Positive stories of people working while tapering and doing ok

Still would love more positives of people in the world working and managing their family etc.

I need some hope here.

I did go to work on Saturday and was ok but I just went back on V and haven't started tapering again

I worked full time through both of my benzo tapers (all 5 years of them!). It wasn't always the easiest thing in the world, but I think it was generally easier than it would have been to just sit home all that time (which I wouldn't have been able to afford, in any case).

My story is not entirely positive but it is what it is.

 

I started a taper from 2mg Ativan/day in April 2015, and managed to taper all the way down to 0 by November 2015, while working at a fairly demanding professional job the entire time. Sounds highly successful so far, but read on. As I approached 0mg/day and *beyond*, the symptoms piled up, mainly anxiety and insomnia. By the end of November I was not sleeping at *all*. I found myself unable to work in this state. I was totally not prepared for this, i.e. I did not expect I would descend into acute withdrawal (similar to cold turkey) at the end of a taper, and that symptoms would continue to worsen *after* reaching 0mg/day. I panicked, and long story short, wound up back on the Ativan 2mg/day. And now I'm stable again, sleeping again, still working, but back to square one in terms of tapering off Ativan. My taper failed. It's really depressing. Especially since I may have "kindled", making the next taper attempt harder.

 

Sorry, I know you asked for positive stories, and I didn't give you one. However, your experience may well be better than mine. It sounds like you haven't been on Valium that long, and not at high doses, so your taper should go smoother. I think you will avoid the endgame problems I had. I think you will be successful. It's good you're asking for advice and planning right from the beginning. I didn't do that and got slammed.

 

Best wishes,

Chessplayer

I worked throughout my taper and my recovery. I do have the luxury of working at home, having a piano studio on the premises.  I found that teaching did provide me a distraction from the symptoms. Did my teaching suffer at times, a resounding yes.  At times I was simply on automatic pilot, going through the motions of teaching that I had developed after so many years.  I found recitals were challenging due to the dizzy, boaty feeling, but I never missed one.  I decided I lost too much to benzos, I wasn't willing to give up anything else.  Again, at least during the hours I taught, I wasn't ruminating about how I felt or googling the myriad of symptoms I was experiencing.

 

pianogirl 

Thank you

I had a similar experience where my taper was ok for 6 wks and then I was slammed and had to reinstate to 5mg Valium

What will u do from here? Do u think I failed due to length of taper? will u try a micro taper?

Hi Jackson1,

 

So, let me see if I understand your history. You had some short-term Ativan usage June-Sep, then went into cold turkey upon stopping? Was this from taking just .5mg 3 days / week for a few months? Wow. OK. These benzos really grab you. I assume your cold turkey was characterized by anxiety and insomnia? Anyway, this led you to stabilizing on 5mg Valium / day in Sep. And it sounds like you immediately began a 6 week taper, but you were hit with bad symptoms at the end (anxiety + insomnia again?), leading you to re-instate the Valium? And you're now stable again at 5mg Valium / day and wondering what to do next?

 

I think you should do another taper. I think it's possible your previous taper was too fast. This time you could try a longer taper, e.g. 3 months. Maybe there'll be more heal-as-you-go and you'll be less slammed at the end. However even with a longer taper there may be an acute period at the end, and in order to succeed this time (not re-instate) you'll need to get through that acute period which may last a month or so after you reach 0. I think your best strategy is to have a plan to get through that. Whether that means planning to take some time off work, or go to a healing restful environment, or something else - figure out what'll work for you so you can get through the healing period. I think you will succeed. Your situation is really not so bad - usage is short term, doses are not large. You can and will succeed tapering off.

 

My situation is worse than yours. Longer-term use, and a higher dose of a nastier drug (Ativan 2mg/day). And it looks like I've kindled my nervous system so it'll be harder to taper. Nonetheless, my plan is to try another taper. What else can I do? I see no other choices. "Short-cut" solutions like detox/rehab centers do not work for benzo addiction and may even be harmful... I'm still checking out a few hoping to find some miracle solution, but I doubt it exists (see my recent post in the Chewing the Fat section about this). So I see no choice but to taper again. I expect to again take about 8 months, but this time I will be better prepared for the endgame. I will have support lined up, I will take time off work if needed, I will go to a healing environment. I'll get through the acute period at the end of my next taper without re-instating. Hopeful thinking... it's going to be tough, but I need to retain hope. Wish me luck.

