Working while tapering

I have no choice but to work during my taper. Whether I've had sleep or just sweated the entire night. Whether I've been brave enough to shower or not. Even when I feel like I need to rip my skin off my body, I have to be pleasant and touch people and be present enough to do their hair. I'm a stylist, and I'm not sure what to do. I often get what I call 'the jerks' and I stutter so badly it's embarrassing. I'm constantly sweating, and I don't understand how my clients can't see all of this. My mouth is on fire and often the thought of touching anyone is too much for me so I use gloves all the time. I know this post is all over the place but so is my mind right now. Haven't yet got to the morning terror yet, but I know it will come. This is my second time coming off these drugs. Does anyone else have a job where they have to interact and touch people? If so how did you deal with it. I don't have an option to quit, or find another job that pays me enough to survive. I have no family left and no support this time around.

Oh, I feel for you! I work a very stressful, deadline oriented job, and often have to meet with people & do presentations. It's awful. And yes, I've stuttered as well. It's hard to maintain a normal countenance as well. I have to reallllllllllllllllllly act engaged & interested. What a struggle.

 

I can't imagine having to actually touch people & perform a physical skill. I have really bad short term memory right now. I can't take off work either.

 

We can do this...

 

(And I'm at the morning panic right now also...so, so frightening!)

I have no choice but to work during my taper. Whether I've had sleep or just sweated the entire night. Whether I've been brave enough to shower or not. Even when I feel like I need to rip my skin off my body, I have to be pleasant and touch people and be present enough to do their hair. I'm a stylist, and I'm not sure what to do. I often get what I call 'the jerks' and I stutter so badly it's embarrassing. I'm constantly sweating, and I don't understand how my clients can't see all of this. My mouth is on fire and often the thought of touching anyone is too much for me so I use gloves all the time. I know this post is all over the place but so is my mind right now. Haven't yet got to the morning terror yet, but I know it will come. This is my second time coming off these drugs. Does anyone else have a job where they have to interact and touch people? If so how did you deal with it. I don't have an option to quit, or find another job that pays me enough to survive. I have no family left and no support this time around.

Shakes,

I feel for you. While I don't work for pay outside my home, I can understand what to an extent you are going through. As a children's choir h ministry leader I come in contact with many children, lead kids classes, work closely with parents and church ministry leaders. It's overtaxing, but in that it has been a saving grace. To have a lack of physical support cannot be easy when you need it most.

Take time out to care for yourself, and when you need support return here often. Most importantly, hold onto hope!

Thank you guys so much for responding. It's just nice to know there's people who actually get what we're all going through. It's just dont care about making anyone feel pretty right now or listening about how they have a family when I lost mine to my first detox, or their boyfriends or husbands when I lost mine, again to my addiction. And the touching. When I see a client walk in I want to rip the skin off my hands rather than have to touch them. And I don't have to tell you guys it's not a germ thing, it's a sensory thing. I'm just really happy this place exists. It got me through last time and I know I'll get through this again. I'm scared though. I went through a phase last time with the flat feeling. Where it's like you're existing outside of yourself and have absolutely no emotion. Like you'd do anything to even be sad, Bc you just feel nothing. I thought I had lost my mind when I went through that last time and I'm not sure I have it in me to do it again.

Your story really touched me. I wish I could reach out and give you a big hug and tell you everything will be alright.      You just have to take it day by day and trust that you will slowly improve. and remember that despite the turmoil you feel inside, people on the outside are unlikely to know what is actually going on. You can do it.  Once step at a time. Literally. One step at a time. Soon enough, you'll,be through it.

I feel for you. Working while tapering is extremely difficult & stressful.

 

You should be on disability or if you're Canadian on EI sick leave while you recover.

 

I hope wherever you live you have the option to go on Employment insurance sick leave because you qualify and you need this time to recover.

 

All the best.

 

 

 

 

This system is so backwards…you really should be on disability until you’re able to function again. However, if it's possible to work, working can have it’s benefits and not just financial.

 

Maybe if you thought of your clients like they are one of your beloved family members. Focus on the conversation, even if it is  only brief spurts of conversation happening. Hang on to each word…mull over it in your mind…and again, try to placate your, nervous, benzo system with the comforting thought that you are conversing with a beloved family member.

 

The idea is to use whatever mode of thought that might work for you to remove yourself at least emotionally from the physical part of your job. I’m not suggesting you fall asleep at the wheel.

 

Most people like to engage in small talk, if they are waiting in line at a store or even having their hair done.

 

This is just a suggestion that might semi-control B/W symptoms when working.

I am blessed to be able to work from home, but I have to speak to and interact with people on the phone all day everyday. I have to de-escalate very angry people, I have to be calm and understanding. On the other part of my job, I am in sales, so I have to be charming, quick on my feet, fast with math and thinking critically.

 

On my bad days, I cannot even add 1+1. I stutter, I can't come up with answers to simple questions. It's very difficult to interact over the phone when I'm having these "spells", if someone can't see your face, they're more likely to be mean, judge, give nasty reviews etc. Last week, someone actually said to me "You're the worst idiot I've ever spoken to". People can be very hurtful when they can't see your face. I'm blessed that I don't have to touch anyone, get dressed up, go out in public and all the rest but working while w/d is still hard. I feel you!

I can't even imagine having to work through this.

 

 

 

I really feel for you!!

Hi there, I am also working through my taper and have 3 year old twins as well so I totally know where you are coming from it is very hard most mornings I just want to crawl back into bed but I cannot. You just have to be kind to yourself and have a good support team, I often go for a lie down when I get in before the dinner bath stress of getting kids to bed so I can do the same. But I have no choice and son days are pretty good crashing fatigue aside, it will end and if you can work through a taper it will it will be a piece of cake after healing. I just take one day at a time and tell myself this is another day closer to the end. But my tape or us slow with small cuts so I have accepted that which was hard but it is allowing me to function. Good luck it's not forever x

I work white tapering.  I have to function.  Im at the tail end of my taper.  .120mgs a day.  I micro taper which keeps my sxs to a minimal.  I would love to take a month off work and jump to do but I cant