Jump to content

Pre existing depression


[Br...]

Recommended Posts

Okay let me ask you guys that have had and/or were being treated for pre existing depression before benzos...

 

Are you able to tell the difference between benzo depression and clinical depression? when you're getting hit hard? The reason I ask is because I've been a depression wave, or at least I think it is wave from withdrawal, with no easing up for almost 3 weeks and it really is sucking the life out of me.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I've been off benzos for 10 months.  It is hard to actually finger the depression as "depression" or "withdrawal".  My personal thought is that it is plain old depression whether it is exacerbated by the absence of benzos or your brain returning to the pre-benzo depression.

 

Either way, it sucks badly.  I've had a few windows where the depression wasn't bad (I am still on depression meds), but the waves bring it back hard and heavy.  That feeling can get really worrisome but I try to be nice to myself and nap when needed, give myself a treat of some type, and try to be decent with others (which can be almost impossible at times).

 

I hope you get over this episode very soon!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Ive been through bouts of depression prior to benzo's, not constantly but enough times for me to be familar with the experience. Depression was the first withdrawal symptom I noticed during my taper and initially I didnt even attribute it to withdrawal, but it was so intense and dark and unrelenting and sort of made no sense because I was fine a few months earlier and nothing in my life had changed. Im now about 7 weeks post jump and very depressed. Sometimes i dont know if its withdrawal or my own depression, but thinking back my own depression was never this bleak, and If good things happened it would cheer me up, while now nothing seems to cheer me up its like Im mentally/emotional incapable of happiness or joy. Everyone says this will pass and I cling to that for hope.
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I think waves amplify the shitty feelings and other withdrawal symptoms.  I just attribute it to healing (as the other BBs all say).  Keep hanging on.
Link to comment
Share on other sites

In my case, it's hard to tell, though it does seem the current episodes are a bit more compelling. The clinical depression has been more/less persistent since childhood along with ADD, BPD and social anxiety so I suspect the Benzo w/d could very well has taken it and ran with it - in fact, has. The narrative is dark and one of tragedy and I feel as though my sanity is being held captive. Of course it doesn't help that I was recently denied SSDI by the court after waiting about 3 years and am pretty much SOL now at age 59 so there is, shall I say, little resistance to falling into the narrative 'trap'. It is evident that the intrusive thoughts are dangerous in my case and it is imperative that any thought process be stopped if I hope to get any peace or feel safe. Insomnia, still at this stage (month 11) is also quite an obstacle, therefore sleep is essential in resetting the troubling, disturbing narrative. I do expect to fully recover from the w/d's - hopefully sooner rather than later - but whether the depression lingers on is anyone's guess. Peace out -
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I've experienced depression many times before benzos. (I have bipolar disorder.) For me there is a drastic difference between depression before benzos and benzo withdrawal depression. Before benzos I did not experience constant anxiety, frequent panic attacks, agoraphobia, paranoia, depersonalization, derealization or other forms of dissociation. I also didn't have any phobias. All of these new symptoms have made this withdrawal depression much more severe than anything I experienced in the past. Add all the physical symptoms and I feel like I've been reborn as a hypochondriac. The other difference is the duration. Before benzos, depression would last several months at most. I have been severely depressed since I started titrating almost a year ago. Also, medications that worked for me in the past to help with depression are not helping now in withdrawal and I have had a paradoxical reaction to them or they made withdrawal symptoms much worse. My heart goes out to you. I'm sad that any of us is suffering in this way. xoxo
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 3 weeks later...

I find it ironic that, not only did benzodiazepines (both use and tapering) worsened my pre-existing depresssion significantly, but that this whole process brought the whole new level of depression, as my time-tested coping skills do not really work as well or at all anymore, and that my stress tolerance is very low, which adds to more depression on top of the pre-existing depression and benzodiazepine withdrawal-induced depression.