 

Sorry for rambling on. Let's wish each other luck.

Love and healing hugs,

Chessplayer

 

 

 

 

Hi chess player

Thanks so much for your words. Trying to be hopeful but scared as hell about the end. I was on short term Ativan .5 three times weekly but I have underlying medical issues ( possibly Lyme) and such a sensitive system I might as well have been taking 2mg! I have a long history w Valium too which I never had a problem with. I shocked my system in early October ( three weeks in cold turkey I thought I had ALS and it didn't occur to me it was drug related!! Btw I am 44) then my magnesium levels were so low I was on the verge of a seizure. Bizarre. Neurologist said I seemed poisoned. By mid October I tried to stabilize on elavil and 5mg of Valium but it didn't work so messed w my system again, went into withdrawal and no sleep/panic for days on end then October 20 got on remeron which restored my sleep and I quickly started dropping my Valium dose. I saw my doc today. He wants me to stay on 5mg Valium and 15 mg of remeron for at least 3 mos to stabilize my nervous system-- this means regular consistent sleep, calming my stress response down. When in the last fast taper one week ago I felt my system literally was in shock. I couldn't talk, eat, or sit still or function. I wanted only to go to s hospital and didn't feel I would make it. I couldn't push thru that ( I have little kids and run a business). Choices were- go crazy for mos on end or get back on the drug and restart. I am so so hesitant to do what he says which is stabilize first before tapering. He feels it is foolish to taper after the body has endured a shock. Then I am thinking 2.5 reduction rvery two weeks. So ultra slow my body doesn't notice. Diaz-Pam was on five mg of Valium and tapered over 22 mos but was able to function throughout. I too am looking for a short cut as I am obsessed w getting off this medication but have done kindling or whatever and just don't feel myself. My hands are shaking and my chest feels like it's on fire. I can fake it now and walk through life without anyone knowing except those close to me that I constantly complain to I have researched NAD therapy Richard Mesteyar and if I come into trouble at the end will do that txt. Then possibly go into a txt center. All of this will have to be on a credit card because it will run over 50 grand. Very scared. Hoping this doesn't happen. My father lost his mind for a year getting off Valium in the 80's. Doc said genetics not in my favor but he didn't want to guarentee me anything but is confident I can get off. That is my goal no matter what. I need off this crap. Do you think your taper was not planned or too fast? Maybe if 8 mos didn't work last time u can hang in there and double it to 16 mos? What sxs were unbearable to you? At the end I felt first I had a terrible flu ( I did also have strep and have to take antibiotics(, I could barely walk, I felt so so blue it was indescribable ( not a suicidal person ever ) then I would go so up up up it felt like I had been shot in the chest and couldn't sit or talk I was pacing 24/7 really not manageable unless in a hospital setting on antipsychotics. I work in mental health btw so I know the field very well. Can't believe I am in this mess. I think my problems were exacerbated by a steroid shot gone wrong last year. I have terrible reactions to medications. My nervous system was blown plus I hadn't been sleeping for over 4 years bc of little kids and overworking. That's my story. Look into micro taper and NAD. No guarenteed but thay will be my fall back if at the end of this taper I end up in acute wothdrawal again God forbid. Some ppl feel the end is anticlimactic if they have gone super super slow. I just worry about more dependency u know? But doc says stabilize first bc u cannot taper before that no matter what. I asked - what is stable? Have I ever even felt that? That is questionable. I am a high functioning person but always been panicky. Remeron may help u with sleep. Lmk how your story goes. Going slow is so damn hard. Just want this crap over with. Thnx for sharing

I've had a well paid, 20+ year career to messed up because of those meds. Lots of us have been pretty functioning people. But, then again, it's the job stress that got into this mess, so returning in such a fragile state may trigger a PTSD and more stress, slowing down the taper. Do you have friends & family to take care of you while you heal. Kind of hard working in demanding jobs with a semi-broken brain

so you had to quit your job lorazapem free? how do you make it financially?

