15 year nightmare - BZDs

Hi, after 15 years on one benzodiazepine or another, I'm finally tapering, and I have no choice - I am dual diagnosis (have abused other drugs and alcohol), and under my HMO's chemical dependency department.

For the last year, I've been pretty stable on Klonopin 0.5mg b.i.d. but going down to 0.25mg b.i.d. has been a nightmare!  I'm frequently hopeless and THINK about suicide, and have symptoms that I just don't know what to do with, when I hit what I've seen people call a "wave" I just... I have to sit down. Going for a walk, taking a shower, taking care of myself, that doesn't seem to help.  And to make matters worse, my psychiatrist will NOT do a diazepam taper, and I can't switch insurance providers right now.  I'm "parking" at 0.25mg of Klonopin for right now but there are days I have screamed inside for maintenance BZD therapy - and I even asked my provider once through e-mail to do so.  They have me on gabapentin to manage the anxiety, but the stuff makes me spacey and stupid. I wonder if I'll ever be able to hold a job again or get work, for that matter.  Or even take a class... I'm in a rehab, and they are very sensitive and kind, but I don't know if they know as much about BZD withdrawal and what's happening in the brain and the body (calcium/glutamate influx, over-firing, broken GABA receptors, cortisol influx in the body) as I do. In fact I really wish I knew, affirmatively, that my addiction psychiatrist did, but I'm afraid to ask because I don't want her to get mad.

This has been so crazy for me. 

Welcome to BenzoBuddies, airzonk.

If you went from .5mg to .25mg in one cut, it's not surprising you had some difficulty.  That's a huge cut.  But with some time the symptoms from this cut will settle down and you can begin tapering again.  We recommend no more than 10% every two weeks or so. 

Here are some links to boards you may want to start posting to:

General Taper Plans 

Withdrawal Support 

Suicidal thoughts, common in withdrawal, should be taken seriously.  Here's a link to services in the real world: Self Harm Info.  And though we have understanding and sympathy for suicidal thoughts, we do ask our members not to discuss them here.

Please take some time to Create a Signature. This will help other members understand your history so they will be better able to support you.

Go to the top of the page and select Profile, then choose Forum Profile, insert drug history/timelines into the text box and click Change Profile.

When you have a chance, I highly recommend that you take a look at The Ashton Manual, which is an authoritative source on what to expect during withdrawal and recovery, authored by Dr. C. Heather Ashton, who is an expert in the field. It provides a great deal of information that can be very reassuring during any stage of this process, including a list of common symptoms with helpful explanations on the reasons for their existence.

Challis