New Member

Hi. I am just a couple of months shy of having been on clonazepam for 4 years.    I wasn't on the net when I went on this 'medication' or I probably would not have taken it and would have looked into alternatives.   But... now I have been going off since early September after reading the materials on the Ashton website for tapering withdrawal. Went to my doctor, who is brilliant, but have basically been doing this on my own and with no real day-to-day real emotional or medical support. (Boy, it is hard to type tonight with the withdrawal symptoms, so sorry for any typos — I am trying to catch them all.)   Now am am dealing with this end of the 'medication' and just need to chat with people who have been here. (This will be my first chat room ever.) No one around me has a clue as to what I am dealing with, and are not people I would share such personal information with anyway. I really need to see what others have been and are dealing with. And I really need someone to talk to. Hope I pass!   P.S. I like the 'smileys'!

 

Just Breathe asked for more information. I am sorry to those of you reading this, but my brain is fried and it is hard to think let alone type. After reading the 'About Us' bios I know I am in the right place if I can figure out how to use this format. All new learning has become almost impossible for me these past few months, so I hope I can figure out this forum.

 

I went on benzos in January of 2006. I already had a sleeping problem (menopause I think looking back) and was in a sleep-deprived state most of the time. Beginning in early January I dealt with (chronologically) an estranged sis (BPD) admitted to the hospital through the ER for an emergency surgery; a subsequent pre-op stroke in the same sis followed by days in ICU; family flying in and staying in my home and care while I managed sis's hospital care, and family meals, transportation, clean sheets, etc.; our father died unexpectedly while sis was still comatose in ICU; sis's post-op care and all driving, shopping, etc. for her until she recovered enough to begin taking over; I was in an auto accident (rear-ended) and suffered from constant and growing neck and shoulder pain; the rescheduled and successful surgery for my sis followed by more weeks of care-taking, meals, driving, etc. from me; the planning of and service for my dad; my hubby was diagnosed with possible lung cancer; weeks/months of testing on him which I organized and scheduled (he eventually was diagnosed with a lung infection that slowly cleared); and other events that were all stressful, sad, and difficult. It was my worst-year ever. (Or so I thought.)

 

My doctor put me on clonazepam in mid-January of 06 and I was initially able to get that blessed sleep I was missing. What I didn't know was that I was setting myself up for a excruciatingly difficult journey that I am still on — the addiction to and attempted withdrawal from benzos.  I didn't have the net then, so I didn't research this drug when my doctor gave it to me. I just needed a prop to help me get through the year.... and then I didn't know enough to get off the med. So I have ended up staying on it this long and finally this year had begun to realize that 'me' wasn't 'me' any longer. Also I was no longer getting a sleep benefit from the drug and was determined not to 'up' my dose to try to get that 'benefit'. I tried two times this year to withdraw (no support) and did two unsuccessful fast tapers. I felt absolutely horrid, so went back on the drug again each time.

 

My daily dose of clonazepam had grown to 1.5 mg., taken at bedtime. Not much, maybe, but I had lost 40 lbs. of body weight while I was on it and eventually ended up at 95 lbs. at 5'6". Not good. Once I got my diet back under control and gained some weight, I began doing some research on line (I just got my net connection a year ago) and found the Ashton information and protocol. I was so shocked at what I was on and what it was doing to me — and what it wasn't doing FOR me anymore. It was a grim time when I began to realize what my relationship with this drug meant, and how difficult it might be to get off it. I feel battered by the changes in myself that I can now recognize, from my online research, as being caused by my taking this medication. I went to my doctor for my third try at withdrawing from this benzo. My doctor was verbally supportive (I had even shared the Ashton information), but that is really all the 'help' I have gotten.

 

September 9 of this year (09) I began my own tapering program by cutting the pills and going down a bit every week or so. It has been very hard. As of last Wednesday 11/11/09 I stopped the drug cold at approximately .25 or less of the medication. The withdrawal symptoms have so far been severe. I seem to fall into that category of 'rare' symptoms, and I have a lot of them. They include night sweats, insomnia, intense muscle and joint pain (a grim re-emergence of my auto accident neck injury), numbness and tingling, muscle cramping, blurred vision, loss of taste and smell, dizziness, feeling out-of-body, loss of balance and motor function, inability to comprehend new material or carry out everyday tasking well, gastrointestinal issues — and more symptoms that I can't even remember now. It is late as I sit here and type.

 

Let's just say that I am hanging in there and trying to 'handle' it. I did go see my doctor this weekend and was given a gaba supplement and then Neurontin for the withdrawal symptoms. The gaba supplement seems to help, but this time I researched the Neurontin and am very leery of beginning another drug regimen. I really don't think I want to add it into the 'mix' right now. I would appreciate hearing from anyone who has knowledge of whether Neurontin has/has not been helpful. I am really interested in the liquid titrate method detailed on this site, and am wondering if I need to add just a little of the horrid benzo back in that way and lengthen out my tapering time. After reading the bios and some of the other posts, I think perhaps I am trying to get off the final amount of this benzo too fast. Tomorrow I will see if I can get back on here and print some of that titrating information out.

