Feeling 95% recovered and life is back on track 6months after jumping :)

I hope my story helps guys 

 

I have never been the greatest sleeper, but probably not the worst either. I had bouts of insomnia over my lifetime but I had never worried too much about it. In 2016 I had a very stressful job, and was amidst a mid-life crisis, impending menopause etc.. when my sleep became disrupted. For some reason I worried about it (which of course is the worst thing you can do) and started to obsess that there was something seriously wrong with my brain lol… with that increasing anxiety I started to experience some really intense insomnia which further frightened me and before I knew it I was really really scared and running off to the GP for meds.. well – that’s when the real fun started!! To cut a long story short the benzo’s not only didn’t help that much in getting me a good night sleep but began to worsen the situation as tolerance set in.. it didn’t help that the GP had prescribed a short acting benzo (not good for sleep) rather than the longer acting ones.. and of course as I continued to sleep poorly my anxiety about it just worsened to the point that I entered this vicious cycle of anxiety about sleep -> reduced sleep -> further anxiety -> further poor sleep – need I say more.. so yeah the combination of sleep anxiety and meds really ruined my sleep!!

 

For a time, a very long time my life was hell, the anxiety and depression were so very intense, and the despair and hopelessness was like nothing I have ever experienced.. I honestly thought (as many do here) that I wouldn’t never recover.. I often thought about death, I had no concrete plans to end my life, but the pain was so intense I thought death might be the only escape.. every single day was a battle and some days were pure torture. Somehow I kept working (as I knew that keeping a routine was important) though I had to reduce my hours substantially.. I did my best to put on a brave face, performed reasonably well, but inside I was a mess..

 

I wasn’t on the benzo’s for that long (total 4.5months) and spent more time weaning off them than taking them at the full dose but boy did they wreck my system!! i did not experience the full range of symptoms that some do but feel that I experienced the worst symptom which was intense insomnia. And also tinnitus. I have had tinnitus for years anyway, but 6 weeks in it really really intensified and unfortunately is still there but not as bad.. for many insomnia is the worst and I fully concur with that.. I didn’t have the worst sleep compared to some here, but there were plenty of 0 nighters or just a few hours, and the quality was non existent, even when I did sleep for longer it was so horribly fragmented and light – not at all refreshing..

 

As for my sleep now? Well it is not perfect and I have had plenty of setbacks lasting from days to several weeks.. But most nights I average between 7-8hours and often drop off fairly quick. It is broken though, I wake on average three times per night but most of the time can get back to sleep immediately. As we age our sleep does become more fragmented/lighter and I have read that waking 3 – 4 times per night by age 50 is not at all unusual for women so I figure my interruptions are normal. And I still have sleep anxiety but it is reducing very slowly.. I know I will be fully healed when I can have a poor night sleep here and there and it be nothing more than that, ie no undue anxiety, no catastrophizing..

 

As for my emotional/physical functioning? I think I am at about 95% of where I was before all this started and actually in many ways doing better. I changed jobs and am working for myself now which is sooo much better!! I am still having my mid life crisis but am working through this.. Am feeling a lot happier and depressed mood and anxiety is for the most part minimal. I have also put on weight as i had lost about 5-6kilos.

 

Anyways, below are some of the things that I tried that helped me. Obviously, everyone is different and people's recovery will of course depend on multiple factors. But perhaps what helped me can help you too? No one strategy worked for me, rather a number of strategies combined helped me progress through this period.

 

• Get support - be it friends, family, spouses, psychologist, as well as on line support. Be choosy though, as you know not everyone is overly interested to hear about our problems so choose those people you know will be supportive. Be careful not to overuse support. Talking about it too much is not healthy, and staying online too much isn’t either. When online focus on the positive stories.

 

• Try to keep a normal routine. If you can keep working (even if reduced) do this. Otherwise, if taking time off have a routine of positive activities comprising enjoyable and constructive activities/projects. Stay busy!

 

• Limit the time you spend alone doing nothing. Time alone is deadly for anxiety and depression, if you can’t be with others that’s fine, but be sure to engage in some activity to reduce the time spent obsessing, especially activity that is really engaging.

