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Feel like giving up


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Hello B.B.,

I have been asking for help from everyone. I can’t be alone during these waves of severe anxiety and depression.but no one can stay w me and I have nowhere to go.

Today has been severe. I turned over the last stone and still, no help.

I feel hopeless. I officially lost my job . I live in a small apartment that does not get much light.

I feel I can’t do it... no future, terrible suffering in the present.

I thought I’d feel better at nearly 5 Mo out.

 

Help me please....

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[66...]
I'm sorry you're having it rough Sleeplesshell...I completely understand. I'm 8 months off a ct and no better. Surely there will be windows ahead. If you need a sounding board or someone with whom to talk, I'm here...I can definitely empathize...can even talk on the phone if you are open...Hang in there. You are strong to have worked so long. I've been out of work now for 18 months....
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You have an AMAZING future ahead because you WILL heal. Focus on eating super healthy . You are only 5 months out..you will see some relief soon. Imagine all the success story buddies ..imagine that they gave up. They would not be enjoying their bright future now. I know the suffering is just inhumane but take one moment at  time and do not think about the future. Just about getting through the moment.

 

You are not alone.

 

 

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I'm sorry you're having it rough Sleeplesshell...I completely understand. I'm 8 months off a ct and no better. Surely there will be windows ahead. If you need a sounding board or someone with whom to talk, I'm here...I can definitely empathize...can even talk on the phone if you are open...Hang in there. You are strong to have worked so long. I've been out of work now for 18 months....

Hi Hardtocope,

This is so difficult when my situation at home feels unstable. I feel like I need to find a place to recover where I am not home alone. I can’t seem to find a healthy solution.

I end up perseverating over and over my issues when I’m alone... that’s when I really get nervous. I’m still trying to manage so while dealing w the irrational thoughts.....

Thank you for your response.. pm me about phone contact....

Prayers and blessings for us

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You have an AMAZING future ahead because you WILL heal. Focus on eating super healthy . You are only 5 months out..you will see some relief soon. Imagine all the success story buddies ..imagine that they gave up. They would not be enjoying their bright future now. I know the suffering is just inhumane but take one moment at  time and do not think about the future. Just about getting through the moment.

 

You are not alone.

Thank you hopeinhim,

I’m really confused about my future ... was before the benzo which led me to it. Scared this is it and this is who I’ll be forever....  no way can I live like this forever.

I wonder which is my usual anxiety and which is the benzo wd.... my irrational thinking takes the reins for too long of the day..

I feel better in the pms.... this gives me a glimmer of hope...

Thank you for your support....

Hugs  and prayers

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I also feel better after I ovulate. It is because Progesterone acts as Gaba.

 

You will be ok. Use this time to focus on your diet (paleo is a very healthy diet--not low carb) and maybe make a vision board (get a bulletin board and post pictures and quotes of what you want your life to look like). It will begin to change your mind and feelings which in turn will lead to your life beginning to direct itself to that life.

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I also feel better after I ovulate. It is because Progesterone acts as Gaba.

 

You will be ok. Use this time to focus on your diet (paleo is a very healthy diet--not low carb) and maybe make a vision board (get a bulletin board and post pictures and quotes of what you want your life to look like). It will begin to change your mind and feelings which in turn will lead to your life beginning to direct itself to that life.

Thanks hope,

 

That’s the second time someone has mentioned a vision board today. I am going to do that.. I appreciate it the support and advice🤗

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OMG, so sorry about where you are currently at. But I can relate oh so well. I've lost my job, my car and was recently denied SSDI and have had at times, my face buried in my hands - in mental anguish from this wretched w/d state - now into 13 mo. The depression, indeed, has been profound. But I am starting to see a flicker of light at the end of this long dark tunnel. Right there with you - please do take care . . .
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OMG, so sorry about where you are currently at. But I can relate oh so well. I've lost my job, my car and was recently denied SSDI and have had at times, my face buried in my hands - in mental anguish from this wretched w/d state - now into 13 mo. The depression, indeed, has been profound. But I am starting to see a flicker of light at the end of this long dark tunnel. Right there with you - please do take care . . .

I’m so sorry to hear that Catt, do you have a good support system?

It’s so ridiculous how this Med takes over our lives. I’m in a window this afternoon and am so grateful for it.... tho dread tomorrow am.

