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HELP! I am off 3 weeks and am at my worst


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I was done with the Klonopin on the 8th of March. On the 16th I had a panic attack. I have been on a down hill spiral since. I have crushing chest pain that radiates down my arms. Intense pressure in my face, my teeth feel like they have a pulse.( every since I started cutting down I have had the facial pressure) I have been in the ER twice in the last 2 weeks and they find nothing. I have taken a .25 Xanax that my doc gave me a script for on an as need basis, but I am not wanting to back track and cause myself more issues. I have not had any withdraw symptoms except sleep disturbances up to this point. ( well the last week and a half) Does any one have any suggestions? I keep trying to tell myself I will make it through. It's really hard. Please help me someone!

 

Thanks

 

Blondie

 

 

11/09 1 mg / .5 mg every other day

12/09 .5

2/10 .25

3/10 .125

 

Free since 3/8/10.... Still struggling...

 

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Your taper looks somewhat OK to me so I just think it is rebound anxiety and pill induced withdrawal anxiety. This is going to sound strange to you, but I wish I would have a panic attack. At least then I would feel the way I used to feel before and have a normalcy. IMO I think you will be fine. You are going through some withdrawal is all and if I was you stay away from any drugs PRN except maybe Trazadone or benadryl. Most drugs are meant to be taken regularly. I think benzos are worst prn especially if in withdrawal. Cause then you are going up and down and your brain is too. The time you have been on the benzo is really short so you should be OK. Try to get through the panic and learn how to breath slowly. I think Natedog77 can help you with this. He is really good at it I believe. You should get a hold of him so he can give you some pointers. Also LB is really knowledgeable about panic and anxiety as she goes to groups for it. Contact one of them and they should be able to help you. I personally feel you wil be great in no time.

Hang in,

Rev Blue

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Hi Blondie

Firstly well done for getting off the poison.  You are in the early stages yet so hang tight, it will improve.  I just query your use of Xanax on an "as needed basis".  This is what got some here into benzos in the first place.  If you rely on a drug to get you through the day it could head back to needing that drug every day and hey ho we're back into addiction territory.  If you take Xanax occasionally now your body is going to get mighty confused about where it's at and it could make the s/x worse.

 

Re the panic attack.  I awoke on Saturday night at around 1.30am shaking and having a huge panic attack.  The way out - deep breathing.  They are scary and I thought I was over them.  I just hope that once the benzo has left my body they will be gone.  The thing is not to fear the panic, accept it.  Know that it will not harm you and your body will reach a certain level and if you let it, the muscles will relax.  The last part if the key, you have to let it relax.  Your body will be so tense with panic and anxiety it will hurt - there is nothing wrong.  It is your muscles tensing up to the point where they hurt.  I use relaxation methods such as deep breathing, positive thoughts (over and over again - sometimes writing them down over and over) and my favourite, listen to relaxation cds through my iPod.  Lie on your bed or somewhere where you are alone and can be peaceful.  Focus on your muscle groups one by one starting from your head and working through your body down to your toes.  Once you sense how tight your muscles are you will slowly learn to relax them and with practice will be able to relax even when you're out or at work.  This takes practice though, don't expect miracles with one session, I used this method everyday (sometimes more than once a day) for a few months.  Still use it occasionally. 

 

I hope you get some relief soon.  The thing that will get us through this is time and eventually you too will be well.  Keep reminding yourself of that. 

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Sometimes its overwhelming. As I am writing this reply my lips are tingling and I am starting to sweat. I never felt like this when I was suffering with my anxiety issues initially. I wish I would have never touched this poison. I just wish I could see the light at the end of the tunnel now instead of when I get there.

 

I just feel so defeated. I know that I can beat anything that comes my way. Why can't I walk away from this crap!

 

I have an appointment with a Psychologist that specializes in Anxiety next week. I hope that he has some things that will help me in the relaxation department. I just wish that someone could give you a definite answer as to when we can start feeling better through all this. My

 

My pharmacist has been with me through this whole ride, she thinks that I am going through the worst of it now and that it should get better on the next week or so. How about she told me that Benzo withdraw is worse that heroin or crack.

 

Thanks to the Pharmaceutical companies for making me suffer so they can make a buck! 

 

Any input on her thoughts? ( About this being the worst of it)

 

Thanks for the replies so far...

