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Healed after 12 years!


[Mr...]

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Thanks for the post, I'm six years out and only about 70% so it's nice to see someone whose healing continues. The protracted ones need hope too.
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Wow! I am so happy to hear that you have healed! What a long road you have traveled. You must be ecstatic!

Did you experience DP at all? obsessive rumination, fear, long term memory loss, etc?  You mentioned mental agony and mine is 24/7.

 

Blessings!

 

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You are all very welcome! I'm just glad to help out in the same way I was helped by other 'Old timers' who traveled this road before me and guided me.

 

Bgrace I experienced depersonalization, obsessive rumination, horrifying fear, memory loss, and many more symptoms 24/7 for many years and its like it never happened. I always thought that if I ever recovered I would be a bitter man for the rest of my life because of this hellish experience. To the contrary... I'm a better man because of it and life is wonderful!

 

Mr B.

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Congratulations and I am so happy for you.

Thank you so much for sharing this with us.

I am 43months off now and I was polydrugged for many years.

I have been sick for over 10years now and I sometimes think I can't do this anymore.

I still feel so sick mentally and ohsically both everyday and my brain scars me so much.

I can't wait to feel normal.

 

You gave us hope and I try my best to hold on everyday.

Thanks again!  :)

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Joe23 Thank you and everyone else very much for all the kind words. I wish you all the very best!

 

Maki Hang in there!!! good things are coming your way!!!  I know it's hard, very hard!  But stay with it and know that you and everyone else harmed by these horrible drugs will get their day. I got mine and i still can't believe it. A year or so ago I just resigned myself to being sick for the rest of my life. Boy was I wrong, very wrong.

 

Another thing all...

 

Don't think your recovery will take as long as mine. Everybody is different and I am a very rare case. When people say  'It could all be gone tomorrow' they are absolutely right. Recovery sneaks up on you when you least expect it. I sure didn't see mine coming. 

 

Mr B.

 

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I just wrote my success story a few days ago and now after reading this I almost feel guilty for healing so fast but it felt like an eternity to me. That said I'm really happy to hear that you eventually came through the other side. Enjoy ever minute of it, you deserve it!
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Mr. B.....I am astounded by your post...but so happy that you healed and came back to share.....your story is an Inspiration.  I wanted to. Ask you if you can pinpoint anything that you feel that you might have done, or that happened to you that you feel might have caused your symptoms to return. 

I ask this because I have been steadily healing and at 6.5 years, was feeling like I was nearly there.  But after a visit to an eye doctor, who shone the very strong light in my eyes for an extended period of time trying to recreate a scenario for double vision, which I have had intermittently over the years, the next morning I awoke with what felt like some kind of attack....numb, tingly feet, blurred vision and head pressure that I now have every day, but that subsides, most of the time, in the evening.....is that how yours returned....just out of the blue.....or did your symptoms return gradually....

    Thank you again for coming back and letting us know what has happened to you.  You are only 47.....you have many long happy years ahead....enjoy them to the fullest....

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Hello Hoping2Bfree!

 

My symptoms very slowly intensified over a short period of time and I firmly believe it was because I wasn't fully healed yet and the setback would have happened no matter what I would have done. When people are in withdrawal they look for all sorts of reasons for their symptoms when the simple answer is they are healing and this is the nature of the beast and everybody heals differently.

 

Also, don't look at my 12 years and think that you will have to suffer for 12 years as well. We are all different and this could disappear tommorrow

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Mr. B,

 

i hope you don't mind me asking you this. but i'm sure a lot of us here think about things like this. and i just want to know if you absolutely feel that you are now healed as opposed to being in a window or extended window? how long have you been feeling good, normal and like you're healed? is it months or years or just a year? i mean, at 12 years off one would definitely think they are completely healed, so i guess my question to you is how long have you felt healed?

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[87...]

Dear Mr. B,

 

What an incredible inspiration you and your wife are! Your story brought tears to my eyes. I know that what you wrote can't begin to cover the true suffering you went through...

