Over 60 help and support.

Yes, wish Marja had said what she is on now.

 

Nova, you are still on something like 4 mg valium only?  Thank you.

No Babs  Was put  on 15mg  by new Dr (long story) now on 11.5mg

 

                              Nova xxx  :smitten:

Do you feel better?

Do you feel better?

No  I.'m in hell, and suffering a lot of severe symptoms 

 

 

 

 

                                          Nova xxx  :smitten:

So you updosed and are worse?  That is not good.

;(

So you updosed and are worse?  That is not good.

;(

  Hi Babs  yes my previous  up-dose in the past helped a ton it stopped ALL my symptoms but my new Dr took me off to rapidly after I begged him to work with me but he wouldn't listen, plunged me back into worse hell then the hell my up-dose got me out of,  then I had to find a new Dr who would but unfortunately my second up-dose wasn't any help but its possible I needed to hold longer than I did. 

 

But after 8 months of holding and feeling no better I felt the best course of action was too cut again as I'm in my 60's and didn't want to be spending 2 year's holding only to feel rough again when I did cut, maybe if I held that long it may have been a lot better, but I was too worried after all that time I'd still be no better off or end up cutting an still be  where I started 2 year's ago. 

 

Now, some days are better than others, I cycle a LOT between feeling OK, to feeling really hopeful about recovering to total despair, acceptance, anger, agony, you name it it happens. BUT...as we ALL know healing isn't linear at all, I wish to God it was I am also  kindled as this withdrawal feels a lot worse than previous ones, but that being said I was also in unbeknown tolerance withdrawal for many year's and kept getting misdiagnosed and poly drugged. And its possible I forgotten just how bad previous ones were but right now because I'm in it this one feels a lot worse 

 

I also cut .5mg  6 weeks ago and even teeny tiny cuts daily cuts of 00.02mg Dry daily micro taper hit me badly  as doing .5mg cuts, its been that way from my very first taper attempt. My first taper attempt when I tried liquid daily micro tapering, I was doing cut and hold all along before that,  it took me 17 months to cut .25 where as before that I was cutting .5mg every 28 days??? Even when I only cut .01 from 200mls trying the liquid  daily micro taper  it still crippled me with symptoms and I had to hold for months at a time and you can't cut no smaller than that!!

 

Anyway I am waiting for my symptoms to even out a bit before I attempt to cut again but I'm not going to leave it for  3 or more months this time as I think for me holding too long gives my brain a chance to adapt to the hold dose, although I don't think its helping when I'm holding ( but it must be even though I'm not aware of it) and that's possibly what's making it worse again when I do cut. And I end up with present symptoms getting a lot worse plus new ones on top of the old ones 

 

I've tried to find a pattern but the only definite thing I can see as I journal when I can is I am  getting what I would call 'Good days ' which I rate as 4 out of 10 then bad days 8 upwards, concurrent. That is to say usually a 'Good day'' is followed by a really bad day  or more the following day after the good day which really sucks!!

 

I am housebound as I can't get out as simple movement even walking is hell for shooting my pain and burning levels up, and I rate my days by the pain , burning and hypersensitivity levels of ALL my senses, their very bad and my mental state as well as I have both physical and mental symptoms.

 

                Nova xxx  :smitten:

I am so sorry you are struggling so Nova.  I really hope the slower cuts will somehow help.  Will be sending you healing thoughts and hope.  Mary 🙋🏼🙋🏼😘😘🙏🙏😷😷😷

I am so sorry you are struggling so Nova.  I really hope the slower cuts will somehow help.  Will be sending you healing thoughts and hope.  Mary 🙋🏼🙋🏼😘😘🙏🙏😷😷😷

Thanks Mary 

 

 

              Love Nova xxx  :smitten:

Hi Nova,

Reading this post gets me thinking. I am so sorry you are having a rough time. It WILL get better, I promise. But to be honest, reading how miserable tapers can be, makes me a bit glad I had to go CT. Now before you all answer, I will say I NEVER suggest most people should go CT! Its not safe and I am lucky I survived it. But going CT was my only chance at being benzo free back then. I was truly  and totally addicted and had no idea I was. Talk about "benzo brain."

