Jump to content

Best Feeling in the World


[So...]

Recommended Posts

So I almost didn't write this but I felt like I owed it to this site to come back and write my success story, which if you told me I would be doing back when I started this journey last year I never would have believed you. I want to keep this brief because I just am SO ready to move on with my life after the disgusting journey that is benzo withdrawal but I wanted to tell all of you it does get better, all of your symptoms do go away and life gets back to a wonderful normal, not free from stressors, but free from anything benzo related.

 

I was placed on klonopin after I stopped prozac and had a very bad reaction to stopping the prozac abruptly and looking back now I can see that I was simply going through Prozac withdrawal and never needed klonopin, however I was terrified of what was happening, I was a sophomore at an ivy league university and had to drop out because my prozac withdrawal symptoms were so bad, my psychiatrist placed me on 3 mg of klonopin a day. I was only 115 lbs at the time and looking back now that is INSANE!

 

I slowly decreased my dose over the years getting down to about 1.5 mg which is where I stayed the longest and then in december of 2016 decided I had enough of klonopin. I was experiencing the strangest symptoms ever and nobody could explain them to me, I had gained weight, I was randomly depressed at times, I slept terribly, never had any energy and also had severe stomach issues. Now I can see clearly that it was all caused by the klonopin, now that I am off I am so happy and totally fine!

 

I went from 1.5 mg down to 1 over the period of a few months and then after meeting the kindest angel of a woman, my Canadian Angel as I call her on this forum and starting a friendship with her she helped me to really understand what was happening in terms of my withdrawal symptoms and because she had been through this awful experience herself and was healed she held my hand every day over the phone to help me get through the awful process that was withdrawal, I had horrible withdrawal symptoms and was bed bound and house bound for honestly about 6 months, it was a nightmare. I was 24 and I thought my life was over. My Canadian Angel assured me however that my life was just getting started and that I would heal in time. I then went from 1 mg to jumping in about 2 months and then on April 26th of this year I jumped.

 

SO many people on this forum are amazing and kind and helpful but a lot of this forum also contains fear mongering which I was not a fan of, multiple people told me I was an idiot for jumping so quickly not realizing that I knew what was truly best for my body, every time I lowered my dose a part of my personality came back and I felt more alive than I had in years, I knew I was doing the right thing for me. What I can say helped me the most was getting outside of myself, walking on the treadmill, playing with my puppy, working on my business, planning my future and making travel plans for when I was healed it all helped! I also lowered my caffeine intake and didn't have alcohol at all.

 

After jumping things were really rough for about two months and then I gradually got better, I would say by the end of July I was healed. I also had my FIRST DRINK about a month ago now and I was so terrified after what I read on this forum in terms of alcohol after benzo use but I was totally fine and have been loving getting to go out again and socialize and I have been going to parties and concerts and things I never dreamed of doing while in withdrawal, I truly thought my life was over but gosh it wasn't. This whole experience has taught me how little most things actually matter, what matters in life is your health and happiness and the health and happiness of the people you love most. Life is SO short you need to take every possible chance and opportunity you have to live life to it's fullest, travel, get married and have kids if you want, read that book, eat that piece of cake, go to that party, go see that concert, just live!

 

A life after benzos is in no way perfect, I have had the most stressful three months and it had nothing to do with benzo withdrawal but I am getting through it without benzos, I am coping, and I am happy because very few things can ever really compare to the hell that is benzo withdrawal. So I will leave you with this, live your life without fear and know that you will heal, yes it takes time but it happens for everybody. And if you can find somebody who understand benzo withdrawal to support you, like I did with my amazing Canadian Angel it will make this process so much easier, people will try to understand but unless you have been through this you don't really get it, in closing I want to thank the amazing woman who helped me survive this experience and come out thriving, I truly consider you my second mom and your kindness and selfless guidance and reassurance literally a million times a day when I was at my worst in withdrawal is what pulled me through to the other side of withdrawal.

 

You will all heal I promise and when you do it will be your turn to live life to the fullest!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

wow - what an amazing story - thanks so much for coming back and sharing.  i didnt have the benefit of any taper since the doctor who prescribed the valium for my spine surgery provided no information whatsoever - i followed the instructions for the 4 weeks - it was insanely high doses - 30mg valium for someone never exposed to such drugs and who weighed 130 pounds.... so it shocked the crap out of my system.  i am 3 months out now with no signs of recovery - other than an amazing 18 day window i had 3 weeks ago - but the severe set back has made me lose hope again.... i lost my consulting business and selling my house at the age of 42 since i can't work.... its been devastating and i am an ivy league grad with 3 degrees...... so - thank you again for giving us some hope.  i definitely like the idea of not having fear.  my physical symptoms are so bad that is difficult but i will have faith that healing will happen for me as it did for you.

