I've been off the Benzo Beast for one month!!

Today is day 30, and I must say, though I'm not feeling completely better, I sure do feel better than I did while I was on Ativan. My panic/anxiety is at an all time low. I can walk wherever I want to, go into the stores of my choice with no panics whatsoever.  I still have a touch of brain fog/dr but it slowly going away day by day. This last episode hung on for about a week, usually it was 3 days. I'm expecting it to be the last.

 

Best things I've learned to deal with my symptoms is distraction and no dwelling on how I feel. Every time I started to think about it, I would capture the thought and replace it with "I'm starting to feel better", or something like that. Sometimes I thought I would lose my freaking mind but it's still worth it. I know when I'm feeling 100% I'll look back at how I felt before and know it was worth it.

 

I still have no appetite and a few neurological symptoms. I've learned my lesson and I will preach it to anyone that will hear me. There are better ways to manage stress and anxiety! I only wish I'd have known this last year. I must salute all those that have been through way more hell than I. You are saints, and I, in the very little suffering I did have, could barely handle it as it was but it was still bad. Especially the CT.

 

God Bless you all and I pray that your healing come very quickly. Thank you for the support and prayers! I would still be on Ativan if it wasn't for the help I got here.

Today is day 30, and I must say, though I'm not feeling completely better, I sure do feel better than I did while I was on Ativan. My panic/anxiety is at an all time low. I can walk wherever I want to, go into the stores of my choice with no panics whatsoever.  I still have a touch of brain fog/dr but it slowly going away day by day. This last episode hung on for about a week, usually it was 3 days. I'm expecting it to be the last.

 

Best things I've learned to deal with my symptoms is distraction and no dwelling on how I feel. Every time I started to think about it, I would capture the thought and replace it with "I'm starting to feel better", or something like that. Sometimes I thought I would lose my freaking mind but it's still worth it. I know when I'm feeling 100% I'll look back at how I felt before and know it was worth it.

 

I still have no appetite and a few neurological symptoms. I've learned my lesson and I will preach it to anyone that will hear me. There are better ways to manage stress and anxiety! I only wish I'd have known this last year. I must salute all those that have been through way more hell than I. You are saints, and I, in the very little suffering I did have, could barely handle it as it was but it was still bad. Especially the CT.

 

God Bless you all and I pray that your healing come very quickly. Thank you for the support and prayers! I would still be on Ativan if it wasn't for the help I got here.

 

Great post, cupcake.    I remember you being pretty worried about getting better for quite a while which makes your current story all the sweeter.  Stuff will probably still come and go for a while so don't let the bumps in the road throw you.  One day it will be smooth sailing. 

cupcake

 

Nice work & great post! Glad you are able to enjoy post benzo life now!

 

Best wishes and heal quick to 100%+!

 

Teakettle

woohoo, cupcake! 

 

You sound great - and no panic in the store! Excellent. I'm so happy for you, well done!

 

ican

I'm so proud of you cupcake!!!

Isn't it great to have that freedom back again!! You take care, and enjoy your weekend!!

Friends always,

pangelingua

cupcake,

 

    Way to go!  When you can overcome agoraphobia and go shopping, then you know that you are healing.  After I jumped, most of the time all I could do was go to work and come home; hubby and my sons went grocery shopping, and they even did the cooking.  Now, you can't keep me in the house these days.  ...And shopping....my clothes are outdated...time for a new wardrobe...any old excuse to get out of the house and live life!

 

    It will get better each day cupcake, just keep holding on, and stay the course.

That's wonderful, cupcake!!  Thanks for posting this.

Cupcake,

 

Way it go - Big congrats ! Even though your insomnia was only months (like what I went thru), it still is a life changing experience. It reminded me how quickly your health can be taken away, and how you must protect it.

 

I agree - Dwelling on WD symptoms only makes things worse. I still have internal vibrating, some fatigue and feel that familar anxiety when I go to sleep. But I know time will heals these issues, and I will be in a better place.

 

I also thank God for this board & all the help/advice I received. If I had relied on doctors, I would be in much worse shape and probably would be house bound, dwelling on my insomnia.

 

George 

Hey George!

 

I'm 9 weeks off now!!

I am really happy for you I hope I can one day say the same thing...

