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Depression worse?


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While I was tapering, the depression got less and less. Last week of my taper and started to increase now that I have jumped it is worse than it has ever been. Absolutely debilitating. Is this normal? Why would it be getting better and now that I jumped in in depression hell?
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Billy, You were there for me and so I want you to know that I'm thinking about you. I haven't been in your situation and so can't answer your question. I so wish that I could. But you got this far, so please hang on in there. Gilly x
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Worse then ever u unfortunately. The days are getting harder to deal with. Insomnia and hours thinking about how I wish I would die in my sleep. It is warped and cruel. I don't think I am going to make it. I throw up constantly from anxiety and knowing how distorted these thoughts are that are going through my head. But I'm suffering too much. Too much suffering. It will never get better. I'm screwed. Hopefully one night I  never wake.
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It might help if you updated your signature to cover

any recent changes in rx, supplements, etc.

I guess you are committed to avoiding benzos, but it appears

that things have been declining to a dangerous point.

 

Each of us has a limit; some hang on only from pure force of will

plus strong commitment.  I can understand those who give up.

Injustice seems a minor issue, but that's a constant sore point.

I burn thinking about people still getting trapped by the drug system

when information is available that can save them.

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I've wondered myself whether the withdrawals has been a continuing factor to my depression. In my case depression has been an issue since childhood. In fact what led me to the point of getting off the Klonopin (6-8mg/day) and Seroquel was when I OD'd in July from Nembutal, Seroquel and Klonopin - I would lose count as to how may doses in a day. The short of it - the day I was released from the hospital I decided to get off the Klonopin and Seroquel and a couple other things. It was a rapid detox (1 month) and now into my into month 7. How's it going?? It is not going well at all. In fact I would say lousy, hideous, ugly, depressed and I would say it is as though my spirit is being choked off, just barely able to breath. Is the depression worse? I wouldn't say it is worse but my current state involves numerous other symptoms of withdrawals as well as other mental health issues so it's hard to quantify. You may very well fair better than have thus far - I really hope so.
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Hey Billy - I have been following you and I just wanted to give you some hope! I jumped at .25 of K and was very fine (almost normal, in fact, for 3 weeks.) Then the ish hit the fan, so to speak.

 

At 3 weeks, I went into the worst depression I had ever had (besides the LAST time I jumped from 2 mg cold turkey, and I won't even get into what an "ish show" THAT was...)

 

Your body and brain are healing. You went down to a very low dose, but you are still going to have anxiety coming completely off. You also stopped drinking back in August. I had done the same thing right before I jumped.

 

Your body is used to having SOMETHING there to take away the anxiety. Now you have nothing. It's learning how to be normal again. The usual anxiety and stressors are STILL there, however. What it will take it some more time. You will get through this, and you WILL be better.

 

Take good care of yourself, go back and read your posts of when you had some good days. Try and stay out of the ER (i went 4 times in a month and a half after I jumped...)

 

I'm back down to .375 again and suffering pretty immensely. Like you - I have to work everyday (am the primary breadwinner) and the stress is IMMENSE. I have some good days, but most are bad.

 

LIke you, when I sleep well, the days are a little better. I hope you can give yourself more time to heal. Obviously, take care of yourself and do what is best for you. I just wanted to let you know that we are rooting for you!

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Take good care of yourself, go back and read your posts of when you had some good days.

 

I find this helps a lot. Being able to go back and see the good days you've had can keep you from thinking there's no way out of your current mood. It helps to know that it's not a permanent state and that there have been good days.

 

I hope you're able to find some relief from your misery.

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I hope you're able to find some relief from your misery.

 

I hope one day I will find relief my friend. It certainly isn't happening now. People tell me it's the drug, but I really think this is how I will be forever. My brain keeps saying "why keep fighting, it's over, just give up". Is that really the drug or am I really this depressed? So scary. It's relentless. I'll keep fighting the good fight, but I have been on empty for quite some time. I don't know how you people made it through this. I guess I am just not as strong asmy family thinks I am.

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Hey Billy, I know how hard this is, you have almost 30 days in and you are in the acute phase (your brain is telling you lies), this will get better for you soon! I hope you can maintain your job, I lost mine due to w/d last year but hopefully soon I can find another. Everyone says it gets better and it does. Praying for you! You are very strong to go through this hell and you WILL BEAT THIS!
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