The Klonopin Klub#2

Sorry i feel like im just jumping in but i was told in my introduction post that this thread could be helpful for me and to post my story

View Profile  Personal Message (Online)

Clonazepam dependant mom . Scared & lost just reinstated

« on: July 19, 2020, 05:19:52 pm »

QuoteModifyRemove

I have no idea where or how to start this so i will jump right in . I have been dependant as well as on & off benzodiazepines for 7 years . I had Firstly taken Ativan 2.5 mg daily for 6 years and fast tapered myself off due to pregnancy and developed. Ppd and ocd as a result . About 9 months after my daughters birth i was prescribed clonazepam 0.5mg twice daily.& stupidly i thought if i only took 0.25 as needed or once daily i would not become dependant . Well long story short klonopin like all the other benzodiazepines ive been on started making me irritable , angry . More anxious and increasing my ocd symptoms and i had gotten up to needing 0.5 mg a night just to sleep .In march 2020 i started tapering off because doctors do not want to prescribe benzodiazepines any longer in my state . I did very well on that taper and with little difficulty and alot of help from cbd i was able to taper off without complication except for insomnia but otherwise felt amazing for the first time in my life . I stupidly drank a small amount of caffeine about a month out and had the worst panic attack of my life it lasted 3 days and i did not sleep so i went to the er they gave me iv ativan and sent me home with a small emergency as needed script of xanax . I took the xannax while still taking my cbd and i noticed i was having very adverse reactions to it it was making me mean and paranoid & inducing panic attacks . I ended up back in the er in a bad state and they put me on clonazepam again in the hospital and sent me home with a small script until i could see  a psychitrist . Long story short i was doing moderately well , having sleeping issues but i was mostly happy  and  Was only taking them as needed . My appointment with the psychiatrist got moved way back because the health department was switching providers so after a multitude of stress and the clonopin causing anxiety or withdrawing still from taking it here and their i ended up in detox and they rapid tapered me off of it over 6 days and i was feeling pretty good despite being dropped down to 0.125 mg once a day and then stopped and sent home  the next day. About 3 days later all hell broke loose cbd and melatonin were keeping me sleeping but in started going through the worst mental and physical hell ive ever been through coupled with depression and entire personality change .( my child is the reason i breathe and now its like i dont care and im short tempered and i dont want to parent and that is not me ) so i reinstated slowly 0.125 at a time and ive taken  3 doses but i feel terrible . Was it wrong to do it 9 days out .

I cant risk months of hell or protracted symptoms

Im a single mother with little support . Should i continue to taper ? Im in the dark and i only have now 5 .0.5 mg pills and 1 pill that is 3 quarters of that . I have no way to get more . My primary care doctor treats me like a drug addict because she tappered me the first time and i failed. & i dont see a psychiatrist until the end of august . I cant suffer i have to be functionable i have a little person soely depending on me and i  have so much guilt and feel like a unfit mother & i have no family support because they do not believe what i am experiencing is real and  i have to go back to work asap . Idk what to do any help

Or advice would be appreciated . I cant handle not feeling like myself .... and my current state effecting my motherhood .

hello guys ,

First time writing here . Tried to start my K taper it was horrible , too much anxiety and hypersensitivity ,muscle/nerv related  pains . Any good tips to manage wd symptons ?

Sure! Hold until you're stable, and then begin to taper as slowly as you need to minimize the sx. In other words, "heal faster than you taper". Pushing through it just isn't worth it. If you ever push too hard or too fast, then it'll just maximize the problems and sx farther on down the taper or after you jump. Distract, too!

Take care,

Jeff

hello guys ,

First time writing here . Tried to start my K taper it was horrible , too much anxiety and hypersensitivity ,muscle/nerv related  pains . Any good tips to manage wd symptons ?

 

Hi and welcome.

 

I can only pass on a few things that have helped me from my own experience.

 

1. I (after a period of starts and stops) created a taper schedule and stuck to it as much as possible.  I am dry cutting with a scale and nail file.  There are other methods as you know.  I also started slowly because I was fearful and as I understood my pattern of withdrawal more, I have picked up the pace.

 

2. Once I figured out that my fantasy of trying to have a symptom free taper was keeping me stuck was unrealistic, I created a rating scale for myself based on 1-10.  1 was no symptoms and 10 was the worst symptoms.  I wanted to find a range where I could tolerate my withdrawal symptoms without being miserable.  For me, if I could hang in the 5,6 and 7 range of ickiness, I would keep tapering.  If my symptoms inched into the 8, 9, and 10 range, I would hold.  It was freeing for me to realize that it wasn't my fault that I was having symptoms, it was all the medication and what I could tolerate.

 

3. I read success stories and looked for good support on this site.  If I saw I was experiencing too much fear based talk in any group I belonged to, I took time off.  I don't judge the fear, it's very valid and people need to express as much fear as they need to.  But, for me if it was not balanced enough with encouragement that we can all get off these meds, I took a step away. 

 

4. On the higher doses, I had a lot heavier symptoms so I did a lot of distraction when I couldn't do anything else.  Watched mindless TV, called friends, spoke with a benzo coach and held on.

 

I'm sure others will have more tips.  Keep the faith, you can do this.