 

• Make sure you make exercise and relaxation part of your routine. Whatever does it for you – yoga, progressive muscle relaxation, massages, deep breathing, running, walking, meditation, sport, music, socialising.. Exercising and relaxing are good for physical and mental health. And eat healthy!!

 

• Re sleep: Try using meditation scripts/nature noises at night for sleep. I found that I had to keep changing them up as they would lose novelty and stop working. Having something nice to listen to sometimes helped me to quieten my mind and make sleep more likely. I also used antihistamines and mirtazapine to sleep but sparingly.. sometimes they worked, other times not.. And regarding the sleep anxiety - oh boy that is a hard one! I am not going to tell you NOT to be anxious about sleep as that won't work. But i do encourage you to take your sleep anxious thoughts/feelings less seriously and avoid really indulging them. Treat them as nothing more than an annoying symptom that are not worthy of undue attention. Try to develop a "i don't give a dam about sleep attitude", it's so very hard i know but if you can move (even slightly) from a "what if!?!?.." position to a "so what!!!" position this will help you to let go of the angst to some degree which we know can create more sleep difficulties.

 

• Consider taking up a new interest. Depression can make it hard to find pleasure in the usual things but taking up a new interest can re-ignite our interest. A new interest is great for pulling our attention away from ourselves.

 

• Act despite the way you feel. Even if you feel anxious/depressed/tired try to do something for yourself which is constructive/positive. Ie be committed to getting on with the things that you need or want to do. Withdrawing from life and our normal activity only compounds our distress and delays our recovery. Committing to doing despite feeling bad won’t have a miraculous effect but it will help. It will help you realise that you are more capable of functioning than what you thought, will help rebuild confidence, take your focus away from your withdrawal, and help improve your mood.

 

• Be accepting! It is so hard I know.. but it is so important to accept the distress – the anxiety/depression/despair/horrible sleep – all of it.. let’s put it this way – if you are not willing to have the distress, you will have more of it.. the harder you struggle against the distress the worse it will be. You gotta “roll with the punches”, “ride the wave”.. in accepting your distress, you take the edge of it, and you free up valuable energy needed for your recovery.

 

• Don’t take your thoughts and feelings too seriously.. consider this - just because you have a negative thought doesn’t mean it is accurate, and just because you have an awful feeling it doesn’t mean you have to act in accordance with it.. the problem with negative thoughts and feelings is that we often respond to these in an unhelpful way, quite often by withdrawing or by really indulging the thoughts which compounds our distress.. you don’t have to try to suppress thoughts and feelings (and actually this won’t work), acknowledge their existence but choose not to indulge them or respond to them in an unhelpful way.. this relates to my point before about acting despite how you feel..

 

• Be patient and expect/accept setbacks – know that you will recover in time, not as quickly as you would like but that it will happen. Also understand that that no strategy is a magic bullet or will necessarily work quickly.. the strategies can take time and require persistence.. and progress can be painfully slow.. progress is not linear and setbacks are inevitable. Treat setbacks as a learning experience and not a catastrophe. During the setbacks, take a step back and look at the bigger picture, and remind yourself of the progress you have made, however small (consider keeping a progress log). I have often said to people that setbacks are nothing more than bumps in your road to recovery.

 

• Be kind to yourself. Don’t beat yourself up for not recovering more quickly, for not implementing strategies perfectly or consistently, or for being weak. You are strong.. And being strong is not being impervious to pain, it’s not being able to suppress negative thoughts and feelings, it’s being human, having difficulties, it’s having the pain and bearing it as best you can.

 

• Consider some good books: “The Sleep Book”, “Spark”, also anything by Dr Claire Weekes..  also anything ACT related which encourages acceptance of distress and commitment to moving forward..

 

• Believe in yourself and your body’s ability to heal in time. And try not get in the way of this process. Identify those things that help you, and those things that don’t help. Focus on doing the things that help and let your mind and body do the rest of the work in their own time.

 

I hope this helps guys 

 

I am happy to receive comments on this post but for privacy reasons would prefer not to receive personal messages – I hope you understand 

 

 

 

 

Wow!  A very powerful story with a lot of good tips.

