8 months off last two days worst ever! Don't know how much longer I can hang on?

Ok I'm really struggling and hanging on by a thread after the last two days especially last night and today and I know I haven't got any responses to my last several post but I'm really scared now and I don't understand or know what to do or if I will survive this much longer?

 

As bad bad as this wave of symptoms have been since the end of month 6 now in month 8 and even as bad as last week was the last two days has hit a whole new level of suffering and torture to the point I really don't know if I can hang on much longer?

 

Last week was horrific and then tuesday and Wednesday I still felt horrible but it was tolerable then Thursday it got a little worse and now yesterday into last night and today the severe pressure burning numbness and physical symptoms in my head have reached a whole new level and I can honestly say this is the worst I've felt over the 8 months I've been off Xanex by far this is the most excruciating debilitating pain I have ever experienced and just when I think it can't get any worse or maybe feeling better is right around the corner wham it gets so much worse than ever before.

 

Along with the severe uptick in the physical symptoms in my head the emotional symptoms have increased with it severe confusion DP/DR horrible intrusive thoughts dizziness fatigue and extreme nausea have all reached new levels over the last few days as well and I really don't know how much more I can take and I feel like on top of the physical pain I'm literally losing my mind and having a psychological breakdown to the point I can't function at all can't get out of bed was up last night or this morning till 5am out on the back porch crying in so much physical and emotional pain and have been that way today as well and I don't know what to do or if any of this is normal or how much longer I can hang on?

 

I'm trying to do all the things suggested holding on the Zoloft, constantly distracting myself how ever I can I haven't even worked in 3 weeks but theirs a lot of pressure to go back next week I haven't hardly done anything at all over the last 3 weeks and it still has continually gotten worse and I've even had new symptoms pop up with the severe pressure in my forehead, temples, behind my eye in the middle of my brain up to the top of my head down into the back of my neck anytime I move at all it's nothing but so much pressure burning numbness and pain in my head my eyes immediately shut and I can't stand up for long and now I have this lump in the back of my throat and it feels like my throat is closing up and I can't breath and when I stand up or try to do anything it's like my mind just shuts down and goes to a dark place I feel extremely nauseous and confused and have to go lay back down and just laying here their is so much pressure and pain in my head I feel like I'm gonna throw up and I can't breath and it's so bad it's getting harder and harder to distract myself at all just crying in complete psychological and physical pain this is horrible.

 

Sorry so so long but I don't know what else to do? And the last two days has left me hanging on barley in the worst pain physically and emotionally of my life. I'm

Hang on with all your strength man. You can do this. Your much stronger than you think you are, you've made it this far and from what you've said, you seem like you have a sense of awareness about whats crazy and whats not. in medicine, they call it "insight", which means you have a conscious awareness of your own condition and its a good marker. it separates the mentally healthy who can help themselves out vs actual psychotic states.  I'd keep fighting your minds attempts to confuse you and white knuckle this out best you can and reassure yourself a window is coming, think that each wave means you made it through and ARE PROGRESSING in your healing, that what I do during waves. Im really sorry its happening to you and please know you arent alone and if you really are concerned for your physical or mental health in the prescence of new changes etc, then you should go to your GP or family doctor asap and get checkout out, even if its just for reassurance. many people here on benzo buddies are here to help including me. Im happy to hear you out when you go through this stuff and post morale support if you need. Fight on ! Dont give up dude

I'm trying so hard but these symptoms just continue to climb and get worse and the head pressure burning numbness and physical symptoms in my brain are so severe I can not function at all and have been able to do nothing lately other than lay in bed and grab my head and just suffer! The emotional symptoms are a nightmare and it is still hard to figure out what is Benzo WD and what the Zoloft is doing to my brain but whatever it is I feel like I'm completely losing it and fighting with my brain 24/7 with the last little bit of sanity o have left and I feel like I'm losing that battle more and more everyday!

 

It seems impossible and there is no end in sight and literally so much pressure in my head I can't even head out of my left ear and it pops and hurts every time I move this is crazy!

 

I can't function I've had to quit work can't take care of myself much less my kids and I'm losing it and all hope I will survive this or that there will be anything left of me even if I do!

Have you been tested for these physical symptoms? Like do you see a GP or doctor on a regular basis? I think it might be a good idea to rule anything out that way just to be sure.

 

You may not be working and you may feel really down on yourself right now, but you know what you have done: you have gotten through another day and that is something to be so proud of.