I have a husband but not enough financial support. i need to work. I need to make it

i work for myself so i can slow my work down but i have to do it no matter what

How slow is a slow taper for 5mg valium? i just don't know how to map it out

I don't think I could handle a job outside my home.  I am fortunate to have found a very low stress job that I can do from home.

what are your current sx? do you feel better since your CT wastwo years ago-do you feel you have healed a bit more?

glad you found somthing that works for you

My initial cold turkey was July 2013 but I reinstated at a very low dose of Xanax in July 2014 for a month, which set my healing way back.  I'm doing pretty well and am mostly functional.  My main problem is anxiety which gets severe at times and inability to handle stress.  Time seems to be the best healer.

I don't think I tapered too fast, but my taper fell apart at the end because I was unprepared for the acute symptoms. Severe insomnia and anxiety, to the point where I couldn't function. I wish to god I had done things differently at that point, like take time off work and go to a healing environment to ride out the acute phase. Instead I went down a disastrous path. First, took an incompetent shrinks prescription for Ambien that kindled me and gave me suicidally bad panic attacks, then after tossing the Ambien, re-instated Ativan. Now I'm in bad shape, back on the drug and kindled and not really stable.

 

Rationally, stabilizing and doing another taper is probably best. But like you I'm looking for shortcuts. Looking at a holistic rehab that claims they can cure benzo addiction in 2 months with holistic techniques. Would set me back 50K, but worth it if it works. If I can get off the drug I will make major life changes after that. Maybe retire to Jamaica and spend my days playing chess with tourists on the beach. Something low stress. But for now I'm stuck, and depressed about it.

 

With love,

Chessplayer

Chess player I am with you. Look into the daily micro tapering. It sounds very complex and I am not there yet but I think I might try that and tapering at a rate of 2.5 every two weeks. At what point did things fall apart? Which healing centers have you looked into. I have done the same. Nad IV is what I have researched. Talked to some ppl it helped. There is ann Rodgers at brain restoration therapy or Rob peters but I would go to the source dr Mesteyar in Louisiana. I am filling out a packet and saving that for the end of my taper if need be.. If ppl go ultra slow I hear that they are almost symptomless. I am not sure how much healing time I would need. I held on at .5 Valium for over three weeks with flu like sxs which honestly would have been manageable but then it escalated to a full body shock feeling that would have made me psychotic. Terrifying. Back on 5mg Valium for six days and I feel normal once again but shaken. I think longer taper would be better ESP if your system went into shock. I also had insomnia but it was beyond panic - suicidal depression , couldn't care for myself or my kids, pure terror 24/7 that made me reinstate. Idk. This seems crazy. My drug now is Valium but initially it was the Ativan for several mos. I should never ever have taken it. Lmk if u find good healing places. I found another one in Hawaii - holistic healing but they help ppl at the end of a detox also cottonwood in Arizona. Yes it will set me back like 50k too all on credit plus abandoning my children for mos so praying that doesn't have to happen. Look into NAD. How long have u been back on 2? How are u feeling and what are your most distressing sxs? Today was my first day at work and it was a light day and went ok. I wish I wasn't so obsessed w the end I just want to prepare for it like u. Doc wants me to hold on 5 for mos but I might just hold and stabilize for a month. Planning prob a 1 year taper. I want to take if super slow. I think u should look into point of return supplements too though ppl bash them here they have some good feedback and recommend 2.5 percent drop down every two weeks. Keep me posted

Hi

 

There were bad days of course, but in general I felt better by working, it was a very Good distraction. My sxs were mainly mental, Cog fog, Anxiety, DP/DR. There was a full week at low dose I was feeling very dizzy, it was a difficult period, to make things worse I was teaching  . Due to my mental sxs I felt worse in holidays, bed in Day time are bad for me.

I am on my second week of a taper off Ativan. First week I was on vacation, but I have been working as normal this week. So far no problems. I can feel mild side effects from time to time but frankly, working keeps my mind off them. I will make sure my taper is appropriately paced to avoid having any adverse impacts while I'm working.

