Taper success story. Going through hell while still working full-time.

Hey, I'm 40, a Creative Director in an Ad agency, and have a really stressful, busy job.

 

After a nervous breakdown 17 years ago I was put on Clonazepam 5mg - 1 a day, and Paxil 20mg a day.

 

7 months ago I decided that I'd had enough of the Clonazepam and saw my GP who put me on a 1 month Valium taper.

 

6 months ago I went off the 1 month Valium taper.

 

The next 3 months were the hardest of my life. The ringing in the ears, the uncontrollable twitching, hallucinations, sweaty palms, paranoia, claustrophobia, terrors. Terrified to stay indoors in case I could never leave again, and terrified of the noises and sights outdoors. Just wow.

 

I'm a fairly heavy drinker and quit that too.

 

I thought about going back on Clonazepam every day.

 

It could have been so easy.

 

But I didn't and now I am probably 95% cured, happy and grateful.

 

I guess I'm writing this as a message of hope, support, to encourage, to say that you can do it.

 

I boarded a subway car, went to huge presentations, flew internationally to meeting all while in hell, thinking that any moment I would dissolve, crack, obliterate my brain. But I didn't. We have the ability to cope with so much, just hang in there, find some good friends who will understand, be OK just to be with you while you stare silently into the corner, friend who will send you a text asking if your day today is better than the one before.

 

I'm enjoying a drink again now, and loving life. Be strong, be stubborn, and hopefully you can quit for good and be you.

 

Best of luck, you're all champions.

 

 

 

That's great. I am six weeks off clonazepam and having some pretty good days from time to time. Do you still take Paxil?

Awesome to hear, way to persevere.

Thanks for your story and inspiration. Much needed hope here.  Wishing you the best. 

@tacoma1 yes I still take Paxil but hoping to quit in 6 months, the bento withdrawal really took a toll

Hey, I'm 40, a Creative Director in an Ad agency, and have a really stressful, busy job.

 

After a nervous breakdown 17 years ago I was put on Clonazepam 5mg - 1 a day, and Paxil 20mg a day.

 

7 months ago I decided that I'd had enough of the Clonazepam and saw my GP who put me on a 1 month Valium taper.

 

6 months ago I went off the 1 month Valium taper.

 

The next 3 months were the hardest of my life. The ringing in the ears, the uncontrollable twitching, hallucinations, sweaty palms, paranoia, claustrophobia, terrors. Terrified to stay indoors in case I could never leave again, and terrified of the noises and sights outdoors. Just wow.

 

I'm a fairly heavy drinker and quit that too.

 

I thought about going back on Clonazepam every day.

 

It could have been so easy.

 

But I didn't and now I am probably 95% cured, happy and grateful.

 

I guess I'm writing this as a message of hope, support, to encourage, to say that you can do it.

 

I boarded a subway car, went to huge presentations, flew internationally to meeting all while in hell, thinking that any moment I would dissolve, crack, obliterate my brain. But I didn't. We have the ability to cope with so much, just hang in there, find some good friends who will understand, be OK just to be with you while you stare silently into the corner, friend who will send you a text asking if your day today is better than the one before.

 

I'm enjoying a drink again now, and loving life. Be strong, be stubborn, and hopefully you can quit for good and be you.

 

Best of luck, you're all champions.

 

Gosh I needed to read this tonight!  God bless you and keep you!  ❤

Thank you so much for posting your story, and showing that even in the midst of a lot of stress we still recover That's my number one ''withdrawal induced paranoia'' that because of unrelenting stress beyond my control, a noisy upstairs  neighbour, and a noise problem everyday till late at night from dirt bikes constantly revving. And being hypersensitive to a few things but sound is the worse, my ''brain'' thinks I'm not going to heal as stress everyday is stopping healing, occasionally when I get a quiet moment I feel differently.

 

But mostly I fret about all the above stopping me or get afraid I'll never be able to get off and have to stop tapering, and stay on this crap or up-dose and stay on it and  because of other people's behaviour. I know that this thought is fuelled by withdrawal but you can't fight the ''chemical induced emotions'' so it feels as if your doomed no matter what you do or how hard you try. 

 

Add to this I live alone as its cost me my relationship, no one calls or rings to see how I am as everyone was used to me being ''mother'' to everyone , family and so called friends. But I can deal with that, its that frequent repetition thought that stress will stop me progressing that's the problem. Its a real help to see some one who was going through this under stress and duress come out the other side safe and well as that always plays on my 'loop thinking LP"  Thanks again

 

Love Nova xxx :smitten:

Hi did you go through phases  were you seemed to cope with the stress a little better although still struggling only for another bit of stress to practically blow your brains out in a nano second? I just had that happen it feels like I've been shot in the head literally and the overall fall out is terrible I feel like I'll never recover . :'(

 

 

 

Love Nova xxx :smitten:

 

Hey Nova, yep went through the 'I'm better what a great day, oh hang on I'm actually not at all' roller coaster, it's one of the hardest, most soul destroying parts, but that too goes away in time. And that's all it is - time, and the ability to manage expectations. There's no way we will ever wake up one day cured, it's a slow process, but worth it. I have ringing in my ears again this week, after months without so it's frustrating but better than being on meds. Good luck, hope this helps

Hey Nova, yep went through the 'I'm better what a great day, oh hang on I'm actually not at all' roller coaster, it's one of the hardest, most soul destroying parts, but that too goes away in time. And that's all it is - time, and the ability to manage expectations. There's no way we will ever wake up one day cured, it's a slow process, but worth it. I have ringing in my ears again this week, after months without so it's frustrating but better than being on meds. Good luck, hope this helps

 

 

Hi FreeFreeFree  Thanks for your reply I'm very grateful you took the time to do it I'm also sorry your now having a return of your ear problems  My ears are also an FB, and I don't mean Face book My hell Hyperacusis and screeching 10,000 mega watt Tinnitus actually went away completely may 29th for a few hour after no let up for a few years only to return with a vengeance and a gang You have my sympathy I sincerely hope it goes away and stays away for you.

 

 

Love Nova xxx  :smitten:

 

 

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Thanks for sharing your story FreeFreeFree - you healed fast for such a short taper - very inspiring. We all will heal.