We are losing soldiers in the fight. Jennifer Leigh and Recovery Road

Wow guys, Jennifer Leigh's website is closed and now Baylissa's recovery road website is closing down.  What's up?

WTF?  I would like to know what's going on too!

Wow guys, Jennifer Leigh's website is closed and now Baylissa's recovery road website is closing down.  What's up?

 

I've seen that Jennifer Leigh is taking a sabbatical from counseling and moving away from active work in the Benzo scene - but the recovery road website is still up and there doesn't seem to be any mention of it closing. Is there word on this from somewhere?

 

In any event, it's no surprise to me that anyone exposed relentlessly to those ongoing - endless -  awful stories of doom and dread associated with withdrawal would want to move on.

 

(A day or two reading some of the stuff on this site is enough to know, for me anyway )

 

 

This is posted on Jennifer Leigh's site:

 

I am taking some time off to focus on my own healing.

I got hit with a wave and need to rest. I’ll be back helping others cope with their symptoms just as soon as I can! I’ve disabled the sign-up calendar for now. Keep healing, everyone. We DO get better. And yes, some of us have waves, even years out. Some of us will have to take very good care of ourselves after we’ve healed from withdrawal. I am clearly one of those people!  Know that I love you all.

 

She's taking care of herself first, which is really important.  She'll be back. 

Wow guys, Jennifer Leigh's website is closed and now Baylissa's recovery road website is closing down. What's up?

 

I don't see any indication of this.  Are you sure?

Hey everyone. Colin or mods may pull this as I'm breaking anonymity here. I'm jennifer. My site will be taken down in six months. I'm

Retired from coaching. My set back is severe. After a very lengthy time of feeling healed I'm

Back in the snake pit. I will not risk my health ever again so I must stop working with benzo clients.  The stress, as you can imagine, is too great. Baylissa's site Baylissa dot com, is still up. I talk her her every morning. She's still helping benzo people. She's not leaving the community. I wish I was more well and could help. But I'm not and I can't. It was an honor and a priveledge helping so many of you. Even though I'm in a set back I continue to believe that we do heal. Some take longer. But the outcome is recovery. Hold on. Don't give up. Be good to yourselves.

 

Hey everyone. Colin or mods may pull this as I'm breaking anonymity here. I'm jennifer. My site will be taken down in six months. I'm

Retired from coaching. My set back is severe. After a very lengthy time of feeling healed I'm

Back in the snake pit. I will not risk my health ever again so I must stop working with benzo clients.  The stress, as you can imagine, is too great. Baylissa's site Baylissa dot com, is still up. I talk her her every morning. She's still helping benzo people. She's not leaving the community. I wish I was more well and could help. But I'm not and I can't. It was an honor and a priveledge helping so many of you. Even though I'm in a set back I continue to believe that we do heal. Some take longer. But the outcome is recovery. Hold on. Don't give up. Be good to yourselves.

 

jen,

 

i will pray for you. i will pray harder than i have for anyone yet. this can't go on for long. god has to stop this and restore you your life.

Thank you. That's very kind of you. I'm praying too, for all

Of us. Hopefully In another few weeks or months I'll be back on my feet. Out in my garden. I'm working on a novel to distract me. Friends are cooking for me and taking care of me. God walked me through this once before. No reason to believe God will stop and let me walk the way to complete healing on my own.

 

Please know that we heal. If I didn't believe this I wouldn't have done the work I did all these years. I've seen clients get well. And I saw my own healing. I went from deranged after my cold turkey to functional. I even taught a class at Stanford. Had a bad wave from doing to much, then recovered from that. The last six months before this setback were the best in many many years. But, I guess I did too much. I've probably got a much more fragile CNS than most due to my years of trauma before Benzo's. I over estimated my capacity for listening to others pain and suffering. It finally took its toll on me, along with The physical extertion I put myself under. You can avoid a setback if you take care of yourself. If you are an over achiever like myself, you'll want to really watch yourself and slow down.

 

When I crawl out of this setback I'm dedicated to taking life easy. I don't want to be a leader. I don't want to be responsible for people's lives in any way shape or form. No more coaching ever. I just want to write. Grow flowers. Be among friends and family. Hold my grandchildren. And appreciate every sunrise I'm given. This is my wild one and precious life, no matter how shattered it feels at the moment. It is mine.