 

 

OMG! I'm reading your story and then I see "my kid". That's gotta be rough for damn sure. Sounds, for the most part to be familiar and I don't know how any of us get through it. Of course each of us are a bit different given any number of variables but we are quite similar in this wretched ordeal. I don't presume to know what you can or cannot do - only you can get access to that and it may change as you go along - all depends on your level of awareness at any given moment etc. One thing that I've done that do seem to make a difference with the pressure and burning are as follows: since it's hot outside, I get my hair wet then stand directly in front of the AC unit right at the area (top of the head, near the back) and stay with it; the other thing I do is drink ice tea (or what have you) almost freezing, and try to get that freezing sensation going on in my head! Sounds funny but darned if it doesn't work! I do, as many of us, understand the emotional anguish. I'm in month 11 and still can't say with certainty I can get through it - I can only take it day by day. In my case, it's that hideous depression and sort of gnawing uneasiness. And of course an old favorite - insomnia. Many times have I just come to the point of desperation - just last night - as though my sanity is being held captive! I find I am so sensitive to stress that I gotta stay calm and quiet - just hanging around with the cat. It doesn't help too much either, that I was recently turned down for SSDI, after waiting 3 damn years. I'm pretty sure I've seen better days! Just sayin'. Let's hope we see light at that proverbial end of the tunnel - sooner rather than later. Take care . . .

I'm trying so hard to hold on but 9 months off that evil drug and I'm worse now than I have ever been and losing hope more and more everyday!

 

The head pressure numbness burning and physical pain in my head has increased even over the last 24 hours and it literally feels like my head is gonna explode and I can't even hardly get out of my bed much less function at all this is crazy!

 

The emotional symptoms are so severe I feel like I'm losing my mind and having a psychotic breakdown on top of the physical pain in my head and yes I'm still on the Zoloft but I've been holding on it now for over 4 months and it just keeps getting worse!

 

I don't know what to do or how much longer I can hold on? On top of my condition worsened and all the crazy going on with my ex I had to go today and sign parental control over to my parents and my sister cause school is starting back up and I can't even function of take care of myself much less them!

 

I'm really scared and after 9 months don't see this getting any better anytime soon and wander if I will ever heal?

 

I am 9 months off too , and two weeks ago I was in Hell. Until then I was doing pretty well in an up and down sort of way , then six weeks ago I got hit with the worst side effects since acute. Burning, tingling, insomnia, the feeling of poison constantly running through my veins. All I wanted to do was rest and all I could do was to keep pacing. I had one astonishing window. One day of complete calm, and then back to the nightmare.  I honestly thought that I would either never recover, or that some rare and probably fatal disease had picked me to be it's victim.

 

Then two weeks ago very gradually I started to feel a little bit better. Tiny windows and a gradual lessening of the symptoms. A little more sleep and a little less restless. Today is my best day yet. Today I feel encouraged and I know that I will recover.

 

So my friend , hang in there. You have made it this far and you will get your break. Every day healing happens. And we all heal differently. Some people go from utter Hell to being symptom free. Imagine that and hold the thought.

 

Hugs 

 

 

I don't know what to do or how much longer I can hold on? On top of my condition worsened and all the crazy going on with my ex I had to go today and sign parental control over to my parents and my sister cause school is starting back up and I can't even function of take care of myself much less them!

 

I'm really scared and after 9 months don't see this getting any better anytime soon and wander if I will ever heal?

 

Dont beat yourself up about this friend. Your family are there to support you and thats what good family can be....a support in these times. They will look after your kids while you look after you. Your kids are with family and theyll be looked after. Try to reassure yourself as much as possible. feeding the benzo beast with your worst fears will only make it grow from my personal experience. hold tight and wait for that next cloudburst sun-ray, it is coming! surely as anything it is coming, it may not be the end but it is rest and a reminder of normal that will sustain you. I think of it like a squirrel gathering nuts for winter. I add up all the times i remember feeling better again after a hellish month or week. I try to focus on them.

 

Hope things pick up soon bud, still here and happy to be a sounding board. 

 

Then two weeks ago very gradually I started to feel a little bit better. Tiny windows and a gradual lessening of the symptoms. A little more sleep and a little less restless. Today is my best day yet. Today I feel encouraged and I know that I will recover.