 

Here is mu suggestion. Perhaps you need to think about this: if you truly do want to get off benzos, you may need to stop holds and updosing. Make your plan, stick to it and stop trying to out fox your brain.  The brain in  bwd is not  healthy one. The way I see it is, the longer you are ON a benzo, the longer it will be until you feel well and benzo free. This might sound harsh to you and truly it isnt. But you are struggling SO much and that is not right.

I learned early on to NOT trust a physician to be able to help me. I also realized I had to forgive my internist who forced me to go CT.  My benzo habit was slowly but surely killing me. The last two years I was on K and Ambien and 2 ADS, I was falling. A LOT. As in daily. Holy cow!! Thats how I broke several bones and almost died from complications after a femur fracture. I have found that most people here on BB, after 8 years being here, have to do pretty much the same things. Blaming other people especially doctors seems to be what a lot of people think. Being angry at your doctor is fine for a short time, but in the end, YOU took the pills. She didnt. For much of my first year I did blame my doctor, until my mind became clearer and I drew on knowledge of the 12 Steps. Forgiveness is pretty crucial, and the 12 Steps are a fantastic list of things that will mend your broken heart and mind. We on BB like to see ourselves as NOT being "addicts." But in all truth, most of us WERE ADDICTED, and the result is WITHDRAWAL. It may have only been a physical addicted. But a whole lot of people are both physically and mentally addicted. That is how I thought, and I believe I am right.

Dont laugh too hard, but this old Nurse thought withdrawal would be "maybe 2 weeks long and sort of like having a stomach flu." OH how wrong I was. It became an enormous shock to slowly realize that  I hadnt gone stark raving mad, and that benzo wd is NOT like the flu. Talk about a "wake up call."

People on BB tend to be intelligent, educated, and sensitive, sometimes to a fault. But people here are mostly survivors, and that is the reason we found our way to BB. We come to realize that benzos are NOT the "good drug" we had thought. Think of Mick Jagger singing "Mothers Little Helper." He was referring to Valium.

I began my journey at age 62, back in 2012. I am 70 now, and because I got off both benzos AND ADS, I am now startlingly health for 70. That is how much those drugs hurt me. I was only on ADs for the last q12 years. And why? Because benzos caused my depression! LOL! Once I began healing more, my old depression just pouf and flew away. Gone like the wind, I guess. Amazing. I am SO glad I got off all of those damn pills. I have found that age does not matter. I have made so many friends, mostly women and almost all of them are older than, say, 55. To my way of thinking, we have an advantage. We have dealt with other major life crises, which gives us more training in how we feel during bwd.

 

Okay, Miss Annie will stop preaching. Please know I just hope you stick to it and end up OFF benzos. You can do this.

Annie (east)

Hi Nova,

Reading this post gets me thinking. I am so sorry you are having a rough time. It WILL get better, I promise. But to be honest, reading how miserable tapers can be, makes me a bit glad I had to go CT. Now before you all answer, I will say I NEVER suggest most people should go CT! Its not safe and I am lucky I survived it. But going CT was my only chance at being benzo free back then. I was truly  and totally addicted and had no idea I was. Talk about "benzo brain."

 

Here is mu suggestion. Perhaps you need to think about this: if you truly do want to get off benzos, you may need to stop holds and updosing. Make your plan, stick to it and stop trying to out fox your brain.  The brain in  bwd is not  healthy one. The way I see it is, the longer you are ON a benzo, the longer it will be until you feel well and benzo free. This might sound harsh to you and truly it isnt. But you are struggling SO much and that is not right.

I learned early on to NOT trust a physician to be able to help me. I also realized I had to forgive my internist who forced me to go CT.  My benzo habit was slowly but surely killing me. The last two years I was on K and Ambien and 2 ADS, I was falling. A LOT. As in daily. Holy cow!! Thats how I broke several bones and almost died from complications after a femur fracture. I have found that most people here on BB, after 8 years being here, have to do pretty much the same things. Blaming other people especially doctors seems to be what a lot of people think. Being angry at your doctor is fine for a short time, but in the end, YOU took the pills. She didnt. For much of my first year I did blame my doctor, until my mind became clearer and I drew on knowledge of the 12 Steps. Forgiveness is pretty crucial, and the 12 Steps are a fantastic list of things that will mend your broken heart and mind. We on BB like to see ourselves as NOT being "addicts." But in all truth, most of us WERE ADDICTED, and the result is WITHDRAWAL. It may have only been a physical addicted. But a whole lot of people are both physically and mentally addicted. That is how I thought, and I believe I am right.