 

 

 

Thank you. That's very kind of you. I'm praying too, for all

Of us. Hopefully In another few weeks or months I'll be back on my feet. Out in my garden. I'm working on a novel to distract me. Friends are cooking for me and taking care of me. God walked me through this once before. No reason to believe God will stop and let me walk the way to complete healing on my own.

 

Please know that we heal. If I didn't believe this I wouldn't have done the work I did all these years. I've seen clients get well. And I saw my own healing. I went from deranged after my cold turkey to functional. I even taught a class at Stanford. Had a bad wave from doing to much, then recovered from that. The last six months before this setback were the best in many many years. But, I guess I did too much. I've probably got a much more fragile CNS than most due to my years of trauma before Benzo's. I over estimated my capacity for listening to others pain and suffering. It finally took its toll on me, along with The physical extertion I put myself under. You can avoid a setback if you take care of yourself. If you are an over achiever like myself, you'll want to really watch yourself and slow down.

 

When I crawl out of this setback I'm dedicated to taking life easy. I don't want to be a leader. I don't want to be responsible for people's lives in any way shape or form. No more coaching ever. I just want to write. Grow flowers. Be among friends and family. Hold my grandchildren. And appreciate every sunrise I'm given. This is my wild one and precious life, no matter how shattered it feels at the moment. It is mine.

Jenn, God`s speed and prayers !

This is my wild one and precious life, no matter how shattered it feels at the moment. It is mine.

 

there is so much pathos in these lines that it made me cry. i know how writing can be difficult right now. but you must write when you recover, and which will be soon... i promise; i just prayed. 

Thank you for your kind words. I am writing. A novel. For two years I wrote a daily Soul Reminder and published online in withdrawal.  When I was 12 I knew my contract with God was to write books that helped others. I have penned a few. But now that's all I want to do. Just write. It's interesting  my first time in withdrawal I gardened to distract. Now, I'm too weak and dizzy. There is no way I can keep busy being active. It's like God's way of telling me I have to be still and write. Im 17k words into my first novel, called Hen. It's the story I've always wanted to share. I appreciate your encouragement. To better days for all of us. I keep remembering that weeping may endure for the night but joy comes in the morning. We won't be in the dark forever.

Thank you for your kind words. I am writing. A novel. For two years I wrote a daily Soul Reminder and published online in withdrawal.  When I was 12 I knew my contract with God was to write books that helped others. I have penned a few. But now that's all I want to do. Just write. It's interesting  my first time in withdrawal I gardened to distract. Now, I'm too weak and dizzy. There is no way I can keep busy being active. It's like God's way of telling me I have to be still and write. Im 17k words into my first novel, called Hen. It's the story I've always wanted to share. I appreciate your encouragement. To better days for all of us. I keep remembering that weeping may endure for the night but joy comes in the morning. We won't be in the dark forever.

 

yes, i know about your gardening. i have read your success story no less than a dozen times and have had my wife and doctor read it too. i also connected the dots only yesterday that that success story belonged to none other than you and then i i discovered this ID of yours. i spent a good part of today reading your old posts. life is strange and then there are some things about life that were meant to be forever hidden from us, but, we benzo travellers are forced to see it and in some cases for much longer than any human can tolerate. and then, in a perverse twist of irony, we are reminded that no matter how terrifying this aspect of life may be, it is not a death sentence and we should thus feel grateful, than sad or angry, for being forced to watch this horror.

 

i will be a happy customer of hen once it is published. what are the other books that you have written? i would like to read them. you can PM me if you fear colin's policy about anonymity -- though i personally think, in your case, he will be glad to gloss over it for you were never anonymous elsewhere on the net and thus the transgression, if it is one, is hardly new and then he has also been a bit kind with you through history.

Thank you for asking. I'll pm you. I want to respect Colin's forum rules. I'm here for support and to give some support, not promote my books. It is interesting how life plays out. There is much we don't know. Much we want to control. It's all so nebulous. I've exhausted myself, and terrorized myself trying to figure it out. Impossible to do in withdrawal. And when recovered, I'm not so plagued with the existential angst. I'm simply in my life living it. Moment to moment. Fluid. I am eager to return to those days. This scrutiny of one's life while in withdrawal is exhausting and a bit masochistic. I'll be glad when it's over; when my CNS is repaired and functioning properly again. I cheer my receptors on every day:  Go!  Go! Go!

