The Long Hold Support Group

 

The way I see withdrawal is like the brain speeds up, it's like a car motor that gets hotter and hotter on a fast trip across the desert, if pushed too hard and for too long, eventually smoke is going to start coming out of the bonnet.

 

When we hold, it's like pulling the car over and letting the engine cool down, then we add water to the cooling tank and give all the parts a rest, then when the engine has cooled right down, we are able to continue on our journey.

 

How's that for an analogy?

 

Seriously though, if we are able to take time out and see what the actual f**k is going on here with everyone, the answers are there.

 

 

If we make cuts that are too big we end up 

 

If we taper too fast we end up 

 

If we CT we end up 

 

 

I don't know the answers obviously, yet I do see many in the post taper boards who did relatively short tapers and they are suffering, many are still suffering many months out, nothing seems to really be gained from being benzo free prematurely other than being able to say "I'm benzo free"...

 

I would like to be benzo free, sure I would, yet I would like enough GABA and a functioning nervous system when I get there, if at all possible.

 

People who power through tapers may end up OK after a month or two, which is great, yet others can seemingly be plagued by benzo brain for some months or even years, unless these people have anxiety and panic disorders back and/or depression or whatever but I am inclined to believe them as I know how long it has taken me to get to this point in a hold.

 

It's a tough call in many ways but I am of the opinion that a fast taper really disrupts the CNS which affects how our body functions in terms of temperature, ability to calm down etc... everything gets thrown way out of whack in a fast taper, I liken a CT to throwing a massive boulder into a lake, that's gonna disrupt the lake bed big time and cloud it right up, the ripples will reach far and wide and that lake will not be clear and calm again for a long time.

 

If we taper slowly with small cuts, we avoid those ripples, it's a less damaging process but this takes time and yet the alternative takes time also, possibly more time... not sure getting free any sooner is worth the risk, some will come off gently and be glad they went slow, others may get hit regardless and resent a slow taper... it's all a crapshoot either way, I only know that going faster messes things up and that can hurt, been there, wasn't fun, as arduous and boring as this process is, I'd rather not go back to that place again.

 

I wanna look after my lake.

 

Or car engine.

 

Or whatever.

 

At the end of the day, not shocking our brain too much is likely to make this process more bearable.

 

I just hope in my case this gets better by 2 mg Valium equivalent and I am able to taper when I get there, or I'll never make it off this drug in a time frame that will make it worth it.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

More thoughts...

 

What I have learned from this is that for anyone having withdrawal problems, a 18 month taper at a minimum seems to be a sensible taper.

 

Not a year, 18 months... at least.

 

If on a higher dose for a long time, maybe even longer.

 

Everyone is different and healing time frames will vary.

 

Slow tapers can be painful also, yet this is likely due to previous speed and a sensitized nervous system.

 

Fix the problem rather than add to it.

 

Don't drink.

 

Eat often and stay hydrated.

 

Recognize that those evil benzo's actually calm our brain, remove em too fast and it ain't gonna be fun for awhile. 

 

 

Nice to read everyone's experiences here. Oscar so glad you found that holding works. I never got to the point where I suffered much because early on I would stop and go back and continue to hold that dose until I could cut another .25mg and barely feel it. Im to the point now where I can hold 5 weeks, make the cut and have very few sxs, maybe an afternoon of dizziness, some anxiety...I noticed that when I cut too fast, I got very sick, very fast. I went against the prevailing advice by holding longer. I just instinctively felt it was best to take it slow. "Slow ride...take it easy..."! 

 

Thanks hikingchik, this is yet more proof that longer holds do help !!! 

Wow Valley you can work out?  I'd give anything. I was a personal trainer and ran after my last taper in 2013/2014. I can't even fathom being stable enough again to do that but wow that would becawesome

18 months Oscar?  I'm on par to take several years. The last few months was only able to taper 2% a month. Been holding for 20 days and feel hopeless about stabilization

 

18 months Oscar?  I'm on par to take several years. The last few months was only able to taper 2% a month. Been holding for 20 days and feel hopeless about stabilization

 

Me too lizagal 

 

I attribute the time it is taking me now due to over sensitizing my nervous system due to my too rapid taper and crash earlier in my taper, if I had not been looking to be done in a year, I would likely have been off by now, quicker makes us sicker and we have to slow the hell down to stay on course... it really adds more time in the end by trying to taper faster.

 

It's utterly maddening and yes, I will take years also.

When I got down to .a total of.0462mg dosing 4 times a day (.0115 per dose) I done something stupid and done a 25% cut by getting rid of one of my doses. It took about 7 days to kick my butt. I have updosed to .060mg but have not made any progress in 2 weeks. I was wondering if I could be in tolerance withdrawals and what should I do to feel better. I have bad anxiety and akatasia. any help would be appreciated.

When I got down to .a total of.0462mg dosing 4 times a day (.0115 per dose) I done something stupid and done a 25% cut by getting rid of one of my doses. It took about 7 days to kick my butt. I have updosed to .060mg but have not made any progress in 2 weeks. I was wondering if I could be in tolerance withdrawals and what should I do to feel better. I have bad anxiety and akatasia. any help would be appreciated.