Regarding Point 4. , I was feeling much better when i was on 1.2mg per day , I felt pretty good all the time . Unfortunately I updosed by mistake , as drops were not aviable at that time amd my psych told me this is baby dose . I was not aware of how potent benzo is this at that time . Since like a year ago I noticed myself slowly to became super lazy then now panicky about everything now kind of paranoia , and strange phobias i never had before . Could that mean i will be better as i lower my dose ?, sure now i have to go super slow as i got  addicted to it . Anyone got better as was reducing the dose and getting used to it ? Complete taper is nice but if i would be more active and could do my job that would help me motivate a lot. Thanks guys.

hello guys ,

First time writing here . Tried to start my K taper it was horrible , too much anxiety and hypersensitivity ,muscle/nerv related  pains . Any good tips to manage wd symptons ?

 

Hi and welcome.

 

I can only pass on a few things that have helped me from my own experience.

 

1. I (after a period of starts and stops) created a taper schedule and stuck to it as much as possible.  I am dry cutting with a scale and nail file.  There are other methods as you know.  I also started slowly because I was fearful and as I understood my pattern of withdrawal more, I have picked up the pace.

 

2. Once I figured out that my fantasy of trying to have a symptom free taper was keeping me stuck was unrealistic, I created a rating scale for myself based on 1-10.  1 was no symptoms and 10 was the worst symptoms.  I wanted to find a range where I could tolerate my withdrawal symptoms without being miserable.  For me, if I could hang in the 5,6 and 7 range of ickiness, I would keep tapering.  If my symptoms inched into the 8, 9, and 10 range, I would hold.  It was freeing for me to realize that it wasn't my fault that I was having symptoms, it was all the medication and what I could tolerate.

 

3. I read success stories and looked for good support on this site.  If I saw I was experiencing too much fear based talk in any group I belonged to, I took time off.  I don't judge the fear, it's very valid and people need to express as much fear as they need to.  But, for me if it was not balanced enough with encouragement that we can all get off these meds, I took a step away. 

 

4. On the higher doses, I had a lot heavier symptoms so I did a lot of distraction when I couldn't do anything else.  Watched mindless TV, called friends, spoke with a benzo coach and held on.

 

I'm sure others will have more tips.  Keep the faith, you can do this.

 

Regarding Point 4. , I was feeling much better when i was on 1.2mg per day , I felt pretty good all the time . Unfortunately I updosed by mistake , as drops were not aviable at that time amd my psych told me this is baby dose . I was not aware of how potent benzo is this at that time . Since like a year ago I noticed myself slowly to became super lazy then now panicky about everything now kind of paranoia , and strange phobias i never had before . Could that mean i will be better as i lower my dose ?, sure now i have to go super slow as i got  addicted to it . Anyone got better as was reducing the dose and getting used to it ? Complete taper is nice but if i would be more active and could do my job that would help me motivate a lot. Thanks guys.

I have felt better and better as I reduced my dose.  I am now able to work and I wasn't able to when I was on a higher dose.  Still more to taper but I am functional. 

Sorry i feel like im just jumping in but i was told in my introduction post that this thread could be helpful for me and to post my story

View Profile  Personal Message (Online)

 

Clonazepam dependant mom . Scared & lost just reinstated

« on: July 19, 2020, 05:19:52 pm »

QuoteModifyRemove

I have no idea where or how to start this so i will jump right in . I have been dependant as well as on & off benzodiazepines for 7 years . I had Firstly taken Ativan 2.5 mg daily for 6 years and fast tapered myself off due to pregnancy and developed. Ppd and ocd as a result . About 9 months after my daughters birth i was prescribed clonazepam 0.5mg twice daily.& stupidly i thought if i only took 0.25 as needed or once daily i would not become dependant . Well long story short klonopin like all the other benzodiazepines ive been on started making me irritable , angry . More anxious and increasing my ocd symptoms and i had gotten up to needing 0.5 mg a night just to sleep .In march 2020 i started tapering off because doctors do not want to prescribe benzodiazepines any longer in my state . I did very well on that taper and with little difficulty and alot of help from cbd i was able to taper off without complication except for insomnia but otherwise felt amazing for the first time in my life . I stupidly drank a small amount of caffeine about a month out and had the worst panic attack of my life it lasted 3 days and i did not sleep so i went to the er they gave me iv ativan and sent me home with a small emergency as needed script of xanax . I took the xannax while still taking my cbd and i noticed i was having very adverse reactions to it it was making me mean and paranoid & inducing panic attacks . I ended up back in the er in a bad state and they put me on clonazepam again in the hospital and sent me home with a small script until i could see  a psychitrist . Long story short i was doing moderately well , having sleeping issues but i was mostly happy  and  Was only taking them as needed . My appointment with the psychiatrist got moved way back because the health department was switching providers so after a multitude of stress and the clonopin causing anxiety or withdrawing still from taking it here and their i ended up in detox and they rapid tapered me off of it over 6 days and i was feeling pretty good despite being dropped down to 0.125 mg once a day and then stopped and sent home  the next day. About 3 days later all hell broke loose cbd and melatonin were keeping me sleeping but in started going through the worst mental and physical hell ive ever been through coupled with depression and entire personality change .( my child is the reason i breathe and now its like i dont care and im short tempered and i dont want to parent and that is not me ) so i reinstated slowly 0.125 at a time and ive taken  3 doses but i feel terrible . Was it wrong to do it 9 days out .