 

Thank you so much!  Your story does help.

 

Best Wishes.

Thanks 

 

Wow!  A very powerful story with a lot of good tips.

 

Thank you so much!  Your story does help.

 

Best Wishes.

Bravo, 1966!  Amazing!

It's thoughtful and constructive posts such as this that I think deserve to be stickied.   

aww ur too kind 

 

Bravo, 1966!  Amazing!

It's thoughtful and constructive posts such as this that I think deserve to be stickied.   

thanks for sharing such an amazing story.  It certainly gives hope - particularly to people like me who were not long term users but who are still having a profound and life altering withdrawal / recovery.  I really agree with stepping away from reading too much other than the more positive stuff - i have found in the few weeks i decided to do that that my progress has been exponentially better - in terms of my CNS symptoms.......

 

Enjoy your hard fought for peace.  No doubt the good things in life will bring even more joy than they ever have......

beautiful story, thanks for sharing!

You did it!!!

 

Another victory! Wonderful! I CT from that devil ativan 2 1/2 years ago. It was just unspeakable really what that event was like.

I survived and I praise God that I did. Without Him, I'd be gone and I know that. I too went thru WD and also menopause. It's been quite a ride to say the least.

 

Much continued healing to you 

thanks for sharing such an amazing story.  It certainly gives hope - particularly to people like me who were not long term users but who are still having a profound and life altering withdrawal / recovery.  I really agree with stepping away from reading too much other than the more positive stuff - i have found in the few weeks i decided to do that that my progress has been exponentially better - in terms of my CNS symptoms.......

 

Enjoy your hard fought for peace.  No doubt the good things in life will bring even more joy than they ever have......

 

Hi SSR 1975... I saw your story and mine is quit similar...I had spine surgery.. I was given 1mg clonazepam for sleep...I took a total of about 30 mgs  and my life was stolen from me... I had no idea nor was I warned of the potential dangers...my ex-doctor would never acknowledge my w/d's as being real..in fact sent me to a psychiatrist who attempted to get me on yet anther horror ride with Zoloft... I am benzo free 2 weeks now and doing much better ...somewhere around 60% 

Hi 1966.. So I was looking at your road to recovery timeline and see you only took 18 doses of 1mg of Ativan.  And then you mention "RLS" I am assuming Restless Leg syndrome... and the tinnitus..  I too had short term exposure to my benzo "clonazepam" with an estimate of about 28 total mgs including my taper.  I too suffer from tinnitus..although I only jumped 2 weeks ago I feel i am recovery well.  I am curious as to how your tinnitus is doing?  Mine is so unpredictable... it can go from crickets to I faint jingles...to a roaring buzz....no rhyme or reason... I avoid all sugars...MSG...salt ..and all the common triggers... thanks!

Congratulations!!  Thanks for not telling me to not be upset about my sleep!!  I will take your advice to work on my attitude about it and I think I need to change up my sleep meditations. Thank you for your success story!!   

HI stevo - i have had tinnitus since age 17 so of course i do not expect it to go away.. the benzos most definitely worsened the condition but it has been getting better ever so slowly..  yes mine does vary quite a lot also (as it did before) ie there are times when it is much better, and times when it is worse.. this is the nature of tinnitus i am afraid.. i don't know though it if will ever get better to the point where it is the same as before - i am hopeful that it will but only time will tell i guess.. good luck!! XOX

 

Hi 1966.. So I was looking at your road to recovery timeline and see you only took 18 doses of 1mg of Ativan.  And then you mention "RLS" I am assuming Restless Leg syndrome... and the tinnitus..  I too had short term exposure to my benzo "clonazepam" with an estimate of about 28 total mgs including my taper.  I too suffer from tinnitus..although I only jumped 2 weeks ago I feel i am recovery well.  I am curious as to how your tinnitus is doing?  Mine is so unpredictable... it can go from crickets to I faint jingles...to a roaring buzz....no rhyme or reason... I avoid all sugars...MSG...salt ..and all the common triggers... thanks!

