Praise God, i made it to the other side

I'm sorry if this is rather short, but I wanted to say that I am healed. (I had begun writing a detailed story but felt it best not to finish it or put any more energy into it at this time) I'm thinking clearly, able to write again and keep my home somewhat orderly, not over thinking every small thing or decision or second guessing everything, and I get up each day with enthusiasm. Sleep actually has improved. I'm reconnecting with old friends and realizing that in the end, we find out who our true friends are. I feel blessed and wake up each day thanking God for my healing, as it came when my mother who recently went through a horrific illness needed me the most. I was there for her, and I don' think I could have asked for more. Sadly my mother passed away and I'm still grieving as we were very close. It's been especially hard on my daughter who was very close to her grandma. I'm also grateful I can be fully present now for her, the most important person in my life. She was amazing throughout my healing, and I thank God for her every single day as well.

 

I will always be grateful for the support BB's offered, and all the BB's I met along the way. I know there were times when I was difficult, and I'm sorry for picking fights with some members. Wow, I sure was angry at how long this was taking and in the process lashed out. It was true benzo rage. Now that it's over, I just want to move forward and live life. The smallest things now brings me joy, a joy that can't be described. I'm grateful for everything, and especially how this ordeal strengthened my faith in God. Even though I couldn't feel my faith for a long time, he really was there all along.

 

I believe we all heal. I didn't believe it for a very long time. It really did seem to happen overnight, and for me the magic number was three years. (I'm glad I didn't know it would take that long 3 years ago though.) The thing is, healing does happen. So if you're tired and don't believe it will happen, try to keep moving forward, one day at a time, and know that is does.

 

Stay strong, because you are.

 

who-am-i

How wonderful!  And bittersweet.  I'm so sorry for your loss, but join you in gratitude that your healing came in time to be fully present for your mother.  Give your daughter a hug from all of us, and God bless.  Enjoy your life! 

Congratulations on your healing and thanks for reminding us all that we do indeed heal.

wow - so glad u made it. Wbb

Congrats- thanks for sharing your success.

WHO-am I,

I am very sad that in many ways, I didn't "meet" you till the end, but yet so happy that you are healed! A long road you have had, and I have been blessed for the short time I have known you here. May your journey be renewed each day and fresh, my friend. I can't ever express the gratitude for your hand holding. Some day, I hope to write my success story.

May God use you to testimony of healing and time. That your light shine upon others continously. Until the next time,my friend. You came to me at just the right time when I felt like giving into being here forever. I will continue to look back on conversations you gave me hope. Thank you.

                Pumpkin ®

I'm so glad to hear that you're feeling so much better! 

Thank you for sharing your story. I wish you the very best.

Thank you all for your kind words. Even now, I can hardly believe I am responding to a success story. It is now 6 am, I am enjoying my coffee, the windows are all wide open and the birds are chirping. The little things are so very precious and I appreciate them all the more now.

 

Bless you all for commenting. Stay strong, your day is coming, too. I believe this will all my heart.

Thank you all for your kind words. Even now, I can hardly believe I am responding to a success story. It is now 6 am, I am enjoying my coffee, the windows are all wide open and the birds are chirping. The little things are so very precious and I appreciate them all the more now.

 

Bless you all for commenting. Stay strong, your day is coming, too. I believe this will all my heart.

Beautifully said..a testimony in itself! You are healed, a gracious declaration.

Dear who-am-i 

 

I am so happy for you, I know how tough its been, this is such great news.  I am so sad about your Mom, but what a blessing that you were there for her.  :'(    Thank you for writing your story, its a wonderful post and it will help a lot of people. 

 

You are so right about finding who your true friends are.  I feel privileged  to have met you (virtually that is)  and to witness your recovery.  I can picture you having coffee right now, like I am lol, listening to the birds.  Life is wonderful after benzos.  I wish you all of the best things in life, you have earned them girl.

 

Love

 

Magrita

 

Thank you Magrita and Pumpkin. Yes, this little things in life are not little anymore; they bring pure joy!

Thank you all for your kind words. Even now, I can hardly believe I am responding to a success story. It is now 6 am, I am enjoying my coffee, the windows are all wide open and the birds are chirping. The little things are so very precious and I appreciate them all the more now.

 

Bless you all for commenting. Stay strong, your day is coming, too. I believe this will all my heart.

