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Kinda hard to explain... experiencing odd symptoms not sure if it's my taper.


[lo...]

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I have not made a cut in over 3 weeks, due to extrenly bad sxs, mainly sever light and sound sensitivity, non stop anxiety, sweating, shaking, nausea, dizzy and dp/dr. I am also having very obessive and intrusive thoughts.feat of being alone epically with my children fear I'll lose control and hurt myself or them. Ear problems. Chest pain. Also not sleeping vivid dreams when I do sleep. I also feel like my reality is distorted, maybe I'm just go I crazy.

 

All sxs peek about a half hour before my dose and do some what go away after about 30 to 45 mins after I take my  dose.

 

I had hoped holding I would stabilze and I thought I had some what but now I'm not so sure.

 

I am utterly terrified and spend my days in my room, trying to watch movies and honestly can't even just relax and focus on them. I have been on this taper over a year and the 1st year I has almost zero symptoms. 

 

Thinking I have so much to go still and as bad as it is now I don't think I can do this. But I've been told by my doctors I have no choice.

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[18...]

Hi LostDaydreaming,

 

Yes, those unfortunately are all very extreme symptoms of w/d. I'm very sorry that you are having to go through this. Is there any way you can split up your doses? If you have anxiety in the morning take 1mg then cut then take .25mg 4 times throughout the day and then 1mg at night? Also, were you able to ask your doctor about gabapentin? Or Vistoril? Even Benadryl to help you sleep is worth a try.

 

It can take a while to adjust when you've tapered too fast. It can take months. If I remember correctly, you don't have a supportive or compassionate doctor. Do you have a counselor that can help you? 

 

It pains me so much to see someone forced to come off a benzo like this. Especially such a high dose. It's beyond cruel and I'm so sorry. You deserve better.

 

What does your doctor propose that you do for your panic and these symptoms?

 

Xx :smitten: Ali

 

 

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The only meds he gave me was a anti physcotic. I did NOT take, I did find a doctor but she seems just as cold and is only interested in getting me off as fast as she can. She gave me gabapentin, but I worry about suicidal thoughts. I have lost so much faith in medicine I am scared to take it.

 

I saw a doctor tonight and she was awesome,  not sure if she'll be willing to help with meds,  didn't want to push it the first appointment but she made me so comfortable. I used the alpha-stim and I'm interested if it will help.

 

Today I was so dizzy I couldn't walk and my vision was distorted. I'm so terrifed of going crazy. 

 

I will know more the 9th what's being done to my Xanax, I pray no more cuts. I can't handle it right now. I feel like a lab rat.

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[18...]

I was very scared to take the gabapentin too. I have horrible reactions to meds. It did make me angry/pissy when I first started taking it but that has mellowed out. I honestly don't know if I could taper this fast without it.  I had a few side effects but now I have none. It helps with the morning anxiety and pain of w/d for me.  I just take it in the evening and at night.

 

You have to make your own decision. I understand about being wary of meds. I hope this new doctor can help you. You aren't going to go crazy. This is temporary. You have to fight like hell. Even when you feel like there's nothing left. I hope there is peace for you tomorrow.

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I am going to stay is Sunday night, I'm going to stay it once a day then see how I do. I'm so scared.  I don't understand how and why all these meds alter personality so much
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Hi Lost.  I am sooo sorry you are this bad.  Sounds for sure like withdrawal!  UGH.  I REALLY like Alimac's suggestion to "split" doses.  It my help and it's worth a try.  If it helps (even somewhat) stay on that regimen for at least a few weeks to give your body a chance to adjust.  My belief is that every BB has to do what they think is best for themselves as there is no one "tip", "trick", supplement, etc., that's works for all of us!

 

I hope you have enough pills to go as slow as you need to get off this poison sh*t.  It's too bad that 99% of the docs are so uninformed and uneducated about this stuff (or they don't believe what we say versus the Big Pharma).  In any event, please stay on the boards to keep going on your taper.  Good luck.

 

PS:  I am of the opinion that when any of these meds start getting down to a smaller(ish) doses it really puts the body is distress.  I was on Valium and getting down to 3mg or 2mg created a lot of hellish symptoms.

 

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I am. Just so mentally and physically worn out. Knowing what I know now I never want to take another pill in my life. I'm hoping that this new doctor will just leave me be for awhile,  but doubtful. I don't think i can bring myself to take the gabapetion it's addictive and the side effects, I just can't rahe anymore chances.

 

Why the he'll is this legal, why aren't they at least looking to help fix what they did. Doctors don't care,  big pharma... I just want to live life, something I feel like I'll never do.

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I might go back up to 3.25mg and do a liquid taper or micro taper.

 

I am sorry you're feeling so badly. yeah I had 6 weeks of hellish w/d coming off of neurontin/gabba almost went to the nut hut. I did go to the ER from that but not from benzo w/d. It does help its' just not worth it to me.

 

I hope you can find some relief soon. sending good thoughts your way.  :smitten:

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Did the gabapentin help at all? At this point I'll take having to w/d off it if I can find some peace in my head. I'm losing hope of ever having a life.
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[18...]

Did the gabapentin help at all? At this point I'll take having to w/d off it if I can find some peace in my head. I'm losing hope of ever having a life.

 

Hi Lost daydreaming,

 

The gabapentin does help me. I was VERY reluctant to take it and still don't feel that great about taking it but I could not taper down off such a high dose and long term usage of Xanax without.  It is something that may help you. As far as withdrawal of gabapentin, I can't say because I've not done that. It just seems like this shouldn't be such a nightmare for you. Maybe take the smallest does of gabapentin possible? And see if it's right for you. I hate all psyche drugs. (except for Xanax - it allowed me to live a life) but now that the time has come to get off the stuff, it's a total uphill battle. 

 

I'm like most people here. I'd rather not ever have to take another drug especially a drug prescribed by a pdoc. I don't believe in them. But I'm trying to taper off a lot of Xanax and I just reached the point where I couldn't go at the rate I needed to taper w/o something to help.

 

I wish we could taper at our own rate. That would solve 95% of the problem.

 

 

 

 

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My goal is to find a doc to leave me be for now. I will try the gabapentin tomorrow night,  I am terrified.  I am thinking of a water titration might be easier? Unsure how they work. The xanax gave me a life as well it's the only thing still that calm my head, that's why I don't understand why I can't stay on it at this point.
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  • 2 weeks later...

:mybuddy:  You seem to be having a hard time.

It would be nice if the doctors could just trust us to take our own time wouldn't it.

 

I am also a bit nervous of reducing from about now  [5mgs valium]  down to zero but my doctor is also rushing me.

I agree with Alimac, I think rushing us makes the anxiety worse.

Good luck

I agree that, if I were you, I would up your dose slightly and try to taper back when you feel ready.

do you have enough meds to do that?

 

I'm also in a bit of a puzzle trying to work out a titration for myself so I'm no expert.

i just wanted to give you a  :hug:

 

Done alot of reading on here and have gone [mentally]  from milk to vodka and water to "oh wtf I'll just keep making biggish cuts" :)

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