Jackson1,

 

I am looking at www.alternativetomeds.com . They are a holistic rehab center in Sedona AZ. They specialize in getting people off prescription meds and they have a lot of experience with benzos. A lot of emphasis on detoxing the body from environmental toxins. Holistic techniques - organic diet, saunas, massage, exercise, vitamins and supplements etc. Their claim is you can taper off in 2 months and then be fine. Nice people, very open. Sounds like a very nice place with a good staff. They are familiar with benzobuddies and they take issue with the central tenet of this site that the only way to get off benzos is a long taper followed by a long healing period. I'd actually very much like to believe them. It would be wonderful if a 2-month cure existed, and I would gladly spend the time and money and effort to go through it. However even after talking at length with their founder and 2 "graduates" of their program, I am not yet convinced. Actually, Jackson1, if you're looking for this sort of thing I'd encourage you to also contact ATMC and let me know what you think. I'll PM you their contact info.

 

I had not heard of NAD therapy before you mentioned it. I'll look into NAD if you'll look into ATMC . I have to say, just briefly looking at their website makes me skeptical - just hook up an IV with a magic enzyme? Can it be that easy? The thing to do in my opinion is get references - people who've actually been through this - and talk with them.

 

I'll answer your other questions in a separate reply.

 

Lots of love,

Chessplayer

Hi again Jackson1,

 

To answer your other questions... Let me try to explain the sense in which I say "my taper fell apart". I tapered from 2mg Ativan/day to 0 over the course of 8 months. That seemed pretty slow and careful to me at the time. I was completely fine down to about .5mg/day, then symptoms gradually started to build up. The final stage of the taper from .5mg/day to 0 was maybe the last 3 months of that taper, i.e. Sep-Nov 2015. Perhaps I went too fast in that stage. The main symptom I had was growing insomnia, i.e. the amount of sleep I was getting each night decreased as my Ativan dose decreased. By the time I got to 0mg I was also getting 0 hours of sleep per night. Anxiety was also present, but not at an intolerable level; it was the absolute insomnia that was the intolerable part. Perhaps "intolerable" isn't the right word here. It made me non-functional, not able to perform my job for example. This provoked a crisis since I live alone and support myself and I had no plan what to do if I became unable to take care of myself. I was especially screwed since I was doing the taper on my own (no doctor/shrink involved, and I had not told friends or family about my addiction). So I had nobody to turn to for help. So in early December (at that point about 2 weeks off the drug), in desperation I turned to a brand new psychiatrist for help who stupidly prescribed Ambien. Ambien is in effect a very short-acting benzo, and is very very dangerous. That nightmare drug sent me into a tailspin for 1 week which is painful to even think about now. I got incredibly bad panic attacks every day, due to the interdose withdrawal, that felt like I was trapped in a horror movie. I was close to suicidal. I went off the Ambien, and badly shaken, I re-instated the Ativan in order to stabilize myself. Now I'm all the way back at my starting point of 2mg/day Ativan, the entire taper undone. I am stabilizing now, i.e. sleeping and mostly calm, though still very shaken by recent events. I am really depressed about this because I was *so* close. And now I'm back at square one.

 

Your story has some similarity, though not exactly the same. It sounds like you tapered from 5mg Valium/day to .5mg/day (?) in just a couple months (?), and found yourself with acute withdrawal symptoms (anxiety, insomnia). This is similar to the tail end of my taper. Note 5mg Valium is equivalent to .5mg Ativan, so if you look at just the tail end of my taper it follows a similar path as yours.

 

The lesson you've come away with is that you need to try again, but taper much more slowly next time. Perhaps that is right. Perhaps there is some ideal (very slow) taper rate that gets you off the drug and avoids acute symptoms at any point during or after the taper. Note however this is very tricky. For example, a formula like "2.5% every 2 weeks": What does that mean, 2.5% of *original* dose or 2.5% of *current* dose? If it means of original dose, then in fact your cuts (as a percentage of current dose) are growing larger and larger toward the end.  But if it means 2.5% of current dose, then your taper will never end. Leaving aside the math, what I'm saying is that there's only a certain amount of healing that can occur on the way down during the taper, and at that end stage when you reach zero that's when the real healing begins. And that's when you may have a month or two or three of acute symptoms, no matter how slowly you tapered to get there.

