[Pa...] Posted January 11, 2020 Author Share Posted January 11, 2020 Hi Iriswoman, If you'll post your question on the Cold Turkey, Detox & Rapid Withdrawal board, you'll find other members who will support you through this, I certainly will. Just click on the link, and you'll see New Topic on the upper right hand side of the page, hit that, then put in a subject title, write your message and hit Post when you're done and others will drop by to help you. Pamster Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[Tr...] Posted January 13, 2020 Share Posted January 13, 2020 Hi Pamster! A small question. I still have problems with my throat, and weakness. Could it still be recovery, or after many years on the couch? (almost 4 years). Thanks! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[Mi...] Posted January 15, 2020 Share Posted January 15, 2020 Very inspiring! You are very strong to have done that. Thank you, your story gives me hope. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[xk...] Posted January 19, 2020 Share Posted January 19, 2020 you are a beast for all the purrs. I cannot imagine doing this CT, I am in a tizzy at all times dealing with this. It fees 100% like I will die, i can't imagine just going for it. Thank you so much for your assistance Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[tr...] Posted March 11, 2020 Share Posted March 11, 2020 Pamster..just read your story...OMG. thank you of posting. I'm scared bc I just came off of a rapid reduction of ativan..but when I read your story it makes me feel like I'll be ok like you. crying right now at the thought of MONTHS of this (already had months of this bc I didn't know I was in tolerance/WD). How the heck did you do it??? !!!! thank yo for being available to all of us on here. I feel like I'm living off of this site right now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[Ko...] Posted March 11, 2020 Share Posted March 11, 2020 Time passes quickly. One day at the time and you will find yourself 6 months from now, healthier than ever. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[Ch...] Posted March 13, 2020 Share Posted March 13, 2020 Pamster, you are an angel. Thank you for your story. I can not imagine the intensity of the withdrawal you went through. Your strength and bravery are so inspiring.Your compassion, honesty and caring help keep so many of us going. A million thank yous!🌺🍃 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[Su...] Posted March 15, 2020 Share Posted March 15, 2020 I was on Klonopin for about 5 years, I took it on a as needed basis but as needed turned out to be quite often. My dose at the end of my use was between 6 to 10 milligrams a day. My behavior and personality had changed, I knew I had to stop so I did, on October 10, 2007. I checked myself into a rehab facility on Oct 12, I was beginning to feel very ill. They gave me 2 doses of Klonopin that day along with 2 doses of Phenobarbital, as I was told me there was a danger of seizure. That was the extent of my detox, I was to join the general population of the facility to learn the 12 steps the next day. I knew nothing of benzodiazepines, didn't know they must be tapered, but somehow knew I was in trouble. I checked myself out against medical advice that night with a prescription for 5 Phenobarbital in my pocket. The next day I tried to find a Dr who could help me, but they all referred me to the facility I'd just left. Thus my nightmare began, one filled with unimaginable pain and agony. The first days felt as if my internal organs were being shredded, I could only lay on my couch and writhe in pain. As the days passed my extremities, all of my muscles were being twisted and shredded. The pain was relentless accompanied by no sleep, nausea, trembling, twitching and the darkest, most fear filled thoughts I'd ever known. I was too sick to research what was happening to me, I could only guess I'd been poisoned by the drug. I made frantic calls to the facility I'd left, asking for help to understand what was happening to me. They thought I was drug seeking, thought I wanted more Phenobarbital, I wasn't, I just wanted to know how to help myself. I finally got on the Internet after 3 weeks of torture and found an article about a rock star who'd withdrawn from Klonopin, she said it had taken her 45 days to heal from her nightmare. I was disheartened, how could I endure this for 45 days. But as the days turned into weeks and weeks turned into months, I finally found BenzoBuddies; 5 months after my cold turkey and learned the truth. It isn't days, or weeks it's months before healing takes place. I'm writing this story because I know the hopelessness you feel, I know the fear and the pain, but now I also know the joy of complete healing. The relief I feel each day is something I'll always cherish. I've returned to who I was before benzo's, but I'm so much better than I was then because I've learned a valuable lesson for which I will always be grateful. I have joy in my life again, I can feel emotion and love. I know peace and relaxation, and I'm free from anxiety and fear. I told myself I was completely healed at 14 months past my cold turkey, but I'm not sure that's true now because my life has continued to improve since that time. I don't know if it's still healing from the Klonopin or if my gratitude to be well has given my life new meaning. I did this the hard way, I stopped cold turkey but this only proves that however you do it, whatever works for you, we call all heal from this. Don't give up hope, it will happen for you too. Pamster Thank you for sharing your healing.... I need to hear this. Ive been scolded about going CT. If I would have know better I would have tapered but I didn't know better. I need CT success stories. Thank you Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest [Fr...] Posted March 24, 2020 Share Posted March 24, 2020 the first week or 2 of my cold turkey i was screaming in pain. I was having tremors in and out of the shower moaning in pain. i would get burning hot then freezing cold sweating alot. i was yelling and screaming delusional things. i felt horrible for the first few months. then had a beautiful window around 4 months. (have not had a window that nice since it lasted a few days then went right back into a bad wave). around month 5 i forced myself to start jogging once a week. everytime i felt horrible i would go jogging. i went from 216lbs down to 170. the nerve pain in my head in neck was the worst symptom. every month around the same day i jumped off the benzo i would feel the nerve pain and severe anxiety. month 8,9,10 felt almost as bad as month 2,3,4. I would have joined this site earlier but i felt to bad to type out thoughts. Plus my sentence structure is terrible. