seizure , and barely at times being able to function have taken there toll . my body is tired, the joint pain is something I just have to live with . ( they say it's age , but I know it's been accelerated by the taper) I am agrophobic and have to push myself hard to live a 'normal' life. At 64 I am Ativan free. And I am relatively 'normal' ( some may disagree!) it's like growing up again. In hindsight I can see my life was lived in a blur since the age of 23 . I have lost all those adult years and will never get them back .there is grieving that is being done . There are a whole range of emotions that need to be dealt with .. I've been away and now I'm back....❤️❤️❤️ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[Be...] Posted November 18, 2017 Share Posted November 18, 2017 Congratulations on being benzo free! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[2t...] Posted November 18, 2017 Share Posted November 18, 2017 Great stuff bozobertie, I understand the grieving about lost time but try to live life forwards not looking back. Easy to say I know. I am 8 months off and am 62 I believe that benzo withdrawal makes us feel depressed about life but that in time we will get over this and allow happiness and joy back in. 2trusting Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[...] Posted November 20, 2017 Share Posted November 20, 2017 So happy for you Bertie! You made it .... May you find peace in your new found freedom , you are still young! Wishing you the very best , Love, MiYu Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest [Ru...] Posted November 20, 2017 Share Posted November 20, 2017 Bertie, Heartfelt admiration for your HUGE accomplishment! Warmest congratulations! You write 'it's like growing up again'... You're starting a beautiful new life, and new life takes time to incubate, mature, and come into its own. I believe with my whole heart that you'll see even more healing ahead, till you reach complete wellness, joy and peace. I agree with MiYu: you are still young! Here's to all the new adventures ahead... With much love and hope Lara Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[So...] Posted November 20, 2017 Share Posted November 20, 2017 Congratulations!!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[bo...] Posted November 20, 2017 Author Share Posted November 20, 2017 Thanks you all for your lovely words. I wasn't so much writing it wanting responses , more just a mumbling away to myself about the journey! I'm not sure until now I realised the enormity of what I have achieved. Only other buddies would know that . I'm not so much angry about the waste of years that's just a waste of an emotion and time. I just have this sense of urgency about living life now .. and the beautiful thing about this? I can actually now experience those feelings . Anger, wistfulness, sadness, happiness grief .. both my parents died while I was under the influence of benzos .. I find myself now missing them . At the time there was just a numbness nothing else. It's only 'after' that you realise the 'during' of the influence of medication on your life. Thanks for reading x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[To...] Posted November 21, 2017 Share Posted November 21, 2017 Wow, six months off - that's tremendous Bertie! I really understand the "blur" that you talk about - I feel much the same way. There are things that my friends and family talk about -- memories -- that I have only vague recollections (or no memory) about. Of course, that is all in the past and the present (and future) are what we can actually control, so I don't dwell on it. Keep moving forward. We're right behind you. I long for the day I can post about being off of ativan. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[sw...] Posted November 23, 2017 Share Posted November 23, 2017 Congratulations Bertie! I hope I am doing as well 7 months from now. I jump on new years. Tommy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[vi...] Posted November 23, 2017 Share Posted November 23, 2017 What an achievement. Congrats! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[bo...] Posted November 23, 2017 Author Share Posted November 23, 2017 Sometimes I think we get so engrossed and overwhelmed and at times completely flattened by the withdrawal process I don't think we even realise the enormity of what we are doing .. it really is only once you are off the benzos that the complete picture of what they do to you is clear. Imagine going through your parents funerals and the ensuring aftermath of What you think are emotions and thinking that you have grieved but really you have just gone through the motions as your mind does not know how to grieve any longer. Every day now 'feelings' are flooding back in. The good feelings and the not so great .. there is crying , when I think of things , there is sitting looking at sunsets and or anything really and not only 'seeing' it but also 'feeling' it .. it's like layer after layer of cotton wool is being peeled off . I feel like I am being unwrapped! Unwrapped to meet my original self ! A little bit flowery language .. sorry ! But to anyone reading this and feeling hopeless and despondant and just finding it too hard.. keep going . Please keep going .. even if it means stopping the taper for a while, even if it means it takes another year longer, I promise you it is so dam worth it ..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[To...] Posted November 23, 2017 Share Posted November 23, 2017 ... I feel like I am being unwrapped! Unwrapped to meet my original self ! ... Bertie - a brilliant way to describe the decades of being medicated and then what it feels like to shed that and come back to reality - at least that what totally resonates with me. Issues I used to fear I am almost welcoming now. I want to get there! Your story is inspiring. Stay strong. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[He...] Posted November 25, 2017 Share Posted November 25, 2017 You are an inspiration......proud to be your friend. Congratulations ❤️HS Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[...] Posted November 25, 2017 Share Posted November 25, 2017 That is absolutely wonderful, Bozobertie Congratulations!! I am nearing 6 months off and just want to feel life again... Thank you for your encouraging words, I will hang in there... and hopefully write my success story sometime soon too! Hugs Julia xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[bo...] Posted January 19, 2018 Author Share Posted January 19, 2018 And now at eight months ! Yesterday I flew to another city and back for a funeral . Sat in a church in the' middle 'of the row amongst hundreds of people . The temperatures were extremely hot .. sounds trite I know but I could never ever have done any of that for so long without Ativan .. flying, sitting amongst people, not insisting on the ends ( although to be honest I still do prefer the end of a row!) . I did get anxious but nothing that wasn't controllable . And yes it was good to get back home , but so proud of hoe I'm living a 'normal' life .. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[So...] Posted January 19, 2018 Share Posted January 19, 2018 Incredible story. I am so proud of you and happy for you! That is a great achievement after all of those years of that drug. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[bo...] Posted January 20, 2018 Author Share Posted January 20, 2018 @toomanybennie.. tried to PM you but blocked ?? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[Pi...] Posted January 20, 2018 Share Posted January 20, 2018 Congratulations Bertie! Your story is very inspiring to all of us who are still in the midst of withdrawal. You are a true warrior and should be proud of your huge accomplishment in getting off after so many years use of those poison drug. Lots of hugs and prayers for more healing are on your way! Blessings! Pi Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[tr...] Posted January 20, 2018 Share Posted January 20, 2018 Bozobertie, wonderful, thank you very much! Is it ok if I ask a question? We are about as old, and I think it's worse for us than for the younger ones. After 2 years, I no longer have any actual symptoms, but I'm very weak after 2 years on the sofa. I don´t know if I'm healed, or completely exhausted after these 2 years. The body also feels very annoyed. Wondering if you've experienced the same thing, did you also experience weakness as the only symptoms? Thanks in advance! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[be...] Posted January 20, 2018 Share Posted January 20, 2018 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[ri...] Posted January 20, 2018 Share Posted January 20, 2018 wow thats incredible, hope to see you there Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[Ar...] Posted January 20, 2018 Share Posted January 20, 2018 So proud of your accomplishment. Thank you for sharing. Gives me hope that I too will be healed soon. Wishing you joy and love for your life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[bo...] Posted January 21, 2018 Author Share Posted January 21, 2018 Bozobertie, wonderful, thank you very much! Is it ok if I ask a question? We are about as old, and I think it's worse for us than for the younger ones. After 2 years, I no longer have any actual symptoms, but I'm very weak after 2 years on the sofa. I don´t know if I'm healed, or completely exhausted after these 2 years. The body also feels very annoyed. Wondering if you've experienced the same thing, did you also experience weakness as the only symptoms? Thanks in advance! Hi translator... am I understanding that you have been off two years ? And that you CT off? I sure do get days of complete exhaustion seemingly irrespective of the amount of sleep I have had. I think it will take many years without benzos to actually say I am healed. I can quite literally 'feel' my brain changing sometimes .. !! I try to look at the exhaustion as my body getting extra strength . Our bodies are trying to re learn. I can really relate to the couch days ! Then I get spurts of energy that are completely out of sync, and I feel like I'm wired ! I know what you mean about thinking the older we are the harder it is. I'm not so sure it's about the age but I do feel that the longer we have been on the harder it is.i hasten to add though some who have been on only a small amount of time seem to have horrendous difficulties, I thinking that the impact of withdrawal is an individual thing as is very much related to personality of the user as we'll. but that is just my own opinion from my own experience and my observation..I also wonder if CT has more of an assault on the body ? Who knows. I am just so dam pleased to be off !! All the best to you xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[bo...] Posted January 21, 2018 Author Share Posted January 21, 2018 Thank you all so very much for your kind words. Yes I am proud of myself. Very much so. I can sooooo remember what it was like to be where some of you are right now. At times it all just seemed pretty hopeless. I knew I couldn't fail as I would never have tried again .. I do hope in some small way it helps to read of others successes with benzos. Keep on coming in to the success thread as it's something I did and is very encouraging .. Xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[To...] Posted January 25, 2018 Share Posted January 25, 2018 @toomanybennie.. tried to PM you but blocked ?? Hi Bertie! Had turned PMs off for awhile but are now back on. Really awesome that you are now at 8 months. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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