I hope my story helps guys 

 

I have never been the greatest sleeper, but probably not the worst either. I had bouts of insomnia over my lifetime but I had never worried too much about it. In 2016 I had a very stressful job, and was amidst a mid-life crisis, impending menopause etc.. when my sleep became disrupted. For some reason I worried about it (which of course is the worst thing you can do) and started to obsess that there was something seriously wrong with my brain lol… with that increasing anxiety I started to experience some really intense insomnia which further frightened me and before I knew it I was really really scared and running off to the GP for meds.. well – that’s when the real fun started!! To cut a long story short the benzo’s not only didn’t help that much in getting me a good night sleep but began to worsen the situation as tolerance set in.. it didn’t help that the GP had prescribed a short acting benzo (not good for sleep) rather than the longer acting ones.. and of course as I continued to sleep poorly my anxiety about it just worsened to the point that I entered this vicious cycle of anxiety about sleep -> reduced sleep -> further anxiety -> further poor sleep – need I say more.. so yeah the combination of sleep anxiety and meds really ruined my sleep!!

 

For a time, a very long time my life was hell, the anxiety and depression were so very intense, and the despair and hopelessness was like nothing I have ever experienced.. I honestly thought (as many do here) that I wouldn’t never recover.. I often thought about death, I had no concrete plans to end my life, but the pain was so intense I thought death might be the only escape.. every single day was a battle and some days were pure torture. Somehow I kept working (as I knew that keeping a routine was important) though I had to reduce my hours substantially.. I did my best to put on a brave face, performed reasonably well, but inside I was a mess..

 

I wasn’t on the benzo’s for that long (total 4.5months) and spent more time weaning off them than taking them at the full dose but boy did they wreck my system!! i did not experience the full range of symptoms that some do but feel that I experienced the worst symptom which was intense insomnia. And also tinnitus. I have had tinnitus for years anyway, but 6 weeks in it really really intensified and unfortunately is still there but not as bad.. for many insomnia is the worst and I fully concur with that.. I didn’t have the worst sleep compared to some here, but there were plenty of 0 nighters or just a few hours, and the quality was non existent, even when I did sleep for longer it was so horribly fragmented and light – not at all refreshing..

 

As for my sleep now? Well it is not perfect and I have had plenty of setbacks lasting from days to several weeks.. But most nights I average between 7-8hours and often drop off fairly quick. It is broken though, I wake on average three times per night but most of the time can get back to sleep immediately. As we age our sleep does become more fragmented/lighter and I have read that waking 3 – 4 times per night by age 50 is not at all unusual for women so I figure my interruptions are normal. And I still have sleep anxiety but it is reducing very slowly.. I know I will be fully healed when I can have a poor night sleep here and there and it be nothing more than that, ie no undue anxiety, no catastrophizing..

 

As for my emotional/physical functioning? I think I am at about 95% of where I was before all this started and actually in many ways doing better. I changed jobs and am working for myself now which is sooo much better!! I am still having my mid life crisis but am working through this.. Am feeling a lot happier and depressed mood and anxiety is for the most part minimal. I have also put on weight as i had lost about 5-6kilos.

 

Anyways, below are some of the things that I tried that helped me. Obviously, everyone is different and people's recovery will of course depend on multiple factors. But perhaps what helped me can help you too? No one strategy worked for me, rather a number of strategies combined helped me progress through this period.

 

• Get support - be it friends, family, spouses, psychologist, as well as on line support. Be choosy though, as you know not everyone is overly interested to hear about our problems so choose those people you know will be supportive. Be careful not to overuse support. Talking about it too much is not healthy, and staying online too much isn’t either. When online focus on the positive stories.

 

• Try to keep a normal routine. If you can keep working (even if reduced) do this. Otherwise, if taking time off have a routine of positive activities comprising enjoyable and constructive activities/projects. Stay busy!

 

• Limit the time you spend alone doing nothing. Time alone is deadly for anxiety and depression, if you can’t be with others that’s fine, but be sure to engage in some activity to reduce the time spent obsessing, especially activity that is really engaging.

 

• Make sure you make exercise and relaxation part of your routine. Whatever does it for you – yoga, progressive muscle relaxation, massages, deep breathing, running, walking, meditation, sport, music, socialising.. Exercising and relaxing are good for physical and mental health. And eat healthy!!