 

So I come away with a slightly different lesson. My lesson is, next time I need to be *prepared* for what will likely happen at the end of the taper. Going super-duper slow will just defer that. I don't want to defer it, I want to get there and meet the challenge successfully next time. So, I'm expecting to go through a 1-3 month period of being non-functional and needing to be cared for while I heal, at the end of my next taper. I will be prepared to take a leave of absence from work at that time. By now I have already told all my family and friends about my problem, and I have lined up a few offers to move in with someone and be taken care of for a couple months (from my mother, from my son, and from an "adopted" daughter in rural Jamaica that I supported through her childhood as an act of charity). An alternative to moving in with a relative would be to go to a retreat like AlternativeToMeds in Sedona and be taken care of there for a couple months. I was originally looking into them as a place to go at the *end* of my next taper, which I'm thinking will be several months from now. But they are trying to talk me into going now and instead doing a 2-month taper there in Sedona. I am skeptical that their healing methods are so good as to make possible a 2-month taper. Still talking to them about this.

 

Wow, I've rambled on. Sorry for hijacking your thread.

Keep in touch, and thanks for starting this thread.

Much love from the other side of the country,

Chessplayer

 

Hi Jackson,

 

I worked through my whole cold turkey withdrawal and more. I don't have any advice about tapering because I didn't do it that way. I didn't even know what was happening to me until I was about 4 or 5 months off however I did work the whole time. Furthermore, after a few doctor appointments and ER trips I finally figured out what was going on. I told my boss. They were understanding but I still think they thought I was a little crazy but I got most of my work done. There were def some rough days/weeks such as having to pull over every 5 min due to panic attacks, overactive bladder, stomach upset, and more while driving (my commute is 30 min-an hour depending on traffic), for months I couldn't remember how to type so I typed like a little kid, there were times that my vision was really blurry and I couldn't see my computer, I couldn't remember how to spell things, I had really high anxiety, and so on. Some days I'd spend my lunch break crying from being so scared or I'd sit there on benzo buddies.

 

But in all honesty, I feel that work helped me learn how to cope better and speed things up. It was a great distraction and I know no matter how miserable I was at work it was way better than sitting at home with my messed up thoughts all by myself. It forced me to keep going and pushing on. Now, a year later, I can't wait to go to work. My creativity and thought processes has skyrocketed to an amazing level. I'm more clear headed now than I've ever been. It's awesome! So hang in there...you can and will get through this.

thank you.. chessplayer and others with your words of encouragement.

Yes, trying and restarting over.

I was told 2.5 percent of original dose (5mg) -the math part  Idon't know I will figure out at the end and possibly slow it down. But basically .125 off every two weeks or when stable.

I am seeing another addiction psychiatrist on sunday since my current one wanted me to stay on 5mg for three mos and that seems like an arbitrary length of time that might create more dependency and withdrawal. He is confident that my taper blew up because it was essentially one month long rather than possibly one year long. I worry like you chessplayer about the acute stage at the end. For me, what I felt I guess is termed akathesia (?), the physical discomfort was so unbearable ( and i think I am pretty tough), I would need to have been hospitalized.  could not sit, eat, barely talk, just paced and dreaded every moment of every day. Felt like a horror movie for sure. So-looking into long term options and trying trying to stay positive (not my strong suit) that the end doesn't have to be as dramatic as it was. I am determined to get off these medications no matter what. Even if I have to leave my children for several mos to regain my sanity. Lets hope that doesn't happen!!!!

Keep the positive stories coming!!!  I have looked into NAD and the Alternative to meds site (looks good but heard kooky things about the medical director). Regardless, no place is going to be perfect but having a safe place lined up is key if necessary.

Hi Jackson,

I think you and I are very much on the same page. I think if you do a slower taper your symptoms at the end will not be as bad as they were on your previous fast taper. The main problem I experienced at the end of my last taper was I couldn't sleep, which made is pretty hard to go into work every day and perform my job. You might not have that problem, or might be better equipped to deal with it than I was. You might be able to keep functioning and not have to go into a treatment center or anything like that. I will keep my fingers crossed for you.

Love,

Chessplayer