You will!! Just don't go too fast like I did LOL

Hey Cupcake,

 

I'm not far behind - Almost at 7 weeks ! Able to sleep throughout the night. Fatigue is not as bad, but the internal vibrating persists. Still off the alcohol, sodas and coffee.

 

George 

Cupcake,  I'm just reading through everyone's success stories as I begin my own taper.  A question, you said you didn't feel as bad going off as you did while on ativan..what were the symptoms you had while on it? I am encouraged by your success and hope by the end of the summer perhaps to be where you are- take care- Susan

No, I actually felt better tapering off, with a few sx's right before jumping off like insomnia, feeling of worms in my scalp etc. I had some weird things while having interdose withdrawal, though, that was right before I decided to taper off.

sorry to kep bugging you...when you were on it, what ade you want to get off of it?

Oh don't worry bout it LOL

 

I started it the first of october last year, then I decided somewhere in January or mid Feb that I wanted off because I started feeling weird, and the weirdness and obsessive thoughts would go away when I upped my dose.

Cupcake,  this has struck a chord with me.  I reinstated after trying to taper in Dec. Since then, been on just .25, and have felt much more obsessive, and generally neurotic. I wonder if I upped my dose and it went away, I'd know it was the med, and not just me getting in a worse place. the dr wants to increase it, and I wonder if its IT thats making me feel so crappy.:/

Okay I was reading your signature at the bottom, I can't get a clear understanding of your history of Klonopin...You are probably in tolerance withdrawal..I went through a similar thing. It went away almost immediately after updosing so that's how I KNEW it was Ativan related.

 

I stayed on 1mg until I felt better, like 3 days...probably should have stayed longer. But I tapered from that .25 mg's at a time dropping .25 every 5 days. Probably too fast considering what I've went through since my taper ended..but otherwise my taper was symptomless.

 

You can updose by .25 and see if that makes you feel better and then cut again....but it's just prolonging the inevitable. I would start titrating downward, it might not be very easy but .25 is not that high a dose and you shouldn't have to be on the K much longer. Post a request for a titration schedule to the board and you should get support really quick.

 

 

Tell them everything you told me and ask them what they think you should do. If you need anything else feel free to ask!

 

 

  Thanks so much.  I have to update my signature line. Started the ride down yesterday, will perhaps do a water titration. Thank s again for your reply- having people to talk to about this is such a help...take care- Susan

Cupcake - I must say...AWESOME POST.  Love hearing the success stories.  You are one brave woman!!  You have a wonderful attitude.  Congrats on your progress, and I know you will continue to improve all the time! 

 

I'm almost three weeks off of Xanax, and am a bit nervous about how long this is going to take, but starting to come to acceptance.  I definitely feel more in contol than I ever did while on the drugs.  I really appreciated reading your post. 

 

Also, northofhere....I just wanted to say that I got severely worse while on the Xanax.  I was very close to just giving up and checking myself into a mental hospital (I was BAD), assumed I was just losing it more and more as each day passed, but somehow I pressed on and decided to get off the meds.  Then during my taper, I'd notice the further I'd get away from my last dose of the drug, the better I felt.  I'd have some pretty wicked physical symptoms between doses, but mentally, I felt more at ease....less dread, less obsessive thoughts, less panic and anxiety.  It was really strange and eye opening!  It forced me to taper and jump within about a three week period, which was faster than planned.  I was on low dose, but it was still recommended I titrate down.  That is the best for most, from what I see, but for me, I needed off in the worst way!  I jumped and my last panic attack was almost three weeks ago after my last dose!!  This proved to me what that poison was doing to me!    I do have some anxiety and edgy feelings that plague me, but nothing compared to how it was when I was taking it.  I had been in a constant state of anxiety/panic every waking hour.  For me, this was a huge blessing to get off that drug faster than planned.  It's still very difficult right now, but I feel WAY more in control of my brain now.  I'm starting to feel ALIVE again.  For the past almost two years, I've been agoraphobic and basically homebound, and now I'm starting to feel ready to break out of this prison!  Good luck to you!  Press on and know this WILL get better!

Glad you are doing better cupcake!! You have great advice on how you handled stress and anxiety, which is what led me to the Benz road.  I've been off clonazepam and temazepam for 2.5 weeks now, after being on those amongst every OTC drug out there.  I hope to be feeling better at 1 month!