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Benzo Addict


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New to the board, I'm glad I found this. I have been on every benzo out there the last 14 years, my first run in was with Xanax that my Dr. prescribed and gradually was prescribed 6 mil a day over 7 years. Of course through a couple years I ended up abusing them and ran out, I was going through hell at my home. I told my wife to take me to the emergency room, I was checked into detox. I was in the hospital for 5 days and felt like hell. Of course when I started ending my stay I was not well enough to go home, I was prescribed Kolonopin so they could release me. My doctor said it was temporary, I was taking .5 3 times a day. She had a set titration in her head but didn't work for me, at the time clueless and I was broken man. Well I got lost in the system for the titration, I was prescribed the same does for the next 3 years. This was well not enough as I was coming immune to the milligrams, at that point I decided to hit the streets thinking I had total control. That did not end well, I continued to use for the next 3 years. I lied to my wife, myself, my kids everyone that I was not addicted. I have tried to titrate myself but was always going straight back to my normal does of 4 mil a day.

 

I have a wife that has stuck with me on this, when we got married I was clean. My mother was killed in 2003 by a drunk driver and that's when I spun out of control, my wife now is hanging on by a thread. I have the fear of losing her and my little ones. I came to grasp that I have no power of this drug, it has taken over my life. Thankfully my wife and kids are still with me and my wife is not very supportive at this point since she thinks you can just stop on the drop of a hat, I have tried to educate her as best as I can. I need to gain her trust back by showing her but I made this decision on my own to be benzo free no matter how long it takes, I have gone through over a decade of taking it whats another (god knows) how long it will take me to titrate off but putting my best foot forward and running with it

 

The Dr. I chose gave me 3 options, this gabapentin and phenobarbital, Ashton or the hospital again. I tried the first option and I don't know who came up with that but it was imbedded in my head worst than my stay at the hospital, I couldn't move, vomiting, twitching, extreme fear that I couldn't answer the door, go out nothing. This broke me down as a man and I could not do it anymore, currently I have a little PTSD about this. I still have lingering effects of the twitching, fear etc. but its been a week since I stopped this and moved to the Ashton Protocol. This is my first week so all this is new to me, my doctor said I need to be honest with him and myself to make this work and we can work together to get to an end point

 

I hope joining this board helps me along the way, I have attended NA meetings and found that I could not relate to anyone their so with my wife being so calloused to my lies which is very understandable I just need some support with folks that have done it.

 

Thank you all to listing to my story and it seems like searching around this board I'm not alone and feel the more support I get the better this will go     

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If by 'abusing' Xanax, you mean you ran out of pills before the refill was due, this happens to most of us as we hit tolerance to the drug and need more in order to remain functional.  It is not the same as drug abuse that arises from addictive tendencies.  This is something that is difficult for people to distinguish if they have not experienced it.  I know it was for me. 

 

Benzodiazepines create a physical addiction for the vast majority of people, not a craving for recreational use or abuse.  I suspect that's where you are in this.  A slow taper off is much more doable than detox/rehab, which is much too fast and rarely ends well.  Most people reinstate after they get home and taper off much easier, though it still takes awhile for all the symptoms to subside, frankly.

 

So...where are you now?  4mg of Klonopin to start your taper?

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Yes I ran out of my prescription, I say abuse because I went off what the Dr prescribed.

 

Right now I'm taking 3 mailgrams of Xanax and intruding Valium 10mg, I will be doing this for the next week. Next week the increase of Valium and take out .5 Xanax and stick to that for the next 2 weeks. My Dr goal and mine is to rid me of Xanax all together and get me on Valium, after that a slow titration of Valium. Basically following the Ashton and if I feel any discomfort I can stay in a holding pattern till I feel like I can titrate again, I like being in control of my titration right now. Yes detox was the worst and not successful at all, I would strongly recommend for what its worth to keep searching for a Dr that knows the withdrawals and that it is okay to hold and listen to my body and mind     

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Okay, then you're crossing over from Xanax to Valium to taper. 

 

Let me move this to Substitution Taper Plans for you.  You may feel some differences between the two benzodiazepines... Valium tends to be more sedating and potentially depressing at first and you may want to chat with others who have experienced this.

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Thank you, I will get use to the forum. Yes any help on the cross over would help, Valium is the only benzo that I have never been on so I don't know what to expect
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Thank you, I will get use to the forum. Yes any help on the cross over would help, Valium is the only benzo that I have never been on so I don't know what to expect

 

Okay, you're now in the Substitution board.  Hang in there a bit, sometimes it takes a little while to get responses depending on the members logged in.  But someone will be around with advice soon.  You're in good hands.

 

Challis  :)

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I consider myself an "addict" because I would run out early quite a bit or take extra but never to get high. I was on as high as 10mg of Xanax a day plus Klonopin. Before I switched to Valium I was right around 3mg of Xanax a day. I started out at 40mg of Valium with a direct crossover which I must say worked pretty good. Then, I tapered from there. 40mg turned out to be too high but it was working way better than the Xanax was. Best of luck to you :thumbsup:
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