 

May you and your family be richly blessed with abundant wellness & wholeness, joy, peace, and love for the rest of your lives. You're young yet and your beautiful new life is just beginning. Thank you for coming back to bring hope to others!

 

Love always,

Lara

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Mrs. B!!!!  CONGRATULATIONS!!!

 

You had, by your side, an amazing partner!!  You both deserve all the great things life can bring. Smell the roses, smile at rainbows, see beauty in every day.    :smitten: I can't thank you enough for coming back and posting this message of hope. Our members, especially those experiencing a lengthy withdrawal recovery need to hear these words and know that healing is out there just playing the waiting game until all the parts of the cns are working in balance again.

 

My husband was my rock through my withdrawal process, he was with me all the way even though he didn't really "get" the scope and depth of withdrawal. We are very lucky people. 

 

pianogirl  :smitten: :smitten:

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pretty, This last year or so my waves were just mild, very mild compared to what I had to deal with up until 10 years off. At around 10 years I started to notice things slowly getting better. Last Christmas I declared myself healed, but...I waited to talk about it out of fear of it starting up again. Really now for the first time in almost 12 years I don't fear this shit no more and that says something to me. Also, talking with Barry and Una they said I shouldn't go much longer.

 

Also, no one should fear going as long as I have. I have been told I am  'A VERY RARE CASE!'

 

 

Thank you  Rubylove  for the kind wishes. I wish you and yours the very best as well!

 

Thank you  pianogirl  We are both very, very lucky to have the partners that we have! 

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Your story is a true inspiration and I'm so grateful you came back to share it.  I'm overjoyed for you and wish you every happiness in the world.  It's so neat that you mention thinking you'd become bitter, but ended up being a better man than before.  I'm just thrilled for you!!!  Congratulations!

 

Freida    :smitten:

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pretty, This last year or so my waves were just mild, very mild compared to what I had to deal with up until 10 years off. At around 10 years I started to notice things slowly getting better. Last Christmas I declared myself healed, but...I waited to talk about it out of fear of it starting up again. Really now for the first time in almost 12 years I don't fear this shit no more and that says something to me. Also, talking with Barry and Una they said I shouldn't go much longer.

 

Also, no one should fear going as long as I have. I have been told I am  'A VERY RARE CASE!'

 

 

Thank you  Rubylove  for the kind wishes. I wish you and yours the very best as well!

 

 

that is great news Mr. B. yeah, the last time i spoke with Una she did say that she knew of one person who had pretty severe symptoms at 9 years out and the  boom one day it all just lifted. i sure hope that all just lifted is true. thanks again Mr B! :smitten:

 

Thank you  pianogirl  We are both very, very lucky to have the partners that we have!

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[b2...]

Thanks for posting Mr B.  This is the only type of Success Story that has much to offer those of us many years protracted.  And thanks for answering Pretty's question; it's exactly what we needed to hear.

 

Those late-term lengthy setbacks are ass-kickers!  At month 35, I had one that lasted 21 months - brutal almost the whole time.  This latest one, going on 10 months now, has been less severe overall but still periodically quite rough.

 

I also appreciate you've talked to Una through this.  Ultimately, I do think she knows what she's talking about!

 

 

Joe

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Thank you so much Mr. B.  Your Success Story at 12 years out means so much to those of us who are many years protracted.  There are few Success Stories on BB from folks who healed even after 4, 5 and 6 years out (and beyond).  It makes us wonder.  You have given many of us HOPE.

 

This was especially meaningful to me  because I have the terrible rumination and fear and more sx's and I also worry I will be bitter after being in this hell for so long, not able to forget and move on (even though I never would have described myself as bitter or angry before w/d, I worry deeply about this because it doesn't feel like I could possibly not feel that way, though I hope it won't be so and can imagine how this might not be the final healed me, but I worry), so thanks for this and everything you've shared:

 

 

I experienced depersonalization, obsessive rumination, horrifying fear, memory loss, and many more symptoms 24/7 for many years and its like it never happened. I always thought that if I ever recovered I would be a bitter man for the rest of my life because of this hellish experience. To the contrary... I'm a better man because of it and life is wonderful!

