ashamed to admit this

OK. Heres my dark secret..in hopes maybe somebody else has been there.  When I had my first real go round with anxiety/panic that lasted for quite some time, I was so fearful irrationally, that I became really afraid to be alone. It wasnt so much agoraphobia, since I would still drive places. In fact, I would go go go just to keep from facing the one thing that panicked me the most...being home alone.  I was a mom, I had kids, a busy life. I had never experienced this before and after the anxiety episode finally died down( a year), this problem remained to some degree. I fight it, try and figure out why, try and force myself to do exposure. And still the minute my husband goes out the door., or I have a day off...it seems like I have trained myself to panic. And I can't seem to untrain myself. I work, go to college, take solo roadtrips...but being alone is my biggest hurdle. Any and all suggestions welcome.  it is embarassing to admit this, but this seems like the only place to let it out.

OK. Heres my dark secret..in hopes maybe somebody else has been there.  When I had my first real go round with anxiety/panic that lasted for quite some time, I was so fearful irrationally, that I became really afraid to be alone. It wasnt so much agoraphobia, since I would still drive places. In fact, I would go go go just to keep from facing the one thing that panicked me the most...being home alone.  I was a mom, I had kids, a busy life. I had never experienced this before and after the anxiety episode finally died down( a year), this problem remained to some degree. I fight it, try and figure out why, try and force myself to do exposure. And still the minute my husband goes out the door., or I have a day off...it seems like I have trained myself to panic. And I can't seem to untrain myself. I work, go to college, take solo roadtrips...but being alone is my biggest hurdle. Any and all suggestions welcome.  it is embarassing to admit this, but this seems like the only place to let it out.

 

Please don't be embarrassed, North.    There could well be a perfectly understandable underlying reason why you are afraid to be home alone, possibly something from your early childhood.  It is hard to break a reaction pattern like that but it can be done.  Have you considered seeing a therapist, maybe one who specializes in phobias?  Trying to do it yourself doesn't seem to be working and I imagine you get more discouraged and beat yourself up even more day by day.  I know it's hard to admit you need help (does your husband know what you go through?), but it might help you start to free yourself.  I'm sure  you've heard the aphorism:  If you want to keep gettin' what you're gettn', just keep doin' what you're doin' 

OK. Heres my dark secret..in hopes maybe somebody else has been there.  When I had my first real go round with anxiety/panic that lasted for quite some time, I was so fearful irrationally, that I became really afraid to be alone. It wasnt so much agoraphobia, since I would still drive places. In fact, I would go go go just to keep from facing the one thing that panicked me the most...being home alone.  I was a mom, I had kids, a busy life. I had never experienced this before and after the anxiety episode finally died down( a year), this problem remained to some degree. I fight it, try and figure out why, try and force myself to do exposure. And still the minute my husband goes out the door., or I have a day off...it seems like I have trained myself to panic. And I can't seem to untrain myself. I work, go to college, take solo roadtrips...but being alone is my biggest hurdle. Any and all suggestions welcome.  it is embarassing to admit this, but this seems like the only place to let it out.

 

HEY you dont have to be ashamed of having this problem. It isnt your fault. Anxiety is a sneaky lil thing. I was afraid to go out! I quit trying to figure out why, other than this is me and my personality. It doesnt mean you are flawed or that something is wrong with you. It just IS. blessings to you

Thanks Kate and Beeper. I needed to let it out. Been trying to deal with it with therapy, and it improves and then comes back again.  It just makes no sense to me as an adult to have such a fear level. When the anxiety is low, its ok. But when its high, I cant do it.  thanks sooo much for being who you are...Susan

I have had periods when been extremely afraid to be alone and I know a few people who have had this problem. It's just one way of anxiety appearing itself. For me, being home alone is nowadays usually ok and i feel safe, but going out is what freaks me out. I'm sure this will pass for you in time.

 

Claire Weekes writes about this being alone fear in her book Essential help for your nerves. Some quotes from the book:

"One should sit and face the silence, not shrink away from it, one should drench oneself in self-awareness. One will find that after a while, one's mind will begin to wander. One will think of some job that needs to be done. One should repeat this exercise whenever one feels overpowered by that moment of aloneness that is so difficult to live through. When one is prepared to face the quietness in this way, one will find that the hovering monster will gradually stop hovering."

 

 

have you tried counseling like a therapist or a psychologist not be in anyway confused with a psychiatrist, lol.  I think these little quirks we have have great success in some kind of talk therapy.  you can always think about and look back to what you talked about in therapy when your alone and talk yourself out of any fear or whatever.