 

enjoy every moment of your new found life.  i cannot wait for the day i can have a cup of coffee or meet a friend for lunch, etc.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Congratulations! Thank you for coming back to share your story with everyone here. It means so much for those who are still struggling with symptoms. I wish you all the best! You've got a bright future ahead of you.  :thumbsup:
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Amazing Songbird!

 

Congrats!! Do you ever feel like benzo withdrawal resembles a near death life experience?  It seems so many of us come through this with a greater appreciation for the simplest of things. It's certainly transformative.

 

Enjoy each new day, I know you will and thank you for passing along the positive side of what happens next.

 

Peace&Love

Hope&Faith

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Congratulations!  Wishing you continued healing.  Thank you sharing your success with those of us still suffering this devastating withdrawal journey.  :-*
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thank you for sharing I needed to hear this tonight. I just went to .1 and it's been a bit rough. Congratulations for jumping at .125 and now being okay!! :)
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 2 weeks later...
Congrats Songbird- so glad to hear that like me you have found that there is healing and life after benzos!! Go out and enjoy every day to the fullest!!!
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 4 weeks later...
  • 7 months later...
Hey guys so I had a setback, I just wanted to let you know as I am sure you can tell by my posts I just wanted to be open and honest with you. It has been four month almost since this wave started and I am really hoping and praying it lets up soon, I got insanely stressed out and I don't think our delicate CNS is equipped to handle bad stress to the degree at which I did, a lawsuit and my sister getting insanely ill and not being able to speak, it has been really really hard but I will recover from this I have to and I will come back and spread the hope when I do I promise, this just shows me that my brain had deeper healing that needed to take place and it is happening and hopefully I will be even better than before
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I hope you find permanent healing soon. Must of been devistating thinking you healed and be thrown back through the gates to hell again. Please totally abstain from alcohol. It ain’t worth it. I will never drink again as long as I live. Ain’t worth it.
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hey guys so I had a setback, I just wanted to let you know as I am sure you can tell by my posts I just wanted to be open and honest with you. It has been four month almost since this wave started and I am really hoping and praying it lets up soon, I got insanely stressed out and I don't think our delicate CNS is equipped to handle bad stress to the degree at which I did, a lawsuit and my sister getting insanely ill and not being able to speak, it has been really really hard but I will recover from this I have to and I will come back and spread the hope when I do I promise, this just shows me that my brain had deeper healing that needed to take place and it is happening and hopefully I will be even better than before

  :hug: :hug: :hug::smitten:
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I just feel like the biggest idiot ever posting a success story and then being back in hell I am so so sad
Link to comment
Share on other sites

You're not stupid. Many people have done this. I'm sorry you feel like crap, but know it'll improve soon. I got slammed in March, myself, and things started to improve about a month or so ago. Sometimes it just takes awhile. One day soon you'll feel a bit better. Promise.
Link to comment
Share on other sites

You're not stupid. Many people have done this. I'm sorry you feel like crap, but know it'll improve soon. I got slammed in March, myself, and things started to improve about a month or so ago. Sometimes it just takes awhile. One day soon you'll feel a bit better. Promise.

Its true I've seen it many times don't feel stupid its sad it happens to many people but its all part of your recovery it will get better again just like  many others did  in your position :hug:

 

 

 

Love Nova xxx :smitten: :smitten: :smitten:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

thank you nova you are so lovely I really appreciate and look forward to your posts, I am praying my heart out that I get better soon or at least the bad thoughts gets a little easier to manage
Link to comment
Share on other sites

thank you nova you are so lovely I really appreciate and look forward to your posts, I am praying my heart out that I get better soon or at least the bad thoughts gets a little easier to manage

You are welcome sweetie  :hug: I sincerely hope it turns around for you soon, try and hold on to the  times before you had a good window you probably spent a lot of time suffering and believing it would never happen for you, but it did didn't it? Just as it will again, that how I try to cope by trying to remind myself even if the relief was only for seconds that the next time it maybe longer then one day it will be forever  ;D

 

'' In the darkest times, hope is something you give yourself. That is the meaning of inner strength.''

Love Nova xxx  :smitten: :smitten: :smitten:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Remember now!!! No alcohol for any reason. We don’t need alcohol to live but we do need good nutrition and exercise. I hope you find relief soon.
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Songbird, I hope you feel bette and bounce back soon.  My thoughts and prayers are with you.  You’ve come so far, remember that!  I love your success story even if you’ve had a setback.  It’s all part of your journey, so this setback doesn’t negate your success ❤️
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Of course you will!  You already are a success and great inspiration- you’re just having a setback and it’s ok!  You know life after benzos and have tasted the sweetness, you’ll get through this.  We are all cheering you on ❤️
Link to comment
Share on other sites

×
×
  • Create New...