I was on Klonopin for about 5 years, I took it on a as needed basis but as needed turned out to be quite often. My dose at the end of my use was between 6 to 10 milligrams a day. My behavior and personality had changed, I knew I had to stop so I did, on October 10, 2007. I checked myself into a rehab facility on Oct 12, I was beginning to feel very ill. They gave me 2 doses of Klonopin that day along with 2 doses of Phenobarbital, as I was told me there was a danger of seizure. That was the extent of my detox, I was to join the general population of the facility to learn the 12 steps the next day. I knew nothing of benzodiazepines, didn't know they must be tapered, but somehow knew I was in trouble. I checked myself out against medical advice that night with a prescription for 5 Phenobarbital in my pocket. The next day I tried to find a Dr who could help me, but they all referred me to the facility I'd just left.
Thus my nightmare began, one filled with unimaginable pain and agony. The first days felt as if my internal organs were being shredded, I could only lay on my couch and writhe in pain. As the days passed my extremities, all of my muscles were being twisted and shredded. The pain was relentless accompanied by no sleep, nausea, trembling, twitching and the darkest, most fear filled thoughts I'd ever known. I was too sick to research what was happening to me, I could only guess I'd been poisoned by the drug. I made frantic calls to the facility I'd left, asking for help to understand what was happening to me. They thought I was drug seeking, thought I wanted more Phenobarbital, I wasn't, I just wanted to know how to help myself.
I finally got on the Internet after 3 weeks of torture and found an article about a rock star who'd withdrawn from Klonopin, she said it had taken her 45 days to heal from her nightmare. I was disheartened, how could I endure this for 45 days. But as the days turned into weeks and weeks turned into months, I finally found BenzoBuddies; 5 months after my cold turkey and learned the truth. It isn't days, or weeks it's months before healing takes place.
I'm writing this story because I know the hopelessness you feel, I know the fear and the pain, but now I also know the joy of complete healing. The relief I feel each day is something I'll always cherish. I've returned to who I was before benzo's, but I'm so much better than I was then because I've learned a valuable lesson for which I will always be grateful. I have joy in my life again, I can feel emotion and love. I know peace and relaxation, and I'm free from anxiety and fear. I told myself I was completely healed at 14 months past my cold turkey, but I'm not sure that's true now because my life has continued to improve since that time. I don't know if it's still healing from the Klonopin or if my gratitude to be well has given my life new meaning.
I did this the hard way, I stopped cold turkey but this only proves that however you do it, whatever works for you, we call all heal from this. Don't give up hope, it will happen for you too.