I cant risk months of hell or protracted symptoms

Im a single mother with little support . Should i continue to taper ? Im in the dark and i only have now 5 .0.5 mg pills and 1 pill that is 3 quarters of that . I have no way to get more . My primary care doctor treats me like a drug addict because she tappered me the first time and i failed. & i dont see a psychiatrist until the end of august . I cant suffer i have to be functionable i have a little person soely depending on me and i  have so much guilt and feel like a unfit mother & i have no family support because they do not believe what i am experiencing is real and  i have to go back to work asap . Idk what to do any help

Or advice would be appreciated . I cant handle not feeling like myself .... and my current state effecting my motherhood .

I'm so sorry you have gone through this and now don't have access to medication.  Being rapid tapered off a benzo is so rough on your nervous system.

Just so I understand, you have only a limited amount of medication left and you don't see your psychiatrist till August?

Can you ask for an emergency appointment and get in earlier?

Also are you asking if you should stabilize again on .125 and then slowly taper?  I think that's good plan if you have the medication to do so.

Sorry i feel like im just jumping in but i was told in my introduction post that this thread could be helpful for me and to post my story

View Profile  Personal Message (Online)

 

Clonazepam dependant mom . Scared & lost just reinstated

« on: July 19, 2020, 05:19:52 pm »

QuoteModifyRemove

I have no idea where or how to start this so i will jump right in . I have been dependant as well as on & off benzodiazepines for 7 years . I had Firstly taken Ativan 2.5 mg daily for 6 years and fast tapered myself off due to pregnancy and developed. Ppd and ocd as a result . About 9 months after my daughters birth i was prescribed clonazepam 0.5mg twice daily.& stupidly i thought if i only took 0.25 as needed or once daily i would not become dependant . Well long story short klonopin like all the other benzodiazepines ive been on started making me irritable , angry . More anxious and increasing my ocd symptoms and i had gotten up to needing 0.5 mg a night just to sleep .In march 2020 i started tapering off because doctors do not want to prescribe benzodiazepines any longer in my state . I did very well on that taper and with little difficulty and alot of help from cbd i was able to taper off without complication except for insomnia but otherwise felt amazing for the first time in my life . I stupidly drank a small amount of caffeine about a month out and had the worst panic attack of my life it lasted 3 days and i did not sleep so i went to the er they gave me iv ativan and sent me home with a small emergency as needed script of xanax . I took the xannax while still taking my cbd and i noticed i was having very adverse reactions to it it was making me mean and paranoid & inducing panic attacks . I ended up back in the er in a bad state and they put me on clonazepam again in the hospital and sent me home with a small script until i could see  a psychitrist . Long story short i was doing moderately well , having sleeping issues but i was mostly happy  and  Was only taking them as needed . My appointment with the psychiatrist got moved way back because the health department was switching providers so after a multitude of stress and the clonopin causing anxiety or withdrawing still from taking it here and their i ended up in detox and they rapid tapered me off of it over 6 days and i was feeling pretty good despite being dropped down to 0.125 mg once a day and then stopped and sent home  the next day. About 3 days later all hell broke loose cbd and melatonin were keeping me sleeping but in started going through the worst mental and physical hell ive ever been through coupled with depression and entire personality change .( my child is the reason i breathe and now its like i dont care and im short tempered and i dont want to parent and that is not me ) so i reinstated slowly 0.125 at a time and ive taken  3 doses but i feel terrible . Was it wrong to do it 9 days out .

I cant risk months of hell or protracted symptoms

Im a single mother with little support . Should i continue to taper ? Im in the dark and i only have now 5 .0.5 mg pills and 1 pill that is 3 quarters of that . I have no way to get more . My primary care doctor treats me like a drug addict because she tappered me the first time and i failed. & i dont see a psychiatrist until the end of august . I cant suffer i have to be functionable i have a little person soely depending on me and i  have so much guilt and feel like a unfit mother & i have no family support because they do not believe what i am experiencing is real and  i have to go back to work asap . Idk what to do any help

Or advice would be appreciated . I cant handle not feeling like myself .... and my current state effecting my motherhood .

I can relate to your situation in that I was wanting to taper and I didn't have much k medication left at all. My doc quit writing benzo scripts in her practice, and I was stuck. Pretty freaked out too. She just left me high and dry. Didn't care. So, I printed out a list of every doc and psychiatrist in our health insurance network. I started contacting every name on the list that I could. I called and called offices, explained my situation, tried to sound calm and civilized on the phone. I even started driving in-person to offices to see who I could talk to in order to get help or see who they could direct me to. I got knocked down time and time again every single day, but I finally came across a psychiatrist about an hour away who would see me fairly quickly. I did what I had to, got in to see him, and got the script. It worked. Not easy, but it worked. Start reaching out...wherever you can and to whoever you can. Stay calm while talking to them and let the situation lead you to the right person. And, when you get the scripts you need, hold where you are to get stabled and get life back on track, and then begin a careful and well-thought out taper. One minute at a time! You can do it. Jeff

** 7/25 update ** OK, I just looked at my math duh. I won’t be reducing by 12.5% each cut. The percentage gets progressively more based on this proposed plan, now i totally get badsocref:

If I reduced by .125mg every three weeks this is the percentage cut each time. 12.5 was something I was wiling to try. Not sure about the other larger percentages.

12.5%

14.3%

16.7%

20%

25%

33.3%

50%

Hi everyone,

I just joined today. I wrote an Intro and then I posted in Taper Plans but I think this is where I need to be. The Klon Klub.

Badsocref kindly replied to me earlier which is great guidance. I thought I would still share with you all my plan.