 

So, so happy for you!  All the very best to you and your exceptional wife. 

 

You see how many hits your post has had and it's only been up for a few days?  977?  Means a lot to us.  :thumbsup:

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rocksie, I took avian from age 31-35, so just about 5 years on that poison.

 

Joe, My wife talked to Una many times over the years for me. She  'ALWAYS'  guaranteed even at 10 years Benzo free that I would recover. I always found that very hard to believe, but as I know now...thinking you will not recover is one of the symptoms that you must try and cope with.

 

Also, Una and Barry would tell me that there are not many success stories out there because when people are healed they quickly forget about this bullshit and move on with their lives.

 

I promised myself a while back that if I ever recovered, I would stick around for a little while and help. I challenge you all to do the same.

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So inspiring and hopeful.  I'm just passed 2 whole years off after a 10-month taper off K, and I feel as though this is my new lot in life -- a life with so many withdrawal symptoms.  Thank you, thank you, thank you.
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I'm coming up on 12 years benzo free. On may 5, 2005 I was cold turkeyed in the hospital. It was the most horrific and unforeseen event in my life and it has changed me as a human being forever. Slowly, very slowly over 1-5 benzo free years my symptoms waxed and waned until at 5 years benzo free my life was about 80% of what I was pre-benzo. Life was good but not great for a few months. The unrelenting horror, mental anguish and general displeasure for life had abated but the physical symptoms were still alive and well... just milder and I expected them to all abate as well as time marched on.

 

  At almost 6 years benzo free the flood gates reopened again and I was cast back into what I would call acute benzo withdrawal! It was just as bad as the beginning if not worse... as a matter of fact a lot worse! All the progress I made was suddenly gone and I was left a 40 year old man with a wife and two kids, a beautiful home crying on the floor with no hope for a future. It nearly broke me as a human being and I was ready to give up.

 

  Luckily I had tremendous support from the person I had been with my whole life...My loving wife. She knew me since high school and knew that this was not the man she married. Luckily she believed in me because I didn't and at 6 years I didn't think recovery was possible. I thought I had permanent brain damage from the ativan and I would never recover.

 

  My wife got busy and contacted many people on my behalf.  Una Corbett, Barry Haslam, Baylissa Frederick (Bliss), and even to professor Ashton herself! They 'ALL' said to my amazement 'HE WILL RECOVER' and 'THIS SOMETIMES HAPPENS'. She even made an account here to talk to people on my behalf (I was too unwell to post then). I'm Mr. B by the way!

 

  The symptoms were very hard up until 11 years benzo free and right now at almost 12 years benzo free my life is brilliant!!!  I can see the light again and feel love, joy, and happiness. I'm 47 years old and have a new lease on life and you will too. Please people believe in recovery...BELIEVE!!!

 

  It happens for 'EVERYBODY' given time and staying off  benzos and 'ALL' chemical crap!

 

  Mr. B

How were you doing at 4 years off? Physically, I mean.  I sure appreciate it! I'm so glad to hear you are doing well! :) Inspiring!
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Physically at 4 years...It's so hard for me to remember. It's like a blur, a bad dream. My memory from a lot of this is really bad But, from what I can recall the worst was...

 

leg pain and heaviness in them. 

Buzzing in left foot.

Burning pain in places all over my body.

Head pressure.

lots and lots of twitching. 

Very, very loud tinnitus.

 

While these things sucked, without all the mental problems in high gear, I could manage and I was very hopeful that healing was just around the corner.

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Mr b

 

Thank you for writing your story. I'm still in the thick of it. Mines all mental psychological and cognitive. I'm blessed I don't have the physical symptoms. My signature I have not updated. But as of today I am 2.8 years off Benzos. 4 months off Prozac. And 2 months off of gabapentin.