 

Yikes, hard to say, probably just try and hold and monitor how you feel? Try and avoid going back up further if you can.

 

Feel better soon.

Wow Valley you can work out?  I'd give anything. I was a personal trainer and ran after my last taper in 2013/2014. I can't even fathom being stable enough again to do that but wow that would becawesome

It ain't easy lol. I crash after a workout for a while but manage work, do 60 minutes of cardio and weights every day. I'm also a fanatic. Did pro natural bodybuilding for several years. For a while I had to scoop myself off the floor and just make myself do it. It's gotten easier over time I had to do something after the opiate ct as dopamine was gone.  It's crazy but if you just force yourself, your tolerance returns. It seems counterintuitive for stabilizing but I stabilize faster working out. The worst thing I've found was laying around. It seemed to make everything worse. I know I'm not the norm here, I just refuse to let this take over my life.

Hi guys... Thanks Oscar for starting this.

I tapered from 7.5 mgs to 2.5 mgs in 2 weeks and have been holding for a month now. Valley Um has been awesome in supporting me and telling me I will stabilize. I had a pretty good day on Friday and the yesterday and today are awful. Just like when I started the hold.

Does anyone else get that?  I am so scared, tired and depressed about it.

I was so happy on Friday and then this happens.

Thanks everyone... I sure could use some reassurance today.

K

I'm feeling worse as I go but I also have a back sprain and have gotten way too strenuous chiropractic/massage three times this week. Big mistake. But a friend of mine told me that even holding, things aren't linear. Waiting for those who have had successful holds to weigh in

I'm feeling worse as I go but I also have a back sprain and have gotten way too strenuous chiropractic/massage three times this week. Big mistake. But a friend of mine told me that even holding, things aren't linear. Waiting for those who have had successful holds to weigh in

I'll be weighing in soon. I'm stabilizing pretty well now.

Hi Oscar,

 

This is a great thread.  Thank you for starting it.

 

Anne

Has anyone felt worse in a hold?  I've had a stressful week physically and emotionally so that could be why this week I have felt much worse than before my hold. I'm at day 22. I'm discouraged to say the least. I know it can all be from going to the chiropractor very disoriented three times this week (my husband driving) and having her do very deep and strenuous soft tissue massage, plus I had many people in my house Saturday and it's usually just me but all my symptoms have revved up--including the horrid morning adrenaline I haven't had since last summer. I'd appreciate any input. And thanks for not judging. I've been in another benzo forum where members berate me for over analyzing and being obsessive about my symptoms. That's par for the course in this and making me feel like a loser idiot all the time doesn't exactly help.

 

Liza G

Has anyone felt worse in a hold?  I've had a stressful week physically and emotionally so that could be why this week I have felt much worse than before my hold. I'm at day 22. I'm discouraged to say the least. I know it can all be from going to the chiropractor very disoriented three times this week (my husband driving) and having her do very deep and strenuous soft tissue massage, plus I had many people in my house Saturday and it's usually just me but all my symptoms have revved up--including the horrid morning adrenaline I haven't had since last summer. I'd appreciate any input. And thanks for not judging. I've been in another benzo forum where members berate me for over analyzing and being obsessive about my symptoms. That's par for the course in this and making me feel like a loser idiot all the time doesn't exactly help.

 

Liza G

At 22 days, I was still a mess it it's any consolation. Just have to motor through and distract as much as possible. I didn't start feeling good until 6 weeks and I still have down days. It just takes time. Never get down on yourself. It just makes your stress worse. It's not your fault you have to do this. It's for the greater good.

hey gang

 

havent been back for a few days got worse last week and was chair bound for a few days so unlike me have never been this bad since i started this 21 months ago..went to the doc on thurs he did a swallow test nothing stuck in throat..but couldnt eat and was just getting weaker an the heart rate not cooperating is not helping either..it goes up if i even stand up to like 110..i was able to finally eat yesterday and today but the downside is i had to updose on saturday from .075 gms 4 x's a day to .83 4 x's a day..i regret it now but know after this many days i cant just go back to where i was ..i let myself down big time.

i have a doc appt this afternoon going to get some blood work done just to be on the safe side that nothing else is going on..if i could just get some of my energy back an get this heart rate down from 90 something i could tolerate the rest of things..

 

hope everyone else is holding on and i love this thread cause there are so many of us in a long hold right now..

 

will check back here after i get back from the doctor today

 

hugs to all

 

deep

Hi Deep...so remind me again ...this kpin you are on? so that means you are on 3.32mgs a day?

 

I understand the frustration completely...this morning I thought of updosing but I just know it would not make me feel better. so I stay right where I am...Valium does not give you the "ahhh, I can breathe again" feeling  at least not for me

 

my mornings are getting bad again...waking with horrible anxiety

 

so you are having problems with tachycardia and I am having problems with Blood pressure

 

not extremely high...highest it goes is 140/90 but that's still hypertensive

 

so of course I have to obsess about it

 

Maybe you could juice more meals so you will get nutrition you need (sure you have already thought of that)

 

well let us know the outcome of blood work...do you know what they are looking for specifically?