Don't get too attached to the cut size or the schedule.  See how it goes for you.  You may need to make smaller cuts as your taper progresses.  For example, when you cut from 2x 0.125 to 1x 0.125, that's a 50% cut which may be a bit intense.  You'll see as you go along.  People are able to taper at very different rates.  Listen to your body and adjust the taper rate if needed.

I take .5mg in the morning and .5mg at night. I want OFF of this after 12 years. I hate being dependent on something. I’m trying to remember if when I started whether it was even for a good reason. I know it helped with work. I was more calm and not super anxious before I had even gone into the office. Not a good enough reason.

I understand that the recommendation is 5-10% cuts. This is what I’ve got stuck in my head though:

- reduce by .125mg every 3 weeks.

- I have .5mg tablets. I’ve read a lot today that breaking up tablets doesn’t seem like the best way to go. I can make a fairly good 1/2 cut. Then I cut them again so I make 4x.125 out of one .5mg tablet. This allows me to theoretically reduce by 12.5% cuts. Is my math wrong here? Am I not thinking of cut percentages right?

- I will see how I feel as I go and adjust the schedule as needed. There is really no deadline or rush although I wouldn’t mind being able to “jump” by end of the year. Then, I understand there could be tons more work to fix my brain.

- I’m on day 5. I’m not sure I can tell for sure if I’m feeling anything. A bit of tightness in my head maybe.

• My plan: reduce by .125mg every three weeks
  
• I am on day 5: .5 mg pill in the morning. And .375 in the evening.
  
• Original dose: .5 (morning) / .5 (evening)
  Weeks 1-3: .5 / .375
  Weeks 4-6: .375 / .375
  Weeks 6-8: .375 / .25
  Weeks 9-11 .25 / .25
  Weeks 12-14 .25 / .125
  Weeks 15-17 .125 / .125
  Weeks 18-20 .125 morning only
  Week 21 - stop?
  

What has boggled my mind most after reading some posts today is that a person can reduce down from a pretty high dose like 4-7mg a day fairly smoothly and quickly but then when it comes to the smaller amounts like .25 or .125 then bad reactions / withdrawal symptoms can happen. I’m seeing that there is no one way this works. Maybe a person reduces down without problems halfway through and then all of the sudden terrible things start to happen. It’s terrifying to think about and to imagine how I could feel during this process.

Thank you for reading if you’ve gotten this far. I don’t know why I didn’t know about this group before today. Klonopin is my secret shame that I don’t talk to anyone about. Only my doctor to ensure that I always have a refill coming because I know if I have to stop fast it would be awful. I stopped drinking due to alcohol addiction in 2008 but it has always felt like there’s an asterisk there because I knew I still had my benzo dependence. I take some comfort in knowing that a distinction is made between addiction vs dependence. But still...I just want to be free.

Hi Buddies,

Not sure how many of the old members are still on this thread as I joined back in 2014. Was on 4mgs on K.for 34 yrs Started out doing a dry cut and hold for a while but that didn't work out so well for me and had a lot of s/xs. So went to a dry micro taper using a scale and dropping .002gms a day alternating doses was dosing three times a day..then when I got lower stretched that to 4 doses a day. then had to start my drops at .001gms a day.

Then in july of 2015 i lost my oldest son and my mom within 9 days of each other. My primary wanted me to hold for a long while after everything i was going through but i didn't listen. So I got really sick jan of 2016..and lost down to 90lbs. from 130 i couldn't swallow food.

I was malnourished to say the least and i stopped my taper in march at 1.75mgs. By the end of june i had an SVT attack that ended me in the hospital and left in a wheelchair and was in a wheelchair until like march of 2017. during that time i updosed twice once to 2.25 and got a bit better and then again to 2.66mgs where i am at now.

I have gained my weight back and completely back to functioning i would say 99 percent. I walk 2 miles a day help run our construction company drive and do just about anything without to much trouble. Just have to be careful being in the heat doing physical things now that I have SVT.

Well with the world getting crazy more it seems everyday I got to thinking with the way its going what if i couldn't get my med well i would be in a really bad way. SO after much talk with my husband and also my best friend I decided to give it one more go at getting off. Something my husband and I had decided to just stay where i was the rest of my life I am 61.

They said its almost like your in a corner and need to try and see what happens..well today I made my first micro cut of .001gms off my morning dose. To say my mind is working overtime is no joke..its like all i can think about.

But I will not let my mind win this one.

The one thing i do as I don't know how many others do is I crush my pills..started doing that after my husband told me yrs ago when i was cutting them and weighing chips and we don't know where the med is and where the filler is. He said think about it..if you crush them up and then stir the powder then you are sure your going to get med in the dose. He said like mixing anything. So i started doing that and I never seemed to notice my drops...I went from 4mgs to 1.75..from june of 14 to march of 15 and only got sick in jan. from the loss of my family and still tapering.

So for the last 3 yrs i took a whole 1mg in the am..crushed my noon dose the .66mgs and then took a whole pill 1mg at night..but now i am crushing and weighing out .149 am .150 noon and .150 nite for today then tomorrow will be .149 am .149 noon and then .150 night..then will just keep alternating the powderd doses so they stay almost even.

So we will see how this works..sure did think about just doing a cut to 2.5mg and then start the taper but i thought long an hard and didn't want to see how sensitive i was to that cut.

I sure hope to see some familiar faces here and also get to make some new friends

Hang in there everyone and if I can ever help anyone or anyone has any questions that i can help you with please don't hesitate to ask and I will do my best to try and help you. This use to be the most active thread on the boards back when i was on here it looks like its a bit slow now.

