Author Topic: Three years and across the finish line  (Read 8902 times)

[Buddie]

Three years and across the finish line
« on: June 18, 2017, 01:10:39 am »
I don't know fully what I'll say here. I don't feel like writing a book, but probably could if I allowed myself to. What did the Greatful Dead say, "What a long strange trip it's been."?

I never once had an idea that these drugs, or any drugs, could cause this kind of damage so quickly with such a low dose. I took about 15mg of Lorazepam over 2- weeks, 5mg over the first three days and then minor amounts the [...] of the time. I thought I could just quit like they said I could. Boy was that ever wrong! After the third day off I started going into hardcore withdrawal. I realized there was a big problem. I tried to do a taper, but it was all over the place with the small pills. After 2- more weeks and 10 more milligrams, I just stopped taking them. I knew it wasn't helping tapering and I wasn't going to be able to get more pills anyway. That was on my fifth wedding anniversary. Surprise honey! Look what I got you, a slobbering petrified mess of a husband!

The withdrawal was one of the most horrendous things I've ever been through. I had extreme insomnia. I never had much problem sleeping before taking this garbage. But I had it in spades after. I had a whole lot of other symptoms that I won't even go over now. They all sucked really really bad. I only took three days off of work. I seriously don't even know how I kept going in and functioning through it all other than to just say I have iron willpower. That plus the help I've gotten from people on here (and of course my very understanding and patient wife).

Eventually I started feeling more normal around the three of four month period and was mostly back to feeling like I was before benzos. Maybe some occasional symptoms, but nothing that was too much concern. So I thought I could go back to drinking alcohol. I wasn't drinking as much as before benzos and tried it out slow and it didn't seem to cause a problem, until it did one time. Around month 10 off,  I got drunk at a company party and then got the flu the next day. Cue massive fuckup setback #1. This was terrible in so many ways. I wasn't sleeping consistently for days at a time. Loads of s/x that had gone were back in action. Yay, pick me! Somehow I was still going to work through this. I only took days off from the flu surprisingly. Being awake with the flu for three days straight really does suck. Anyway, cutting this part of the story short, this setback lasted 10 months. Everything went from crushing symptoms to pretty much feeling normal within about a two week period. I missed 15 total nights of sleep in November of 2015 and my last sleepless night from that setback was in December of 2015. After that I felt normal and great for the next full year. I meant to write this success story then, BUUUUUUUT ...

Cue massive screw up number deux. Once again, I thought I was perfectly healed and started drinking again. Like before, I was drinking occasionally with absolutely 0 symptoms after. Then, after drinking with coworkers at a Christmas party (2016), it happens again. I was plunged back into hell and it maybe even was worse than the last time. The insomnia came back in a bad bad way. I was super depressed that I put myself back into this situation. I had a symptom I had before, but it was 100 times worse. My skin was burning everywhere like I had been dipped in acid. It seriously felt like I had shingles all over my body. I also got really bad akithisia and couldn't sit still. This go around, I thought I'd loose my job. I took almost two weeks off of work. I tried working from home and couldn't even concentrate enough to do that. Everyday I was close to hanging myself. My wife was more worried about me during this period than she ever has been. She had to remove all the rope from the house as I was going to hang myself. I've never been suicidal until this.

Anyway, this is the part of the story with the happy ending. It took about 4- months for this second setback to resolve. Just as strange as the second recovery, this one cleared up quickly within two weeks as well. And I pretty much felt fine again.

If I can go through this three times and recover, I know everyone else will get there as well. It's just ridiculous that ANYONE has to go through this level of torture. It's really about time the medical community starts recognizing this can and does happen to people. Clearly I can't drink alcohol ever again. Or at least I'll never risk it causing a setback ever again.

If anyone has any questions or just needs to talk, you can either respond here or PM me. I try to hang around and help out when I have time. I do spend less time here now, but I still like to keep in touch with so many other people here that traveled through the fire and brimstone with me.

 :)  :thumbsup:  8)
« Last Edit: June 18, 2017, 01:29:20 am by [Buddie] »
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: Three years and across the finish line
« Reply #1 on: June 18, 2017, 02:29:20 am »
So happy that you feel healed [...].  Did the sleep issues and burning skin both resolve at the same time?
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: Three years and across the finish line
« Reply #2 on: June 18, 2017, 02:47:45 am »
[...], I am so happy for you, enjoy your life, eat cake or cheesecake...better than any alcoholic drink!


Always, [...]
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: Three years and across the finish line
« Reply #3 on: June 18, 2017, 03:20:50 am »
Glad to see you finally get to write this.  No one deserves this. 
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: Three years and across the finish line
« Reply #4 on: June 18, 2017, 04:50:48 am »
Thanks everybody!

Sleepless, all the symptoms basically cleared up at the same time very rapidly. No idea why. I slept almost 10 hours last night. It's pretty crazy to go from 0-2 hours a lot of nights to that. But it just shows that even people with extreme insomnia can get better.
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: Three years and across the finish line
« Reply #5 on: June 18, 2017, 06:24:51 am »
Glad you're feeling better, [...], my best to you.  :thumbsup:
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: Three years and across the finish line
« Reply #6 on: June 18, 2017, 01:07:15 pm »
[...],

Boy, this success story has been a long time [...].  Thank you for finally writing it.  For those of us who have been by your side your whole journey, we know how difficult this has been for you.  Like you, I was only on these pills a short time sporadically low dose.  It blows our minds that we suffer like everyone else, regardless of our limited use.

It's scary to think how our bodies react so profoundly now to alcohol or stress but, as time keeps passing, we continue to heal and maybe it won't always be this way.  Perhaps we may never put lampshades on our heads again and dance on tabletops naked, howling at the moon in a drunken stupor, but we can enjoy sipping a beer or a glass of wine with friends, eat a nice meal and soak in the sun as it sets in the early evening.

I'm so happy you are finally at peace, [...].  You give hope to all of us.

Love, [...]
« Last Edit: June 18, 2017, 04:28:20 pm by [Buddie] »
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: Three years and across the finish line
« Reply #7 on: June 18, 2017, 02:24:40 pm »
Way to go, [...]! You've been through the fires of wd and extreme insomnia and come out the other side. You've become an even stronger, braver, wiser and more compassionate man than you started. The way you've shared your journey throughout all of this has been very appreciated. As a fellow extreme insomniac you've given me hope time and time again. So excited you slept 10 hours last night. That's fantastic!!!!!!!!!! Enjoy living your life now and embrace the moments.
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: Three years and across the finish line
« Reply #8 on: June 18, 2017, 02:53:28 pm »
CONGRATULATIONS, [...]!!!  :thumbsup: :thumbsup: :thumbsup:

Even though I don't write on the 18-30 Month Plus Group, I've been following all along with your story. I don't know how you managed at work, but I do know your wife helped immensely. I wish you the very best, and go and have a wonderful life!!!

I agree, it's TIME for the medical community to admit that there are those who suffer immensely because of benzos!!!
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: Three years and across the finish line
« Reply #9 on: June 18, 2017, 07:50:02 pm »
Thanks MT and [...]! Hope both of you are doing well today.
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.