 

This is so hard and I am really hoping holding awhile will make a difference as I know you do too

lainey  no i was at 1.75 mgs k from 4 mgs k..and now i am at 1.82mgs ..i was giving it in grams cause those are my weights..but i am still not happy as it will set me back a couple months and as i am in a holding state..i am going to ask my doc should i just try to cut some to get me back down to the 1.75 or just stay here for awhile..and yes i get high heart rate but it has never lasted this long but i get the heart palps all the time..i just try and ignore them..

 

and i tried the juicing the other day they even put some soup in the juicer but since i had the lump in my throat couldnt get it down seemed like it was getting stuck but was able to eat some yesterday and now this morning could eat eggs and toast..

 

and the doc will run a full panel i am sure hes really good he will look for any inflammation, infections, blood counts, even things i wouldnt think of..hes run them before and all my panels are always ok..vitamins and all..

 

i checked my sugar the other day it was 112 which i thought it would have been low from the not getting enough but it was fine, blood pressure fine, oxygen level fine..i can check all these things here at the house..some days i just wish i didnt know all the medical things that i do..i think sometimes not knowing is better cause then it doesnt worry you so much.

 

will have you in my thoughts an prayers today..seems like so many of us are struggling..

Thanks Valley!  I pray I have a similar response the longer I hold. Of course we always want to gravitate to what has worked for someone else so I pray it's not a false hope. Thanks for responding

Thanks Valley!  I pray I have a similar response the longer I hold. Of course we always want to gravitate to what has worked for someone else so I pray it's not a false hope. Thanks for responding

It's so hard. There were so many times I wanted to updose and reinstate but kept telling myself all the suffering would be wasted if I did combined with the he fact that the one attempt I made at reinstating was a total diasaster. It made me a lot worse. This is so much of a mind game. When I was still bad off, I had to drive for 4 hours for work, do an assessment the next day and drive home. Before I left home I was convinced I wouldn't be able to do it, but it actually helped!  Distraction is the key even though there is no motivation to do anything. I find the weekends the worst because I'm not busy and lay around a lot. It really makes me worse. Too much time to think and obsess about this whole thing. I do believe most will stabilize with a long hold and look forward to reading our success stories at the end of this journey when we can all say we walked off completely healed

I'm stable at 7 and a half weeks. Will keep holding a little longer for my sanity.

Valley would you mind sharing the difference between stable and unstable for you?  So many people told me I started unstable but I've only known horror from benzos (except when I was on Ativan I was 90% normal) and benzo withdrawal so it's hard to know how much to expect. I know everyone is different but I'd appreciate your perspective. Thanks.

Valley would you mind sharing the difference between stable and unstable for you?  So many people told me I started unstable but I've only known horror from benzos (except when I was on Ativan I was 90% normal) and benzo withdrawal so it's hard to know how much to expect. I know everyone is different but I'd appreciate your perspective. Thanks.

Stable for me is not symptom free. Stability for me means I can go all day without crashing. I can hit the gym and not get slammed. Yesterday my strength doubled on all lifts so I knew i was there. I can stay up past 8:30 PM. I only wake up twice a night instead of every hour. The nerve pain is gone. I still have some slight brain fog but it's not bad. I still have sweaty palms. Some  mornings are hard but it lifts the more active I am.  I don't think symptoms totally disappear once you start this process but at least I feel sane again. Hope that helps. Still holding for sanity. Oh yeah, I forgot to mention I watched the Hunger Games series over the weekend and cried all the way through lol. I haven't felt anything for years so it felt good.

I'd be thrilled if I could not feel insane, be able to take the dog for a short walk twice a day, be able to ride in a car without major dizziness and disorientation, to cut through some of the fog and confusion and actually do more than just pace around trying to do anything in the house. If I could back back to my at-home job!  Glad you are able to do much more than that!  Thanks for responding

I'd be thrilled if I could not feel insane, be able to take the dog for a short walk twice a day, be able to ride in a car without major dizziness and disorientation, to cut through some of the fog and confusion and actually do more than just pace around trying to do anything in the house. If I could back back to my at-home job!  Glad you are able to do much more than that!  Thanks for responding

You can do it!  I made myself stay active even though I wanted to lay in bed. Start out small and build up. Believe me, almost every day I told myself I couldn't do it anymore but just made myself roll out of bed, walk, fix breakfast for everyone, go to work, hit the gym. It was sheer will because I was living in an alternate hazy universe with absolutely no motivation and full of lethargy. Engaging in life forced me to forget about how crappy I felt. I had extreme neuropathy and electric shocks in my legs and arms at night, but they were gone by morning.  It passes and I firmly believe it passes faster if you make yourself distract and force yourself to engage. I do know how hard it is though. If I didn't have a job and schools counting on me, I would have just stayed in bed through this but I'm glad I have to stay busy as it helps. I had to do the same thing after a ct of Xanax when I was damn near psychotic lol. One thing I do that would probably drive most people insane is overload my CNS with heavy metal music whenever I'm not busy.  It's become an obsession and I haven't listened to it for years.