 

 

This is that cloudburst moment for me in a nutshell described perfectly by brave rabbit. Glad your feeling better rabbit and Im feeling like im right at where you were two weeks ago after a hellish fortnight. Unfortunately I feel certain it wont last. but happy for the blessing of now....hang in there all

Thank you and I'm trying to hold on but these symptoms have gradually been getting worse since the end of month 6 and now into month 9 the worse yet and just as bad if not worse than in the hospital back last October and unfortunately for me I still have the Zoloft to deal with and I'm so confused on what to do with that it's driving me crazy and I don't even know what it's doing to me with how bad the Benzo symptoms have been thisnis a nightmare that just never ends!

i feel you pain - i am only 6.5 weeks out and have no idea how people keep going if this doesnt stop.  true warriors on this website.  i had a short stretch of a few nights of getting 4 hours of sleep which felt miraculous and now sleep has been gone for 3 days - i just don't know how the human body can do this and how the medical community denies its happening.  i know there is no psych med that is going to bring relief - so i must keep moving forward some how .  i live alone and am starting to realize i may need to sell my house.  i haven't been able to work and don't see how working will be possible until this gets a good deal better...... i am so sorry you are going through this and i pray for all of us our suffering improves sooner than later...... i wish there was something i could do.  i feel like anything that used to bring me joy or stress relief has the opposite effect now. to the outside world it looks like i am having a nervous breakdown but i know its benzo WD...... the sun is about to rise on another day/night with no sleep...... we must somehow keep forging ahead.

 

 

 

I am trying so hard to hang on but after over 9 months of suffering the worst physical and emotional pain you could imagine it is just getting worse and I don't know what to do?

 

I can't handle much more just over the last week and even the last 24 hours my symptoms have increased especially the severe pressure burning numbness and physical pain in my head continues to climb and is getting worse everyday I don't know how much longer I can hold on this is insane!

I think what was mentioned here was really an important point - that you not judge how you 'should' be getting through this an handling certain responsibilities. You are already making a supreme effort just to get from one moment to the next. It's a grave injustice to yourself to feel guilty in all this. You cannot force it - your brain is going through a healing process and the rest of this dark narrative is fluff! But damn, does it ever screw with your head. I've paid far too much attention to those hideous intrusive thoughts and could have, many times, very easily called it quits. Yet here I am, another day. Am right there with you buddie . . . take care -

MaizenBlue81,

I am new to this forum but not to suffering from Benzos....10 years of suffering from Klonopin and only 25. mg. the last few years.

The reason I am posting this is b/c you described my burning ear,head, neck shoulder, hip...pain completely. For years I would go the doctor and tell them this ice pick pain esp in my head that is unbearable. They would give me more Klonopin and pain pills even Percocet. Nothing touched this pain.  It is worse than childbirth!  Unlike you, I am still weaning off the klonopin and having to hold right now due to the worsening s/x.  Some days I cant even get out of bed.  It hurts to even turn my head. Until I read your post I thought I was the only one that had this particular type of unbearable pain and all on the right side for some strange reason.

You are not alone in your suffering.  I have lost many years b/c of it.  Like others say, "One day at a time."

Hopefully you will get a break Somedaysoon.

 

Yeah your for sure not the only one as the severe head pressure burning numbness and physical symptoms in my brain have been the worst and most consistent symptoms since this began and has increased dramatically even over the last few days to the point it's making me physically sick and not able to function at all!

 

Can't hardly breath or move it is so bad and mine is in my forehead, temples, above and behind my eyes the top on the right side of my brain down into the right side of my neck it is unbearable and don't get me wrong these emotional symptoms are very severe as well. If the physical symptoms in my brain are by far the worst set of symptoms and completely debilitating!

 

 

I'm trying so hard but this just keeps getting worse and it doesn't feel like I'm healing at all and this will never end! 9 1/2 months off that evil drug and worse now than I've ever been and of course still having to hold on the Zoloft because the Benzo symptoms are so severe and eventually will have to deal with that it's a nightmare with no end in sight

 

 

I wish that your buddies could take some of the pain away for you, Sadly we can't. What we can do is to be with you and support you through this ordeal. We understand and totally get ,all of the misery.

Hang in there. Take it a day at a time and it will pass. Everyday is a day of healing. Hard to believe sometimes but it is true.

 

Hugs 

Hi Maize! I'm so sorry to hear about your pain. I went through the exact same bout through the 4th and 5th month. I'm just now starting to come out of it. This is what I did to help. A huge ice pack directly on the base of my skull. I would keep it there until it melted & if my brain didn't feel frozen yet I would get another ice pack. I've been suffering from this brain pain since I was on the K. Didn't know I was in tolerance or whatever that's called. I'm a huge researcher and what I've found out is the trigeminal nerve gets over stimulated while the gaba starts firing up. If you google trigeminal nerve pain it will describe your pain. My teeth also hurt and felt like they were going to fall out while this was at it's worse. My teeth still hurt but the excruciating brain pain finally let up. It will stop, your brain is trying to heal itself. Try the ice pack and let me know if it helps. Feel free to message me. I'm all alone in this and I don't want anyone else to feel like I did.