 

• Re sleep: Try using meditation scripts/nature noises at night for sleep. I found that I had to keep changing them up as they would lose novelty and stop working. Having something nice to listen to sometimes helped me to quieten my mind and make sleep more likely. I also used antihistamines and mirtazapine to sleep but sparingly.. sometimes they worked, other times not.. And regarding the sleep anxiety - oh boy that is a hard one! I am not going to tell you NOT to be anxious about sleep as that won't work. But i do encourage you to take your sleep anxious thoughts/feelings less seriously and avoid really indulging them. Treat them as nothing more than an annoying symptom that are not worthy of undue attention. Try to develop a "i don't give a dam about sleep attitude", it's so very hard i know but if you can move (even slightly) from a "what if!?!?.." position to a "so what!!!" position this will help you to let go of the angst to some degree which we know can create more sleep difficulties.

 

• Consider taking up a new interest. Depression can make it hard to find pleasure in the usual things but taking up a new interest can re-ignite our interest. A new interest is great for pulling our attention away from ourselves.

 

• Act despite the way you feel. Even if you feel anxious/depressed/tired try to do something for yourself which is constructive/positive. Ie be committed to getting on with the things that you need or want to do. Withdrawing from life and our normal activity only compounds our distress and delays our recovery. Committing to doing despite feeling bad won’t have a miraculous effect but it will help. It will help you realise that you are more capable of functioning than what you thought, will help rebuild confidence, take your focus away from your withdrawal, and help improve your mood.

 

• Be accepting! It is so hard I know.. but it is so important to accept the distress – the anxiety/depression/despair/horrible sleep – all of it.. let’s put it this way – if you are not willing to have the distress, you will have more of it.. the harder you struggle against the distress the worse it will be. You gotta “roll with the punches”, “ride the wave”.. in accepting your distress, you take the edge of it, and you free up valuable energy needed for your recovery.

 

• Don’t take your thoughts and feelings too seriously.. consider this - just because you have a negative thought doesn’t mean it is accurate, and just because you have an awful feeling it doesn’t mean you have to act in accordance with it.. the problem with negative thoughts and feelings is that we often respond to these in an unhelpful way, quite often by withdrawing or by really indulging the thoughts which compounds our distress.. you don’t have to try to suppress thoughts and feelings (and actually this won’t work), acknowledge their existence but choose not to indulge them or respond to them in an unhelpful way.. this relates to my point before about acting despite how you feel..

 

• Be patient and expect/accept setbacks – know that you will recover in time, not as quickly as you would like but that it will happen. Also understand that that no strategy is a magic bullet or will necessarily work quickly.. the strategies can take time and require persistence.. and progress can be painfully slow.. progress is not linear and setbacks are inevitable. Treat setbacks as a learning experience and not a catastrophe. During the setbacks, take a step back and look at the bigger picture, and remind yourself of the progress you have made, however small (consider keeping a progress log). I have often said to people that setbacks are nothing more than bumps in your road to recovery.

 

• Be kind to yourself. Don’t beat yourself up for not recovering more quickly, for not implementing strategies perfectly or consistently, or for being weak. You are strong.. And being strong is not being impervious to pain, it’s not being able to suppress negative thoughts and feelings, it’s being human, having difficulties, it’s having the pain and bearing it as best you can.

 

• Consider some good books: “The Sleep Book”, “Spark”, also anything by Dr Claire Weekes..  also anything ACT related which encourages acceptance of distress and commitment to moving forward..

 

• Believe in yourself and your body’s ability to heal in time. And try not get in the way of this process. Identify those things that help you, and those things that don’t help. Focus on doing the things that help and let your mind and body do the rest of the work in their own time.

 

I hope this helps guys 

 

I am happy to receive comments on this post but for privacy reasons would prefer not to receive personal messages – I hope you understand 

 

Awesome post!! Very encouraging. 

 

Kiki

As I'm getting ready to jump I'm looking at success stories to help get me through the waves to come. Thank you for sharing your story, yours and the others here are so important for those of us still in the thick of it.

