Aniety through the roof - up-dosed

Hi BB. 

I have always been a huge critic (on myself) when it comes to the subject of up-dosing.

It would be a great understatement to say that this past week has been hell for me.

My anxiety has been amped up to levels that I've never known, or remembered, even in my pre benzo days.

There is always something wrong (i.e. heart attacks),chest pains, my brain fog is through the roof, I'm light-headed, tired, sleep like crap, even my teeth hurt!

Now, is this because of my last cut?  I doubt it.

This week I've had a ton piled on me when, last Friday, my friend and band mate was killed in a motorcycle accident.  I too ride, so this hit very close.

Starting that following Sunday I was an anxious mess.  Last night was the wake and I took a rescue dose of 5mg V to make it though the whole ordeal (the line was huge).  I'm glad that I did it.

Last night, with my wife, I made the decision to up-dose to 25mg V which sets me way back in my progress, but I feel that I need it and we are also going away on vaca next Friday and don't want to ruin it for my wife.

I think I made the right choice and will start again when I feel half way decent again.

I'm not looking for a pitty party, but what say you BB? 

Thanks!

Hi Atro66,

 

There is always something wrong (i.e. heart attacks), I'm not sure what you mean by this?

 

You had a bad week and you lost a good friend so you up dosed. That is definitely not the end of the world. You did not make a terrible mistake. It is done you cannot go back and change it now so there is no reason to beat yourself up over it. It is what it is. You want to make sure you don't ruin your vacation for your wife totally understandable.

 

I just want to say that in my case, and I took it for 15 years, my cog fog is so bad I cannot work anymore. The longer you take it the more damage it is going to do. I have been off for 8 months now and while people say it is going to get better I'm doubting that is true. Just keep that in mind, I just want to warn people of what happened to me so it does not happen to you.

 

I'm sorry it is causing so much physical pain.

Davis,

 

Thanks for the reply and positive words.

The "heart attack" thing was a reference to the common anxiety symptom. 

I've been on this crap since 88 and the cog fog can be pretty brutal.

Yes, they do say that it clears up in time and everyone is different.  I wish you well.

ic now. I'm just feeling like I'm 8 months out now and frustrated with the remaining symptoms. It has gotten better since acute I no longer am dealing with insomnia, vertigo, food issues, food issues. But I'm still dealing with anxiety, depression, DR/DP cog fog. It seems like in 8 months these things are not getting any better. I don't know if I will wake up on morning and I will be back to 100%. It is a frustrating process as I'm sure u know.

Reboound

Do you drink coffee at all? Just wondering, because I went through awful panic attacks and didn't realize it was because of coffee. I didn't even drink a full cup, not even half, maybe a few gulps here and there. But it would build up in my body and then a few days later, panic for days. I ended up updosing on my blood pressure pills because of it. Yoga is helping, but I couldn't have done very much yoga in the earlier months.

 

I'm so sorry about your friend!

 

I don't blame you at all for updosing. Knowing how terrible panic attacks can be, for me there wasn't a choice. I was huddled in bed, afraid to do anything for a few days.

 

Davis

I understand where you are coming from with the DR/DP and Cog Fog. 

I often wonder if I will EVER feel right again.  Seriously.  I feel worse at this lower dose of benzo than I can remember feeling at my worst pre-benzo!

 

Terry

Yes, I do drink coffee.  I've been drinking coffee for 30+ years. 

I've recently switched to half-caf.  I've gone days w/o coffee and felt no different except for the caffeine DTs!

 

 

you know what Atro66 I understand how you feel and I also have the same fear. That I will never get any better. We have to go with it an people here say it does. It just takes time. I know how impatient it makes me, and other people who don't understand it (family and friends) think we are crazy. One of my friends told me I should check into the psych ward at the hospital, she thinks I'm crazy because I told her I still have WD. I typically don't talk about but she pushed me to talk to her and when I did I realized it was a mistake.

 

We have to just hold out hope because that is all we can do now.

you know what Atro66 I understand how you feel and I also have the same fear. That I will never get any better. We have to go with it an people here say it does. It just takes time. I know how impatient it makes me, and other people who don't understand it (family and friends) think we are crazy. One of my friends told me I should check into the psych ward at the hospital, she thinks I'm crazy because I told her I still have WD. I typically don't talk about but she pushed me to talk to her and when I did I realized it was a mistake.

 

We have to just hold out hope because that is all we can do now.

 

You got detoxed from the 15 yrs of Xanax in 5 days?  I looked into rapid detox, but it's expensive and insurance doesn't cover.

Have your friend read these:

http://www.anxietycentre.com/anxiety/anxiety-a-behavioral-wellness-issue.shtml

 

http://benzowithdrawalhelp.com/2012/08/05/how-to-support-a-loved-with-benzo-withdrawal-syndrome/

 

 

I don't see a problem in updosing as long as you don't take too much. Today I updosed from 0.625 K to 0.75. My sxs increased most likely because I junped gabapentin a couple of days ago. Even if you need to updose you do what you have to do. Eventually after some time you will stabilize and then try again to taper.

Have you had coconut oil? That really revved me up and caused bad anxiety. There was a thread about it on the protracted board. Some people can't handle it at all. I lost weight and felt awful. I was using it for oil pulling.

Have you had coconut oil? That really revved me up and caused bad anxiety. There was a thread about it on the protracted board. Some people can't handle it at all. I lost weight and felt awful. I was using it for oil pulling.

 

Terry,

Actually yes! 

Just before this mess I started putting coconut oil into my coffee because there was a thread here that claimed that it helped with cog/brain fog!

During those really bad few weeks I had no appetite and lost 10lbs which I really don't want to lose.

I stopped using it before vacation on July 29. 

I am doing a bit better.  I wonder how long it takes for oils to get out of your system?

Thanks for that info!

I don't know how long it takes to get out of the body, but I'm glad you're off it and are feeling better. I was using it for cog fog myself. It's interesting because some people don't get a reaction at all. My sister and a friend did it, and nothing. I was a nervous wreck, my blood pressure went up. I hope you're feeling a lot better soon!

There are a few posts out there to back up this theory.

http://www.paleohacks.com/coconut/coconut-and-anxiety-attacks-14993

Thanks for that info! I wonder if it only affects those who have a tendency to be anxious. I am also on the lean side and have had a high metabolism, so coconut oil is out for me. It just revved me up way too much.

I too am very lean and have a high metabolism.

Most in my age group look at food and gain weight. When my appetite is good I can eat like a pig and gain nothing. 

I'm hoping that the coconut oil was the culprit.

 

Here's another good article.

https://www.ondietandhealth.com/6-reasons-avoid-coconut-oil-milk-flour/

Interesting that you're lean also! I saw that article earlier and read some of it. My friend and my sister were both overweight. I wonder if that has anything to do with it. They didn't feel a thing!