Thank you

I was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes when I was 5 years old (35 at the time of this post), at the age of 11 I acquired HUS (a form of Ecoli) that attacked my kidneys and required two months stay at Childrens' Hospital and 4 total months of kidney dialysis.  Thanks to the amazing doctors at Childrens, I made a full recovery and I eventually regained the strength I'd lost over the course of a year.  During that time in the hospital however, I had no idea how serious my illness was (The same virus took the lives of several children due to contaminated meat at a Jack N The box in California that same year in 1992) until one of my mothers friends told me I almost died. This took me by surprise, as up until learning of the seriousness of my virus, I simply thought that I was sick and the doctors made it all better.  Ignorance is wonderful.

 

This is when my journey of psych meds began.  I began having "belly aches" and couldn't sleep.  My well meaning and amazing parents took me to see a psych and I was prescribed 100mg Zoloft and 1 mg Ativan as needed.  This continued for a while, probably all the way through high school and college.  I never really took the Ativan and I stopped the Zoloft because I couldn't handle the side effects.

 

5 years later after working out one day I had trouble breathing.  Long story short, after a seeing a pile of doctors I was diagnosed with anxiety and prescribed Zoloft, eventually peaking at 100mg/day and .5 Ativan as needed.  Again, Zoloft worked and I never "needed" the Ativan. 

 

Fast forward to this past September (2017).  I woke up and felt like I got his by a truck.  Long story short, went to the hospital, was diagnosed with Rhabdomyolisis (extreme muscle breakdown, brought on my a workout supposedly).  Being a nutrition and strength and conditioning coach... this never made any sense to me.  I became hyper vigilant about my health and my diabetes... stopped eating all carbs and lost a ton of weight (not good, as I was pretty lean to begin with) and started having dizzy spells, mood swings, basically going crazy.  Oh, and a huge panic attack that had me rushed to the ER from work (I thought i was having a heart attack).  All tests are clear, nothing wrong with my heart.  was prescribed 1mg Ativan as needed and Zoloft tit-rating up to 75mg. 

 

I began having EXTREME bouts of anger that would last all day.  It was horrible. I'd also have sudden bouts of crying that I couldn't explain (although I felt better after).  All the while I'd have horrible anxiety through out the day as I was constantly worrying about my health.. absolutely convinced there was something wrong with me (since I had good reason to believe so since I'd been T1D for 30 years)  At this point I began using 1mg Ativan at night to sleep.. and this worked great.. and I felt great the next morning until about 1 oclock when I would get horrible headaches and anxiety (acute withdrawal?)

 

Long story short (again).  I was given Zoloft and Ativan from my primary care, I reacted HORRIBLY to the Zoloft this time around (*******, extreme depression) and used 1mg Ativan to sleep. I had what I learned (thanks to THIS amazing community) where side effect of Ativan. 

 

I cut my 1mg dose of Ativan at night to .5mg and after 2 weeks I stopped altogether.  I have been off Ativan for 18 days as of this writing (7/11/17) and now I am working through withdrawal.

 

I'd been off and on taking the Ativan since september, and then consistently taking it (1mg) for about 14 weeks.  Cut to .5 mg for 2 weeks and then stopped.

 

I have bouts of depression, bouts of anziety, I can't focus, i am indecisive, my memory is awful, I feel like I am constantly in a haze or cloudy.  I have bouts of crying spells, a constant tension like I can't relax, head aches, and my mind wont stop spinning.  Also, there is constantly a song playing in my head, usually whatever the last song or tune I've heard.  I can't focus and pay attention for very long.  I have trouble putting sentences together and writing well (I apologize for my poor grammar). 

 

I see a functional nutritionist and take 200mg L-Theanine and 4g Inositol 2x/day and before bed. This seems to ground me and certainly helps me sleep. 

 

I need to thank all of you very much, as I've been reading this site and all of your stories for about a month now.  The support you all have shown each other is really something special.  It has helped me just to know that others are struggling, and have struggle through this and have gotten better.  From the bottom of my heart, thank you. 

Welcome to BenzoBuddies, TID.

 

I'm so sorry you're going through this.  We don't expect this sort of reaction to having taken prescription drugs.

 

The symptoms you've described sound very much like those associated with recovery from having taken a benzodiazepine, especially after a rapid taper.  You have a couple of choices at this point.  You can struggle through it or reinstate and taper slowly.  Unfortunately, reinstating is not a guarantee things will improve....sometimes it does help and sometimes it doesn't. 

 

The good news is that, with time, your symptoms will diminish and disappear, but I certainly understand that it may feel fairly intolerable at the moment. 

 

A good place to begin posting in inPost Withdrawal Support.

 

When you have a chance, I highly recommend that you take a look at The Ashton Manual, which is an authoritative source on what to expect during withdrawal and recovery, authored by Dr. C. Heather Ashton, who is an expert in the field. It provides a great deal of information that can be very reassuring during any stage of this process, including a list of common symptoms with helpful explanations on the reasons for their existence.

 

Please take some time to Create a Signature. This will help other members understand your history so they will be better able to support you.

Go to the top of the page and select Profile, then choose Forum Profile, insert drug history/timelines into the text box and click Change Profile.

 

Take care, things will get better. 

 

Challis

Wonder if you took an FQ antibiotic before the Sept 2017 events? They can cause rhabdomyolysis, panic attacks, everything you describe, even several months after taking them. Waking up one day “feeling like been hit by a truck” is a phrase I’ve seen commonly to describe the onset of this reaction. Cipro is what got me on my benzo journey a little over a year ago. All the best to you, hope you see full healing very soon.