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[ja...] Posted June 5, 2020 Share Posted June 5, 2020 bump. pamster, how long until the anxiety, heart palpitation lifted? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[Pa...] Posted June 5, 2020 Author Share Posted June 5, 2020 I don't remember heart palpitations, I had the inner vibrations though and it was 14 months before everything left me for good. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[Cl...] Posted June 6, 2020 Share Posted June 6, 2020 Are you still healed?? Did any symptoms return for you? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[Pa...] Posted June 6, 2020 Author Share Posted June 6, 2020 I'm doing great, the symptoms left and never returned. No PTSD, no residual anxiety, no lingering symptoms, no reduced cognition, life is good. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[be...] Posted June 15, 2020 Share Posted June 15, 2020 Hi Pam. You’re a far better person than me. I was unable to get through two high dose cold turkeys and gave up and reinstated. Honestly you’re an inspiration for all to follow. You’ve had years of being great. And helping others out. I am looking for the same. Be well, Betsy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[li...] Posted June 15, 2020 Share Posted June 15, 2020 I remember reading your success story when I first started my taper and I said if she can do it than I can do it! I just reread it today and saw the 14 months and it helped me face this process might take some time. You truly have inspired many. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[Su...] Posted June 19, 2020 Share Posted June 19, 2020 I think of you every day, Pam. I guess there are many reasons. You were my welcoming committee on the first day. You are an R. N. like me, an alcoholic with time, like me, and a Benzo buddie like me. You are my inspiration. I also get a lot of inspo from Powers manual. He is a nifty guy. He's right here in central Florida and I wrote him a note in one of his You Tube video chats. He is working on his PhD. now and doesn't have a license yet but he does do some counseling now. I like his book a lot. Have you read it? Anyway. I am coming along. There are some flaky times. Cravings, tremors, headaches and other withdrawel symptoms, oh yeah and nausea, etc. etc. but I keep my eye on the long haul. We're tougher than those dang pills. At the rate I'm going, I should be ready to jump in 5 more weeks. The time has kind of flown. There's a part of me that wants to keep a bottle in a distant closet just in case but I know that the devil talking. Did you ever hear that voice? Don't feel that way about alcohol at all. Probably just the newcomer in me. Gerry Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[ka...] Posted July 16, 2020 Share Posted July 16, 2020 Thank you for openly sharing but thank you for the way you write for all of us healing it is a beacon of light. Kanoba Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[Be...] Posted October 5, 2020 Share Posted October 5, 2020 Thank you, Pamster! This story is very encouraging for those of us who have to go through the same ordeal. I'm so sorry to hear about the pain and agony. I mean I have my symptoms, which are nigthmarish, but I can best relate to that part about the "dark" thoughts. It's like you're in hell. It's so good to hear you've continued to improve beyond the 14 months and found the ability to be grateful to give your life a new meaning. I hope I can do this too at some point. I hope you're doing great Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[Ju...] Posted October 18, 2020 Share Posted October 18, 2020 Klonopin cold turkey is pretty tough isn't it? Now I'm 15 months out and I think I'm past my delusional phase. I'm not being such a rebel anymore. Also, I'm able to think more clearly on a day-to-day basis, but I've realized that my healing is going to be much longer than 14 months. I'm pretty sure I was averaging 10 to 15 mg of Klonopin a day at the end, sometimes more. So now I have learned my lesson, as have you. It has been ridiculous and scary to say the least, but as you said, there's a new appreciation for everything. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[jo...] Posted November 2, 2020 Share Posted November 2, 2020 Thank you Pamster! just read your success story. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[ca...] Posted November 24, 2020 Share Posted November 24, 2020 Thankyou Pamster Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[Br...] Posted December 16, 2020 Share Posted December 16, 2020 Pam, your story never fails to inspire me and I've read it a few times. Apologies if this is something answered in this thread, but if you happen to pop in, would you be willing to share the reason(s) you were put on a benzo? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[ba...] Posted December 17, 2020 Share Posted December 17, 2020 💓 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[Pa...] Posted December 17, 2020 Author Share Posted December 17, 2020 Pam, your story never fails to inspire me and I've read it a few times. Apologies if this is something answered in this thread, but if you happen to pop in, would you be willing to share the reason(s) you were put on a benzo? I used Klonopin for sleep at first but then as tolerance and interdose set in I used it to keep them away, viscous cycle. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[Br...] Posted December 17, 2020 Share Posted December 17, 2020 Pam, your story never fails to inspire me and I've read it a few times. Apologies if this is something answered in this thread, but if you happen to pop in, would you be willing to share the reason(s) you were put on a benzo? I used Klonopin for sleep at first but then as tolerance and interdose set in I used it to keep them away, viscous cycle. Wow, yes, that sounds very familiar. Except I had never heard of tolerance until recently. So sad. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts