Last cut over two weeks ago - felt acute w/d day ten- still acute HELP!

Haven't posted in a while as I have been so ill.

I am on the verge of despair, as I am doubting what is happening to me. Can this be w/d or is it the old me only worse? I feel alot of the same feelings, anxiety fear etc and having old mental states, but worse I think than before I went on psych drugs 5 years ago.

I am on 600 mg lithium (300 ER 2x per day) to help with the withdrawal. I know the lithium casues anxiety/irritation, but then its "sedative" effect overpowers me. It seems to keep the w/d anxiety ect in check too.

I made my last cut of ativan 1/4 of a 25mg pill a little over two weeks ago. The first night was BAD racing thought, up all night, just like wehn I made the other cuts. It was ok thereafter, and I thought to myself that I should have done this sooner. Then BAM, on day 10 physical and mentla anxiety bad again. It continued so, and then the FEAR started. Everything provoked fear in me with blackness, darkness and ominous feelings that seemed to shift me into another world.

My Dr thinks my PTSD is involved. However, I just keep wondering, what is going on. I had not felt this crazy fear where all is dark all day during the w/d. I did have some of it before psych drugs. Today is a little better, things are brighter, but I am on the veryge of panic all day and have surges of anxiety prompted by the least of stress or something I see and have a "flashback" about.

I also have recently gone off Lexapro and Seroqeul at the end of June, which may be contributing.

Can anyone describe how it was for them after the last cut and help me sort this out.

I keep the faith that this is w/d since I wake up many mornings soooo physically ill, like a hangover but worse, and I am sad to be awake and have to endure another day. I have also had urges to take an ativan.

Haven't posted in a while as I have been so ill.

 

I am on the verge of despair, as I am doubting what is happening to me. Can this be w/d or is it the old me only worse? I feel alot of the same feelings, anxiety fear etc and having old mental states, but worse I think than before I went on psych drugs 5 years ago.

 

I am on 600 mg lithium (300 ER 2x per day) to help with the withdrawal. I know the lithium casues anxiety/irritation, but then its "sedative" effect overpowers me. It seems to keep the w/d anxiety ect in check too.

 

I made my last cut of ativan 1/4 of a 25mg pill a little over two weeks ago. The first night was BAD racing thought, up all night, just like wehn I made the other cuts. It was ok thereafter, and I thought to myself that I should have done this sooner. Then BAM, on day 10 physical and mentla anxiety bad again. It continued so, and then the FEAR started. Everything provoked fear in me with blackness, darkness and ominous feelings that seemed to shift me into another world.

 

My Dr thinks my PTSD is involved. However, I just keep wondering, what is going on. I had not felt this crazy fear where all is dark all day during the w/d. I did have some of it before psych drugs. Today is a little better, things are brighter, but I am on the veryge of panic all day and have surges of anxiety prompted by the least of stress or something I see and have a "flashback" about.

 

I also have recently gone off Lexapro and Seroqeul at the end of June, which may be contributing.

 

Can anyone describe how it was for them after the last cut and help me sort this out.

 

I keep the faith that this is w/d since I wake up many mornings soooo physically ill, like a hangover but worse, and I am sad to be awake and have to endure another day. I have also had urges to take an ativan.

 

Hi, Nuala. 

I sure am sorry to hear you have been feeling so ill.  It is scary; we expect to feel better when we are off the drugs but it often takes some time for that to happen.  I tapered off lorazepam (ativan) and I felt quite bad for 4-5 weeks afterward.  I hadn't tried to quit seroquel, either. 

Did you taper off of the seroquel and lexapro and if so, how much over what period of time?  When I looked up lexapro withdrawal, I found the following list of w/d symptoms:

Irritability

Agitation

Dizziness

A burning or tingling sensation

Anxiety

Confusion

Headache

Insomnia

Tiredness.

Is it mainly anxiety/panic that has you concerned or are you having other symptoms? 

Thanks for the support Beeper.

I will try to be as brief as possible, as my story is a long one....

Five years ago, I was put on paxil, had a bad reaction (agitation, crazy mental states etc), but did not know it at the time. I tried to cut the paxil, and only got to a certain point. Was put on buspar and prozac. Each was upped until I was at the max. Kept getting worse. Believed all the side effect were really me. A year later after I started on drugs, checked myself into a hospital. Was put on Seroquel which over a few weeks ( as out patient) ended up at 300 mg. And on prozac too. New psych put me on Lexapro 30mg and kept me on 300mg Seroquel. Was an agitated crazy zombie. Thought it was me. A year later, I found out I was hypothyroid, was put on thyroxine. Felt like the real, old "me" somewhere in all that mess. Started to cut back on the Seroiquel and LExapro on my own over a year's time. So, as of two years ago, I was on 25mg Seroquel and 5-10 mg of Lexapro and basically was there for a while.

At some point, (likely becasue of my meds and some endocrine consequence), I could no longer take the thyroid med. But, even though I was anxious without the thyroid med, continued to cut the Lexapro. Tried hypdrocortisone with an alternative dr to help me tolerate thyroid threatment. Big disaster. I went crazy on the steroids. Went back to old pysch last Oct 2008. Was put on 10 mg Lexapro and 100mg Seroquel (she wanted to go back to where I was, I refused) Now this time for some unknown reason, she added in .5mg  Klonopin.

I decided Feb 2009 to find a psychiatrist who would take me off the meds that made me so sick and start with a clean slate. I began the taper in February off Seroqeul and Lexapro. The Klonpin/ativan/Benzo taper only began at the end of June (8 months on Klonopin).

He certainly conceded that what I am expereincing  can be mainly from the benzo w/d, but believed the SSRI discontiinuaiton syndrome can last 3-4 months. He told me the other week that I am in protracted  w/d from all or some meds. That I was on very powerful drugs for many years. Of course, I have been told I was crazy for so long when much of it was side effects, that I have come to doubt myself to a great extent.

I had significant anxiety befroe I was "treated". I wish I had gone to a proper psychiatrist rather than a GP and then a psych unit. They have no idea what they are doing. My new psych has diagnised me with PTSD, and I certainly and, finally, agree with it - though I someimtes think during this process that I am totally the worst in the DSM.

I just wanted some reassurance that the last cut is the worst and as to when the super w/d can kick in.

Thanks

Hi Nuala,

Sorry to hear you are feeling so bad. If it so difficult to predict how you will feel after the last cut as everyone is so different. I felt extremely sick when I got down to .25mg of clono but came to find out my thyroid was way out of whack. Once that was adjusted, my w/d symptoms were quite manageable. Since you mentioned that you have had thyroid meds before, you may want to have it checked again if it's been a few months as benzos can affect those levels. Have you been to an endocrinologist regarding your thyroid?

Hope you feel better soon.

T2

Thanks for the support Beeper.

 

I will try to be as brief as possible, as my story is a long one....

 

Five years ago, I was put on paxil, had a bad reaction (agitation, crazy mental states etc), but did not know it at the time. I tried to cut the paxil, and only got to a certain point. Was put on buspar and prozac. Each was upped until I was at the max. Kept getting worse. Believed all the side effect were really me. A year later after I started on drugs, checked myself into a hospital. Was put on Seroquel which over a few weeks ( as out patient) ended up at 300 mg. And on prozac too. New psych put me on Lexapro 30mg and kept me on 300mg Seroquel. Was an agitated crazy zombie. Thought it was me. A year later, I found out I was hypothyroid, was put on thyroxine. Felt like the real, old "me" somewhere in all that mess. Started to cut back on the Seroiquel and LExapro on my own over a year's time. So, as of two years ago, I was on 25mg Seroquel and 5-10 mg of Lexapro and basically was there for a while.

 

At some point, (likely becasue of my meds and some endocrine consequence), I could no longer take the thyroid med. But, even though I was anxious without the thyroid med, continued to cut the Lexapro. Tried hypdrocortisone with an alternative dr to help me tolerate thyroid threatment. Big disaster. I went crazy on the steroids. Went back to old pysch last Oct 2008. Was put on 10 mg Lexapro and 100mg Seroquel (she wanted to go back to where I was, I refused) Now this time for some unknown reason, she added in .5mg  Klonopin.

 

I decided Feb 2009 to find a psychiatrist who would take me off the meds that made me so sick and start with a clean slate. I began the taper in February off Seroqeul and Lexapro. The Klonpin/ativan/Benzo taper only began at the end of June (8 months on Klonopin).

 

He certainly conceded that what I am expereincing  can be mainly from the benzo w/d, but believed the SSRI discontiinuaiton syndrome can last 3-4 months. He told me the other week that I am in protracted  w/d from all or some meds. That I was on very powerful drugs for many years. Of course, I have been told I was crazy for so long when much of it was side effects, that I have come to doubt myself to a great extent.

 

I had significant anxiety befroe I was "treated". I wish I had gone to a proper psychiatrist rather than a GP and then a psych unit. They have no idea what they are doing. My new psych has diagnised me with PTSD, and I certainly and, finally, agree with it - though I someimtes think during this process that I am totally the worst in the DSM.

 

I just wanted some reassurance that the last cut is the worst and as to when the super w/d can kick in.

 

Thanks

Nuala 

Your story sounds so much like mine, including going nuts on high doses of steroids.  I was finally diagnosed with bipolar disorder and "treated" for that by a psychiatrist for about 3 years.  At the end  I was on lamictal, seroquel and ativan and just got worse and worse every year.  I was seriously considering electroconvulsive therapy a year ago January but found BenzoBuddies instead.  Funny how I'm not "bipolar" any more.   I am still on Wellbutrin and a small amount of seroquel but all the other psych drugs are history. 

I don't know about "super w/d" kicking in.  I do remember feeling much worse at certain times but then feeling better - and then feeling worse again.  Finally, the bad days turned into bad hours and even then the anxiety wasn't nearly as bad as when I was in tolerance withdrawal from ativan (lorazepam).  I don't know of anything but time that truly helps. 

Thanks Theresa and Beeper:

Theresa: Since I am on lithium, I am having a thyroid test done soon. Over my life, according my old records, I have been hypo, but was only treated when I was on a high does of Seroquel. I had to go off the meds two years ago due to intolerance after being on one and 1/2 years. No idea why, alternative dr thought possible adrenal insufficiency due to the drugs. I went on and off thereafter twice - was a living helll. So, decided I would not try gain till I was off the psych drugs...

Beeper: Interesing you mentioned about ECT. At one point some years ago when I was on high doses of Seroquel and Lexapro, I used to entertain the idea. It is strange, but I never had such thoughts before drugs, and in fact, was repulsed by the ECT process and horrified at the patients I saw when I originally checked into the hospital. Now, I know that I was in such mental anguish and psychic pain that I actually would consider ECT a potential blessing. I don't think I will ever get over what has been done to me  It is a trauma that I likely will have trouble getting over.

Finally, if anyone can off me any insight into the more extreme physical symptoms you have endured, I would be grateful. I do tend to focus on the mental. And any validation would be welcome news as I go through this process.

 

 

Finally, if anyone can off me any insight into the more extreme physical symptoms you have endured, I would be grateful. I do tend to focus on the mental. And any validation would be welcome news as I go through this process.

Hi Nuala,

What physical symptoms would you like to discuss?  As you know there are many.  Are there any which are troubling you at the present time?

Pam