 

So beautiful - I'm dreaming of that day! 

It is great news to read this hell is over for you, and I’m so very sorry for the loss of your dear Mum.

Just awesome, Tracy, awesome!  I'm soooo thrilled for you!    Thank you so much for taking the time to share your wonderful news and for keeping the hope alive for the rest of us "old-timers".  I have very fond memories of all the old QPPI gang and the fun we all still managed to have despite the suffering, so your story is particularly meaningful for me.

 

I'm so sad about your Mom's illness and subsequent passing, so very bittersweet, my deepest sympathies to you and your daughter. I'm so glad you're taking comfort in how very special it was for both (all) of you that you were fully there and present for her when she needed you the most. 

 

Soooo, maybe if you're up to it another time you'll add the longer version of your story.   Particularly that dreaded list of symptoms now much improved or, better yet, forever gone, I know we all look for those pieces we can individually relate to.  May I ask whether you had any muscle tension/pain along the way?

 

I'll end with this quote of yours which I just loved ...

 

Even now, I can hardly believe I am responding to a success story. It is now 6 am, I am enjoying my coffee, the windows are all wide open and the birds are chirping. The little things are so very precious and I appreciate them all the more now.

 

Much love to you! 

Who-am-I,

Congratulations.  Thanks for sharing your story.  God bless and continued healing.

Congratulations on healing and feeling so much better now.  Thank-you for posting.  Sorry for the loss of you Mom.

Congratulations to you, who-am-I! I'm truly thrilled to know that you're happy, healthy and moving forward. How bittersweet to lose your mother, but she lives on in you and your daughter. Take good care of yourself, and enjoy all the pleasures life has in store.

cominghome: your day is coming, hold onto that belief because healing takes time, but it does happen.

 

marj, Lapis2, BurnedOut, and niners: thank you for the kind words and condolences. I cannot even imagine how it might have gone if I were still struggling with the cognitive impairment while my mom was sick, and will be forever grateful to God that healing came right when I needed to be "on it" the most. 

 

abcd:

 

Thank you for your kind words. Bless you. I still miss the QPPI thread! I looked forward to the positive quotes and photos and it was the one thread I opened every morning. I still remember the wave I fell into when that thread died, I'm not kidding! And yes, we shared some good times there! Focusing on the good was so comforting, and I still think it's healing to do so.

 

I am writing a detailed account of what lead to my kindling, taper, and protracted WD and will post in the future when things settle down a little. In the meantime, oddly enough pain was not severe for me. I think it's because I was also on pain medicine for a long time. But I will include all the symptoms I had for 3 years, which were mostly cognitive.

 

Stay strong BB's, your day is coming and I say that with true conviction now.

 

 

abcd:

 

Not sure what I was thinking when I said my symptoms were mostly cognitive. That's been the case the last year or so. But in the beginning, every body system was affected: vision problems, every single muscle in my body disappeared overnight, akasthesia, absolutely no sleep, out of control hunger especially for sweets, cortisol was high and I developed that puffy look (hence, look in the mirror and think, who am I?) , crushing fatigue (if I did leave my house, I would spend the next two days in pajamas couch bound watching the scariest videos on youtube convinced the world was coming to an end) total lack of motivation, chronic bladder issues, and complete inability to follow through on anything. All that lead to benzo rage. Also was not able to keep my house tidy, and when I did accomplish anything there was no sense of feeling good about it. I did better when I left my house (went to the country) and had severe sensitivity to EMF. Any foods with MSG sent me into a wave. Also could not tolerate any supplements.

 

Except for loss of muscle mass, those issues are now in the past.

 

 

Who Am I,

 

I just finished watching your Utube link on the persecution of Christians in and around the world.  Devastating! I have often wondered why our main stream media reports the way they do, and now I know. We are so far removed from these other areas of the world that it is unimaginable to think about what is happening at present time. Do you think we will ever get to a place in America where the truth is really told? It's sad and I too have a new found freedom after surviving the horrors of benzo withdrawal. I know the Lord has a plan for my life and I am pulled in the direction of spreading the gospel to others. How can we bring attention to this ? The single largest massacre of Christians in and around the world??!! How did you find out about this Utube channel?  It's really awesome!!

 

Thank you for sharing this and for sharing your story. God Bless you and keep you safe!