I hope things pick up. Do u have a lawyer for SSDI appeal?

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  • 4 weeks later...
I don't know if there is anything I can say that will really make much of a difference in the way that you are feeling. Most of my symptoms have let up lately, but I have been feeling very depressed over the past few days. I had severe, bone crushing depression in the beginning. I wanted to tear the flesh off my body and vomit my soul out. The only thing that helped me was time and plenty of distraction. You really just have to hold on to whatever you can find that brings you joy in this life and ROLL with the punches. This will not last forever. I know that everyfuckingbody says that...and after a while you get sick of hearing it...but it's true. I have battled severe depression and anxiety well before ever touching benzos, and each time it went away. It took a while, and everyday I felt like giving up, but I held on and waited for the day to come where I could breathe again. Benzo withdrawal has been the longest ride yet. I really don't know how I am still here and have not taken my own life. But then again, I do know. I am incredibly, INCREDIBLY strong...and so are you and every other soul out there going through this. It sounds to me like you need to leave your apartment. If I were you, I would leave. My dads house was like that, to me. Try to distract yourself with anything and everything you can find. Eventually it will become automatic. I have to go to work right now, and I feel like crying in the fetal position on my bathroom floor. But I know that sitting home in the dark will do me no good. Even if you are no longer employed, try to find something to leave the house for...something to get you away from your own thoughts. Message me if you need someone to talk to. Breathe for now. Nothing in this life lasts forever.
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[66...]
Franklin...I can relate to all you say...especially where we are brought to the brink of taking our own lives in this but we don't, we have to overcome.
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I don't know if there is anything I can say that will really make much of a difference in the way that you are feeling. Most of my symptoms have let up lately, but I have been feeling very depressed over the past few days. I had severe, bone crushing depression in the beginning. I wanted to tear the flesh off my body and vomit my soul out. The only thing that helped me was time and plenty of distraction. You really just have to hold on to whatever you can find that brings you joy in this life and ROLL with the punches. This will not last forever. I know that everyfuckingbody says that...and after a while you get sick of hearing it...but it's true. I have battled severe depression and anxiety well before ever touching benzos, and each time it went away. It took a while, and everyday I felt like giving up, but I held on and waited for the day to come where I could breathe again. Benzo withdrawal has been the longest ride yet. I really don't know how I am still here and have not taken my own life. But then again, I do know. I am incredibly, INCREDIBLY strong...and so are you and every other soul out there going through this. It sounds to me like you need to leave your apartment. If I were you, I would leave. My dads house was like that, to me. Try to distract yourself with anything and everything you can find. Eventually it will become automatic. I have to go to work right now, and I feel like crying in the fetal position on my bathroom floor. But I know that sitting home in the dark will do me no good. Even if you are no longer employed, try to find something to leave the house for...something to get you away from your own thoughts. Message me if you need someone to talk to. Breathe for now. Nothing in this life lasts forever.

Franklin,

Thank you so much for your kind words and support. You’re right I do need to get out of the house. I’m Struggling to find motivation. I’m impressed you’re able to work because there’s no way I could do with this. I have  been trying to socialize. Winter is coming and I’m pretty worried for myself is I generally get depressed during this timeframe anyway. I really need something to look forward to to help elevate me and keep me going. I’m struggling to find that as everything is up in the air. And no my symptoms for some reason have increased  including the worst of it which is trying to fall asleep but your body won’t let you. I’m back to being incredibly exhausted which is truthfully huge trigger for my  lack of function.

I’m trying to stay optimistic. Thank you again for your response and reaching out.  :)

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I hope you're feeling better. It's so difficult what you're going through.

 

When I was out of work and home alone I found it helpful to go to the library. It was nice to just be around people, even if I wasn't interacting with anyone. Just getting out of the house and having a simple place to go where I didn't have to buy anything and where I could just sit with a book helped distract me.

 

Going for simple walks in the park is nice too. Anything to get out of the house.

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OMG, so sorry about where you are currently at. But I can relate oh so well. I've lost my job, my car and was recently denied SSDI and have had at times, my face buried in my hands - in mental anguish from this wretched w/d state - now into 13 mo. The depression, indeed, has been profound. But I am starting to see a flicker of light at the end of this long dark tunnel. Right there with you - please do take care . . .

I’m so sorry to hear that Catt, do you have a good support system?