 

I am so very sorry that this happened to you. About three weeks ago I talked to you via  I was in a Hellish wave and the help you gave me was despertley

Hey everyone. Colin or mods may pull this as I'm breaking anonymity here. I'm jennifer. My site will be taken down in six months. I'm

Retired from coaching. My set back is severe. After a very lengthy time of feeling healed I'm

Back in the snake pit. I will not risk my health ever again so I must stop working with benzo clients.  The stress, as you can imagine, is too great. Baylissa's site Baylissa dot com, is still up. I talk her her every morning. She's still helping benzo people. She's not leaving the community. I wish I was more well and could help. But I'm not and I can't. It was an honor and a priveledge helping so many of you. Even though I'm in a set back I continue to believe that we do heal. Some take longer. But the outcome is recovery. Hold on. Don't give up. Be good to yourselves.

 

Hello recovering,

 

Of course we won't remove this post, you've made your battle, your struggle with benzos very public and have helped many people.

 

I'm so sorry about the massive wave, sometimes there is just no rhyme or reason to these things.  It's part of the indescribable benzo withdrawal process.

 

I think you are doing the right thing, give to yourself now and do things that will bring serenity and peace in your life.  I'm a grandma of one and the time I get to spend with her is precious. You'll get through this wave, it will dissipate.  When that happens your focus can be on family, writing and gardening, and anything else that makes you feel good, inside and out.

 

pianogirl 

Thank you. I'm praying you are correct. I am a grandmother of one with another due February. (They've not announced the pregnancy publically yet.) I am scared, yes, as I know withdrawal

Too well, but mostly I'm sad. I felt like I had turned a big corner in my healing. Was so grateful. Hard to lose that footing. This time around I've got some different sx. I am bedbound due to the severe POTS like symptoms. I simply can't stand for more than a few minutes or I'm extremely ill and must get horizontal. At least the first time I was able to garden. Now, just getting out to my garden is more than I can tolerate. Hard to distract when you can't get out of bed. Not impossible, but a challenge. I'm grateful for the people who are waking with me. Supporting me.

 

 

Jennifer,

 

I'm am so sorry for your setback, you are so wise to slow down to help recover.  I talked with you too and your were very helpful-thank-you!

 

Take good care of yourself and sending you healing thoughts 

I have an idea for a support related project that could likely benefit a lot of people who are suffering from the aftermath of benzos but I just don't know if I have it in me to take on other people's pain. When you are dealing with symptoms yourself there just isn't much left in the tank for helping others. And when you start to feel better you have a lot of catching up to do and probably don't want to relive this nightmare every day. So I commend anyone who is able to do it.

Thank you. I'm praying you are correct. I am a grandmother of one with another due February. (They've not announced the pregnancy publically yet.) I am scared, yes, as I know withdrawal

Too well, but mostly I'm sad. I felt like I had turned a big corner in my healing. Was so grateful. Hard to lose that footing. This time around I've got some different sx. I am bedbound due to the severe POTS like symptoms. I simply can't stand for more than a few minutes or I'm extremely ill and must get horizontal. At least the first time I was able to garden. Now, just getting out to my garden is more than I can tolerate. Hard to distract when you can't get out of bed. Not impossible, but a challenge. I'm grateful for the people who are waking with me. Supporting me.

 

I think one of my BB buddies went through something like you are experiencing after she was off for a significant length of time. I know it did involve dizziness, I'm not certain it was POTS. I'll check with her and see if I can find out more information. One thing I do know is that is did go away.

 

PG 

Thank you. That would be helpful.

Hi,

I'm sending my best wishes to you, recovering. I'm not sure what kind of dizziness symptoms you're having, but it's good to get that sort of thing checked out. There are some kinds of dizziness that can be easily treated (without meds, I might add), and they have nothing to do with benzodiazepines. There are many kinds of dizziness and many different causes. Were you dizzy before? Is this completely new? I don't want to pry too much, but suffice to say, it's worth getting it checked out because there may be a relatively quick fix.

 

If it's part of your benzo withdrawal experience, and you've been free of it before, then undoubtedly, it will go away again. As someone who has dealt with dizziness for a long time, I know how challenging it can be to deal with.