Dont laugh too hard, but this old Nurse thought withdrawal would be "maybe 2 weeks long and sort of like having a stomach flu." OH how wrong I was. It became an enormous shock to slowly realize that  I hadnt gone stark raving mad, and that benzo wd is NOT like the flu. Talk about a "wake up call."

People on BB tend to be intelligent, educated, and sensitive, sometimes to a fault. But people here are mostly survivors, and that is the reason we found our way to BB. We come to realize that benzos are NOT the "good drug" we had thought. Think of Mick Jagger singing "Mothers Little Helper." He was referring to Valium.

I began my journey at age 62, back in 2012. I am 70 now, and because I got off both benzos AND ADS, I am now startlingly health for 70. That is how much those drugs hurt me. I was only on ADs for the last q12 years. And why? Because benzos caused my depression! LOL! Once I began healing more, my old depression just pouf and flew away. Gone like the wind, I guess. Amazing. I am SO glad I got off all of those damn pills. I have found that age does not matter. I have made so many friends, mostly women and almost all of them are older than, say, 55. To my way of thinking, we have an advantage. We have dealt with other major life crises, which gives us more training in how we feel during bwd.

 

Okay, Miss Annie will stop preaching. Please know I just hope you stick to it and end up OFF benzos. You can do this.

Annie (east)

Hi Annie  that's exactly what I am doing now, if you read it again you will see I said I'm tapering was at 15mg now at 11.5mg

 

                      Nova xxx  :smitten:

Annie thanks for the post on blaming. I did need to read that and hope I can keep coming back to it as a reminder.

I wasn't blaming the psychiatrist who put me on the drugs, but my husband.

In all honesty, playing the blame game is so counter productive.  I just fall deeper and deeper into this self pity thing like, why me. 

I'm still struggling to heal and thought when I was finally off,  that in a few months benzo free, I would "be all better. " ha

Now I am older, hopefully wiser and still dealing with so many issues.

I go from this is going to kill me to hopefully I will get better.

Last night it was pretty much a zero night of sleep.

I'll put this post to rest and sign off.

NG

Annie thanks for the post on blaming. I did need to read that and hope I can keep coming back to it as a reminder.

I wasn't blaming the psychiatrist who put me on the drugs, but my husband.

In all honesty, playing the blame game is so counter productive.  I just fall deeper and deeper into this self pity thing like, why me. 

I'm still struggling to heal and thought when I was finally off,  that in a few months benzo free, I would "be all better. " ha

Now I am older, hopefully wiser and still dealing with so many issues.

I go from this is going to kill me to hopefully I will get better.

Last night it was pretty much a zero night of sleep.

I'll put this post to rest and sign off.

NG

Me too NG  But I'm sure thats probably the most common thing amongst us all on these boards, feeling that way'

                                                  Nova xxx  :smitten:

Hi Nova, thank you for the great response. I forgot about this  link for those over 60.  I was such a "kid" when I turned 60. Time flies.

You are so right about the comment I made. We all feel like this WD will go on and on.

I followed a link when I was reading online news and it went to memorable gravestone markers.

The one I liked best was: I told you I was sick!

 

It made me smile. At least it didn't say: I told you benzo WD would kill me!

 

You are am amazing person who gives me lots of hope.

 

Hang in there and hopefully we can keep in touch.

 

NG

Playing the "blame game" is normal when someone goes something as traumatic as this. I too blamed my doctor, for many months.

It toook me a while to stop this and start accepting the truth, which is that I most likely bullshitted the psych doc about how anxious I was. I WAS depressed, but later on realized I was ONLY because of the damn benzos. That is my truth and nothing I am proud of. I learned something going through this: I vowed to attempt NOT to lie again. To myself, and to others. Let me tell you, that isnt easy.

 

How do you all feel about us being older? Its been my observation that older women seem to do much better than young ones. Why? Because we have already faced major life changes and losses, so we better prepared. Now, that does not mean we heal faster. (I WISH!) But we do seem to have an advantage. Women usually are better listeners, we tend to more empathetic and nurturing.

 

I turned 70 last March and for the very first time, I realized that my years on earth will end much sooner than I had thought. I am not sure I want to be like my mother, who died at 93. Seeing her go through those last years was heartbreaking. My indomitable mother...turned into a tiny version of herself, helpless, needing help with everything. That woman scared me my entire life...until then. It was a really strange role reversal for me. If I make it 85, fine. But now I do have to face the truth about my age, and it is scary. Do you have same ideas, thoughts??? Honestly, there were many many years I thought I would be dead way before this. Mostly due to my predilection for drugs of many sorts. In 1968 ai was a dumb hippipe girl who swallowed all sort of pills and inhaled many substances and none of them made me feel better.  MJ made me paranoid. LSD was horrifying (my last Trip was I thought I was inside a giant tennis ball and couldnt get out of it!) I flirted briefly with methamphetamine (NOT the METH thats out there now. It was purer then.) Whatever, I was quickly addicted and my fellow hippie drug friends realized this and cut me off. Thank God they did. But I had already contracted Hep B, and went home to Maryland to recover. That took a year.  I recall my sheets were stained yellow from jaundice. Once I got better, I dabbled with coke, the real coke, not a fake one. Best high ever and thank God I couldnt find anyone to supply it to me.

So then I turned to alcohol.

And at age 30 benzos.

And so the story goes and goes. I am delighted to find myself now drug free. Scarred and battle weary I am. But ever so grateful I am alive.

Annie and her Amazing Cat, Bear

Eastcoast, thank you for the honest, enlightening post. You have been through so much.  How do I feel about being older?  I suppose with the alternative, it's okay.  I never pictured myself as getting old, until suddenly I was.  It really is no fun. I wonder how long I have left as the days are ticking off.

Not sure I am doing better as an older person. Dealing with my husband's Alzheimer's is increasingly challenging.  There are good moments and not so good throughout each day.

Indeed we typically are more empathetic and nurturing.

 

Congratulations on being finally drug free! You know this is an incredible milestone in your life.  I am also glad you are alive, so we could have this conversation. 

Somehow I missed the drug years.  I was married at 20 and had a baby at 22.  The 60s were a blur of happily raising a baby. The benzos came into play quite innocently. I went for marriage counseling, then she sent me to a shrink, who asked how my sleep was. I was honest with her and out came two scripts for Ambien and clonazepam. BOOM! I will admit I was happy to have some amazing sleep, finally. Did I question her about the drugs she gave me? Nope.

 

It is probably a good thing I was married and raising a two children throughout the 60s and 70s.

 

Take care, eastcoast. You are an amazing woman.

NG

 

 

Just discovered this group. Just wondered if anyone else suffered from bad mental symptoms/ intrusive thoughts. Started mildly after being made ct zopiclone, stupidly tried anti depressants GP said would help , sent them through the roof. Few months ago was really low suicidal thoughts, have eased mainly but thoughts never go or ease up. I'm now getting what assume are waves like today woke up couldn't stop crying the anxiety relentless, then next day can be more stable. Never get a darn window. Bit like OCD but think def anxiety. Both retired we should be enjoying life keep thinking time running out to recover, sorry bit gloom & doom post 😩

Leann,

Hi... think I remember you?  I don't recall much of anything, frankly.

Yes, coming up on 4 years for me and still ON the stuff.  On like .47 or something valium and .5 ambien.

The not driving and going out and being stuck in a sardine can of a place really are terrible.  AND the total lack of support--  no family and now, friends.  Not even the neighbor, who is now homeless. Covid made this ALL way worse. 

It is hard to put one foot in front of the other and not lose hope.

 

Covid "long haul" symptoms are much like ours-- maybe they will be working on ways to deal with that that can help us.  Who knows.

 

Hello to all...

Bump

Thanks for the bump.  I don't come here much any more.  There are no answers to some of this.