12 years of Xanax for sleep. No More, all better now!

Hello My fellow Buddies,

 

If someone would have told me 18 months ago that I could and would become benzo free with no lasting effects, I would not have believed them. But I did, I beat the beast and am finally free and have learned and grown so much. I apologize if this post is too long, but here’s my story.

 

I am a 56 year old man. I was taking 1mg of alprazolam (Xanax) each night before bed for chronic insomnia for more than 12 years. No biggy right? Wrong! After Ambien and all of the other sleep aids performed poorly my doctor prescribed (Xanax). He told me repeatedly that as long as I was only taking it for sleep once a day I would be fine and never get addicted or reach tolerance. Not true and dangerously ill-informed of him to say the least. Like many people I never questioned my doctor and in his defense he was never taught the subtle and sometimes evasive problems related to long term benzo use, now he understands. 

 

Looking back I started to have symptoms of what I now know is Inner-dose withdrawal (IDWD) almost immediately. Yes the Xanax was putting and keeping me asleep just fine, it was a “miracle drug”. But soon I started to have chest pains in the afternoon that lasted until I dosed again before bed, imagine that. Within a year or so my heartbeat became irregular and I finally went to see many specialists and had numerous tests performed, my heart was fine they said, “perfect health”. No-one connected the dots that I was taking Xanax once a day and that this could be causing my symptoms. They all said that “chest wall pain and slight arrhythmia is not un-common learn to live with it.”

 

More than ten years later and many years of living with the heart stuff I reached a new point and crashed. All of a sudden one day I experienced what I now understand was a panic attack; shortness of breath, impending doom, rapid heartbeat, textbook panic attack. My wife rushed me to the ER, more tests and “nothing, your fine, go home”. After two more ER visits in quick succession and misdiagnosis’ like “possible asthma, stress, generalized anxiety disorder” etcetera, I was lost with little hope. Like a fool My P-doc said let’s take you off of the Xanax and try Buspar in the day and Ambien for sleep. Then things got real, really fast, oh the horror. 

 

Suddenly stopping Xanax use after 12+ years sent me in to a total and complete withdrawal disaster. I had every symptom you can imagine; Almost no sleep for days on end with only quick naps in the day time, frequent panic attacks, auditory hallucinations, complete loss of appetite, no sex drive, strange ideation, anger, depression, agitation, tinnitus and more. It got so bad that I went to see a cognitive behavioral therapist, she was no help and had no clue or advice except “maybe start looking for a Psychiatric hospital.” My wife and I were devastated and I was scared to death. 

 

We were praying all along throughout this ordeal. But finally I pleaded “Dear God please enlighten the physicians trying to help me or guide me to come up with the answer to this sudden illness.” It was that very day that I serendipitously found Benzobuddies.com, literally an answer to prayer. Within an hour of surfing the forums, I knew what my “illness” was; it was like a veil had been removed from before my eyes. I now pray several times a day, usually prayers of thanks, gratitude and humility…

 

I will not mention the names of my fellow Benzo Buddies who helped me understand what was going on out of fear of leaving someone out. But there were so many of you “Benzo-Angels”, I thank you all, I love You and am forever in your debt, you saved me. 

 

So with advice and guidance I immediately re-instated the Xanax to stabilize and ALL of the WD symptoms disappeared immediately, Bingo that was it, I was a Benzo addict in withdrawal. So Let’s make a plan and beat this thing, game on!

 

I learned that taking the Xanax nightly for sleep was great for insomnia but its quick half-life was leaving me in withdrawal every afternoon causing the symptoms of panic attacks and heart issues. So after educating my doctor and making him read the Ashton manual we moved to Valium for sleep. Valium’s super long half-life eliminated the IDWD effects within two days, I felt great and was sleeping well. My long time “heart issues” completely disappeared! No rapid pulse, no chest wall pain, because there was no daily withdrawal. 

 

After learning what was going on with GABA receptor down-regulation and Glutamate receptor up-regulating as a result of Benzo use (Thanks Parker) I knew I had to get off of all Benzo’s completely. My brain had re-wired itself and I didn’t want to suffer with this brain damage any more. Time to taper and get of all Benzos, Now!