You're very welcome - good luck!! XOX

 

As I'm getting ready to jump I'm looking at success stories to help get me through the waves to come. Thank you for sharing your story, yours and the others here are so important for those of us still in the thick of it.

Congratulations!  Thank you for sharing your journey with all of us still struggling.  Best wishes for your life. 

To 1966 ( great year btw )

You didn't want private messages so I guess I just post on this thread

Could you please expand on your Valium taper I switched and I'm currently at 7.5

I don't know why but the water tritation seems so daunting to me

Did you dry cut and if so what scale did you use to make those precise cuts

Any info helps

Thanks

HI there barefootn - no i didn't use overly precise methods.. and as you can see from my history the dose jumped around a bit, esp at the beginning.. i just used a knife to do the cutting which i am sure resulted in slightly different doses to what i had intended. I did not use for that long (compared to most here) and hence maybe i could get away with this more crude method? I do wonder tho if it is really that essential to get an super precise dose?? i suspect not but then i think others might disagree..?

 

hope this helps

 

 

To 1966 ( great year btw )

You didn't want private messages so I guess I just post on this thread

Could you please expand on your Valium taper I switched and I'm currently at 7.5

I don't know why but the water tritation seems so daunting to me

Did you dry cut and if so what scale did you use to make those precise cuts

Any info helps

Thanks

Hi 1966 Your success story is full of wisdom and hope .Just loved it

 

Thank you for taking the time to post this. It gives me hope that I could be feeling better soon. I am so torn on if my symptoms are from my Ativan use/stoppage or if it's just out right depression.

I was given Ativan for insomnia too. I was in the hospital and came home with insomnia. I think the insomnia was from the shock of having to go to the hospital.  I didn't sleep for weeks and finally the doc gave me Ativan. 

I ruminate still all these months later if the symptoms came from sleep deprivation, depression, or the Ativan. Knowing you went through horrible depression and anxiety helps me accept it could be from the Ativan. I didn't have depression or anxiety before. Not to this level!!  I was stressed yes. But not like this. I also quit smoking cold turkey when I got home so that didn't help stress/anxiety.

My one question to you is, when you were healing was your sleep toxic? Like I wake in the morning and just don't feel well. If I lay there it gets worse but it's so hard to get out of bed. Did that improve? When you sleep now so you wake feeling refreshed? I miss that so much.

Thank you for taking the time to post this. It gives me hope that I could be feeling better soon. I am so torn on if my symptoms are from my Ativan use/stoppage or if it's just out right depression.

I was given Ativan for insomnia too. I was in the hospital and came home with insomnia. I think the insomnia was from the shock of having to go to the hospital.  I didn't sleep for weeks and finally the doc gave me Ativan. 

I ruminate still all these months later if the symptoms came from sleep deprivation, depression, or the Ativan. Knowing you went through horrible depression and anxiety helps me accept it could be from the Ativan. I didn't have depression or anxiety before. Not to this level!!  I was stressed yes. But not like this. I also quit smoking cold turkey when I got home so that didn't help stress/anxiety.

My one question to you is, when you were healing was your sleep toxic? Like I wake in the morning and just don't feel well. If I lay there it gets worse but it's so hard to get out of bed. Did that improve? When you sleep now so you wake feeling refreshed? I miss that so much.

 

 

Hi Fakeit

 

Mostly likely your symptoms are due to a mix of benzos/anx/dep.. human beings have a knack of making their situations worse and certainly I did that for a long time by obsessing about it all.. yes of course my sleep (or lack of) felt toxic and starting the day was so very difficult on little on no sleep.. at times I felt so horrific! it did get better with all the strategies I talked about but it took a very long time and improvements were painfully slow..

 

life is good again my sleep is mostly really good.. in general I get 6.5-7 hours every night (more or less).. but even on a good sleep I never wake feeling completed refreshed.. but I don't think people do - my psych told waking up instantly refreshed is a myth - that is it generally takes a good 30mins to feel really awake.

