The Long Hold Support Group

Interesting, yes I started out on xanax then the doc stopped it one day and put me on lorazepam the next...not equivalent dose either.    Thank you for doing a search.

Hi everyone.

I am new here, as I am only on Ativan since 4 weeks. It took only 2 pills and I became dependent. I was aware of the risk of dependency, but I thought if I don’t take more than 2-3 pills a week, I would be ok. BIG mistake! I so, so, so regret it! Biggest mistake of all my life!!

Since the last 2-3 weeks, I am searching for the good dosing I have to take everyday, and it has been awful! The more and more I bounce around with the dose, the more I feel crappy. In the last 3 weeks, I’ve become a real couch potato.

I am now at 0,29mg of lorazepam. I still don’t know if it is the good dose for me, but I have to stick on something and wait until I stabilize, and I wish it is the good one.

My symptoms are mainly anhedonia, no motivation, no energy, exhaustion, a bit of cog fog, I just want to be alone (it is not who I am!). I am not able to work, can barely take care of my daughters.

I think right now my CNS need a break, because the last weeks have been too rough on it. My life has collapsed in those 4 weeks.

Do you think a ver long hold could help me and diminish my symptoms?

Then I will be able to start a very slow taper?

Thank you for your help.

Dianedeedee, It's no problem. It doesn't mean you will have it forever, though I know for sure that it bloody feels like it. Hugs xxx

Hi Marie. Well the true answer is to say that nobody knows. However, I know that nobody has regretted a slow approach (or if they have then they are stupid!). I do know that thousands of people have regretted trying to come off the tablets too quickly. In fact I think almost everyone tries to come off them quickly because, lets face it, nobody wants to be on these things once they've discovered the truth about them.

 

So if you're asking what I as a benzobuddie think, I think it would be wise to stay exactly where you are for now. However, others may disagree with me so lets see what they say.

 

Good Luck! xxx

4Gilly I sure do appreciate your encouragement!  Praying we are free from this poison as soon as we are able. 

Marie I rarely come here anymore but I saw your post.  You say you are a short term user but in your signature you state you have been taking benzos on and off for way more than 4 weeks.  Unfortunately as many of us found out the hard way when you stop and start a benzo or take them on an intermittent basis for some of us - when we take 'the next one' and try to get off our bodies rebel and we are in benzo withdrawal.  My guess is that this is what is happening to you. 

 

My suggestion is to find a dose you are comfortable on that alleviates your symptoms and stay on this same dose so your body can stabilize.  After this happens (and no one can predict how long this will take) stay stable for as long as you feel necessary, and then start a slow taper with one of the methods suggested in the taper boards. The people there will help you do the math with either a dry taper or using liquid.  My last suggestion is to always listen to your body - if you have to go slow, so be it, what you want is to be functional as you get off and in the time you are tapering finding some other ways (than benzos) to deal with the issue(s) that you take them for - some of us have gone to therapy, others have used exercise, meditation, yoga and a whole host of other methods to deal with both our tapers and the reasons we took the benzos in the first place.

 

You can do this - many of us have been where you are now- and we have successfully tapered off of benzos and have never ever taken one since we got off. 

Kgirl10 your post to Marie helped me I pray it helps her.  Thank you.  ❤

Dianedeedee, Our time will come. Hope you have your best day today. xxx

4Gilly it is 12:31 a.m. where I am at here in the US...can't sleep I have had a good day and my mind is whirling with good things.  Thank you for wishing me the best day ever!  It has been the best day in several weeks.  I wish the same for you!  ❤

Dianedeedee- I get those internal vibrations and they drive me nuts. I don’t feel anxious, so I am not sure if it’s “anxiety”.  I don’t have anything going on to cause any anxiety right now.  I think its the CNS healing....that’s just my personal opinion.  Something to do with the gaba receptors, because it’s always worse when I am reducing the medication.  When I held, it was almost gone towards the end.  Now that I am reducing again, it is back.  I am just learning to deal with it ( I HATE IT...IT drives me crazy  ) the best I can 

 

Hi to everyone else 

 

Marie

Hi there...