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Hi Blondie1176,

 

Something you said really resonated with me..."I know that I can beat anything that comes my way. Why can't I walk away from this crap!"  I felt the same way, I'd always been strong, I could handle anything.  I was quick to heal if I got sick, had a great outlook on life and had no fear.  This process turned me into someone I didn't know, I was a stranger to myself.  I was powerless to change what was happening to me.

 

I know you're suffering, I know you feel hopeless, but you will heal.  I was taking massive amounts of Klonopin and I quit cold turkey.  It was horrible, but I survived and now I'm healed and happy. 

 

Hang on to your hope, and keep coming here, we'll help you.  Your pharmacist probably shouldn't give you definite time frames for getting better, this process doesn't work like that.  It is what it is, just try to accept and let your body heal.

 

Pam

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I appreciate the encouraging words. My bad seems to come in waves. Just when I  think I can't do it anymore I get the strength to go on. I know that I can do this.

 

I am going to stay away from the xanax now seeing as it didn't help me anyway.

 

You know I just want my love of life back.  Sometimes I feel like I have to fight for a smile. I guess my biggest fear is letting this get me down. I have never been depressed and after this battle I DON'T WANT TO BE!

 

I plan on posting many many more times, Thanks again for the great encouragement!

 

P.S has any one had success taking tylenol Pm for a sleep aid? My Doctor recommended it.

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You know I just want my love of life back.  Sometimes I feel like I have to fight for a smile.

Like you I'd just like that love of life and general happiness back.  I know it will come, patience has never been one of my greatest virtues.  However this truly does test your patience to the limits.  I hope your psychologist comes up with some relaxation techniques.  You can get started before you meet with him/her - just try the muscle relaxation combined with deep breathing - it will give you some temporary relief from the tension.

 

I know also that you want this to end now, but honest truth is no-one can predict how long you will take to heal.  I don't want to put negatives into your mind, just some acceptance that this journey may not be a couple of weeks, your pharmacist was right about that.  Benzo addicition can in no way be compared with heroin or crack.  They can be gone from your blood stream in a couple of weeks - benzos can take many months to filter out of your body.  It is an erratic process - some days are good, some manageable, some not so good.  The good ones will become more frequent with time.

 

Acceptance that this could take time is what will help you get through.  There are no miracle drugs to help us through unfortunately - time is the only medicine we have in our favour now.  Keep reaching out for support if you have tough times, the knowledge that there are other people who are on this journey or have been through it will help keep you moving forward.  As for tylenol I have no advice - I chose to keep my body as drug free as possible.  Some have had success with it in helping them sleep.  No doubt others will respond.

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Pamster2  gave you some of the best advice that I am going to continue on cause it struck a chord. I too agree that YOU SHOULD NOT listen to pharmacists and all the doctor opinions as well in all of this cause you will get way to many differing takes and confusion will strike. It will end up creating in you a frustration that you cannot bear. It will be like talking to a brick wall and some may even smile and not take you seriously ( No kidding this is what happened to me and I wanted to just cry cause no one knew what was going on, one even told me I might be schizophrenic which of course now is a joke to me as I look back upon that nasty episode, cause as soon as I took the smallest amount of benzo it all went away YUP EVERY SYMPTOM.) It's just withdrawal and nothing else.  Now of course you should have a doctor to depend on for checkups and to put your mind at ease in all of this. But I know for a fact you are not damaged in any way and the anxiety you are feeling is pill created. If you had anxiety before it will be 100 fold now, but it is ok cause YOU ARE OK I PROMISE. This has happened to every one of us here and you are not alone.  But the good news is your brain will start to work on it's own again if you stay away from pills and let it do it's magic.

You will be ok Blondie1176,

Rev Blue

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You know I just want my love of life back.  Sometimes I feel like I have to fight for a smile. I guess my biggest fear is letting this get me down. I have never been depressed and after this battle I DON'T WANT TO BE!

 

 

I understand wanting your life back, the time this process robs from us is cruel.  We long for who we were, we feel so unlike ourselves while suffering in withdrawals.  Try not to be afraid this will get you down, try not to fight it so hard.  Like LB says, acceptance that this is a process, and processes take time is key to your recovery.  You've never been depressed before, that's good, you won't be depressed when you heal.  In fact, you'll feel better than you ever have.  The gratitude and joy you'll experience when you're fully recovered can't be beat!