 

I also learned that 1mg of Xanax is equal to 20mg of Valium. Due to the very long acting half-life of Valium and it building up in my blood stream I made a 25% cut after 4 days, no real problem at all. Then I started cutting 1mg per week. With each cut I would feel mild anxiety for a day or two until I stabilized, this was tolerable and a few things helped, Theanine, Bacopa Monnieri, Kava Kava and GABA chewables. I literally tried every vitamin, supplement, meditation technique and anything else that you can think of to try and reduce the effects from cutting. Some things worked and some didn’t at all. As my dose got lower the cuts started to cause more anxiety, insomnia and other issues for a few days after each cut, so I slowed down the tapering.

 

After a couple of months and at around 8mg each night I switched to a daily taper. This was amazing! I no longer had any wd effects with each large weekly cut and hold. Small daily cuts were not even noticed. From that point on right up until my final jump at .25mg I no longer had any wd effects at all! Larger weekly cuts felt jerky like riding a bike down a flight of stairs, while a small daily taper was like gliding down a ramp, smooth. All was good. Sleep had not completely returned but I was getting by and found other non-benzo supplements to help with that off label Flexeril, Phenergan, gabapentin and especially tryptophan. I would rotate these as needed with melatonin as well. I also started a full vitamin regimen with lot's of magnesium. Not perfect sleep but manageable. Lowering my expectations in many areas of my life helped to take the pressure off of me throughout this ordeal. I was getting 8+ hours of sleep a night taking Xanax and now I was getting 4 or 5 and sometimes only a few. Oh well, good time for binge TV watching. 

 

Once I got to around 5mg of Valium each night for sleep pill cutting became un-exact and troublesome. It is amazing how the body will notice it when the dose isn’t right. So I moved to a liquid taper with daily cuts. This too was a suggestion form my Buddies and worked wonderfully. Converting 5mg to 500ml made exact small cuts simple. This technique can be tricky for some but it is explained very well by a few members here on Benzobuddies, if you PM me I can also explain this for you. 

 

As I mentioned Insomnia was my original problem that started me on benzo’s to begin with. This was and still is an issue for me but I have learned to manage it well. Having said that I am still not sure if this continuing insomnia is a side effect of tapering or the original underlying insomnia just coming back. Either way I know that whatever I do or take to deal with it, I will never use a benzo to treat anything. I have researched and found things that help and do not alter the neurotransmitters and receptors in my brain. It’s true that nothing works quite as well as benzo’s do, thus the insidiousness of their tender trap. Sooner or later everyone who takes them will hit tolerance and without knowledgeable physicians (or Benzobuddies) things can get really ugly really fast. 

 

It has now been almost 8 months since I completely jumped from Xanax-valium. I have had maybe 5 or 6 very minor panic attacks or strange flashes of discomfort the entire time. They have lasted from a few seconds to a few minutes, but were very manageable with techniques that I learned and they were fewer and further in between. I have been completely free of even those symptoms for a month or two now. Thank God, and Thank You all at Benzobuddies.

 

I will post or respond to anyone who wants to know what supplements, gadgets and philosophies I have used throughout my crossover, taper and jump. I literally tried everything, some worked well and others made things worse. But most of all I want to tell anyone else out there on the same path but just beginning the process, things WILL get better, give it time. 

 

Again thank you so very much to all of you who helped me overcome this difficult challenge in my life. God Bless  and Good Healing,

 

 

Wilson

 

PS: Believe it or not, I see this entire experience from addiction to Benzo free as a positive and beneficial lesson in my life. I have learned so much and am now well prepared for whatever life throws at me next.

 

Congratulations on being benzo free! Thank you giving hope to all of us healing.  Wishing you joy and love in your life.  Enjoy being healed. 

Thanks Rosie! You too! 

Thank you SO much for sharing your story.

You are a inspiration to others!

Great success story!  So glad you're on the other side.  Best wishes for continued success.

Thanks for the kind words Team! 

congrats!!! As someone who took xanax for thirty years before taking my last pill this May I can totally appreciate what a great accomplishment it is to get free from xanax after so many years!! It is great to be free from the interdose withdrawals!! So happy for you!!!

How did you make the daily cuts in your taper? Daily actually sounds better than weekly...

 

How did you make the daily cuts in your taper? Daily actually sounds better than weekly...