 

I found this on another benzo support site, and it captures what I feel quite well:

 

http://benzosupport.org/my_depression.htm

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I find it ironic that, not only did benzodiazepines (both use and tapering) worsened my pre-existing depresssion significantly, but that this whole process brought the whole new level of depression, as my time-tested coping skills do not really work as well or at all anymore, and that my stress tolerance is very low, which adds to more depression on top of the pre-existing depression and benzodiazepine withdrawal-induced depression.

 

I found this on another benzo support site, and it captures what I feel quite well:

 

http://benzosupport.org/my_depression.htm

 

You said this really well... it's a horrible feedback loop of suffering! The depression has lifted for me a bit and my coping skills are working again for now. Don't stop trying to use them. Their effectiveness comes back!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 1 month later...

I find it ironic that, not only did benzodiazepines (both use and tapering) worsened my pre-existing depresssion significantly, but that this whole process brought the whole new level of depression, as my time-tested coping skills do not really work as well or at all anymore, and that my stress tolerance is very low, which adds to more depression on top of the pre-existing depression and benzodiazepine withdrawal-induced depression.

 

I found this on another benzo support site, and it captures what I feel quite well:

 

http://benzosupport.org/my_depression.htm

 

Exactly.... how do we see the light out if this?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Ok so your thought is that when you're in a wave it can amplify you underlying depression?

 

Hi,

 

I have been treated for depression for 40 years and the depression I have while going through w/d is definitely worse than the depression I've suffered before. Also the anxiety is worse than I have ever experienced in my 68 years of life.

 

Personally, for me, the w/d from K is making my underlying mental illnesses worse. But there is nothing I can do about it (Paxil 30 mg daily doesn't help) so I just ride the waves hour by hour by hour.

 

I hope this helps a little to answer your question.

 

the more I read on BB, the more I realize that each of us are suffering terribly, all with similar symptoms but at different levels of intensity. maybe body chemistry, medication, length of time on med, etc. We all are in pain but different kinds of pain. You understand what I am trying to say?

 

I keep writing to BB people to "hang in there" when I wonder if I, myself, am going to be able to hang in there. After 11 weeks of hell, I guess it's worth it, right?

 

take care, hope this helps a bit,

Pooh49

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 2 weeks later...

Ok so your thought is that when you're in a wave it can amplify you underlying depression?

 

 

I have been treated for depression for 40 years and the depression I have while going through w/d is definitely worse than the depression I've suffered before. Also the anxiety is worse than I have ever experienced in my 68 years of life.

 

Personally, for me, the w/d from K is making my underlying mental illnesses worse. But there is nothing I can do about it (Paxil 30 mg daily doesn't help) so I just ride the waves hour by hour by hour.

 

I hope this helps a little to answer your question.

 

the more I read on BB, the more I realize that each of us are suffering terribly, all with similar symptoms but at different levels of intensity. maybe body chemistry, medication, length of time on med, etc. We all are in pain but different kinds of pain. You understand what I am trying to say?

 

I keep writing to BB people to "hang in there" when I wonder if I, myself, am going to be able to hang in there. After 11 weeks of hell, I guess it's worth it, right?

 

take care, hope this helps a bit,

Pooh49

 

Hey - what he said!! I'm 59 so he's only got 9 years on me but what Pooh49 said is spot on. I'm into 13 mo. it now and still it is a freaking nightmare - though I can say I am starting to see a flicker of light at the end of this long, dark tunnel. I feel fortunate to be a part of the BB club - has made a enough of a difference to get me to this point, thus far. Please take care -

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 2 months later...
[35...]

i never had pre existing depression or if i had, i never noticed it. if you blindfold me and put me in benzo depression, i will be able to tell that i am suffering from benzo depression and not anything else. i say this because i have experienced the following depressions, and this is how i would list them in an increasing order of dysphoria:

 

- alcohol depression (chronic alcoholism)

- codeine depression (withdrawal)

- tramadol depression (opiate + snri withdrawal)

-  LSD depression (bad trip or marijuana -- it induces bad dp/dr in me)

- benzo depression

 

i am able to get relief from opiate and snri withdrawals with exercise. in benzo withdrawal, i find it impossible to do (some are able to exercise in benzo withdrawal though).

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

×
×
  • Create New...