I'm sorry to bother you again but I'm really scared and having a hard time with all this and really don't know what to do?

 

The head pressure burning numbness tightness buzzing pins and needles in my brain continues to get worse and more severe everyday and today even I've been slammed with and emotional wave that is insane and very scary about as bad as it was when I went into the hospital or the first few months out just severe confusion DP/DR extreme anxiety nausea and fatigue feeling like I'm completely losing my mind with all this horrible intrusive thoughts that I know are not me and are very scary feeling of hopelessness and deep depression and anxiety and fear that I will never heal and this is gonna go on forever not knowing how much worse this is gonna get completely debilitating can't work can't function at all all the distractions that were working before aren't working anymore just under so much physical and mental torture I really don't know how much more I can take or if I will survive this and I don't understand if this is not Zoloft or what to really do about that and if it's not just making me so much more sick and now being on it 9 1/2 months of I'm not in real trouble here? If this is a wave of benzo symptoms it's not letting up after over 2 months since I noticed the change or increase of symptoms and I feel at a loss and don't know what to do?

I'm so sorry to hear that you are suffering so intensely. These very same symptoms that you describe have also been my worst symptoms throughout withdrawal. I can totally relate to the intense head pressure, the heavy numb feeling in the forehead along with pain and burning. I also deal with a floaty head and dizziness along with the symptoms mentioned above. For me also, the physical symptoms have been far worse than the emotional ones. I am now coming up on one year post CT and still have these symptoms to some degree but they are much improved. I am healing in the window/wave pattern and my symptoms no longer stop me from doing the things that I want to do, for the most part. However, I do remember that I had a terrible time in the beginning of months 7, 8 and 9.. I felt like I was going backward in my healing rather than forward. There were many times when I felt like there was no way that I could do this for one more day but there was really no other option but to keep going forward. I finally started to feel some slight improvement in month 10. I just noticed that each window and each wave were ever so slightly better than the one before. This seems to be continuing. I say all of this to encourage you to hold on and try not to let despair and discouragement get the better of you. I believe you will start to feel some improvement soon. It may be so slight as to be hardly noticeable but over several months it adds up to some real noticeable progress. I'm far from healed yet but am able to live my life well enough right now. I'm learning to just roll with it when the symptoms kick up and rest when I need to but sometimes I can push through the symptoms and just get on with it. It depends on the day. I hope it helps to know that you're not alone in this. There are others of us out there trudging through this thing right along with you and the day will come when we are healed and this will all be just a distant memory in our past. Hang in there!

I'm trying but this is the worst I've been both with the physical and the emotional symptoms since the start and it seems to be getting worse everyday with no end in sight and yes the physical symptoms in my brain are the worst and most consistent by far but the emotional symptoms are quite severe as well and seem to be getting worse and the bad thing is I can't help but think the Zoloft is partly to blame and isn't making me sicker but after 9 1/2 months seems popular opinion is to hold on it for now cause to try and WD from that too may just make matters worse so I feel so hopeless and don't know how much more I can take or how much worse this is gonna get cause I feel like I'm losing my mind and having a psychological breakdown on top of the physical pain and it's very scary!

Yup, I was scared and incredibly depressed. 9 months was a freaking nightmare then 10 worse yet. I know about the dark and hideous those intrusive thoughts you are going through and the sheer desperation of it. So sorry bud, really am. Though it doesn't feel like it, you are doing really well and we are 100% behind every step of the way. Please take care and keep us posted - that's what we are here for -

I don't feel like I'm doing good at all between the physical pain and suffering in my brain and the emotional torture and feeling like I'm completely losing my mind I'm about to give up and there is no end in sight it just keeps getting worse and I'll be 10 months off at the end of this week and it's worse now than it's ever been and I still have to deal with the Zoloft at some point this is hopeless

My heart goes out to you.

I give up and I quit! I can't do this my brain has been so severely damaged and straight destroyed by these drugs and I've lost all hope and after 10 months it's not getting any better just worse and I can't do it anymore this is the worst suffering I've ever experienced and it goes on forever and no end in sight and I just don't know how much longer I can hold on especially with all that's going on in my family right now I just Dakar give up the idea of healing sound good but it's just not ever gonna happen for me and my symptoms are worse now than even in the hospital or the first few months out and I still have the Zoloft to deal with! I'm done it's broken me and healing is a lie!

:'( Please don't quit.  Here online quite a bit if you need a buddie.