tapered to .375 clonazepam

I know you feel worn down by this process, it seems as if it goes on forever.  I remember feeling that if I could only get a break I'd be able to go on.  The exhaustion from the relentless barrage of symptoms is disheartening. 

 

Somehow though, we make it through this.  We just keep putting one foot in front of the other and it finally ends.  After you finish your taper, the healing (which means the physical, mental and emotional pain) continues.  How long or how difficult varies from one person to the next.  But, as I said it does finally end. 

 

We're glad you're here, no one should have to face this alone. 

I am lurking you and all that answer your replies..I feel we are so much alike that reading the responses help me too. ...we are so close it ALMOST make me giddy! )

XXXX

Thanks for your love and support, Shelley You have mine too!

Hi KT,

 

I understand how you feel, many times i feel im just so tired of this never ending symptoms, but somehow we just keep going!

 

love lynn xx  

Ahhh, another day in hell. :'(  New s/x this morning. What feel's like right-sided kidney/adrenal pain, flu (hard to know if it's w/d s/x or flu, as my husband has had the flu for over a week), lower abdominal pain, intense coughing, nausea...oh it's marvelous. I'm thinking about going to Doc in the Box to get the kidney pain checked out, but am ambivalent. If I go and they do blood work, I'm sure liver enzymes and eyerything else will be off-kilter due to w/d.  I think I'll just gut it out for now. Why, why...

Thanks, lynne! xoxoxo

I had blood work while in withdrawal, everything checked out perfectly, thus leading my Dr to believe that all of my agony was in my HEAD!  He couldn't see the twitching in my face, the vibrations and electric shocks flowing through me or the elephant sitting on my chest.  Ah, the joys of benzo withdrawal.

 

Please don't ever hesitate to get things checked out if you suspect something other than symptoms.  While people around here spend thousands upon thousands of dollars on worthless tests to rule out all sorts of life threatening maladies we do advise caution if you have real concerns.  Gotta tell you though, I've heard of nausea, coughing, abdominal pain and flu symptoms in my time here.  I'm not sure about the kidney/adrenal pain though.

 

Why is right.....wouldn't wish this crap on my worst enemy. 

 

 

 

 

I'm hanging in for now. If it gets unbearable, I'll go in to Quickee Doc. I may well have the flu...99.3 temp. It's so hard to know what s/x relates to what else. And bloody stinking hell, I had a glass of chardonnay last night when my husband and sons and I went out to dinner. Went out to dinner...that's a joke. Two bites of this, a bite of that, and a glass of wine. Gotta live it up sometimes. I have chronic adrenal issues, and w/d has wiped my adrenals out even more. I've had interesting health issues since childhood. It's never been easy in that regard, but I'm resilient and push through it. I'm a diagnostic maze for any health care professional. No ovaries...I use BHRT cream, DHEA and pregnenolone pills to deal with that. I take adrenal glandulars and herbs. Hypothyroid. Difficult to titrate my thyroid dosage. I monitor my thyroid and adrenals with assorted body temperature readings. I know that I have a liver cyst and hepatic hemangioma. Both benign issues, but what w/d is doing to my liver is anyone's guess. Shortly after I started w/d, my liver enzymes went high. Nasty scoliosis...I went out yesterday without a lift in my right show, so that could well be causing right-sided "kidney" pain. So many different damned s/x! I'm a writer and outdoors person, and here I am trapped inside, except for when the windows of normality hit. Sometimes the windows fool me. I'm quite functional at those times. Just did a day of docent training at the local natural history museum. Started Scottish country dancing, which I make myself do every Thursday night come hell or high water; even with massive benzo belly. I like being a real, knesthetic human being. I like to move. I've run marathons. I hike. I kayak. I prefer to leave at least hiking and kayaking in the present tense. And now I'm this isolated, soggy, flabby, skin hanging out in disgusting folds whinging lump along with the muscle pains, fluctuating moods, hypersensitivity to everything, etc, etc. #$%^&!

You sound pretty pissed off, I was too.  Always been active and healthy, nothing really gets me down.  I could not believe I couldn't move past this thing.  I've always been able to joke, talk, laugh, pay or cheat my way out of anything, not this. 

 

Your physical issues sound like a diagnostic nightmare, the TV show House comes to mind.  I can see why going to a GP is a joke and only to be used for the simplest of issues.  It must take forever to get a new Dr up to speed only to find out they're not equipped to deal with the whole you, but only part. 

 

Hey, if the anger helps you get through this, then hang on to it.  That's better than self pity, but we all need that once in awhile.  Oh, by the way...I hear alcohol is murder on us when we're withdrawing. 

I often wonder if in a world fraught with autoimmune disorders due to environmental toxins, stress, etc., those of us with histories of thyroid/adrenal/HPA axis malfunction/you name it are particularly vulnerable to the nastiness of benzo w/d. Adrenal fatigue is likely rampant in this crazy over-stressed, over-crowded, resource-competitive world. Endocrinology is a dead specialty for the most part, it would seem. Good old 1950s Broda Barnes/John Tintera endocrine medicine is largely forgotten. In my own healing journey over the years I've had to educate myself, and I honestly believe that I know more about hormones than most docs do. It helps having a background in science publishing. How do people who aren't self-educated about benzo w/d survive benzos? Scary to think about. I'd imagine most stay on the damn benzos and continue to live in a drugged-out twilight world.