Sorry i wrote a book but just wanted to give any new members some background of me and my journey to get to know me just a bit.

hugs to all

deep

** 7/25 update ** OK, I just looked at my math duh. I won’t be reducing by 12.5% each cut. The percentage gets progressively more based on this proposed plan, now i totally get badsocref:

 

If I reduced by .125mg every three weeks this is the percentage cut each time. 12.5 was something I was wiling to try. Not sure about the other larger percentages.

12.5%

14.3%

16.7%

20%

25%

33.3%

50%

 

 

Hi everyone,

 

I just joined today. I wrote an Intro and then I posted in Taper Plans but I think this is where I need to be. The Klon Klub.

 

Badsocref kindly replied to me earlier which is great guidance. I thought I would still share with you all my plan.

 

Don't get too attached to the cut size or the schedule.  See how it goes for you.  You may need to make smaller cuts as your taper progresses.  For example, when you cut from 2x 0.125 to 1x 0.125, that's a 50% cut which may be a bit intense.  You'll see as you go along.  People are able to taper at very different rates.  Listen to your body and adjust the taper rate if needed.

 

I take .5mg in the morning and .5mg at night. I want OFF of this after 12 years. I hate being dependent on something. I’m trying to remember if when I started whether it was even for a good reason. I know it helped with work. I was more calm and not super anxious before I had even gone into the office. Not a good enough reason.

 

I understand that the recommendation is 5-10% cuts. This is what I’ve got stuck in my head though:

- reduce by .125mg every 3 weeks.

- I have .5mg tablets. I’ve read a lot today that breaking up tablets doesn’t seem like the best way to go. I can make a fairly good 1/2 cut. Then I cut them again so I make 4x.125 out of one .5mg tablet. This allows me to theoretically reduce by 12.5% cuts. Is my math wrong here? Am I not thinking of cut percentages right?

- I will see how I feel as I go and adjust the schedule as needed. There is really no deadline or rush although I wouldn’t mind being able to “jump” by end of the year. Then, I understand there could be tons more work to fix my brain.

- I’m on day 5. I’m not sure I can tell for sure if I’m feeling anything. A bit of tightness in my head maybe.

 

• My plan: reduce by .125mg every three weeks
  
• I am on day 5: .5 mg pill in the morning. And .375 in the evening.
  
• Original dose: .5 (morning) / .5 (evening)
  Weeks 1-3: .5 / .375
  Weeks 4-6: .375 / .375
  Weeks 6-8: .375 / .25
  Weeks 9-11 .25 / .25
  Weeks 12-14 .25 / .125
  Weeks 15-17 .125 / .125
  Weeks 18-20 .125 morning only
  Week 21 - stop?
  

 

What has boggled my mind most after reading some posts today is that a person can reduce down from a pretty high dose like 4-7mg a day fairly smoothly and quickly but then when it comes to the smaller amounts like .25 or .125 then bad reactions / withdrawal symptoms can happen. I’m seeing that there is no one way this works. Maybe a person reduces down without problems halfway through and then all of the sudden terrible things start to happen. It’s terrifying to think about and to imagine how I could feel during this process.

 

Thank you for reading if you’ve gotten this far. I don’t know why I didn’t know about this group before today. Klonopin is my secret shame that I don’t talk to anyone about. Only my doctor to ensure that I always have a refill coming because I know if I have to stop fast it would be awful. I stopped drinking due to alcohol addiction in 2008 but it has always felt like there’s an asterisk there because I knew I still had my benzo dependence. I take some comfort in knowing that a distinction is made between addiction vs dependence. But still...I just want to be free.

Hi, I know you want to get off as we all do and you are taking the steps. 

Try not to buy into anyone else's experience but your own during your taper.  Some people move faster when they get lower and some slower.  I am a little over halfway through my taper and am feeling better as better as I go lower.  Just keep gauging how your body feels as you make your cuts and let your body guide you. 

I will say that jumping at the end from .125mgs  maybe something you sit with as you get there.  I know people who jumped at 1/2 that amount and felt the bump when they landed. So see how you feel as you taper and how you feel when you get lower before you put an artificial jumping point. 

Hi Buddies,

 

Not sure how many of the old members are still on this thread as I joined back in 2014. Was on 4mgs on K.for 34 yrs Started out doing a dry cut and hold for a while but that didn't work out so well for me and had a lot of s/xs. So went to a dry micro taper using a scale and dropping .002gms a day alternating doses was dosing three times a day..then when I got lower stretched that to 4 doses a day. then had to start my drops at .001gms a day.

Then in july of 2015 i lost my oldest son and my mom within 9 days of each other. My primary wanted me to hold for a long while after everything i was going through but i didn't listen. So I got really sick jan of 2016..and lost down to 90lbs. from 130 i couldn't swallow food.

I was malnourished to say the least and i stopped my taper in march at 1.75mgs. By the end of june i had an SVT attack that ended me in the hospital and left in a wheelchair and was in a wheelchair until like march of 2017. during that time i updosed twice once to 2.25 and got a bit better and then again to 2.66mgs where i am at now.

I have gained my weight back and completely back to functioning i would say 99 percent. I walk 2 miles a day help run our construction company drive and do just about anything without to much trouble. Just have to be careful being in the heat doing physical things now that I have SVT.

Well with the world getting crazy more it seems everyday I got to thinking with the way its going what if i couldn't get my med well i would be in a really bad way. SO after much talk with my husband and also my best friend I decided to give it one more go at getting off. Something my husband and I had decided to just stay where i was the rest of my life I am 61.

