QBSBrown is Benzo Free- 9/10/09

It's been 6 long tortureous years. Thank you docs for the continued prescriptions w/o mentioning that they are habit forming.

One more psychotropic drug to wean off, then i am done.  Time to see this world through sober eyes.

Now how do you wean off of ear plugs and eye masks?

Brian

Changed subject line to include Brian's name.

CONGRATULATIONS BRIAN!!

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The sad and ironic thing is that i jumped off from where i started lol.  Highly ill advised, but i wouldn't have changed the process as a whole.  It was a great journey.

You know they say that 7-8th times' a charm

Congratulations, Brian!  :yippee:

Congratulations Bryan, don't look back just keep pushing forward and look for all the good in the world and your life and enjoy it with your new found freedom..way to go

M

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Well done brian!!

love lynn xx 

Congratulations Brian!  Stay the course and healing will happen! 

Wow!!!!!    I am so happy for you.  Congratulations!!!!!  Kick any lingering w/d symptoms to the ground when they show up.

Patty  xoxox  :yippee:

I am so happy to see another person come off these horrible drugs! WTG!! 

Keep em' coming..its so inspiring to those that are on our way!

The sad and ironic thing is that i jumped off from where i started lol. 

The difference is you have done a very recent detox from a much lower dosage with anti-seizure medication. You had already done most of the taper work leading up to that detox.  Since your detox, you probably hadn't completely build up to those original levels again, which is a good thing. 

Best wishes to you Brian! 

The sad and ironic thing is that i jumped off from where i started lol. 

 

The difference is you have done a very recent detox from a much lower dosage with anti-seizure medication. You had already done most of the taper work leading up to that detox.  Since your detox, you probably hadn't completely build up to those original levels again, which is a good thing.   

 

Best wishes to you Brian! 

Yeah, that's true, i knew that i had to jump off of the benzo before it fully built up, especially with the toxic reaction that i was having after the re-instatement.

Now, all i can do is lie n this couch, and try to breathe, which is tough with the heart and chest tightness.  Doc thought that with my dramatic weight loss (50lbs thus far), and my inability to eat, that i might not have made it through a long taper after what happened.

Oh well,, i am where i am, and i did what i did right,and can only move on from here.

Thanks for the continued support all.

I will need it more than ever now as my wd symptoms are severe after what i did.

Kind regards,

Brian

I will need it more than ever now as my wd symptoms are severe after what i did.

Oh but you did it Bryan, you won, and please remember it only gets better from here. I know it's tough right now but your done, no more having to fool with the mess. What your dealing with now is no fun but at least you know now it will get better with time. Keep the faith and don't let anything get you down.. your life is worth more than any darn pill. I am so happy for you.

I will need it more than ever now as my wd symptoms are severe after what i did.

 

Oh but you did it Bryan, you won, and please remember it only gets better from here. I know it's tough right now but your done, no more having to fool with the mess. What your dealing with now is no fun but at least you know now it will get better with time. Keep the faith and don't let anything get you down.. your life is worth more than any darn pill. I am so happy for you.

 

Thank you.  Yes it's a big break not to have to swallow another benzo.  My doc might want me on some other meds short term so that i can eat and sleep.  And he will not prescribe me another benzo, which is a relief.

Not sure about how happy i am taking another med, given my extreme sensitivity to them, and i have the anticonvulsant that im taking, but i know that it's only temporary.  I haven't been making very good decisions by myself during the end of the withdrawal, so perhaps i will trust him part time til i'm through the dark

Hey Brian-

Just keep doing what you are doing. Maybe a little distraction will help; a book, a puzzle, video game type thing As far as the not eating thing, have you tried Ensure supplement drinks? They are pretty good(the vanilla over ice) and alot of people who are undergoing medical related non-eating issues use them. You really want to get some minerals & vitamins in you and they can be part of a meal replacement. White plain rice & plain green beans also works for me to when I can't eat.

Just Breathe  

Gosh, Brian, I give you all the credit in the world for handling this c/t.  It certainly isn't suggested, as you know.  Keep posting so we know how you are doing.  Arms are still around you.