 

Hi Ava Lauren,

 

Not sure if the question was for me, but yes once I did the daily taper things got better in several ways. I did a liquid daily taper as it is more exact. Splitting pills is inexact and the body can notice fluctuations, especially if it feels cheated.

 

I have explained the liquid taper process a few times here as have others. If you can't find it by searching my name or don't feel like it just let know and I will be happy to explain it again in depth, no biggie. 

 

Best of healing to you,

 

 

Wilson

Yes that question was for you. I am relatively new to the forum so I could not find your daily taper plan. Can you lead me to where it is posted? Also, did you have any trouble withdrawing from the gabapentin? I have been on it 6 months now and down to 100mg per day from 900 mg (per my doctors request). I have heard that you get similar withdrawals symptoms when coming off the gabapentin, was that your experience?

 

Hi Ava Lauren,

 

Not sure if the question was for me, but yes once I did the daily taper things got better in several ways. I did a liquid daily taper as it is more exact. Splitting pills is inexact and the body can notice fluctuations, especially if it feels cheated.

 

I have explained the liquid taper process a few times here as have others. If you can't find it by searching my name or don't feel like it just let know and I will be happy to explain it again in depth, no biggie. 

 

Best of healing to you,

 

 

Wilson

Yeahhh Brother!! And now you're passing your knowledge on to me 

Thanks so much for the details. My dr ct me in May 20 15. I tried trazadone but felt worse. I am thinking about asking for gabapenton. Did it help or prolong or do u know. My stomach has. Even my worse symptom. Was wondering if u had stomach issues and if so did anything help. I'm getting a tiny bit better each month or 2 but I'm taking lunesta for sleep. I also only took klonopin for sleep issues I have had since a child. I think about reinstating just for some relief then taper but so afraid it will. E more like starting over w withdrawal. My body can't take that again. I wish I could find a dr to help me and advise me. Mine keeps telling me it's not withdrawal but I know he knows it is but just doesn't know what to do for me. U seem like u had a dr to go along with what u needed? Thanks again for this post. It gives me hope. Wish I could get sleep without lunesta!😞

What coping skills did you use for the panic attacks?

Thank you for that incredible success story.  Early today I posted a request for positive outcomes. And this is it!!!

Thanks so much for the details. My dr ct me in May 20 15. I tried trazadone but felt worse. I am thinking about asking for gabapenton. Did it help or prolong or do u know. My stomach has. Even my worse symptom. Was wondering if u had stomach issues and if so did anything help. I'm getting a tiny bit better each month or 2 but I'm taking lunesta for sleep. I also only took klonopin for sleep issues I have had since a child. I think about reinstating just for some relief then taper but so afraid it will. E more like starting over w withdrawal. My body can't take that again. I wish I could find a dr to help me and advise me. Mine keeps telling me it's not withdrawal but I know he knows it is but just doesn't know what to do for me. U seem like u had a dr to go along with what u needed? Thanks again for this post. It gives me hope. Wish I could get sleep without lunesta!😞

 

JHAm,

 

First of all stay strong and persevere, it will get better with time, you are healing.

 

Yes I did have stomach issues. I altered my diet; less greasy food, less sugar, less fat, lots of veggies. Protein in the AM and carbs in the PM. I also started taking psylium husk fiber every morning with juice. I took lots of tums as needed. There was a 2 month period where my stomach swelled! 

 

Yes my Doctor was very helpful, he felt guilty once I disabused him as to the horrors of the drug he had been prescribing for 12 years. He even prescribed, Buspar, flexeril, phenergan, Gabapentin, Trazadone and belsomra for sleep and to help with wd symptoms. Only flexeril and phenergan worked... I would stay away from gabapentin if I were you, similar to a benzo. Belsomra was hit and miss. Eventually I learned a lot and stopped taking anything that works in the brain.

 

For sleep try this if your stomach can handle it: I have other recipes if interested PM me. (thankfully I need almost nothing anymore.)

 

6pm - 200mg Bacopa monnieri, 500 Calmag, omega3, multivitamin...

7pm - 500mg Niacinamide.

8pm - 250mg Tryptophan

9pm - 25mg Doxylamine

10pm -250mg Tryptophan

11pm - 1-2mg disolvable melatonin sublingually

Asleep by 11:15

 

Best of luck Buddy, you got this thing!