 

So my anxiety is going crazy, now I can’t sleep at all every other day... and the next day is pure hell,

Like I need medical help otherwise I can’t handle it anymore.

 

I am used to severe anxiety but this one is different

 

Also with all what we read out there «  don’t updose it doesn’t always work, don’t add other meds »

I spiraled and feel totally trapped and at the end of my life ( I’m only 33  :'( ).

 

Every morning I wake up and remember I’m in this nightmare , it hit me hard.

 

Still holding, beginning of week 7 now at the same dose...

 

I took hydroxyzine to help me.

 

On french forums the recommend me to switch to a longer half life ( prazepam) and updose to my last dose.

 

Im so sad I’m failing...and I’m so scared not feeling better soon.

 

All your help and support is appreciate <3

CarlaCarla,

 

You are not failing!  Please be patient, you started out with a pretty rapid taper.  Your body is trying to adjust and it make take a bit of time, just try to distract your self as much as possible (walking works great).

 

I promise this will pass and you will feel better.  It took months (eight)  for me to begin a normal reduction. 

 

Hang in there!!

Seasalt,

 

Thank you for your answer but I’m too weak in my head to stay months like this it is torture.

 

Also I have a very anxious and sensitive brain since I’m young.

 

I really don’t know how you are so strong guys but I am not. I think it is «easier » for people without anxiety disorder .

 

On french forums they want to switch me for a long half life molécule and updose to my last dose .

 

I am scared to death with this too lol

 

Hydroxyzine helps me but it is a hidden neuroleptic... so there is no good solution >: :'(

 

Thank you I just need to express myself here...

Hi there...

 

So my anxiety is going crazy, now I can’t sleep at all every other day... and the next day is pure hell,

Like I need medical help otherwise I can’t handle it anymore.

 

I am used to severe anxiety but this one is different

 

Also with all what we read out there «  don’t updose it doesn’t always work, don’t add other meds »

I spiraled and feel totally trapped and at the end of my life ( I’m only 33  :'( ).

 

Every morning I wake up and remember I’m in this nightmare , it hit me hard.

 

Still holding, beginning of week 7 now at the same dose...

 

I took hydroxyzine to help me.

 

On french forums the recommend me to switch to a longer half life ( prazepam) and updose to my last dose.

 

Im so sad I’m failing...and I’m so scared not feeling better soon.

 

All your help and support is appreciate <3

Hi Carla,

When I first began my taper my Dr at the time took me down too fast and by way too much the result of that wasn't pretty. Benzos have a lag time, you always get worse as the weeks drag on while holding your dose. I was never do sick in my life. Even landed in a psychiatric ward for half a night. I had the worst anxiety I've ever known and besides that I had insomnia, internal vibrations, twitching, jerking, chills, loss of appetite, sweating, cold, weak etc.. it was hands down one of the worst experiences of my life and I never want to end up like that again. I've told you all that bc I want you to know that what you are experiencing is normal when you taper too fast. It's also normal to get worse as the days go by until one day things begin to gradually turn around. The changes will be subtle. I got worse for many, many weeks until finally that day came where I noticed I felt a tad bit better and everyday a little bit stronger until I completely leveled off and I began to feel like my old self again. You just have to ride this really nasty part out you WILL improve and after you do you wait a good long time before you taper again and you do it the turtle way verrrrry slow. You go low and slow. I came here a total train wreck and if not for the advice of this group I don't know where I'd be. They told me to hold and that I would improve, nobody made me any promises but they supported me through a living nightmare. You need to listen to the people who have gone before you, they know what they're talking about bc they too have gone through hell trying to get off a benzo. You can do this, it sucks, it's scary but you can do this. The only way out is to go through it. You are in the worst of it now but it will get better. For me it was 3 months before things really turned around for me. So please hang in there you can and will make it through this horrific time. Hang in there and stay connected to BB bc these people can help get you through.

Trishy🙏

Hey English! So great to see a post from you! I miss you! You could never disappoint me or Mary. When and if you get the jab is a personal choice so you do what's best for you.

I miss you and hope you are otherwise doing well.