 

try your best to stop obsessing/ruminating about it all as this will likely protract the situation.. manage your anxiety/stress/depression, keep active and just get on with life knowing that it will improve.. time heals!! you need to be patient and roll with the punches.. your account name is perfect - so live your life that way and it will eventually come true

 

hope this helps 

Thank you for taking the time to post this. It gives me hope that I could be feeling better soon. I am so torn on if my symptoms are from my Ativan use/stoppage or if it's just out right depression.

I was given Ativan for insomnia too. I was in the hospital and came home with insomnia. I think the insomnia was from the shock of having to go to the hospital.  I didn't sleep for weeks and finally the doc gave me Ativan. 

I ruminate still all these months later if the symptoms came from sleep deprivation, depression, or the Ativan. Knowing you went through horrible depression and anxiety helps me accept it could be from the Ativan. I didn't have depression or anxiety before. Not to this level!!  I was stressed yes. But not like this. I also quit smoking cold turkey when I got home so that didn't help stress/anxiety.

My one question to you is, when you were healing was your sleep toxic? Like I wake in the morning and just don't feel well. If I lay there it gets worse but it's so hard to get out of bed. Did that improve? When you sleep now so you wake feeling refreshed? I miss that so much.

 

 

Hi Fakeit

 

Mostly likely your symptoms are due to a mix of benzos/anx/dep.. human beings have a knack of making their situations worse and certainly I did that for a long time by obsessing about it all.. yes of course my sleep (or lack of) felt toxic and starting the day was so very difficult on little on no sleep.. at times I felt so horrific! it did get better with all the strategies I talked about but it took a very long time and improvements were painfully slow..

 

life is good again my sleep is mostly really good.. in general I get 6.5-7 hours every night (more or less).. but even on a good sleep I never wake feeling completed refreshed.. but I don't think people do - my psych told waking up instantly refreshed is a myth - that is it generally takes a good 30mins to feel really awake.

 

try your best to stop obsessing/ruminating about it all as this will likely protract the situation.. manage your anxiety/stress/depression, keep active and just get on with life knowing that it will improve.. time heals!! you need to be patient and roll with the punches.. your account name is perfect - so live your life that way and it will eventually come true

 

hope this helps 

 

Yes, it helped a lot!  Thank you for replying.

I woke up this morning again feeling horrible. I did my morning routine and then went for a walk.  Then something in me changed. All of a sudden I felt like myself. It actually kind of scared me. I was home alone so couldn't talk with anybody, but I sat down and did some work which I haven't done in a while and thought "whoa, my brain is working clearly". I had to go pick up my daughter at school so I took a shower and actually CARED how I looked when I got dressed! I sprayed some perfume on and even added a necklace! What?!? Lol!!  I picked her up and we went to the grocery store and I felt NORMAL. I didn't have anxiety, I WANTED to look at extra stuff and plan a meal instead of just grabbing what I needed and running out. I actually ran into someone I know and stood and had an animated conversation and laughed.

Didn't mean to hijack your thread with my window, but truly wanted to share with you. When I read your post it truly made me think/realize I will heal from this. I don't know if that helped me get my window but I am so grateful.  :smitten:

so glad to hear you are feeling a little better!! sounds like this might be the beginning of a recovery for you! and if you do feel bad again just remember your good spell and that it will likely return.. I had many fluctuations like that but as time progresses the good spells get longer and the bad spells shorter and less intense.. time will heal  

 

Thank you for taking the time to post this. It gives me hope that I could be feeling better soon. I am so torn on if my symptoms are from my Ativan use/stoppage or if it's just out right depression.

I was given Ativan for insomnia too. I was in the hospital and came home with insomnia. I think the insomnia was from the shock of having to go to the hospital.  I didn't sleep for weeks and finally the doc gave me Ativan. 

I ruminate still all these months later if the symptoms came from sleep deprivation, depression, or the Ativan. Knowing you went through horrible depression and anxiety helps me accept it could be from the Ativan. I didn't have depression or anxiety before. Not to this level!!  I was stressed yes. But not like this. I also quit smoking cold turkey when I got home so that didn't help stress/anxiety.

My one question to you is, when you were healing was your sleep toxic? Like I wake in the morning and just don't feel well. If I lay there it gets worse but it's so hard to get out of bed. Did that improve? When you sleep now so you wake feeling refreshed? I miss that so much.

