Author Topic: QBSBrown is Benzo Free- 9/10/09  (Read 5951 times)

[Buddie]

Re: QBSBrown is Benzo Free- 9/10/09
« Reply #50 on: October 01, 2009, 10:41:40 pm »
I went back to work in three weeks, had to.  I still had all of the symptoms and the fear but the distraction was good even though I was in agony.  You're doing it Brian, don't look back, don't go back, don't think, just do it. 

I knew I couldn't go back, I knew I could never live through another withdrawal.  I think you're going to make it this time Brian, I just have a good feeling about you.  :smitten:

[...], when did some of your racing thoughts begin to subside.  Geez, i've had them the whole time since starting benzos, i wonder what it's like w/o them again.

Regards,

Brian

It's hard for me to remember dates for things, symptoms come and go, then mutate into others so it's hard to pin a time down.  Plus I started abusing Ambien 2 months after my CT and got all wrapped around the axle on that.  So, I'm not really sure when I healed from the Klonopin because I started having interdose withdrawals from the Ambien.  What a mess.  About the racing thoughts, I remember I was still having them in May of 08 and I'd CT'd in Oct 07.  Took forever!
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[Buddie]

Re: QBSBrown is Benzo Free- 9/10/09
« Reply #51 on: October 01, 2009, 10:51:26 pm »
Wow, that is a long time for the racing thoughts to subside.  I think that also the thoughts might be catagorized as racing/internalized thoughts.

Jeesh, I sure hope they go away someday soon.  Must be nice not having them, it's been so long.  Unless they gave me like 30mgs zyprexa, or 2000mgs depakote, I couldn't even drive long distances.  and this is from a guy who LOVED to drive with a passion.  I drove by myself cross country about 8 years ago, before my benzo use.  I did not know that it was the lexapro that was screwing me up, giving me derealization, and started

Amazing how docs will say bipolar right away if you mention racing thoughts.

When i was doing my first taper almost 4 years ago, i was diagnosed ocd, and put on ssris that actually made obsessions and compulsions worse.

Then because the ssri + benzo wd was making me irritable, depressed, and racing thoughts, then all the serious bipolar meds came coming in.

Wow, what a long trip it's been.

Here comes the crazy sober life.

Can't wait for the long drives again:)  Ok fine, i made it to the mailbox today.  That was a big step.

Brian
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: QBSBrown is Benzo Free- 9/9/9- inretrospect
« Reply #52 on: October 01, 2009, 11:32:10 pm »
Even 4 years ago, I felt like i was going crazy w/ these racing thoughts, and i had NO CLUE it was klonopin wd/tolerance/interdose.

I should have picked it up when i had to pop one just to be able to watch tv or play video games.

Or even while in grad school 4 years ago, that i had to pop one before class, just to be able to sit still, and concentrate a little bit.

Amazing how much money i was spending trying to find the answer.

Amazing how many years of you life you can lose to this crap.

Amazing how many other diagnoses and serious psychotropic drugs that it can lead too.

I would have been stuck in the knocked out vegetative state from meds, until thankfully i had a dream that said, you aren't bipolar, it's a figment of you imagination.

Started off the drugs, unfortunately it had been so long since a benzo wd, i forgot that you taper it first.  Whoops.

Oh well, continued healing from here on out, one day at a time.

Brian
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: QBSBrown is Benzo Free- 9/9/9
« Reply #53 on: October 09, 2009, 07:12:32 pm »
9/9/9 was/is my actual benzo free day.  Looking at my calandar.

So today, as i lie here in bed crying (some happy tears), i am free of all poisons (minus a beta blocker, does that count?) for 1 month!

I will persevere
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: QBSBrown is Benzo Free- 9/9/9
« Reply #54 on: October 09, 2009, 07:19:23 pm »
9/9/9 was/is my actual benzo free day.  Looking at my calandar.

So today, as i lie here in bed crying (some happy tears), i am free of all poisons (minus a beta blocker, does that count?) for 1 month!

I will persevere

Almost drug free Brian, how many years have you been polluting your body with drugs and alcohol?
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: QBSBrown is Benzo Free- 9/9/9
« Reply #55 on: October 09, 2009, 07:26:48 pm »
9/9/9 was/is my actual benzo free day.  Looking at my calandar.

So today, as i lie here in bed crying (some happy tears), i am free of all poisons (minus a beta blocker, does that count?) for 1 month!

I will persevere

Almost drug free Brian, how many years have you been polluting your body with drugs and alcohol?

Let's see.  the drinking began in HS.  Heavy drinking and an antidepressant during college and early 20's.  Benzos and booze for a couple of years.  Then polydrugged for the past 3 years.

So basically 12 years of psychoactive drugs.  drank maybe 2-3 times in the past year.  Memory is so bad right now, i have lost track of all time. 

My brain function is gone.  I can't even talk to people on the phone w/o getting confused.

Ah, i hope it comes back.
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[Buddie]

Re: QBSBrown is Benzo Free- 9/10/09
« Reply #56 on: October 09, 2009, 07:28:23 pm »
The body is an amazing machine Brian.  We can push it to the limit and it bounces back, yep yours will too.
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[Buddie]

Re: QBSBrown is Benzo Free- 9/10/09
« Reply #57 on: November 10, 2009, 11:32:19 pm »
can somebody say 2 months off?  whoot whoot
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[Buddie]

Re: QBSBrown is Benzo Free- 9/10/09
« Reply #58 on: November 10, 2009, 11:37:51 pm »
can somebody say 2 months off?  whoot whoot

Those are two months you don't have to live ever again.  Put them behind you, and keep clawing your way to full healing.   ;)
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.