 

As I stated earlier, I have never been on a 'chat' forum of any kind before. But I really need support for this part of my journey. And I am pretty sure that can only come from other benzo people. My husband does not 'get' what I am dealing with, and doesn't want to discuss it and learn more to help me on my way. I don't blame him, as this is a trip you have to mostly take alone anyway I think. Or at least, possibly with this site, some of you can come alongside and support me in my withdrawal. I just hope I can figure this forum thing out.

 

What I know now, I sure wish I had known in January of 06 — maybe the last few years would have been different. And maybe I wouldn't be so different from the person I once was. I used to be one sharp lady — a 'busy' brain for sure. Now I wonder how much of 'me' is still left. But one of the bios on this site spoke of not regretting this journey and I think I am beginning to see that and to try to find some positives. The current 'withdrawal me' won't do at all, of course. But maybe I can make it out the other side of this drug and eventually find a new revised version of myself that I can embrace and confidently move ahead with.

 

I hope this is the kind of information you were looking for, Just Breathe. Wish me well, everyone, as I do anyone who visits this site.

Welcome gutsygal-

 

 

That name sure is fitting for all the progress you seem to have made on your own.  Glad you found BB...a great forum for support, advice, venting, questions, information...getting to know others who are tapering or who have finished their taper.

 

Can you tell us a bit more about your Klonopin journey? How much were you on, where you are currently at and in general, how you are tapering? Awesome you already have Ashton knowledge.

 

Again welcome, nice to meet you and look forward to hearing more of your journey.

 

Just Breathe

Hi Gutysgal

Welcome to BB.  From one who has survived the Clonazepam journey and made it out the other side I wish you well for your taper.  Sounds like you've got a positive attitude and good that you've done some research.  Don't let it freak you out - this mission is possible!

Hi gutsygal,

 

Welcome to Benzobuddies. It would help to know how much your on now and how much you are cutting and when? I'm glad you found the chat room, it was good to chat with you in there! You will get alot of help and support here ok! I hope you managed to get some sleep!

 

love lynn xx 

I would think hard about neurontin. It helps alot with pain but it too is very addictive and I was in the er after coming off of it. I was given it for neck pain radiating into my arms and legs. It gave me edema and alot of other side effects but I slept very well. Maybe it would be an ok short term solution a week or two.

I am new here as of a day or so ago and it sounds like we have alot in common. A spine injury and the death of my mom two years ago and my dad has just been released from rehab for injuries he got while hospitalized with sepsis. He is home with 24 hour help which must be scheduled paid and doctor appointments all over. He is wheelchair bound 80 and big. I can't lift him and he is on 19 scrips that I am so afraid I mix up.

My husband is a great guy who helps me so much but unless you are trying to go off this stuff you just don't get it.I hope this site is a big help for you as I think it will be for me.

Hello gutsygal,

 

I see you've been properly welcomed to BenzoBuddies!

 

We're very happy you're here, we all need support through this process and it's very difficult to find it in our real lives. 

 

Make yourself at home, you're among friends. We like smileys too! 

 

Pam

gutsy , read your story, and correct me if I am wrong, but it sounds like you are not on the clono now, having tapered off of it, in your words , kinda quickly.  After having been on the drug for 4 years, it certainly is not uncommon for you to feel battered and overcome by the symptoms.

The ones you described fit right into the wd's you get from this drug, so believe it or not, you are not experiencing anything new , and many others  here on BB have experienced them also. 

 

Now that you are off,  its a hold your own kind of mentality that you have to adopt.  the Wd's could stay with you for awhile, possibly up to a year or more,as some of our buddies here can attest to,  but as time goes by, you will see more and more of yourself emerge.  You will undoubtedly experience some of those magic "windows" you will hear people talk about here, where you get a glimpse of what life will be off benzo's when you heal...  I hope I am not  scareing you even more , since your allready feeling enough of that on your own, but its important that you are prepared for the  potential scenerio  you may have to live with , while your body adjusts and heals. 

 

The good news is , this is very doable, and many just as bad off as yourself have successfully made the journey and are now living normal , happy lives..

 

For that journey, you will find constant support from this site. We can answer questions, listen to your gripes ,your joys , your day to day adjustments , etc. and do it with the knowledge that we have been where you are, and survived it..  some of our buddies are just like you , in one stage of withdrawl and you can hear  and share their stories too.  I think you will find this site a lifesaver, I know I did. 