 

 

Hi Fakeit

 

Mostly likely your symptoms are due to a mix of benzos/anx/dep.. human beings have a knack of making their situations worse and certainly I did that for a long time by obsessing about it all.. yes of course my sleep (or lack of) felt toxic and starting the day was so very difficult on little on no sleep.. at times I felt so horrific! it did get better with all the strategies I talked about but it took a very long time and improvements were painfully slow..

 

life is good again my sleep is mostly really good.. in general I get 6.5-7 hours every night (more or less).. but even on a good sleep I never wake feeling completed refreshed.. but I don't think people do - my psych told waking up instantly refreshed is a myth - that is it generally takes a good 30mins to feel really awake.

 

try your best to stop obsessing/ruminating about it all as this will likely protract the situation.. manage your anxiety/stress/depression, keep active and just get on with life knowing that it will improve.. time heals!! you need to be patient and roll with the punches.. your account name is perfect - so live your life that way and it will eventually come true

 

hope this helps 

 

Yes, it helped a lot!  Thank you for replying.

I woke up this morning again feeling horrible. I did my morning routine and then went for a walk.  Then something in me changed. All of a sudden I felt like myself. It actually kind of scared me. I was home alone so couldn't talk with anybody, but I sat down and did some work which I haven't done in a while and thought "whoa, my brain is working clearly". I had to go pick up my daughter at school so I took a shower and actually CARED how I looked when I got dressed! I sprayed some perfume on and even added a necklace! What?!? Lol!!  I picked her up and we went to the grocery store and I felt NORMAL. I didn't have anxiety, I WANTED to look at extra stuff and plan a meal instead of just grabbing what I needed and running out. I actually ran into someone I know and stood and had an animated conversation and laughed.

Didn't mean to hijack your thread with my window, but truly wanted to share with you. When I read your post it truly made me think/realize I will heal from this. I don't know if that helped me get my window but I am so grateful.  :smitten:

This is a very helpful thread, covers so many important things. 

 

Tinnitus is mentioned in the first post, as you had it before you began benzos.  I had tinnitus and started taking benzos for relief last fall (2017).  Although I had taken benzos years before for other reasons, enough time had elapsed that I don't think that benzos were the cause of my T. 

 

I've only had tinnitus 10 months, and I'm always happy to hear from people who've had it for a longer period, that it gets easier to handle eventually, for virtually everybody that has it.  I'm glad you mentioned this. 

 

You also gave some excellent advice about recovering from benzo dependence, and more.  I have printed the first post and put it in my Benzo binder.  Thank you.

Hi 1966,

 

Many thanks for posting your return to health from the hellish world of benzo withdrawal. As you can see from my signature, I am also healing from Ativan, having also taken it for insomnia for a relatively short time period. I also tapered by cutting the tablets using a pill cutter. I even took pictures of the cuts in order to compare them from one week to the next. Not very scientific! I was just so ready to be free of them. Unfortunately, I think I paid for it by having a rough time in the beginning once I jumped. I am still struggling with sleep, but it is so much better! The windows are getting longer and longer, and my anxiety and depression are tons better. I count my blessings that tinnitus was not an issue, but weight loss has been!

 

Firstly, I am so happy for you that you are seeing this experience from the other side. If it weren't true for so many of us, it would seem almost surreal. How we were duped by taking these medicines, and then on top of it, having so little support from the same doctors who prescribed them! Your attitude and suggestions about living with the WD symptoms were spot on, and very helpful.

 

I did want to ask you about your weight loss. I, too, have lost around 13 lbs (6 kilos). The weight loss began way before I started my taper, without me realizing the cause! I have streamlined my diet to exclude all the usual bad things like junk food, MSG, highly processed food and sugar, as I really thought a healthy diet would help with the healing. My problem is still gaining the lost weight back! I am able to maintain my current weight, but I surely would like to be able to fit into my clothes again. Have you had this issue? A trainer friend of ours has encouraged me to begin weight lifting (I walk a fair amount) in order to build muscle. I have begun to eat more calories per meal, but each morning, the scale registers the same weight day after day. Any suggestions?

 

Tigereye