Yours truly, the one and the only Blackpool Betty 😉❤️

 

Mary I pm'd you girl. ❤️

 

Stut my twinny if you read this I love and miss you and think about you all the time. Hope you're doing alright with the wrist. LST ❤️

Carla - Oh my heart goes out to you....it is a living hell.  You think you can’t do it, I know I have been there too.  Thankfully I only had to hold for a month....but I did learn that now I have to go “ slow” and am doing a DLMT and “symptom based”.  I do think switching to a longer half life benzo is a good idea, and also a Micro taper.  Either dry or liquid. I went with liquid because it was just going to be easier.

 

Trisha’s advice made me tear up!  So spot on  :smitten:

 

You can do this.....We are here for you and cheering you on! 

 

Marie

Carla,

 

You are getting good advice here.  Others have up dosed and it doesn’t always mean you will feel relief.  You may be young, but you are stronger than you think.  You can google utube meditation for anxiety and try breathing through the anxiety.

 

My heart is broken for you, but I know it will get better. 

Carla I am so sorry you are having such a horrendous time.  These ladies are giving you wonderful advise I keep reading what they are telling you for my own sanity!  There words are so inspiring I too was started by doc tapering to fast and to much.  I believe them it will get better we just have to hang on.  ❤

Carla, Just hold on. That is all you need to do. One day at a time. Re meds, listen to the guys on here. They've been there and they know what they are talking about.

Hugs xxx

Trish thank you so much for taking the time to write me such a long message...

 

Girls thank you for your support. It makes me cry.

 

All the physical symptoms are gone but insomnia ( based on the thought « what if I can’t sleep » even if I had a non anxious evening  kicks me off and next day is hell , so I’m fearing not sleeping.) and anxiety is looping. Also losing weight and I’m already skinny.

 

So was improving until insomnias...

 

I m doing therapy for anxiety and was anxiety free before tapering benzo and knew how to manage  but this time I’m so fucking scared, I’m living in my worst nightmare.

 

How not fearing the withdrawal process ? It is too scary . I don’t want to feel like shit every cuts.. I read too many bad stories it is hard to not have that in mind  :'(

 

Love you guys thank you <3

 

 

Good morning LHSG hoping everyone has a better day.

Morning twiny so good to see you here supporting Carla etc.You and l have both been there and it ain't pleasant but wit time it will ease.How are you? How's the family?How is your son doing?l really hope he has turned a corner.

  I am ok just doing my exercises and hopefully l will get more range.The nerve pain is my biggest problem as it is hellish at night.l still think it will improve.lf not l will probably need an operation 🥺🤦.Awe well what can you do.Other than that nothing new happening still in bloody lockdown.The family are all doing well and the puppies are good.l will post sometime just taking a bit of a break to focus on getting myself back to full strength.love you my lST and give my little baby a big hug from me.X

Morning Gilly great to hear from you my lovely.l really hope things ease up for you.lt will however it takes so damn long.Get up as much as you can honey and keep setting yourself goals.How's Tilly doing? Remember you have been here before and always got through and you will again.look after yourself my lovely and look after young Dave.love you.X

Morning Carla we have all been where you are and honestly time and patience will be your best friends during this.l know it is so difficult however try not to feed the anxiety.Exercise helps me more than anything else also playing games on my phone.l also try not to talk negatively to myself.l know this feels impossible however it is possible and you will get through this.Remember to use your breath to calm yourself.Anxiety is horrible however it will lessen given enough time.X

Sorry folks l keep forgetting to tell you all l am finally finished my taper so l am off the diazepam since the 10 th of January.Nothing to report much the same as any cut so happy with my taper wouldn't change a thing.lt has never been easy sadly however l got there and so will you all.love and hugs Stut.X

Sorry folks l keep forgetting to tell you all l am finally finished my taper so l am off the diazepam since the 10 th of January.Nothing to report much the same as any cut so happy with my taper wouldn't change a thing.lt has never been easy sadly however l got there and so will you all.love and hugs Stut.X

 

Stut, you rascal.  You've been benzo free for more than two months already.  Congratulations!!  You did it.  I'm happy that you are doing well.  It's such a monumental achievement that none of us ever expected we would have to undertake.  I'm very proud of you.  Hugs!! Ginger