It’s so ridiculous how this Med takes over our lives. I’m in a window this afternoon and am so grateful for it.... tho dread tomorrow am.

I hope things pick up. Do u have a lawyer for SSDI appeal?

 

I do have a lawyer - am appealing the court's decision but, as I am told, just winning the appeal to get the case back to a judge (perhaps same judge) is highly unlikely. I'm still this wave of depression and feel like I'm losing my mind. Hope you're window lasts longer than mine -

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I hope you're feeling better. It's so difficult what you're going through.

 

When I was out of work and home alone I found it helpful to go to the library. It was nice to just be around people, even if I wasn't interacting with anyone. Just getting out of the house and having a simple place to go where I didn't have to buy anything and where I could just sit with a book helped distract me.

 

Going for simple walks in the park is nice too. Anything to get out of the house.

Thank you Travis,

I try to get myself out of the house. I don’t know how to cope w the persistent thoughts of dispair.

My counselor who is not a fan of meds suggested I go back on. I’ve come so far being off, but feel this is closing in on me with  all of the loss I’ve had this year.

I feel hopeless about my future but know that’s an exaggerated response.

It’s pm now, and I am feeling calmer... w a friend near by.

I hope you are doing well🙏

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Sleepless: Sounds like you're able to cope and that's hopeful! It's good that you can see that it's an exaggerated response. That's part of recovery is understanding where your thoughts are distorted. I do that by keeping a journal. I'll start by writing my thoughts and feelings and eventually can see here things are distorted and counteract those thoughts with more positive perspectives. It also helps to write when things are going well so I can look back and realize my thinking hasn't always been as bad as it feels.
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Sleepless: Sounds like you're able to cope and that's hopeful! It's good that you can see that it's an exaggerated response. That's part of recovery is understanding where your thoughts are distorted. I do that by keeping a journal. I'll start by writing my thoughts and feelings and eventually can see here things are distorted and counteract those thoughts with more positive perspectives. It also helps to write when things are going well so I can look back and realize my thinking hasn't always been as bad as it feels.

Travis,

I’ve been coping some but what concerns me is the duality of my thoughts. When I’m highly anxious, i can’t keep the thoughts under control andam still having looping obsessive thoughts. I think this is due to being alone so much. At night feel calmer, and somewhat more under control . This

Chronic lack of sleep affects me. Every day still i struggle w monophobia,and I think focusing onthat has caused me to derail my positive work of trying to retrain the brain. I’m scared of my thoughts while I’m alone...i know that sounds ridiculous but it’s because they go so dark.

I need to get back into journaling for sure. Thank you for your support... it really means so much 🙏

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How are things going now? Any better?

Went to a new psychologist office for DBT, had to review everything about why I’m here for the intake. .ittriggered a wave of crying and depression to have to review all the crap in my life...

I’m so tired of feeling like this...

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It was just the intake. I see the actual counselor tomorrow. I don’t k ow how to see that I can have a life, even in the future. I lived an isolated Life even before this due to depression.

I’m really scared for myself... having a hard time finding reasons to continue.

I can’t stand the anxiety.

I’ve been going to alanon meetings but don’t know if  they really help bc I can’t really speak about what I’m going thru. Life feels so bleak....

 

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It was just the intake. I see the actual counselor tomorrow. I don’t k ow how to see that I can have a life, even in the future. I lived an isolated Life even before this due to depression.

I’m really scared for myself... having a hard time finding reasons to continue.

I can’t stand the anxiety.

I’ve been going to alanon meetings but don’t know if  they really help bc I can’t really speak about what I’m going thru. Life feels so bleak....

 

I'm so very sorry to read you are suffering so much.  Please hang in there.  I will keep you in my best wishes. 

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  • 2 weeks later...

It was just the intake. I see the actual counselor tomorrow. I don’t k ow how to see that I can have a life, even in the future. I lived an isolated Life even before this due to depression.

I’m really scared for myself... having a hard time finding reasons to continue.

I can’t stand the anxiety.

I’ve been going to alanon meetings but don’t know if  they really help bc I can’t really speak about what I’m going thru. Life feels so bleak....

 

I'm so very sorry to read you are suffering so much.  Please hang in there.  I will keep you in my best wishes.

 

Thanks Rx

Still on the roller coaster ride of waves of depression, anxiety, SI, and insomnia...... don’t think I’m going to make it thru this

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