 

Peace&love

Hope &Faith

 

Dear hopeandfaith,

 

Thank you for writing about an issue that has become vitally important to me, and really, Christians everywhere. In only a way God works, I found that channel one day in a wave lying on my sofa watching youtube. I could hardly believe it, and of course that sent me down a rabbit hole of questions. Why? How can this be? And it's not even being talked about in churches. Our own pope is silent on the issue.

 

I am with you in that this horrific experience we have gone through has strengthened my faith. I could not have done this without the belief that our Lord does not leave us, ever. Especially in our darkest hours. This is the silver lining for us believers, and I know you are feeling it too.

 

I try to open the conversation with those who might be interested in hearing about this fact, and that takes a little practice.  One thing I've learned is that a good place to bring it to the forefront is by going to a local "interfaith dialogue" session. These are happening everywhere, and they are an attempt to convince people that all faith's operate on peace and love. That we can "coexist." This is a lie, plain and simple. When people start to challenge me, I simply ask them how many Christians are blowing up their children by strapping a bomb to them, or flying planes into high rises, or plowing down innocent people with trucks? They'll inevitably say, oh well look at the crusades, a story promulgated by our former president. A short history lesson will show that the crusades began with christians defending themselves. I'm happy to share that info with you in a PM if you'd like some references.

 

hopeandfaith, you have something more powerful than anything on this earth, and that is your faith in our Lord and his promise that he never leaves us. He loves every single human being beyond what we can ever ever imagine. Every single one.

 

Peace and love to you too,

 

who-am-i 

 

 

Hey girl!

 

It is awesome to log in & see a familiar face posting a "Success Story" 

 

I am so sorry to hear about the loss your dear Mom.

 

You have waited along time for this day...YOU DID IT & should feel very proud!

 

Congratulations my friend!

 

Hi Bella,

 

Thank you! So glad you saw it. I hope you are doing better, too. Thank you for your words of encouragement, especially during some of my toughest days. I'll never forget that.

 

I'm really hoping you're doing better these days, I know you had a tough time too. But we are strong, and now we know just how strong!

abcd:

 

Thank you for your kind words. Bless you. I still miss the QPPI thread! I looked forward to the positive quotes and photos and it was the one thread I opened every morning. I still remember the wave I fell into when that thread died, I'm not kidding! And yes, we shared some good times there! Focusing on the good was so comforting, and I still think it's healing to do so.

 

Yes, the QPPI thread really was wonderful, I would start my days off every day there and on Fiona's hilarious CCC thread!  They were my two homes for the longest time and I, too, was rather shell shocked when it ended so abruptly.  Without Ins, it just wasn't the same.  Sad face here. 

 

 

 

abcd:

 

Not sure what I was thinking when I said my symptoms were mostly cognitive. That's been the case the last year or so. But in the beginning, every body system was affected: vision problems, every single muscle in my body disappeared overnight, akasthesia, absolutely no sleep, out of control hunger especially for sweets, cortisol was high and I developed that puffy look (hence, look in the mirror and think, who am I?) , crushing fatigue (if I did leave my house, I would spend the next two days in pajamas couch bound watching the scariest videos on youtube convinced the world was coming to an end) total lack of motivation, chronic bladder issues, and complete inability to follow through on anything. All that lead to benzo rage. Also was not able to keep my house tidy, and when I did accomplish anything there was no sense of feeling good about it. I did better when I left my house (went to the country) and had severe sensitivity to EMF. Any foods with MSG sent me into a wave. Also could not tolerate any supplements.

 

Except for loss of muscle mass, those issues are now in the past.

 

 

 

I'm sure now that you're able to be so much more active, your muscle mass will start returning.  So thrilled for you, really, that everything else is now history, just amazing, and so encouraging for the rest of us long-termers to read.

 

I'm not that surprised that you forgot about all the physicals.  It's interesting how this works, I have days where I'm ready to jump off a cliff thinking it's just not humanly possible to endure living in this torture chamber for a body.  Then it subsides a touch, and I think to myself I must've been over-reacting, could it really have been that bad?  And then ... when it returns ... well, yes, it's *TRULY* that bad.   Fascinating how the brain works, isn't it, like it doesn't want to store the physical pain in its memory.  If that makes any sense?

 

Thank you for so generously sticking around here a bit, it means a lot!