Patty  xo

Gosh, Brian, I give you all the credit in the world for handling this c/t.  It certainly isn't suggested, as you know.  Keep posting so we know how you are doing.  Arms are still around you.

 

Patty  xo

Thanks Patty.  Actually i wouldn't say handling it, but barely surviving and getting bye, geesh.  The physical seems to be calming down a lot, as far as sweats, tremors, spasms, body/brain craving the med, heart has calmed down a bit, stimuli etc, but the emotional are very tough to deal with.

I finally saw my doc for the first time in more than 6 months.  He was in shock and awe of how much weight that i have lost, and how terrible i looked, both which are true.  I look like death. I wouldn't have, literally, physically survived another long and drawn out taper, unless i went to a really high dose and tapered slowly.

He knows that i am sleeping 1-3 hours a night, and that i am not eating.

He finally believes me now that it's all been benzo wd the whole time.  So it's good to have him aboard, and to follow his instructions, because my own decision making skills have been out the window.

He wants me to take a high dose of zyprexa, to hopefully be able to sleep and eat.  When we both thought that i was bipolar i took it, and yes, it worked for weight, gained a lot, and for sleep as well.

But i'm really weary of taking any more drugs, as i already feel that the depakote/seizure med is making me worse.  I'd like off all of them asap, and he knows that.  And i have even read that anti-psyhotics usually don't do well with benzo wd.

I think he was the first psychiatrist in a long time to say,"i don't want to add anymore chemicals at this point"  when i asked him about doxepin (Dr. Ashton mentions it) for sleep, anxiety, and insomnia.  I never thought that a PDOC would say this.

I see him again on Monday.  So it's good to have him and my mother on my side, and hopefully work side by side to get through these difficutl times.

Thank you very much for your continued support, as i need it most now.  I hope it gets better everyday. As the physical calms down and gets better, i hope that the mind follows.  i don't know that it can while being on depakote, as it works on gaba and the cns.

Kind regards,

Brian

Brian, I can so feel your agony.  Thank goodness your doc and Mom have come on board with all of this.  As far as taking other meds....I wouldn't even have considered it but you are in a very different situation.  My withdrawals were horrendous but I always stayed the course unlike your gruelling journey.  I would hate to see you go through these tough times when there may be something that can help for now.  You can worry about coming off another med after your cns straightens out a bit.  Then again, I know some meds can make things worse.  Oh, my gosh, now I am confused.  Hope you get some sleep tonight.

Patty  xo

Hi Brian,

I really do feel for you. I know what it's like going through a c/t. My doc c/t'd me off klonopin about 19 years ago, and I thought I was going nuts because he didn't tell me about benzos, and I didn't know that's what was wrong with me. It took about 3 months before I could even begin to function. The rest of the time I just laid in bed and sat in my living room crying. I actually developed a stutter for a couple of weeks. So, yeah...I know exactly how you are feeling right now. I was also taking Tegretol during my c/t. I didn't like it, but was able to come off it once I felt better.

I agree with stoneyco. I know you don't want to take anymore meds, but just keep on the depakote and antipsychotic until you are healed from your withdrawals. Then you can taper off those. I have had to add one medication due to my taper, and am possibly facing the addition of another. But I know I'll be able to taper off those once my benzo taper is complete. Kinda like fighting the largest, most dangerous beast first, ya know? Hang in there, buddy!

PPJ 

Brian, I can so feel your agony.  Thank goodness your doc and Mom have come on board with all of this.  As far as taking other meds....I wouldn't even have considered it but you are in a very different situation.  My withdrawals were horrendous but I always stayed the course unlike your gruelling journey.  I would hate to see you go through these tough times when there may be something that can help for now.  You can worry about coming off another med after your cns straightens out a bit.  Then again, I know some meds can make things worse.  Oh, my gosh, now I am confused.  Hope you get some sleep tonight.

 

Patty  xo

Yes.  You are right patty, any meds that i've tried during this have made my wd symptoms worse, and i don't see these 2 being any differet of an exception.  I think that melatonin and magnesium might help for sleep. I couldn't sleep last night, and tried them, and slept well.

I'd much prefer something a little more "natural" than meds.

Regards,

Brian