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4 Months off on March 12th, 2010


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Hi guys. I'm just posting a quick update at four months off.  Hope its not confusing since I originally posted a 2 month update which I've left separate below.  At four months off, many symptoms have subsided from cog fog to insomnia.  Yes, occasionally the cog fog returns or some other symptom but it's getting better.   The only real thing which I can say is probably benzo related that has been coming up is the blues.  Have fatigue and blues off and on, seems to be a probable benzo symptom as life begins to take shape again without masked feelings and emotions.  Sometimes not having the benzo to mask feelings makes stress a little more difficult to deal with but for the most part, I feel like I'm overall doing well.  Met the goal of getting off by last Thanksgiving and so far, no return of vertigo.  All that being said, there are still a few kinks to work out.  Hopefully by six months out, it'll be even smoother sailing.  It was definitely worth it to taper slowly, that much I'm grateful for and wish all you benzobuddies similar success :thumbsup:

 

 

2 month freedom update below originally posted on January 15th, 2010

Hi folks.  Thought I'd post an update here, though I'm still facing a few challenges.  Stepped off on November 11th, 2009 after slow tapering which began in mid January 2009.  My primary "need" for valium was for insomnia and sleep disturbance that was prescribed for a three week trip in summer 2008.  Anxiety always helped me to get motivated to prepare for tests in school, over study and do well in school. In looking back on some jobs I've had, it is apparent that I often over worried about various reports or projects. So its no surprise that two months off benzos that some anxiety is ongoing.

 

The symptoms that remain at 2 months of freedom are:

 

1)Waking up at 4:00 or 5:00AM but I seem to be able to fall back asleep which was not often the case during

the active taper.   Sleep can improve with time, though I still intermittently have insomnia symptoms.

 

2)When traveling, jet lag is very hard for me to adjust to, often takes over a week.  Just last month, very frustrating to get up at 3:00 or 4:00AM and not get back to sleep, very reminiscent of the days during the taper.  Maybe the solution is to stop travelling for a while.  By the way, had this problem with jet lag before benzos.

 

3)Sometimes feel momentarily "dizzy" or "foggy" when turning my head too quickly, particularly when lying in bed and switching my head in the other direction,  tracking a live sporting event or trying to play a Wii game with my son.   Knock on wood, vertigo has not returned so far.

 

4)low level anxiety is back, what I would call "pre benzo anxiety" that was there before benzos.  I did not expect anxiety to disappear once I took my last dose.  I think it is important to have realistic expectations in the first few months off benzos.

 

5)Have some general malaise and fatigue.   This is likely caused by the Shingles virus which I got at the end of the year, three weeks ago.  Chicken or the egg?  I suspect I got run down partly as a result of unchecked anxiety as the final valium metabolites dissipated.  It is clearly stated that anxiety and stress can cause the dormant chickenpox virus to "wake up".  So whether getting Shingles is a result of the final taper or the family stress the last few months of the year or a combination, don't know.  For those who read my "under 4" blog, know I was under an inordinate amount of stress and anxiety last Fall involving a sick parent and disturbed sibling.  Hopefully the Shingles will heal soon and I can really start to regain some strength.

 

Positive developments are:

 

1)cog fog seems to be waning and mostly gone

2)muscle aches, twitches and jelly legs gone

3)heartburn and gastro problems seem to be mostly gone

4)sleep is pretty normal again most of the time (except when travelling and sometimes around 4-5AM)

5)Dreams becoming more vivid although had one nightmare recently, sign of recovery?

6)Inflammation and click of inner ear seems to have subsided, sinus issues a little better though not gone

 

The recovery process is ongoing for me.  Life does not come to a stop when tapering benzos or once off benzos.  As mentioned earlier, I had a great deal of family stress last Fall, my father was in the hospital for five weeks and almost did not make it.  I had to arrange for 24 hour care and overhaul his cluttered house all while tapering the final half milligram from October to Thanksgiving and with all kinds of resistance from a troubled sibling.   Several caregiver problems the end of the year, they came to work sick, one of them quit... its not been fun....  Whether that was the reason or something else (like drinking a bunch of wine, coffee, increased sugar consumption... around Xmas  :pokey:),think twice about boozing too soon or at all after benzo freedom ;),  I ended up with Shingles right before New Year's eve.  Shingles surprised me since I am in my forties.  I have since learned that it is not so uncommon for people under fifty to get Shingles, even college students under stress during finals apparently are getting it more often, according to one doctor I saw.  A few of you on this site have posted that you also got Shingles at some point in your taper, I wonder if its not so uncommon in the benzo tapering population.  Are we predisposed to get possibly other illnesses too because of our baseline anxiety or stress?  Does the withdrawal escalate anxiety and cause the body to get run down and make us more susceptible?   We gotta treat ourselves with kindness, both emotionally and physically.   I know I wasn't eating as well as I could have after I finished my taper.  And I strayed away from meditation and was not centered and focused the last month of the year.  