 

 

Wilson

 

 

What coping skills did you use for the panic attacks?

 

 

Hi Buddy,

 

I learned positive self talk I told myself "this will pass soon, I am not in any danger, it will not kill me."

 

I learned how to breathe deeply and slowly from the belly. PA's are exacerbated by too Much oxygen, hyperventilation, breathe out slower than in...

 

I distracted myself, got up and did something mildly physical, brisk walking, folding laundry...

 

Calms "nerve Tonic under tongue works in seconds as does Gaba chewables. Both helped quickly with anxiety and PA's.

 

Once I discovered and started taking Theanine and a few other supplements, things got much better.

 

I got my life in order. I finished up a bunch of nagging "little" things. I eliminated bad habits and relationships, I exercised hard everyday. I took hot baths. I really began to pray with conviction; on my knees, pleading and laying all of my cares one by one at the feet of my Savior... I forgave everyone especially me,  I let go...

 

I am a far better person as a result of this ordeal, God's wisdom is humbling, trust it.

 

 

Best of Healing Buddy, 

good for you! did you have much pain as far as still, sore muscles? and how are they now?

Thank you so much for your story. I was on Klonepin for 12 years for insomnia and am now 4+months after last dose. I am clinging to hope and your beautiful essay helps.

Thanks for sharing your inspiring story and quickly responding to my post when I joined about a week ago. You know Who to look to for your strength and have a positive attitude...more than half the battle won right there :-) Looking forward to being able to share my positive story one day.

Thanks for sharing your inspiring story and quickly responding to my post when I joined about a week ago. You know Who to look to for your strength and have a positive attitude...more than half the battle won right there :-) Looking forward to being able to share my positive story one day.

 

Thank you Rough,

 

I can't wait to read Your success story, it will happen, give it all to God. 

 

Your Buddy,

 

Wilson 

Hi Wilson, I joined the forum couple weeks back you were the one that did the welcome. And thanks so much.  I have not been back on until now, I have looked up so many other stuff on benzos and in all honesty I could not focus enough to do anything.  I'm at 3 mg valium now.  I am having terrible anxiety and completely unable to do anything to completion my attention span sucks.  Just writing you Is at least something I hope. lol anyway guees I just wanted to well not sure what the hell I wanted.  I'm not sure if I mentioned the other reason I got on Xanax originally was that I had stopped drinking, yes I am a drunk.  lol its been 16 years 2 months and 21 days thank God for that.  Well just wanted to say thanks for the welcome and I hope when I get some clearity or whatever it is that I will be a better help to others.  Thanks again Oh not sure If I'm suppose to say my name is Mathis but it is.  Hope you are having a good day and thanks again.

Hello Mathias,

 

Sorry to hear about the anxiety and brain fog, been there done that  Just know you are almost done, things will get a lot better!

 

When I was at that stage of my taper I found that Omega3 and all of the B vitamins really helped, some say that they revved them up but not me... Also Theanine at 200mg twice a day worked amazingly well for anxiety. But time now is your greatest healer, you will be be fine in a few months. 

 

 

Wilson

Hello Wilson,

This is a very inspirational story! Congratulations!

Are you presently completely symptom-free? What about your tolerance to effort?

I was also wondering whether you are able to work again.

Many thanks and enjoy your new life!

Hello Fallingstar,

 

In a word, mostly, I do still have an occasional glitch in the system, but yes I am mostly symptom free. Once a month or so I may have a tremble of anxiety, almost like the beginning of a panic attack, but it stays pretty mellow. I also had a week or so of brain zaps while falling asleep a month or so ago. I chalk all of this up to the body and brain still healing, a good sign, sort of like a re-boot and everything coming back on line.

 

Sleep was my reason for starting benzos to begin with and I am happy to say that I have that figured out and sleep is good again. I have a few recipes that I take as needed when I absolutely need a good night sleep. Mostly supplements, no prescriptions and certainly nothing that will set back the healing and mess with the GABA receptors.

 

I'm glad that my story is inspiring, that was my intent; to let y'all know that this will all pass and we can recover fully in time. The main thing thing is a slow and steady taper, too fast is usually the cause for unnecessary symptoms.

 

All the best, 

 

Wilson