Thanks for calling me on my anger. It's good to get a reality check. Anger is better than depression, sometimes, but it's not healthy overall. Yeah, alcohol...in fact I rarely drink, because the price of indulgence is too high. Sometimes I dare to be human, though, like last night. Lovely outdoor restaurant, the clouds and sunset above, and a glass of wine to relieve the tension. I wondered then what the price for my indulgence would be today.

Went to Doc Stop to get the kidney area pain checked out. Peed in a cup and told the PA that I was almost tapered off Klonopin and that I wondered if the pain might be related to that. She said yes, and congratulated me  .  She said that the pain is musculoskeletal.

Went to Doc Stop to get the kidney area pain checked out. Peed in a cup and told the PA that I was almost tapered off Klonopin and that I wondered if the pain might be related to that. She said yes, and congratulated me  .  She said that the pain is musculoskeletal.

 

Huh, she agreed that the pain could be related to withdrawals? Musculoskeletal ?  Sorry, just popped into your thread and wanted to talk to you and this caught my eye.

I often wonder if in a world fraught with autoimmune disorders due to environmental toxins, stress, etc., those of us with histories of thyroid/adrenal/HPA axis malfunction/you name it are particularly vulnerable to the nastiness of benzo w/d. Adrenal fatigue is likely rampant in this crazy over-stressed, over-crowded, resource-competitive world. Endocrinology is a dead specialty for the most part, it would seem. Good old 1950s Broda Barnes/John Tintera endocrine medicine is largely forgotten. In my own healing journey over the years I've had to educate myself, and I honestly believe that I know more about hormones than most docs do. It helps having a background in science publishing. How do people who aren't self-educated about benzo w/d survive benzos? Scary to think about. I'd imagine most stay on the damn benzos and continue to live in a drugged-out twilight world.

 

Adelia is on a short break from the forum, but I can't wait until she gets back so I can watch you two talk. You two are so knowledgeable about the endocrine system, wow.  I've often wondered why some of us are destined to suffer and others not.  There are a couple of recovering alcoholics on the forum of which I am one and I've wondered if the battering we gave our GABA receptors plays a part in this.  I've never had thyroid problems to my knowledge, I didn't even pay attention to that little gland until last year when they yanked mine out.  We'll probably never know because as I said, since "they" consider us the minority so "they" don't have to worry about us.

 

I don't see how anyone can stay on benzo's forever, the tolerance won't permit that will it?  One can't keep taking it in ever increasing amounts, can they?  I mean the Dr's have a limit as to how much they'll prescribe and the next step is Dr shopping and the internet.  So many questions...

Thanks for calling me on my anger. It's good to get a reality check. Anger is better than depression, sometimes, but it's not healthy overall. Yeah, alcohol...in fact I rarely drink, because the price of indulgence is too high. Sometimes I dare to be human, though, like last night. Lovely outdoor restaurant, the clouds and sunset above, and a glass of wine to relieve the tension. I wondered then what the price for my indulgence would be today.

 

I've seen many angry people here, so many folks feel betrayed and abandoned.  But yes, the anger can turn on you, ramp up your symptoms and delay your healing.  You know.....

 

Hey that night out with the family sounds heavenly except for the raging withdrawal symptoms churning inside of you.

Yeah, the PA clearly knew about Klonopin w/d. I was impressed. I gave her the name of this site and told her how much folks here are helping me. I guess musculoskeletal as in my scoliosis and hence one leg out of plumb are causing the muscles in my right lower back to tweak, just like everything else reacts in a hypersensitive way. Take Motrin is the solution.

Your entire thyroid???...jeez Louise...what on earth for? Thyroid cancer? Medical error? Who the hell pulled the plug on your entire thyroid...I've got half a nodulated gland left, and that's bad enough...how are you regulating your thyroid hormone supplementation. It's so tricky.

 

I battered my GABA receptors plenty with booze in the past. By some genetic fluke I got away with it in terms of alcoholism, but I also wonder if the abuse I heaped on my GABA receptors and liver doesn't have a bearing as to why I got on Klonopin and now the w/d issue. I think it's likely that alcoholism ties into insulin resistance, diabetes, metabolic syndrome and all kinds of endocrine problems.

 

Seems to me that some people are born destined to have alcohol issues. This observation comes from the story of an extended family member who no longer drinks. She was so sensitive to alcohol from the get go that a half a beer could get her drunk. She wrapped her truck around a tree (or vice versa) on half a beer. She's been in recovery for many years now, but I have a hard time thinking of her as alcoholic. Seems like she has some undiagnosed enzymatic/other biochemical disorder that causes her unfortunate response to booze.

 

Yeah, how can someone stay on benzos forever? Beats me.

 

Yep, thyroid cancer.  The best of all the cancers to have, even better to have than melanoma!  I've been on 100 mcg Levoxyl for a year now.  adelia tells me I need to have a serious talk with my endo, she says my numbers don't jive and I could be feeling better than I do.  Planning on having a talk with her next month.

