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I'm on the other side holding onto Jesus


[Ma...]

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Hello everyone. I have to obey God and bring you my story again. He said it is time. I started taking Ativan in September 2012. I took it for 6 weeks total and it took me into October. Dr gave it to me because of palpitations with my heart. I failed a sleep study and he said I needed sleep to keep my heart in rhythm. I took it not knowing any better. About three weeks into the meds I started getting tingling in my legs that got worse everyday. I continued to take it not knowing it was the medicine. Everyday I thought I was dying. I went to drs and hospitals and had MRIs. I kept hearing als and ms. I continued the medicine still not knowing it was the cause. So sick I couldn't eat I couldn't sleep I couldn't think I couldn't live. One day after getting down to 92 lbs my husband said I think it's that medicine they put you on. We were so blinded to think it was it since it was such a small pill and that I didn't have symptoms for the first three weeks. I decided to not take it anymore and see. I stopped taking it October 18 2012. That's the day my life forever changed. I had every symptom on every list. Even my periods was nonstop. I was in a constant muscle spasm and my mind too. I was tormented every second of everyday. I got down to 80 lbs. my life wasn't a life. I didn't even feel

Like I existed. I felt like I was floating on another planet. For a long time I didn't see any progress. NONE but after some distance away from it I could look back and see progress. Things started to get easier and I noticed when they would come back that they even left in the first place. When they came back I knew what it was and it got easier to know that it would disappear. So in September 2014 I got my first flu shot. I started hurting about two weeks later all over my body. My dr refilled my hydrocodone and told me to take it every 4-6 hours and that I had another fibromyalgia flare up. I hadn't took that in years. I took it for 4

Months straight but still feeling worse than ever with pain. I knew I was getting hooked because I never had a flare up that long. It turned out the flu shot reactivated Epstein Barr in my body. It wasn't even fibromyalgia. I had enough. I couldn't go two hours without worse pain than before the meds. I quit cold turkey December 19th 2014.  I had to quit cold turkey because I knew I was on a downward spiral and was taking more  more often to get the pain to quit. I got so severely depressed. I was so mad at myself because I took more medication when I wasn't over the first cause of brain damage. This time was way easier physically and mentally in most aspects. It wasn't strange feelings just severe sadness. Black hole sadness but less severe. Then God started dealing with me. I felt like I couldn't come out of it. I felt like I wasn't saved by God and truthfully I wasn't. I got down on my knees for months and months and seeked God. I found Him. Praise God! He was there all along and I didn't know it. Through all those withdrawal nights the first time He was there too. The devil thought He had me and even attacked me making me feel like nothing was real it even felt like God wasn't real. I struggled so bad with that. God was there the whole time I tell you. I still have symptoms from the Ativan withdrawal but I'm here to tell you that they are still getting better. They ain't here all the time either. My memory is one thing that has took a hit but all I need to know is the one in whom I have believed. I wouldn't take any of it back for anything. God has a reason for letting me go through this and I do believe it was for me to turn to Him. Had it not happened I would have probably never called on Him and still been lost or worse in hell. I wouldn't trade any of it for my relationship with Him. It's the hardest thing I have ever done in my life and probably always will be but it was worth it to know He had my hand and went through it with me and I'm on the other side still holding on to Him. Friends I know what you are going through and I'm here to tell you it gets easier and I wish I would have called on Him earlier. In this time of desperation and that's what it feels like draw night to Him and He will draw night to you. Love you all.

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CONGRATULATIONS on your amazing healing, Maymay!!!  :thumbsup: :thumbsup:

 

I think that a lot of us turn to a Higher Power during this time because the suffering is so relentless, and basically we're on our own. Thank you so much for saying it gets easier because it's so hard to believe that this will ever go away! Particularly I'm talking about my anxiety and anhedonia. And now I have PTSD from the experience, so I'm not sure about anything, though I look forward to every passing month. One more month closer to healing!

A big THANK YOU for coming back and telling your story!!!  :smitten:

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Congratulations, Maymay!!!  Thanks for sharing your awesome story.  I agree with Terry38 that lots of us turn to our Higher Power.  There was nothing farther from my mind than God; but, during recovery, he was there for me, and he saved me, too, and I'll never deny it.  I'm so happy for you.  God will bless you for what you've gone through and I know your life will be incredible.

 

Wishing you continued joy,

 

Freida

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Maymay, I'm very glad you're feeling so much better.  I remember when you were hurting so badly.  I'm so happy for you that you've been able draw closer to God because of this experience, yet it's too bad it had to happen to you and you still have some lingering symptoms.  You've always been so kind and supportive to everyone on this forum.  Love you and miss you.   
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Becks I have missed you so much. I will forever be changed but I am thankful because of where it got me. Thank God. Now I have a better future than I ever did. I hope you are doing better friend.
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Becks I have missed you so much. I will forever be changed but I am thankful because of where it got me. Thank God. Now I have a better future than I ever did. I hope you are doing better friend.

 

I wish you were on the forum again, but I'm also glad you're not for your sake since you're doing better.  I'm doing very poorly.  I've been getting worse as the years are going on.  I can hardly walk anymore and can't talk much now either without stuttering and going mute.  I live alone and don't have help with things, so it's been very stressful for me each day.  Love you, your friend in Christ,  Beck

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      I just wanted to say thank you so much for writing your story.It

    was a great encouragement to read what God has done in your life,

      And to know that he has brought you through it.Your experience

      has not been wasted,it is being used to comfort & encourage all of

      us that have yet to make it through.So all the best for your future.

        With prayers for you & love

                F x

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  • 3 months later...

I'm really living proof that it does get better. Praying for all your healing.

 

When did it get better for u?

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  • 1 month later...
Thank you for telling your story and giving much needed hope. To read someone went through hell and survived. I have turned to God more too, I have to believe He is giving me strength, when I feel I have none.  :smitten:
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  • 7 months later...

I'm so glad you're feeling better! I understand you've had a lot of trouble. Although everything has been very difficult my faith has become very strong (although I have sometimes doubted). I asked for help, have been both sad and very angry. When everything felt completely hopeless  I found a book about Christian deep meditation. When I prayed something happened, and I became much better. Perhaps the body and my mind finally relaxed and began to breathe? I don`t know. So this is now my great support and strength.

Congratulations!

 

 

 

 

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  • 8 months later...
  • 2 months later...
Hello everyone. I am doing well. I am getting ready for church actually. I still have flare ups but they dont stay long at all. Less than a day usually. I live normal now. I owe everything to God. Praying for you all.
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  • 1 month later...
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