 

As for the neurontin,  if you can handle the symptoms, I would avoid the additional drug, but thats just an opinion, of someone who hates drugs, and wouldn't ever take another one if he didn't have to. 

Just know what you are experiencing is normal.  Painful, debilitating even, but nothing that will kill you,  Stay with us and we will help get you thru this.

st

Thanks so much to the people who have already replied to my first posting. I am already feeling more support than I have had for ages. I know my body will never be the same just from the auto accident. That alone is enough to deal with. But this benzo thing is awful. I am so glad two of you wrote me about the neurontin. I am not going to take it. My doctor said it is even used in homeopathic schedules for benzo withdrawal, but when I consider how she has been about the benzo drug from the beginning through where I am at in the withdrawal process, I realize she is not the person to be helping with my detox. I have to do that with the help of this site. My withdrawal symptoms are severe and I need to function at some reasonable capacity every day.

 

After finding this site late yesterday, I spent time reading the bios of the people running the site and also looked through the titration information. I also added more info to my first very poorly done introduction. Just typing that out helped me see how I had ended up here and how really clueless my family practitioner is about the benzos. I can't get back the years I have 'lost', and maybe couldn't have gotten through that first one without the benzo, I will never know. It is too late now for the 'what ifs' and I just have to pick up the pieces of me and my life and push forward.

 

I went to bed at almost midnight last night but still only got about 1 & 1/2 hours of sleep. Typical of how my life on this drug has become. This morning at 5:30 I made a decision to go back on @ approx. .225 mg. and get ready to do a really slow titrate program through this site. I was five days into my cold turkey withdrawal off that amount, and I realized I would not be able to do that kind of withdrawal safely or to continue to perform the basic tasking that I am responsible for in our household.

 

It helps greatly to have a site like this with so much information, although I am still trying to learn my way around this place. I have located my nearest compounding pharmacy and will call them when they open to see what size of marked test tube I can purchase. Once I have that information, I will submit the info to this site to have them help me with a slow withdrawal schedule based on the titration method. I think it is probably my best hope for getting completely off this stuff while retaining the capacity to function on a reasonable level every day and maintain the digestive health that is so necessary to my wellness. So already this site has been extremely helpful. I now feel as though I may have some help for this journey. It is a scary one, so it is good to know I have a place to turn.

Knowledge is power and you now have it!!  I'm amazed you're been able to do what have on your own, you're a remarkable person!

 

Good decision to slowly get off the rest of the drug.  If you don't find titration supplies at your local pharmacy, you might try Sciencestuff.com, I've heard you can purchase it there.

 

So happy to have you here. 

Gutsy,

 

Welcome to benzo buddies.  It seems like you have been through a long difficult journey.  I don't think any of us knew the bad side of these drugs when we first got on them.  I mean, we go to the doctors, put our trust in them, we think "hey, this is going to help."  I have been on Klonopin for a little over 7 months.  I have attempted one taper, and I believe I did it too quickly and ended up reinstating at half my dose and am now using titration again.  I experienced some wicked s/x coming off the first time, this time there are still s/x but not as bad using the slower taper.

 

I mentioned my own situation above because I see that you have reinstated and are going to consider titrating form a lesser amount.  You can get great advice in the titration section and Colin can even come up with a titration schedule for you from the current amount that you are taking.  I think you will find this a great forum with lots of support. 

 

I look forward to following your journey.

 

Tim

I can't tell you how much it means to find people who know about this. I am so relieved to have found a supportive home while I continue this w/d journey. Thank you for your replies! I don't feel so strange anymore after reading on this site. I know what I am dealing with has been successfully dealt with by lots of people before me. And I am in tandem with several people on this site who are going through w/d. Just SO helpful! And yes, I will be directing a note to Colin for help with a titration program as soon as I find the supplies I need. And thanks so much for the link to order them if I can't purchase locally. Wishing you and me well!

Hey Gutsy,

 

The link Pam gave you was great, a lot of people have purchased their titration supplies from that site.  One of our fellow BB, Lost in Brooklyn, called the titration kit a "mad scientist kit."  It sort of feels that way when you are mixing thing up, maybe the term "smart scientist" is better, smart because we are all getting off this crummy medication.

 

Tim

I can't tell you how much it means to find people who know about this. I am so relieved to have found a supportive home while I continue this w/d journey. Thank you for your replies! I don't feel so strange anymore after reading on this site. I know what I am dealing with has been successfully dealt with by lots of people before me. And I am in tandem with several people on this site who are going through w/d. Just SO helpful! And yes, I will be directing a note to Colin for help with a titration program as soon as I find the supplies I need. And thanks so much for the link to order them if I can't purchase locally. Wishing you and me well!

 

gutsygal- the link below will take you the sticky thread that will let you know the information needed for a titration schedule...good luck and we are glad that you are glad you feel comfortable and happy to have found BB

 

 

http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?topic=11093.msg150014#msg150014

 

Just Breathe

Hi gutsygal,

 

Welcome to BenzoBuddies.