 

I like your theory about everything tying in, why we're here.  I don't like the randomness of it all, the some get hit some don't and I'm just one of the unlucky.  I'd guess I want to know I did this to myself, at least that takes the feeling that there is no reason to it away.  Yeah, I want to know why this happened to me and I'm okay if I brought it on myself.

 

I don't have to wonder about any enzymatic issues for my alcoholism, I liked to drink too much.  I don't blame environment, heredity, or the life issues, I did that to myself, plain and simple.  It makes it easier that way, I don't have to try to figure anything out.  Who did what to whom, it's just the way it is.  Trouble was I took a side trip to Klonopin 11 years into my recovery.  Didn't take me long to find out I'd switched substances.  Dumb ass.  Oh well, here I am...another hard lesson behind me.  And doing great! 

 

Why am I talking about myself in your thread?  How rude!

I love hearing your story, Pam! I already know my own  Thanks for trusting me enough to share. I'm honored. Besides, it's only my thread in terms of having started it 

MAN do I ever know what ya'll are talking about.  Between the alcohol and lots of it, the endocrine system, HPA axis, and benzo's. 

this is all me..  TODAY..  except I do not drink anymore.  Afraid of adrenal crisis coming off the benzo. Oh wow..  But I have started. 

You said I could share your post, and I did because you talked about everything that is me.  I hope nobody minds.  I'm still up..  I will never know if it's the titration, or my adrenal insuffiency anymore now. However, I have to give this a try. 

 

Thank you and blessings to everyone.

 

Mamie

now I'm this isolated, soggy, flabby, skin hanging out in disgusting folds whinging lump along with the muscle pains, fluctuating moods, hypersensitivity to everything, etc, etc. #$%^&!

 

This is the warning that should go on every benzo perscription.

 

ntw

I often wonder if in a world fraught with autoimmune disorders due to environmental toxins, stress, etc., those of us with histories of thyroid/adrenal/HPA axis malfunction/you name it are particularly vulnerable to the nastiness of benzo w/d. Adrenal fatigue is likely rampant in this crazy over-stressed, over-crowded, resource-competitive world. Endocrinology is a dead specialty for the most part, it would seem. Good old 1950s Broda Barnes/John Tintera endocrine medicine is largely forgotten. In my own healing journey over the years I've had to educate myself, and I honestly believe that I know more about hormones than most docs do. It helps having a background in science publishing. How do people who aren't self-educated about benzo w/d survive benzos? Scary to think about. I'd imagine most stay on the damn benzos and continue to live in a drugged-out twilight world.

 

Adelia is on a short break from the forum, but I can't wait until she gets back so I can watch you two talk. You two are so knowledgeable about the endocrine system, wow.  I've often wondered why some of us are destined to suffer and others not.  There are a couple of recovering alcoholics on the forum of which I am one and I've wondered if the battering we gave our GABA receptors plays a part in this.  I've never had thyroid problems to my knowledge, I didn't even pay attention to that little gland until last year when they yanked mine out.  We'll probably never know because as I said, since "they" consider us the minority so "they" don't have to worry about us.

 

I don't see how anyone can stay on benzo's forever, the tolerance won't permit that will it?  One can't keep taking it in ever increasing amounts, can they?  I mean the Dr's have a limit as to how much they'll prescribe and the next step is Dr shopping and the internet.  So many questions...

 

Hi KT and Pam,

 

I'm back, finally.  I'm going to have to get caught up with where you're at KT.  But as for the post you wrote about hormones and benzos....WOW, I could have written that.  I thought I was educated before, but it only really began with learning about benzo destruction.  Then I had to get re-educated in a whole new way.  I studied nutrition science and have kept up on it even after going into slightly different careers.  I'm glad I had that background, because I've needed every bit of it to study up on my own hormonal issues (adrenal fatigue and hypothyroid are main ones). 

 

So, how are you feeling KT? 

 

Are you going to do a signature line KT?  That's very helpful.  I'll give you the link if you need it. 

 

adelia

 

 

I wish you would talk to me Adelia.  But I dont want to hijack this thread.  I have adrenal insuffiency coming from my pituitary. 

But I will leave it alone.  I don't know what I'm really saying right now anyway.

 

Thanks,

Mamie

Hi adelia!

 

Thanks! I'd very much appreciate the info as to how to put together a signature line. I'm particularly technologically clueless these days. I'd love to trade notes as to our discoveries, too.

 

Another interesting morning here. I'm now on day four of .125. Forget sleep. Trazodone doesn't help and appears to be causing rapid pulse of 100+. Could be that .125 is causing rapid pulse. Hard to say. Emotional backlog coming up relentlessly. Had a great 2am epiphany about taking on my Dad's pain, but the ways in which pain gets yanked out during the predawn no sleep hours is a bit much.  Also coinciding with tapering to .125 is a severe case of  flu. My husband has it too.

 

I hope things are going well for you! I'm going to crawl back to bed now and see if supplicating the sleep gods works.

 

KT

 

 

 

 

ntw, I love your sense of humor. It just brought a smile to my face!