They said its almost like your in a corner and need to try and see what happens..well today I made my first micro cut of .001gms off my morning dose. To say my mind is working overtime is no joke..its like all i can think about.

But I will not let my mind win this one.

 

The one thing i do as I don't know how many others do is I crush my pills..started doing that after my husband told me yrs ago when i was cutting them and weighing chips and we don't know where the med is and where the filler is. He said think about it..if you crush them up and then stir the powder then you are sure your going to get med in the dose. He said like mixing anything. So i started doing that and I never seemed to notice my drops...I went from 4mgs to 1.75..from june of 14 to march of 15 and only got sick in jan. from the loss of my family and still tapering.

So for the last 3 yrs i took a whole 1mg in the am..crushed my noon dose the .66mgs and then took a whole pill 1mg at night..but now i am crushing and weighing out .149 am .150 noon and .150 nite for today then tomorrow will be .149 am .149 noon and then .150 night..then will just keep alternating the powderd doses so they stay almost even.

 

So we will see how this works..sure did think about just doing a cut to 2.5mg and then start the taper but i thought long an hard and didn't want to see how sensitive i was to that cut.

 

I sure hope to see some familiar faces here and also get to make some new friends

 

Hang in there everyone and if I can ever help anyone or anyone has any questions that i can help you with please don't hesitate to ask and I will do my best to try and help you. This use to be the most active thread on the boards back when i was on here it looks like its a bit slow now.

 

Sorry i wrote a book but just wanted to give any new members some background of me and my journey to get to know me just a bit.

 

hugs to all

 

deep

Hi deepcanyon,

Always good to have another person on this thread.  I'm so sorry for the losses you have experienced, I know how shattering losing someone you care about can be. 

Sounds like you have a great plan for tapering and congratulations on making your first cut.  You are on your way. 

Final Healing

Hi Buddies,

 

Not sure how many of the old members are still on this thread as I joined back in 2014. Was on 4mgs on K.for 34 yrs Started out doing a dry cut and hold for a while but that didn't work out so well for me and had a lot of s/xs. So went to a dry micro taper using a scale and dropping .002gms a day alternating doses was dosing three times a day..then when I got lower stretched that to 4 doses a day. then had to start my drops at .001gms a day.

Then in july of 2015 i lost my oldest son and my mom within 9 days of each other. My primary wanted me to hold for a long while after everything i was going through but i didn't listen. So I got really sick jan of 2016..and lost down to 90lbs. from 130 i couldn't swallow food.

I was malnourished to say the least and i stopped my taper in march at 1.75mgs. By the end of june i had an SVT attack that ended me in the hospital and left in a wheelchair and was in a wheelchair until like march of 2017. during that time i updosed twice once to 2.25 and got a bit better and then again to 2.66mgs where i am at now.

I have gained my weight back and completely back to functioning i would say 99 percent. I walk 2 miles a day help run our construction company drive and do just about anything without to much trouble. Just have to be careful being in the heat doing physical things now that I have SVT.

Well with the world getting crazy more it seems everyday I got to thinking with the way its going what if i couldn't get my med well i would be in a really bad way. SO after much talk with my husband and also my best friend I decided to give it one more go at getting off. Something my husband and I had decided to just stay where i was the rest of my life I am 61.

They said its almost like your in a corner and need to try and see what happens..well today I made my first micro cut of .001gms off my morning dose. To say my mind is working overtime is no joke..its like all i can think about.

But I will not let my mind win this one.

 

The one thing i do as I don't know how many others do is I crush my pills..started doing that after my husband told me yrs ago when i was cutting them and weighing chips and we don't know where the med is and where the filler is. He said think about it..if you crush them up and then stir the powder then you are sure your going to get med in the dose. He said like mixing anything. So i started doing that and I never seemed to notice my drops...I went from 4mgs to 1.75..from june of 14 to march of 15 and only got sick in jan. from the loss of my family and still tapering.

So for the last 3 yrs i took a whole 1mg in the am..crushed my noon dose the .66mgs and then took a whole pill 1mg at night..but now i am crushing and weighing out .149 am .150 noon and .150 nite for today then tomorrow will be .149 am .149 noon and then .150 night..then will just keep alternating the powderd doses so they stay almost even.

 

So we will see how this works..sure did think about just doing a cut to 2.5mg and then start the taper but i thought long an hard and didn't want to see how sensitive i was to that cut.

 

I sure hope to see some familiar faces here and also get to make some new friends

 

Hang in there everyone and if I can ever help anyone or anyone has any questions that i can help you with please don't hesitate to ask and I will do my best to try and help you. This use to be the most active thread on the boards back when i was on here it looks like its a bit slow now.

 

Sorry i wrote a book but just wanted to give any new members some background of me and my journey to get to know me just a bit.

 

hugs to all

 

deep

 

Hi deepcanyon,

 

Always good to have another person on this thread.  I'm so sorry for the losses you have experienced, I know how shattering losing someone you care about can be. 

 

Sounds like you have a great plan for tapering and congratulations on making your first cut.  You are on your way. 

 

Final Healing

Good morning,

And thank you and yes we can always use more members that are active to support each other..

And yes losing a child is something i would never wish on anyone its a hole that will never be filled..and then losing mom  days later here in this house in my arms i guess i kinda lost myself for awhile and didn't even realize it until i got really sick.