 

A lot of what you experienced with Clonazepam withdrawal is very familiar to me. To reassure you, you will improve. It might take a while, but you will get there.

 

This morning at 5:30 I made a decision to go back on @ approx. .225 mg.

 

Could you confirm or clarify your dose? What dose pills do you use?

 

If you use 0.5mg tablets, a quarter-pill would equate to 0.125mg; half-a-pill would equate to 0.25mg.

I confirmed all the info. But I forgot to include that I am lactose intolerant so cannot use milk. Can I use rice milk or water?

I confirmed all the info. But I forgot to include that I am lactose intolerant so cannot use milk. Can I use rice milk or water?

 

Some people do use water or rice milk, gutsy.  The reason for the milk is you can get a more even dispersion of the benzo since it binds to the fat.  I think those that use water just have to make sure that they stir the mixture really well and draw off the amount on the schedule while the water is still in motion so the benzo flakes don't drift to the bottom of the cylinder.  BTW, I'm lactose intolerant as well but when I want some ice cream or cereal with milk, I take a lactaid supplement.  Works pretty good. 

To get to where you are without any true support is a sign that you will be successful in whatever method you choose to get off this poison.  Just don't rush, the aim is to keep your w/d as smooth as possible.  Time is the great healer in this process.

Welcome Gutsygal~HOW appropriate!

You have really had a lot to deal with in your life..and so happy you found us! 

Your strength shows in your sharing your story here...its so hard to put what we are going through with words.

I was on Klonopin/clonazepam 2mg for 6 years and had no clue either on the addictive nature.

Tried to cold turkey and it was agony..found this place and have been here 3 months and I am almost off:)

This board is a lifesaver..the most understanding and caring folks I know.

You will do fine! Just know that your not alone & that no matter how bad it gets...its only sx's and temporary and that your body is trying to heal and compensate for the lack of benzo's its used to getting.

I found that my sx's are predictable now after each cut and I am able to brace myself through them and slowly the sx's let up enough for me to be strong enough to continue my journey off this horrible drug.

Keep us posted on how your doing and hang in there!

XXXXX

Shelley

Hello Gutsygal

I hope you are doing ok. I am new here to and its nice to know you are among friends

I am rooting for you

Love

Emma

Thanks all of you for sharing information as well as personal experiences. I have left my information for a titration schedule on the thread Just Breathed set up for me on some page. At least I HOPE I have! I simply cannot find my way around this site. I always have to return to my 2 threads (I think I have two, 1 in general and 1 in  withdrawal somewhere) to find myself! It's probably me on the benzos that just can't figure this out. Kind of funny. I am NOT going to take the Neurontin as it sounds even worse from the experiences with it posted here than the side effects on line read. I have decided not to add anything back in... just to get off the benzo and give that whole process the time (thank you softtail!) it will take to let my body come back on line. My titrating equipment should arrive Thursday so I plan to begin the final process on Friday. I want to not only get benzo free but drug free. A great goal, I think.

You people here are so patience with us! And so very, very helpful and encouraging! Thank you!

Happy that your feeling better now:)

There is something to be said about human understanding and getting feedback from others that know what misery your suffering. I felt so much better too being on this board and found that helping others also helped me very much.

Wishing you all the strength and patience you are going to need for your taper and hope all goes smoothly!

XXXXX

Shelley

No worries for you about finding your way around we're keeping track of you!    And what's even better your fellow BenzoBuddies are here supporting you every step of the way!

 

It sounds like you're keeping it simple, that's what we like to hear.  This process is so hard, and we're so befuddled we need to do just that!

 

If you don't see your reply when Colin answers your titration request, we'll make sure you do, okay?

 

 

Hi gutsygal, thanks for your visit to my thread, i thought i would pay a little visit back to yours, it sounds like you are doing very well, with a really good attitude,  from what i have found out at bb that will take you a long way,  the book that you like the sound of that i am reading is from panic to power by  lucinda bassett  just breathe recomended it ,  there are some more books recomended in the book section on the anxiety thread, i am going to get some more later,    also i have not long read michael j fox autobiography, it was brill,  nothing better than going to bed early and snuggling up with a good book is there       hope you are well love jewels   

hi emma and welcome to bb as i say its a great place with great people good luck on this journey love to you caral from carvic chat to me when ever you like that goes for all you new folk that have come to this forum x     

Hey gutsy,

 

I am currently using the titration method too.  I read that you can not use milk, that's ok, as one other member said, you can just use water.  I am currently using water and it works well.  It is also kind of neat to see those little tiny particles go bye bye, when you toss the water you are not going to use.  There is something almost therapeutic about seeing those particles go down the drain.

 

Tim