 

Take good care of yourself. I admire you for the work you've done with others. It's a beautiful thing to do. 

Thank you. I saw a doctor today. I've developed POTS. My heart rate goes to 160 and my blood pressure isn't even measurable when I stand. That's causing a lot of it. But what's causing it? It's a symptom. Not a disease. I was not the debilitated the first Wd so hard to know if it's Wd related. I do feel I'm back in Wd. The burning, tingles, jerking, shaking, etc is the same as last time. They took 25 tubes of blood. I guess I'll know something soon. I started a tiny dose of inderal  (suggested by Ashton) hoping it helps a bit. Swallowing that pill took courage. I have developed a paranoid loathing of any and all drugs. But I've to try and stabilize so I can stand up. I have the boaty stuff going on as well. Fun fun.

Thank you. I saw a doctor today. I've developed POTS. My heart rate goes to 160 and my blood pressure isn't even measurable when I stand. That's causing a lot of it. But what's causing it? It's a symptom. Not a disease. I was not the debilitated the first Wd so hard to know if it's Wd related. I do feel I'm back in Wd. The burning, tingles, jerking, shaking, etc is the same as last time. They took 25 tubes of blood. I guess I'll know something soon. I started a tiny dose of inderal  (suggested by Ashton) hoping it helps a bit. Swallowing that pill took courage. I have developed a paranoid loathing of any and all drugs. But I've to try and stabilize so I can stand up. I have the boaty stuff going on as well. Fun fun.

 

Okay, I'm glad you've seen someone and that they're looking into it for/with you. I'm not familiar with POTS, but from what you're describing, it doesn't sound fun at all. Just take good care of yourself, and I'm hoping it passes soon.

Thank you. I saw a doctor today. I've developed POTS. My heart rate goes to 160 and my blood pressure isn't even measurable when I stand. That's causing a lot of it. But what's causing it? It's a symptom. Not a disease. I was not the debilitated the first Wd so hard to know if it's Wd related. I do feel I'm back in Wd. The burning, tingles, jerking, shaking, etc is the same as last time. They took 25 tubes of blood. I guess I'll know something soon. I started a tiny dose of inderal  (suggested by Ashton) hoping it helps a bit. Swallowing that pill took courage. I have developed a paranoid loathing of any and all drugs. But I've to try and stabilize so I can stand up. I have the boaty stuff going on as well. Fun fun.

 

Being bedridden - lying down, static, for a long number of days/weeks can cause those kind of effects and, as well, can influence vestibular/balance issues (as well as almost everything else). Your muscle tone, for instance, would also be depleted  - most importantly in this context, in your legs & hips.

 

I'm not saying "this is it", but it stands to reason that a month or two of virtually 'no movement', for whatever good and understandable reason, will create effects that may not be taken into account (because of the dominance of other more prominent 'symptoms' with which we are preoccupied).

 

All the very best.

Thank you. That would be helpful.

 

Hi again,

 

I have been in contact with my good buddie from the forum who had what I thought was a similar experience after she was off benzos for a significant period of time.  Her user name is perseverance and I'm fairly certain you have come across the many educational threads she has started here. We've made them "sticky topics".

 

Anyway, this is what she had to say:

 

"I did not have POTS-- I had Orthostatic hypotension where my blood pressure fell suddenly when standing up from a lying or sitting position.

 

If she wants to pursue it I would suggest she has her doctors determine whether it is primary POTS or secondary to another condition:

 

 

Primary forms

 

 Partial dysautonomic

 

 Immune mediated pathogenesis

 

 Adolescence

 

 Hyperadrenergic state

 

Secondary forms

 

 Diabetes mellitus

 

 Amyloidosis

 

 Heavy metal poisoning

 

 Sjogren syndrome

 

 Hypermobility syndrome

 

 Paraneoplastic syndrome

 

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2600095/

 

If they determine it to be idiopathic it could be definitely be benzo related IMO -because POTS can result from an imbalance of norepinephrine on the high side- which I suggested in my review may also be the case in BW (under the 'Tests' section)

 

Also the autonomic nervous system may be involved which could be benzo related as well."

 

She also said she had a lot of heart racing and palpitations that were very scary but they eased up with time.

 

I hope this information helps some, I'm glad you did have some medical testing done. I'm sending good thoughts your way as you sort out the cause of these symptoms.

 

PG