But I never thought I would be back on this thread doing a taper ever again..that once i got to where i was and had my health back i would never try again..but i guess that why theres the saying never say never..

And cant believe how slow this board is..when i was active everyday back in 2014 and 2015 it was the fastest moving board with so many members but i guess they got off and have moved on and healed.

I know some stayed a long time afterwards ..But hope it gets active again . I am going to try and check in here a couple times a day and see how everyone is doing.

I know this was a great help when i was tapering before just to talk to people that got it..

I belong to a couple fb groups one is just for fun and the other is a support group..it stays pretty active everyday..but this is like home to me..

And thank you again for writing me and hope to get to know you better

hugs

deep

Hi Buddies,

 

Not sure how many of the old members are still on this thread as I joined back in 2014. Was on 4mgs on K.for 34 yrs Started out doing a dry cut and hold for a while but that didn't work out so well for me and had a lot of s/xs. So went to a dry micro taper using a scale and dropping .002gms a day alternating doses was dosing three times a day..then when I got lower stretched that to 4 doses a day. then had to start my drops at .001gms a day.

Then in july of 2015 i lost my oldest son and my mom within 9 days of each other. My primary wanted me to hold for a long while after everything i was going through but i didn't listen. So I got really sick jan of 2016..and lost down to 90lbs. from 130 i couldn't swallow food.

I was malnourished to say the least and i stopped my taper in march at 1.75mgs. By the end of june i had an SVT attack that ended me in the hospital and left in a wheelchair and was in a wheelchair until like march of 2017. during that time i updosed twice once to 2.25 and got a bit better and then again to 2.66mgs where i am at now.

I have gained my weight back and completely back to functioning i would say 99 percent. I walk 2 miles a day help run our construction company drive and do just about anything without to much trouble. Just have to be careful being in the heat doing physical things now that I have SVT.

Well with the world getting crazy more it seems everyday I got to thinking with the way its going what if i couldn't get my med well i would be in a really bad way. SO after much talk with my husband and also my best friend I decided to give it one more go at getting off. Something my husband and I had decided to just stay where i was the rest of my life I am 61.

They said its almost like your in a corner and need to try and see what happens..well today I made my first micro cut of .001gms off my morning dose. To say my mind is working overtime is no joke..its like all i can think about.

But I will not let my mind win this one.

 

The one thing i do as I don't know how many others do is I crush my pills..started doing that after my husband told me yrs ago when i was cutting them and weighing chips and we don't know where the med is and where the filler is. He said think about it..if you crush them up and then stir the powder then you are sure your going to get med in the dose. He said like mixing anything. So i started doing that and I never seemed to notice my drops...I went from 4mgs to 1.75..from june of 14 to march of 15 and only got sick in jan. from the loss of my family and still tapering.

So for the last 3 yrs i took a whole 1mg in the am..crushed my noon dose the .66mgs and then took a whole pill 1mg at night..but now i am crushing and weighing out .149 am .150 noon and .150 nite for today then tomorrow will be .149 am .149 noon and then .150 night..then will just keep alternating the powderd doses so they stay almost even.

 

So we will see how this works..sure did think about just doing a cut to 2.5mg and then start the taper but i thought long an hard and didn't want to see how sensitive i was to that cut.

 

I sure hope to see some familiar faces here and also get to make some new friends

 

Hang in there everyone and if I can ever help anyone or anyone has any questions that i can help you with please don't hesitate to ask and I will do my best to try and help you. This use to be the most active thread on the boards back when i was on here it looks like its a bit slow now.

 

Sorry i wrote a book but just wanted to give any new members some background of me and my journey to get to know me just a bit.

 

hugs to all

 

deep

Hey again, deep!! By the way, you're young . Take the whole process slow and controlled. See you at the end!

Jeff

Hi, I know you want to get off as we all do and you are taking the steps. 

 

Try not to buy into anyone else's experience but your own during your taper.  Some people move faster when they get lower and some slower.  I am a little over halfway through my taper and am feeling better as better as I go lower.  Just keep gauging how your body feels as you make your cuts and let your body guide you. 

 

I will say that jumping at the end from .125mgs  maybe something you sit with as you get there.  I know people who jumped at 1/2 that amount and felt the bump when they landed. So see how you feel as you taper and how you feel when you get lower before you put an artificial jumping point.

Thank you Final healing!

I appreciate your sharing how your taper is going with me and I’m happy you’re feeling better and better.. I’ll be looking out for you.

I see things a little more clearly now. I had this idea in my head of what a good taper plan was before knowing this board even existed. Now that I’ve read the Ashton Manual and the stories of so many BB folks I can see I was an overeager newbie jumping onto this board and posting away. I will be taking this as slow as I need to. Next thing I need to read up on is how to do smaller doses that go beyond cutting up pills for when things become rough.

The Ashton Manual was a great read for me. It was a lot more positive than I thought it would be. What an amazing person H. Ashton was. I just googled and saw that she passed last year. She’s kinda my new hero. It was nice to read that she observed that most people felt better and more confident after stopping benzos and after withdrawal. Another thing that caught my eye in the manual is she mentioned that some people have no withdrawal symptoms when they stop. Or maybe she was citing that other reports observed that. That was surprising.

I know I’m still in this la la land right now. But if I can get off this crap and get through withdrawal, I hope I can one day help others like she did. I wonder if there are any physical locations where I live that specialize in folks with benzo dependence. We need more clinics like what Ashton had.

Did she ever pop onto this board and post anything?

Anyways, wishing you all well.