 

By the way, if anyone gets a rash that is asymmetrical on one side of the body or face, have it checked out right away as it could be Shingles. Shingles can be caused by increased anxiety and stress, not something foreign to those of us on the benzo tapering journey  ;).  If one gets diagnosed early as I did, one can get anti viral meds that can lessen the intensity and duration of the nerve pain.  You can view my buddy blog  "under 4mg and chipping away" for further updates.  I will check back from time to time.

 

The goal of being off benzos has been met according to the expected time line that I set so from that perspective, I am pleased.  Don't know if I would use the word "success" to describe my current state of health. Shingles has been a set back and wake up call that I need to look at my reactions to stress and anxiety in 2010 and find better ways to cope.  Its great being off benzos but its not a panacea for life's remaining challenges.  I hope that this report is helpful to some.  I wish I could have all good news at this juncture, but have to be honest.  Progress is not linear.  For me, acceptance of ups and downs is part of the journey.  It wasn't all terrible during the year of tapering and its not all wonderful being off benzos, but given the choice, I'd encourage anyone who reads this to stick to their plan to get off benzos.  Its good to be benzo-free  :thumbsup:.

 

Best,

 

Vertigo (no more)

 

 

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Hi Vertigo:)

I have been off since 11/22 and feeling more & more like myself everyday.

I am SO happy that your cog fog has gone away..that seems to still be with me tho I do notice its much more less than when I was tapering. Sorry you got the shingles...I got it a couple of years ago~in my 40's as well..it was followed by Epstein Barr which I thought I was dying! :-[

I never dreamed that I would be feeling some healing so soon..still have a ways to go but I can feel my body and mind coming back to me:)

Best wishes to you and hope you post an update in the future!

XXXX :smitten:

Shelley

 

 

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Vertigo,

 

Glad to  read your success story.  I hope you keep returning with updates. :)

 

Sorry to hear about the shingles, get well soon.

 

Tim

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Well done V no more, I suppose the first goal is to get off the benzos, like they say, then the healing begins. You have had a lot going on in the last few months which is bound to affect you, even without being a benzo buddie, I suppose we must realize that life will still have its ups and downs ,we seem to have a dream that life will be wonderful after benzos, but it never is and never was really, just how you handle things, thats what is important to us now, I think this w/d journey has taught me alot, in a way, and I have forgotten what it is like to have legs that dont scrunch up most of the time,and my day doesnt revolve round tablets etc.

But at least I have met some wonderful people on this site , and its kept me from thinking I am going mad and be able to carry on with this horrible tapering , its definitely a long hard road, and would be very lonely without others who know what Im feeling. Thank you V and everyone on this site.

Luv Pauline  :smitten:

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  • 2 weeks later...

Thanks everyone for the well wishes and positive feedback.  Ok, had a physical this week and want to report that bloodwork was all normal.  Just gotta work on the stress a bit and I think this year is going to be healthy moving forward benzo free.  

 

It's good to be benzo free and soon to be Shingles free.  I agree with Colin that maybe it is premature to post a "success story" too early if one still has a lot of withdrawal and symptoms to battle.  On the other hand, one should recognize that taking the last benzo may not lead to instant peace either, in fact it may take a while to settle in to a tranquilizer free life.  In my case, I had anxiety before I ever took a benzo and apparently now off benzos, still have anxiety to contend with. In reading some books on CBT and ACT (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy), I believe the goal is not to eliminate anxiety and stress anyway, just find a better way of relating to them.  I'll let you know when I've found the answer to that one  ;D  Meanwhile, I believe my journey off benzos has had set backs and surprises (sometimes unwanted) but that's life too.  Whether my story can be called a success, only time will tell.  Some days may be more successful than others too.

 

Keep Chipping away.  It's well worth it and I hope to read many new stories in the coming months as I continue to climb that mountain just a few steps ahead of some of you, sometimes a step or two backward, yet just good enough.

 

Best,

 

Vertigo (and valium never again!)

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Hello friend :)

Great story and great inspiration there. Yeah... inspiration hasn't to be found only in absolute success.

In my case hearing that someone feels somewhat better one or two months after quitting is better than hearing that someone is 100% back a year after.

I'm very glad you got good results on your bloodwork. Sure you got some challenges there to face but it's still too soon since your last dose of this drug :)

Hope you 'll be Shingles free and fully healed really soon :)

It's great to have you here, you free buddy  :)

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Hi Vertigo,

 

I am gald that things are continuing to go well for you.

 

I didn't realise you had shingles - I know it can very painful. I hope it resolves itself soon - there is no real treatment, right?

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Thanks Colin.  Yes, technically there is no treatment for Shingles though it is said that if you get to the doctor with a diagnosis in the first 48-72 hours after the rash appears, anti viral meds can reduce the intensity and duration of the incident.  It's been five weeks for me now and I still have some symptoms but much less bothersome than the first four weeks.  I am hopeful that the next five weeks will go more smoothly and that substantial healing off benzos can move forward.

 

Thanks Ourania for your supportive post.  I am glad if my story was helpful in some way to you or others.  I am imperfect a subject as there is, true I did reach some of my goals last year re benzo tapering, and I continue to try to meet the challenges of 2010 as all of my buddies like yourself here on this site will also be doing.  I hope to see you on the other side of freedom before summer :thumbsup:

 

Peace,

 

John

AKA "v no more"

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