 

It's been pure hell. Just declared bankruptcy so that's fuel to the fire, but I needed to relieve the financial pressures. Everyone tells me to remain alive and I'll get well. I can still barely hold down a job and keep a roof over my head. So I'm thankful for that. Yet the time I'm not working I'm doing nothing. My day consists of getting up at 1 in the afternoon. Feed my cat. I live alone. Then I drive down to Starbucks for my cup of coffee. I look out at the ocean and just dream of being well. I drive home and puddle on the internet until 4pm. Then I go to work. I come home around 10-11 pm. Then watch movies until 2am. I then go to sleep. It takes me until 6am to fall asleep. Sometimes the depression is so bad I moan and groan until I finally fall off. Then I wake up at 1 pm. And start the process all over again.

 

My symptoms are far too numerous to mention here. But it's like every mental disorder on the DSM manual but on steroids.

 

Congratulations on your recovery. I know I can't take 10 years of this. That puts me at 70 years old. Arghhhh

 

What I'd like to know us what you tried or did for yourself to get well? What did you eat? What did you do each day? Exercise? Socialize? Work?

 

Anything that might help me. My psychosis dr/DP is plaguing me so it's not about trying to think positive or change my thoughts.

 

But I'd like to know what you did.

 

My main concern is I had depression and anxiety years ago when in 2004. My first ever severe depression and anxiety attack. It got so bad I could not pull out. I HAD to go to hospital for relief. I could not do it on my own. That's when I was put in psych ward and given meds for the first time. I did not want to be on them but had no choice.

 

What concerns me, is this, if I'm so horrifically bad now what chance do I have of ever seeing the light of day, if I had depression and anxiety before I ever took medication.

 

Now I'm told that when / if I get through this nightmare I'll come out better than before? Is that true or is it false. I must have something to look forward to or what's the point in continuing.

 

I've thought about going back on meds, but have been warned against it.

 

I just want my life, self, love and joy back. I've not know that for 30 something years.

 

I got sober in 1998. So it's been a very long journey for me and I'd like to enjoy life before I die.

 

I'm scared and would love to hear from you.

 

Bruce

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Hello dolphins1!

 

I know how hard this shit is my friend, and I know how desperate one can get looking for answers on how to heal. I walked down that very road myself and learned a few things...

 

You say  "Everyone tells me to remain alive and I'll get well"  This is very true. The damage done by the benzodiazepines will slowly reverse in time as it has done for me. Nobody knows how long it will take but, they know healing happens. Your only job is to try to distract while this process takes place. I know how hard this can be but, you must work hard at it and understand that there will be an end to this madness and you "WILL" enjoy life again.

 

You say  "I know I can't take 10 years of this"  Well, the odds are with you!  I am a very rare and unusual case and most people will not suffer as long as I have. It would seem that the majority of people are healed in a few years. You are no different that anyone else, You could wake up tomorrow and be 100% healthy and happy. Hold on to this thought...Use it to your advantage in your hardest moments.

 

You say "I'd like to know what you tried or did for yourself to get well?"  When my wife contacted Una Corbett, Barry Haslam, Bliss and Prof. Ashton on my behalf the best advice they gave me was to give it time, eat a healthy diet, exercise, drink lots of water, and keep stress to minimum, and most important of all...stop fearing the symptoms. I understand this can be very hard at times but, you've got to keep working at it.

 

You say "Now I'm told that when / if I get through this nightmare I'll come out better than before? Is that true or is it false." In my honest opinion this is 100% true. I feel stronger than I have ever been in my entire life and I am very proud that I made it. You will get through this nightmare as well, just keep distracting yourself! This can be very hard at times but, keep at it!

 

You say "I've thought about going back on meds, but have been warned against it."  I won't give any advice on medications. You will have to answer that for yourself but, for me psychotropic drugs almost cost me my life. I would rather die than ever ingest another one again.

 

This is everything that I know about this crazy syndrome. I feel so bad for everyone that suffers with this bullshit.

 

 

Hang in there Bruce, you can do it!

 

   

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