Alprazolam (1 year) to Diazepam (3 months) to Lorazepam (1 year)

Hi, I'm looking for some help getting through this. I self-prescribed and took Xanax every day for about a year. Dose ranged from .5mg to 5mg and more, and there were many days I took over 10mg. Decided to taper down using Valium, but the amount I started with was probably too low (10mg). Ran out of the Valium when I was down to 2mg/day, but I felt like I was okay. Of course, I wasn't even close to okay. Lost my job at the same point I ran out of Valium, due to a situation that was beyond my control, but that I still blamed myself for. Life turned into a massive panic attack. Everything and everyone frightened the hell out of me. I went to the ER and got a script for 1mg Lorazepam (2x daily), which made life bearable again. I got a new job, and felt like things were going well. I got to a point where the 1mg was knocking me out, and started taking half-doses and sometimes quarter-doses. I would allow myself to "forget" about taking it for several days (hoping this would get it out of my system more completely), but I'd inevitably feel strung-out and depersonalized, and then the .5mg would do nothing for me. So I'd be back up to 1mg. A month ago, I told the doctor I wanted to get off the benzos entirely, and she gave me 15 1mg Lorazepam to taper down with. I told her this wouldn't be enough, but she assured me I'd be fine. It's now been over a week since I stopped taking them, and I feel horrible. I'm in a major depression, and I've been smoking weed for lack of anything better to do. The weed actually exacerbates my paranoid ideations, but it allows my body to relax enough to rest. The doctor says I'm fine, since it's been a week, but I really don't think I am. And I made the mistake of telling her about the weed, so she won't prescribe me a controlled med either way. Feeling very trapped in my situation. Looking for advice.

Hi  hangingoutwithinsects Welcome to Benzobuddies

 

We are glad you found us, that was a very fast taper!. Anyone on benzodiazepines more than a few weeks should taper off slowly.  The rule of thumb is a reduction of between 5 and 10 % every 10 to 14 days!  Sorry your having a rough time at the moment, it should ease off.

 

If you can find another doctor to support you,  then you are within the two week window to reinstate and do a slower taper.  Reinstatement is not an exact science and doesn’t always work but I wanted you to be aware that it's an option.  The purpose of reinstatement is if your symptoms are intolerable, unbearable, it can bring very bad withdrawal symptoms under control.

 

If you choose to tough it out, any symptoms you are experiencing are temporary, but it does take quite some time for the CNS to recover.  Withdrawal symptoms are awful, it does get better and you will eventually recover.

 

I will put a link to the Ashton Manual, it is a definitive resource about these medications and how to withdraw. It also discusses the effects these types of medications have on the body.  Professor Ashtons Manual

 

We do have a dedicated board for those people who have done a cold turkey or rapid withdrawal.  You can connect with others there who are in the same situation as you are: Cold Turkey Detox & Rapid Withdrawal Board

 

Here is link to the Post withdrawal support Post withdrawal recovery support board

 

Please feel free to ask questions, members can respond with the best information if they know your medication history so I will ask you to create a signature line listing your medication and dose.  Here are the directions to do that: ”Create a signature”

 

Welcome aboard

 

Magrita

 

Thank you, Magrita! I am hoping to find another doctor who will let me taper properly. I just found some of my old Xanax in a box from my last move, which I probably should have thrown away when I started the Valium taper - but at the moment, I'm glad I didn't. Popped a .5mg, and the racing thoughts slowed down, and my head stopped pounding. But now, in addition to the weed, I've got another controlled substance in my system that is not supposed to be there, and I'm that much more concerned about finding a doctor who will prescribe me Valium for a long taper. Don't have insurance, so I'm paying $100 out of pocket for each visit, which is further eroding my ability to stay afloat. I would tough it out if I felt I could, but I think I'm one of those people for whom cold turkey is a bad option. Reading the Ashton manual now, which I will bring to my next doctor visit. Doctors in my area seem to be against prescribing benzos, which is great, except that in my case, it's too late to spare me the harm they can bring.

 

I'm very thankful for this group. I hope we all reach that core of peace within ourselves.

I am sorry its costing you such a lot for visits, I wish I could help.  That's a great idea to show your doctor the Ashton, copy some pertinent pages.  What other controlled substance ?  Whatever happens, your going to be okay, you are making a good decision to come off these drugs.  Remember the symptoms are temporary...it does get better.

 

We all of us here, know what your going through and will give you much support, we are rooting for you

 

Good luck with the doctor

 

Magrita

 

Thanks again, Magrita - you are very kind and generous of spirit! I'm sorry for not writing back sooner! I've been in kind of a nightmare, though my sxs have been nowhere near as bad as when I went cold turkey off valium. Stomach has been in knots, can't keep anything I eat in there for long. Constant headache, loud ringing in my ears. Muscles have been too tense and sore to exercise, which is usually my best way through anxiety. Spent a good while doing deep, slow breathing, and I was able to create some peace of mind and relax, despite the pain. Singing and humming also helped a lot... until my faith in the healing would give way to faith in the pain. I'm almost glad I don't have a job here yet - there's no way I could work like this.

 

Last night, things got much worse - my pulse and BP shot way up, and the pain in my chest was very sharp, and I decided I had to go to the ER. They ran a bunch of tests (EKG, chest x-ray, blood), and diagnosed me with anxiety. Like duh. They had me pee in the cup for them, and it came back with no benzo metabolites, so they said it couldn't be withdrawals. I forgot to bring the Ashton information, but I think it was a lost cause there. They gave me a script for 6 1mg lorazepam, and handed me a .5mg lorazepam, which turned to dust when I opened the foil in the parking lot. Think I managed to get most of it. A couple hours later, I still feel like hell, but my pulse and BP are back to normal, and the ringing is quieter, more like a hum. I'll go get the prescription and take another .5 to see if that stabilizes me more fully. Of course, I'll be out again in a matter of days, but I'm hopeful I can find a doctor who's willing to help. Might have to do some traveling. I know there are other ways of obtaining meds, but I don't feel I should have to, and besides, I don't have a month's supply to sit on while I wait for shipments from overseas.

 

Thankful nonetheless for a little reprieve, and shared stories to keep me from despair.

 

hangingout 

A couple of hours have passed since taking the second half-milligram of lorazepam. I am stable here. I can do things again!!

 

Looking forward to saying goodbye to benzos, but first I'll have to find more of them...

 

It is a strange conundrum.