WIP: I just read your story and just want to caution that your taper plan does look aggressive after 12 years of use. If you start to experience symptoms I would say to hold for a while and try to make smaller cuts. Good luck--hope it does go as planned.

Deep: I am where you were in terms of my benzo taper, not sure if/when to start again after my updose nearly two years ago when my son became ill. He is finally I think doing better (don't want to jinx it ... it has been a long two years). It is his last year living home with us before he goes to college so I won't touch anything now. I know better off the drugs but I was kind of a mess when I was trying to taper. I hope things go well for you. I am an "old timer" so I do remember your story. Take good care of yourself!

WIP: I just read your story and just want to caution that your taper plan does look aggressive after 12 years of use. If you start to experience symptoms I would say to hold for a while and try to make smaller cuts. Good luck--hope it does go as planned.

Thanks NJstrength. I came guns ablazin’ into this forum and have been humbled by the stories and information I’ve found, including yours. I will listen to my body. I get the scale on Monday and will start a daily taper and see how it goes. I’ll keep everyone posted.

* what does the add buddy link actually do? I’ve added some people but have no idea where that goes.

Hi everyone,

I haven’t been online lately, but I can report some happy news which is that I jumped 2 nights ago, after having dropped to 0.025mg on July 18.

:)

Hope everyone is hanging in there ok! Now I can wash my supplies and toss my syringes!

Hi all!

Have been on 1mg daily for about a year (kinda...I take as needed so I'm not entirely sure what my baseline is...I rarely go through my script in a month and have many unfilled scripts and extra bottles of K...I've only taken a Max 1.5mg in a day a handful of times).

Does anyone have a suggestion on a tapering schedule? I've read through the manual but am still a bit confused. I have a milligram scale arriving today but don't really know how to proceed.

Hi everyone,

 

I haven’t been online lately, but I can report some happy news which is that I jumped 2 nights ago, after having dropped to 0.025mg on July 18.

 

:)

 

Hope everyone is hanging in there ok! Now I can wash my supplies and toss my syringes!

Congratulations!  You are benzo free!  Keep us posted on how you are doing. 

Hi anti,

That's good that you haven't taken them long and you can skip days. I may not be so bad for you to get off. I'm not sure how you could taper because you take them sporadically. I hate to see u take t hr rm daily when you d9nt need too. Let's see what the others think. I remember when I could do that but I took them a long time and its rough off. Anyway, glad you are being smart and getting off this drug.

Hi all!

 

Have been on 1mg daily for about a year (kinda...I take as needed so I'm not entirely sure what my baseline is...I rarely go through my script in a month and have many unfilled scripts and extra bottles of K...I've only taken a Max 1.5mg in a day a handful of times).

 

Does anyone have a suggestion on a tapering schedule? I've read through the manual but am still a bit confused. I have a milligram scale arriving today but don't really know how to proceed.

Dear Anti:

This was me many years ago. I took K at .5 mg as needed, took sometimes daily for months at a time then did not take for months and was fine. If I were you I would probably not move to a daily schedule ... I would maybe just try taking less. If you take about 1 mg take about .75 when you feel you need it, and reduce from there. Then try to start spacing out the days. You may be fine.

I think if you start experiencing withdrawal symptoms you might need to reconsider approach. Either using your gram scale to make smaller cuts or going to a daily schedule and then reduce from there.

Thanks NJstrength. I came guns ablazin’ into this forum and have been humbled by the stories and information I’ve found, including yours. I will listen to my body. I get the scale on Monday and will start a daily taper and see how it goes. I’ll keep everyone posted.

* what does the add buddy link actually do? I’ve added some people but have no idea where that goes.

WIP,

What served me well with tapering is to not go too terribly fast for safety's sake but to keep the momentum up as much as seemed reasonable.  Staying functional and involved in life were also important for me. 

Kate 

Thanks NJStrength!

I think my main problem is I have OCD (withdrawals are actually one of my obsessions) as it's not all that difficult for me to worry myself sick (literally). It can be hard to tell the difference between actual withdrawals and my own mind playing tricks on me. That's why I'm so... Confused... On how to proceed.

For now I'm going to try to reduce to .75 when needed and move down from there until off. Feels like a crutch but I don't want to completely jump off and go through some harsh withdrawals if I can avoid it.

Hi everyone,

 

I haven’t been online lately, but I can report some happy news which is that I jumped 2 nights ago, after having dropped to 0.025mg on July 18.

 

:)

 

Hope everyone is hanging in there ok! Now I can wash my supplies and toss my syringes!

haveagreatday,

A huge congratulations to you on your recent jump!  Totally awesome!!!

I loved tossing all that taper stuff, too!

Best to you,

Kate   

Thanks NJStrength!

 

I think my main problem is I have OCD (withdrawals are actually one of my obsessions) as it's not all that difficult for me to worry myself sick (literally). It can be hard to tell the difference between actual withdrawals and my own mind playing tricks on me. That's why I'm so... Confused... On how to proceed.

 

For now I'm going to try to reduce to .75 when needed and move down from there until off. Feels like a crutch but I don't want to completely jump off and go through some harsh withdrawals if I can avoid it.

Try to stay positive. When I didn't take it everyday, I could literally just stop and I never noticed any withdrawal. It wasn't until a new doctor told me to double the dose to 1 mg and take everyday forever that I got into trouble (and now cannot figure out how to get off).

And I know very well about worrying myself sick. I have spent too much of my life getting sick to my stomach over and over due to worry.