 

The over the counter sleep aids are no match for benzo withdrawal, sorry to say.  Some have found them to help somewhat, but others say they can rev up your symptoms.  No pat answers or solutions, sorry about that. 

 

 

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Hey blondie,

 

My Symptoms flared up today..... It stinks...... 2 months off for me....My facial tightness is just starting to  diminish....... When I jumped, it felt like I had a giant piece of tape on my face, now It comes and goes during flare ups and is not that bad..... When the symptoms flare up ( for Me ) I do notice if I dwell on it, and and don't distract myself, I can start to feel like there is no end. I quickly stop thinking about it, and occupy myself to past the time. After about 20 mkinutes, I have to think about the symptoms to feel them again.... distraction is key.....

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You all are amazing! I curled up on the couch and watched a movie with my husband. It helped me relax a bunch. I finally got my mind off of it and I feel a bunch better. I am looking forward to heading to bed. I hope that I sleep well. I will be putting off the sleep aids. I have realized in talking to you all that I have no choice but to roll with the punches. I will keep fighting.  Tomorrow is a new day!

 

Until We chat again!

 

You will all be in my prayers! I hope to be in yours!

 

Blondie

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You will beat this like LB and Pamster says with acceptance and, if you can muster it sometimes........Humor :laugh: Try not to take yourself and your symptoms too seriously right now cause that is all they are. Symptoms that will go away.

Good night,

Rev

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Well... Here it is.

 

I slept through the night. I woke up to go pee and went back to sleep. That's when the heart starts. I do controlled breathing and relaxation and still have a hard time getting control of it. (This is why I have been in the ER twice in the past 2 weeks). The doctor prescribed me a beta blocker that I am pretty sure I don't want to take. I read that that they are hard to get off of as well.

 

Also, does anyone have a hard time in the mornings? They seem to be the worst for me. After I get moving and get to doing something I start to calm down.

 

I have been unemployed for almost a year with no prospective openings in sight. I need to find something to do. I really feel if I was consumed by something else that my symptoms would not even come close to how harsh they are now.

 

I think I may head to the gym to try to run out some of this tension. I just hope my heart doesn't explode  ;)... They claim its fine at hospital!  :P

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One of our members started a Morning Anxiety thread, here's the link.  http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?topic=15138.0 

 

There is a lot of good information to be found there, I hope it helps!  I worked while in withdrawals, and it was tough, but I'm very glad I was able to do it.  Distraction seems to be the only thing which helps with symptoms, so the best thing you can do for yourself is what you're doing.  Keeping it positive and finding ways to take your mind off of it! :thumbsup:

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Thanks Pamster2 ,

 

There is a bunch of great info on that thread. I will have to check it out further.

Wouldn't it be so much easier if you could make a wish and be just fine.

 

I haven't really experienced many symptoms until the last week or so. I think this is why it is so hard for me. My frustration lies in my heart beat. I have a racing heart beat that I can feel through my whole body and a bit of dizziness. Have I mentioned the insane sinus pressure that makes my vision screwy? The loss of appetite? I have lost over 10 lbs in the last 2 weeks.

 

I have been off 3 weeks today and I still don't totally understand why it's all happening now. My GP thinks it is simply anxiety symptoms and that I should have had withdraw previous to this. Then my pharmacist thinks that I am just now hitting the hard part. I am just plain confused. What I do know for sure is I want this to go away. NOW!  :-\

 

I do appreciate all the encouragement. Today is a hard day I need to find my way!

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We have a member, waverider who had to take a beta blocker, as I recall it proved to be quite helpful.  I didn't have this symptom so I can't relate, but I can see how uncomfortable and scary it could be.

 

The non linear healing from this drug can drive you crazy.  One minute we experience a window of normalcy, the next moment we're in despair!  I understand how confused you must be by the fact that your symptoms started getting worse at 3 weeks out, but this is how it goes.  The drug leaves your body, what has been stored in your blood, fat and tissue finally is eliminated.  What happens next is your brain and central nervous system must learn how to find it's way to operate on it's own again.  This is the part that takes the most time, your body has been relying on a drug to regulate it, now it must relearn what it must do.  This of course is laymans terms for what is happening, but for me it makes the most sense.  However you can accept what is happening to you is what's important.  But be assured, you will heal, don't lose hope.

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